In many families, there is a phenomenon that makes people puzzled, that is, the same is a woman, should have more **** with the topic of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law why it is difficult to get along?
There are conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and this is very common in marriage. Some of the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is quite harmonious, at best, the occasional quarrel a few sentences, fight a few times, some of the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship is very rigid, and even to the point of either you go or I divorce.
Famous psychological counselor Mr. Wu Zhihong once said:
"Chinese mothers like and son, constructed *** birth relationship, *** birth relationship has a strong xenophobic, the mother-in-law will see the daughter-in-law as an intruder, and an absolute intruder, and so there is a great deal of hostility."
Treating a daughter-in-law as an intruder who has taken away her son is a big reason why many mothers-in-law look at their daughters-in-law in a bad light. When they run into this kind of mother-in-law, women can feel very distressed.
After Lin Ying got married, she ran into a mother-in-law who treated her daughter-in-law as an intruder, making her marriage a very unhappy one.
01. As a single mother, her mother-in-law is strong for a reason;
If Lin Ying were to use two words to evaluate her mother-in-law, it would be "strong". As a single mother, it makes sense that Lin Ying's mother-in-law, Auntie Tang, would be strong.
When Lin Ying's husband, Mr. Park, was five years old, his father died. His father's three younger brothers felt that Auntie Tang's widowed and orphaned children were easy to bully, and they came to his door in a dignified manner, wanting to hijack his brother's compensation. If Auntie Tang hadn't been strong enough and gotten help from her neighbors, the compensation money would have been squandered by these relatives and could not have been spent on Mr. Park's studies.
Auntie Tang refused her mother's family's request to remarry and pass her son on to someone else, preferring to fall out with her mother's family rather than raise her son. Thanks to her efforts, Mr. Park went to college and successfully put down roots in the city, bringing his mother over to enjoy the blessings as well.
02. My mother-in-law couldn't see me before marriage, laying the groundwork for mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflicts;
"The first time I met my mother-in-law, I could sense that she didn't like me."
The reason Auntie Tang didn't like Lin Ying was simple: she thought she was too pretty, plus as a saleswoman, she often needed to run outside and had to deal with different people, and came into contact with too many people of the opposite sex to be a proper girl. Auntie Tang's ideal daughter-in-law should be like this: obedient and sensible, doing more chores at home, educating the children, and solving the worries for the man to develop his career, instead of interacting with the opposite sex too often in order to make money.
While Auntie Tang is not happy with Lin Ying, Mr. Park has fallen in love with her at first sight and will not marry her. Auntie Tang has no choice but to agree to the marriage, but her impression of the girl who can make her son disobey her is even worse.
There weren't many interludes when Lin Ying got married. Although Auntie Tang was stingy with money, Mr. Park was a powerful young man who met the demands of Lin Ying's parents and was able to get married.
03. She was bad-tempered, I was bad-tempered, and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law quarreled many times;
"When you run into a daughter-in-law who is always talking back to her, your mother-in-law must be even more upset. I can't help it, she picks on me, if I go against the grain, won't she be even more arrogant?"
After the marriage, in order to ease the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also in order to not let their beloved husband difficult, Lin Ying agreed to let her mother-in-law live with them. When you live under the same roof, friction is inevitable, not to mention the fact that your mother-in-law is already looking at your daughter-in-law in an unfavorable light.
After they got married, Lin Ying's conflicts with her mother-in-law were mainly at work.
Because of sales, it is not uncommon for her to work overtime, and it is even more common for her to communicate with customers of the opposite sex. However, as long as Lin Ying comes back late from work, her mother-in-law will be gibbering, even accusing Lin Ying of not being a qualified mother and not fulfilling her responsibility to take care of her son.
Lin Ying gets up every morning and takes a long time to put on her makeup, and when her husband sees her, he always praises her for being so beautiful, which makes her happy, but when she sees her, her mother-in-law smashes her down with a barrage of words: "You're wasting your money on buying so many cosmetics. My son is not easy to make money, can you not waste money?"
"Mom, I also make money, my salary is not lower than my husband."
"What about your money and his money? You're our family now that you're married, and the money is our family's, so what's the difference between you and me? Also, what do you want to do when you dress up so nicely?"
Hearing her mother-in-law say this about herself, Lin Ying of course could not swallow this breath, and the two argued one by one.
04. Husband's words, we have been laying low since;
On one occasion, Lin Ying and his own a heterosexual customer in the online chat, mother-in-law stood aside peeping, was found by Lin Ying, mother-in-law not only do not feel embarrassed, but want to grab Lin Ying's cell phone, so that the Lin Ying even more angry, the two people on the quarrel again.
While they were arguing, Lin Ying's husband came back. Looking at his wife, who was furiously asking for justice, and his mother, who was crying and complaining to him and asking for a divorce, Lin Ying's husband said this: "If I get a divorce, your grandchildren will be surnamed Lin".
Hearing her son's words, Lin Ying's mother-in-law stopped making a sound and stopped crying.
"Mom, I know you love me, without you, I wouldn't be here today. Since you love me so much, can you think about me? What good will it do me if you piss my wife off, tear me apart, and tear my family apart? Do you believe that? Other girls wouldn't be able to marry me if they knew the reason for my divorce, who can stand a mother-in-law who likes to find trouble with her daughter-in-law?"
"Dad died early, you pulled me up by the hand, suffered a lot, and I was also subjected to countless stares, I understand all these. Do you want your grandchildren to be single-parent children like me? Besides, without my wife, you'll be relying on me to serve you in your old age, how am I going to make money to support the family?"
As a son and husband, Mr. Park's words dissolved the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Seeing that her husband is reasonable and not a mama's boy, Lin Ying did not continue to argue with her mother-in-law. After listening to her son's words, Auntie Tang also had some changes. In her spare time, she began to divert her attention from her daughter-in-law, learned to dance in the square, made friends with some of her peers, and with the support of her son and daughter-in-law, she also enrolled in a senior travel group to go out and learn to shop online. Now, Auntie Tang and her daughter-in-law do not interfere with each other, and she enjoys her twilight years at ease.
05. As a mother-in-law, you need to pay attention to the following points in order to make the family harmonious.
Mr. Tu Lei once said:
"Women are not difficult for women. For the mother-in-law, you've been a daughter-in-law for many years, why can't you understand the daughter-in-law? For the daughter-in-law, you have only begun to simmer, and one day you will become a mother-in-law, so why be so competitive?"
As a mother-in-law, you have been a daughter-in-law for several decades and know the pain of being a daughter-in-law, so why must you put the sins you have suffered on others? You have to understand that the reason you suffered when you were a daughter-in-law was because you had an unreliable husband, not because of a daughter-in-law who had no grudge against you.
As a mother-in-law, you have to pay attention to the following points in order to make the family harmonious.
1, understand a truth, daughter-in-law is to be with your son **** life of the woman, not your punching bag;
the reason why the mother-in-law is impossible to treat the daughter-in-law as a daughter, because the daughter-in-law is not their own, not so strong maternal love. However, your son was born to you, you carried him in October and even exchanged your life for him. It is every mother's wish to make her son well.
As mothers, we can't stay with our son for the rest of his life, and the one who can stay with him for the rest of his life is his wife. Therefore, do not look at the face of the monk, even for the sake of the son's face, do not make things difficult for the daughter-in-law, do not destroy the son's happy and fulfilling family, do not let the son become a loner.
2, you and your daughter-in-law have a harmonious relationship, the family has all the benefits but no harm;
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have a harmonious relationship, the son can be undistracted from his career, so that the family's financial situation has become better; the grandchildren can be grown up in a happy and fulfilling family, so that their hearts are full of love; mother-in-law who is good to her daughter-in-law is often not bad in her old age. Therefore, your harmonious relationship with your daughter-in-law will do your family all the good and none of the harm.
3, find something for yourself to do, don't always around the young people.
As a person, we are minor around the schooling, adult around the husband and children, need to eat decades of suffering. In your later years, if you still keep circling around your son and being the nanny of the house, it's just not a good idea. In your later years, you need to think about yourself too.
Give yourself something to do, so that your later years become a little more colorful, but also let the young people have their own space.