Love has the following basic characteristics: 1.
Equality, that is to say, the two parties in love are based on equality and independence, love each other, fall in love and eventually get married and start a family. Husband and wife care about each other, appreciate each other, tolerate each other, maintain a quiet and harmonious intimate relationship for a long time, and live a quiet and happy love life.
Otherwise, without this equality, there will be no love. At most, it is someone else's mistress, or someone else's face, with only lust and no feelings.
2。
Exclusive and exclusive true love requires both men and women to devote themselves wholeheartedly to each other on the basis of equality and independence, gain each other's complete feelings and love themselves wholeheartedly.
True love, when you are devoted to each other and integrated with each other, destroys the integrity of this love because you don't allow the third party to intervene. You are not allowed to love yourself and others at the same time, and you are not allowed to take care of both. Therefore, monogamy is the only mode of truly healthy love and the fundamental guarantee to ensure the happiness of marriage. Of course, this is also in line with the laws of nature. The ratio of men to women in the world is basically maintained at 1.
If there is a third party in love, if one of the two parties goes out to have an affair with others, it will definitely bring great disaster to love, or break up after falling out with each other, or even if they finally make up, there will be no real love. Because one party has been strongly hurt physically and mentally, there is no equality, and it is no longer possible to maintain a calm and harmonious intimate relationship without bad feelings.
3。
Intense true love, because it is devoted to all * * *, seems so unrelenting and difficult to be independent. They are more from the eruption of inner feelings, not as calm as usual, so some people say that the IQ of men and women in love is basically zero.
And a group of experts and happily married couples believe that healthy love should be: "Many people have tried the taste of love, which can make us happy today and depressed tomorrow;" It can make us full of hope and lose confidence.
"4。
Lasting true love is based on a deep understanding between men and women, and on a calm and harmonious intimate relationship, in order to maintain a healthy and lasting love.
Romantic love is desirable, but this elusive emotion can't bring us much happiness. Crazy love can't make love last long, and it comes and goes quickly. This crazy love, more out of a temporary * * *, because it is novel, intense, short-lived, people miss and yearn for, but because it lacks the most basic conditions, men and women do not know each other deeply, just on a whim, so it can only be regarded as a kind of love, not real love.
However, due to various historical and social reasons, in this era when men are still in power, although the feminist movement has a history of several decades, the status of men and women is still unequal, which is reflected in love, that is, women's chastity concept and men's chastity complex.
Simone, a famous French woman research expert.
Beauvoir said in the book "What is a woman": "Women who lose their virginity cause men's disgust, indifference and irony.
This attitude of a man will leave a deep and permanent influence on a woman's life.
Virginity can inspire men's enthusiasm and love, give women confidence and be very helpful to her.
She is loved; On the contrary, it will cause inferiority complex, and sometimes it will further cause permanent mania or depression.
Chastity is always associated with a woman's personality charm. If she loses her virginity, she will lose respect, lose her balance, break her promise and fall out of favor.
1994, the United States organized a large number of sociologists to make an authoritative survey report on American sexual practices and beliefs for the first time, in which "Sex and Society" put forward "How to evaluate premarital sex: Is it always wrong? Unexpected mistake? Still not wrong at all? " Most people (mainly women) answered "unforgivable" and "always wrong" (although 58% of these people had sex before marriage).
For the United States, which is the most open, free and democratic in the world, in such a country that experienced the baptism of sexual liberation movement and broke all sexual taboos, women still do not forgive premarital sex in concept, which shows that chastity has special weight and value in their self-identity life.
In this era, the charm, dignity and value of the role of wife are still supported by her chastity; When the loss of virginity is discovered, sensitive women will deeply fall into the fear of being punished, abused and abandoned.
Huangdi Neijing said: "If you dare not think, you will be hurt. If you are hurt, you will be afraid and you will not stop."
Sad people are exhausted and lose their essence; Those who are sad can't do it because of qi resistance; Angry people are confused and die; God swings and does not accept those who fear him.
"The so-called fear is fear, fear is palpitation, * * * not just constant palpitation; This leads to constant thinking, sadness, sadness and fear, which will hurt the spirit, lose the essence, hold your breath and be confused. This is manic-depressive psychosis. Dizziness and irregular menstruation are the physical reactions of this symptom, which fluctuate with the change of mood.
According to the expert's prediction, "the trend of violence in marriage in 2 1 century shows that the physical abuse of a husband to his wife will decrease and the mental abuse will increase;" And * * * is its main form, because of its privacy, it is difficult to be perceived by society and recognized by law; Women are hit, hurt and destroyed in it, no less than physical violence.
Huangdi Neijing attributed the main reason of female madness to "worry and hunger": "madness begins with self-pity, and those who like to forget, be angry and fear will be worried and hungry.
"Worry and hunger are the basic desires of life, and the state of mind that appears when you are hungry is worry.
Freud believed that the dissatisfaction of women's sexual life (forced to endure desire and stifle desire) is the total root of all mental diseases.
As a hidden form of violence, marital * * should attract wide attention from society, law and family.
Similarly, for premarital sex, why do experienced and mature people show conservative sexual concepts and beliefs, have a strong sense of chastity, and think that this premarital sex is "forever wrong" and "unforgivable"; And teenagers think that "premarital sex is unnecessary to object"? For those who are relatively mature and married, they gradually become realistic in front of life and reality, and unconsciously convert to the traditional concept of chastity. After all, people are selfish, and husbands always want to be the pioneers of their wives for the first time. In this era, men are still in power, and women naturally have to attach themselves to men for all kinds of ideas about marriage.
For teenagers, because of their strong curiosity about sex in adolescence, they have a strong sexual impulse. They naturally hold a yearning and supportive attitude towards premarital sex. Because of their lack of social experience, their ideas are idealistic and naive, and they are often unable to take responsibility for their actions.
However, young people's tolerant and understanding attitude towards premarital sex (that is, women's infidelity) also reflects the progress of the times to a certain extent, and men and women will eventually move towards complete equality (ideological and spiritual equality, after all, men obviously occupy an absolute advantage in physiology, which cannot be changed).
The so-called "sex eating", sex is human instinct and nature, there is no need to be so traditional and conservative, to take a hymen so seriously, and strongly suppress instinctive * * *.
After the establishment of love, both men and women are required to be exclusive and exclusive, and they are not allowed to have sexual relations with others. However, what happened before the interaction does not need to be investigated too much. After all, the past has become the past. Since I love her (him), why care if she (he) has had sex before? Even if we want to maintain this concept of chastity, that only after marriage can we begin to have * * *, then, don't just patronize putting shackles on women, but also ask men to lead a totally clean life before marriage! Do as you would be done by. On the one hand, in order to satisfy your sexual impulse, you have sex with a girl before marriage, but you want your wife to keep her virginity after marriage. I wonder if every man has had sex with girls, even many girls, just like himself. In this way, if a man still fantasizes about finding a chaste woman, then he is struggling to cross the lonely bridge with thousands of troops, and most losers don't want to lose their virginity in the end. Oh, maybe there is another way, that is, let all the girls who have lost their virginity have hymen repair surgery to make it look no different from chastity.
Whether cohabitation has become a fashion or trend in China now.
Cohabitation, as the name implies, is to live together. The situation that "the spouse lives with others" stipulated in the Marriage Law is only interpreted as "the spouse and the opposite sex outside marriage do not live together in the name of husband and wife, which is continuous and stable."
"Aside from * * * and Xiaomi's extramarital affairs and betrayal of love, the folly of completely materializing love and * * * will not be mentioned, because this kind of extramarital affairs, like * * * whoring, is to vent, find things that belong to men and satisfy men's vanity-because men must prove that they are still a strong man who can dominate women on some occasions.
Men often hope to get proof from a fresh woman, relieve their tension through communication, escape the pressure in life, and delude themselves into thinking that they are still strong.
What I want to discuss is, is it good or bad for modern young people to observe each other through cohabitation and leave a way out for their marriage? Love is an extremely sacred thing, and you can't tolerate the mentality of having a try. Fantasy about choosing a better marriage partner through cohabitation often leads to ultimate confusion.
Because no one is perfect, get along with each other for a long time, and each other's shortcomings are gradually exposed, and you have a try mentality and fantasize about finding a beautiful partner, then you can't tolerate and tolerate them.
We know that for love, at first men and women came together because of mutual appreciation and attraction, and only blindly saw each other's advantages and ignored each other's shortcomings. As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and scars are mistaken for dimples". Not only do the eyes often deceive themselves, but even the ears often have "obstacles".
"With the deepening of communication, we know each other better, and the novelty disappears. Therefore, after * * *, we only feel that the other party is useless, only looking at each other's shortcomings, and forgetting the advantages that fascinated us at the beginning, it will cause big or small quarrels from time to time.
In the end, with the further understanding of love, each other has become mature, and only then can we understand that "no one is perfect" and understand the importance of each other to ourselves. Even though we both have many shortcomings, I feel that without each other, I have lost everything. Only in this way can we learn to truly appreciate each other's advantages, see and tolerate each other's shortcomings, and truly turn to healthy love.
However, cohabitants, because of their experimental psychology, hate each other very much, only see each other's shortcomings, and often quarrel. Because there is no marital responsibility as a guarantee, they maintain the true meaning of each other's continued pursuit of love, and they are much more noisy. Naturally, cohabitants will feel that they are not suitable for each other and look for love again.
One can't learn the knowledge of establishing a good relationship from many failed cohabitation relationships, but falls into love pessimism. Therefore, multiple cohabitation is a precursor to future marriage failure.
Cohabitation does not guarantee marriage, just as marriage is not an insurance policy for love; The longer you live with your partner, the less moral commitment you have, and a sense of commitment is an indispensable element of a successful marriage.
There is no evidence that people who live together for many times are happier in marriage than those who have never lived together, but there are countless examples that tell us that living together for many times has brought misfortune to future marriages.
Therefore, people who experiment with cohabitation in order to get a happy and beautiful marriage had better give up this idea; Of course, if both men and women are engaged, it doesn't hurt to formally enter the marriage hall after living together for a period of time.
In fact, as many people imagine, marriage is not the grave of love. Getting married doesn't mean you don't have to care too much about each other's psychological feelings. Getting married doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention to emotional appeal, thinking it's something you need to pay attention to when you are in love; It doesn't mean that with marriage, love is guaranteed and the other person won't leave you.
Therefore, marriage does not represent the grave of love. If you think the other person is really not suitable for you, you can divorce, continue to find true love and get married. Therefore, there is no need to choose to live together for experiments because of fear of marriage, and leave any way out. In the end, you will not get true love.
In order to maintain a healthy and lasting love and a happy and harmonious marriage, we still need to keep a young heart and a romantic heart after marriage. In the face of reality and the reality of life, we are in the same boat and fully mobilize our own * * *. Even if life is depressed again, you should relax wholeheartedly with your lover and release each other's nature, not in daily life.
For a person, there are three experiences in all love that are the most unforgettable: young first love, romantic infatuation and Platonic spiritual love.
First love is a beautiful mistake. Because spiritual love and physical desire can not be integrated, childish and clumsy performance skills often have no results, so it gives people a taste of youth.
Because it is the first time in my life, it often happens unconsciously (for example, recalling the past years and being reminded by others to understand: "Hey, that was my first love!" " ); Most people meet by chance (for example, students will naturally pay more attention to each other because of being heckled, and finally really fall in love), and its beauty lies in its unfinished first love.
A psychologist used various experiments to prove that "the interrupted action is easier to stay in memory than the completed action". In addition, the reason why the young first love feels extremely warm in retrospect is also based on the optimism of this memory.
As for romantic infatuation, because of its madness, * * * and brevity, most of them just stay in the first stage of love, that is, the stage where they only see each other's advantages and can't see each other's shortcomings, so they finally broke up for the general reason, but in the years to come, they still can't help but think of it from time to time and always feel infinite warmth.
For Platonic spiritual love, it is out of the pursuit of perfection and beauty. Every woman has her own prince charming in her heart, and at the same time, every man has his own Venus goddess in his heart.
With a deep understanding of the cruelty and imperfection of reality, people are more willing to hide these longings in their hearts, even the people they love the most are unwilling to reveal them. They are more willing to keep a certain distance from the prince goddess they yearn for forever, but they are afraid of destroying each other's perfect image in their hearts when they are close. In reality, they will regard each other as their best friends and will not show the slightest affection, but if they need themselves, they will go through fire and water without hesitation.
However, these young first love, romantic infatuation and Platonic spiritual love are not true love.
In true love, both parties who love each other understand the profound influence on each other, so they are willing to carefully maintain this relationship and take responsibility for their actions.
Different from falling in love, maintaining a relationship is mainly a matter of how to coordinate. It is the interaction of language, attitude and habits in daily life, which must be maintained with consideration, courtesy and goodwill.
Love each other from the basic point of equality and independence, based on the calm and harmonious intimate relationship, neither clinging to 100% independence nor pursuing the complete combination of both sides; On the contrary, in a seemingly imperfect love world, they sometimes separate, sometimes combine and depend on each other.