One episode of Love War touched on the topic of elderly people bringing up children in their later years.
Mr. Huo, 52, wanted to live permanently at his daughter's house to help bring up his grandchildren and **** enjoy his family.
But his wife is strongly opposed to the idea, admitting that over the past 30 years, she has worked less, she has only had fun, and in her later years she just wants to continue to enjoy life and does not want to bring up her grandchildren.
The daughter was brought up by Mr. Huo, and his wife usually has little control over the child. Even at his daughter's house, the grandchildren are in Mr. Huo's care and she doesn't need to worry about the children.
Despite this, his wife was not happy to stay at his daughter's house. Because her daughter and son-in-law live together and the children are annoying at home, she feels that at her daughter's home, she does not have the freedom and comfort of living in her own home.
On one side, his daughter and son-in-law often ask Mr. Huo to help with the children, and on the other side, his wife's poor self-care skills always give him trouble. He finds it difficult to make both ends meet, and he wants to persuade his wife to live with him in his daughter's house so that he can take care of both his grandchildren and his wife.
The wife objected to her husband helping her daughter with the baby, and just wanted him to take care of her like he used to, and for her to go shopping or partying with her friends as usual.
Mr. Huo's idea represents the wishes of most elderly people, parents are always thinking of their children and are willing to pay silently. As the saying goes, raising a child for a hundred years is a long time to worry. He was naturally overjoyed when his daughter had a child after her marriage, and he volunteered to take care of the child even if his daughter didn't ask for it, not to mention that his daughter and son-in-law have repeatedly said that they need his help.
This is not only Mr. Huo's wish, but also the wish of many elderly people in their later years.
The happy wife, Ms. Liu, who has been spoiled by her husband for 30 years, is only 50 years old and has been married for many years. Cooking, housework and childcare are all under her husband's control, and she doesn't dip her own fingers in the water.
When she was young, this wife didn't give too much to the family, and when she was old, she was even more reluctant to give up an otherwise easy and exciting life because of her grandchildren.
The old man chose not to help his children with their children, and although he got rid of the hard work of bringing up his grandchildren, and the old man was able to live a leisurely life for some years, the result may not be what the old man would like to see in the long run.
Frequently to the elderly as a nanny aunt mentioned, do not envy those who do not take the children of the elderly, refused to help their children to bring children, the first half of the life of the free, sad days in the back.
Do not want to give children with children of the elderly, most of the late years are the result of these 4, over the people frankly very realistic 1. Children are willing to support the elderly, but refused to live with the elderlyWhy are the elderly do not want to give children with children? Look at what people who have been there say.
Sun Auntie: "I want to live my own life while I can still walk."
Auntie Wong: "Young people have young people's lives, and we have our own pursuits, and in old age we want to go on dashing again."
Mr. Wang: "The children's home is not as comfortable as your own home. I can lie down when I want to, and I can sit down when I want to."
Lu Auntie: "I'm tired of taking care of the kids, and I'm not as happy as I was in my own life. How can I be as comfortable as living on my own? It's been hard for me to bring up my children, and in my later years I'm thinking of living my life the way I want to."
Remember Mr. Huo from "Love Defense War" who pleaded with his wife to go to his daughter's house to bring up his grandchildren together? His wife's idea represents the real idea of some of the elderly, young people pay for their children, old people want to live a few years of comfortable life, not willing to work for the grandchildren again, in fact, can be understood.
In fact, in addition to some of the elderly feel that living in their children's homes is not free, the young people live with the elderly, but also produces a variety of friction and conflict, not to mention there is a need to discipline the child.
If the elderly take the initiative to help their children with their children, and the young people to get along with each other when they get along with each other, in support of the years, get along will become more and more harmonious.
Even as the old man ages, the daughter-in-law or son-in-law will be grateful for the old man's dedication to taking care of his grandchildren and will take care of the old man in his old age.
On the other hand, if the old man never asks about his children's lives or lends them a helping hand, then in their old age, the children will support the old man, but they may not want to live with him.
2. The grandchildren are estranged from the elderlyAfter the birth of their children, young couples will give them to their grandparents, but in recent years, grandma and grandpa have gradually become the main force of the children.
Some old people want to live a different life after retirement, and they are keen on traveling, square dancing, cultivating a second hobby and other activities, and living a pleasant life.
"Although the grandchildren are brought up with their grandmothers, they are related to me by blood, and the children will surely be close to me", this is what individual elderly people say in their hearts, but in fact this is not the case, and if the elderly people do not bring up their grandchildren, the two generations will be more distant emotionally.
Today's children are very savvy and will remember those who are good to them. If the person who brings them up is the grandmother, then the child will be more dependent on the grandmother and will resist the closeness of the grandparents.
Li envies her neighbor's children and daughters-in-law for their filial piety, their dedication to taking care of the elderly, and their grandchildren's affection for their grandmothers.
Talking to her neighbor about her own son, Auntie Li couldn't help but shed a tear and felt remorseful that she refused to bring her son a child, and now that her husband has passed away and she is alone, her son is unwilling to live with her, and her only granddaughter hates her and doesn't have the slightest bit of bonding with her, which turned out to be too realistic.
3. The son or daughter-in-law is not willing to give old age to the elderlyWhen it comes to bringing up children, it is the obligation of the young couple, not the responsibility of the elderly. The old man has no obligation to bring up children, even if the old man does not agree to give the young man to bring up children, the young man can only accept the result.
Sons and daughters are raised by old people, but daughters-in-law are different. A woman's pregnancy and menstruation are the most vulnerable and helpless times for a woman, and if the old man has been standing by or not caring, then it will only chill the daughter-in-law's heart.
The first three years of a child's life is the most difficult and tiring stage for young people, the economic pressure and the difficulty of bringing up a child, so that young people are exhausted, and if the elderly are not willing to help at all, the children are prone to the old man's heart.
Even if the son is filial, but wait for the old man's work, most of the daughter-in-law is still doing. If the old man has no help for the daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law has worked hard to bring up the child, the daughter-in-law has no feelings with her mother-in-law, and naturally, she is not happy to take care of her mother-in-law.
4. Children and the elderly live separate livesRaising children for old age is the traditional way of old age for many people, however, because of the differences in the issue of bringing up children, resulting in some of the elderly in their old age are not willing to live with their children.
The elderly do not want to work for their grandchildren in the second half of their lives and want to live for themselves for once. Young couples feel that living with the elderly, different concepts of child rearing, different habits, family conflicts will increase, young people would rather work harder, do not want the elderly to come over to live, so that both sides are happy to be at home.
The elderly do not have to worry about bringing up children, and the young people do not have to worry about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts. Both sides do not interfere with each other, they and the elderly to maintain the necessary distance, distance produces beauty, there is no contradiction, the two sides can still live in harmony, which is not a proper solution.
How to harmonize the contradiction between the old people's old age and bringing up children?First: young people can not be not old age as an excuse to force the elderly to take children
The elderly have no obligation to take children, it is the young couple's own thing, the elderly help is affection, young people should cherish. If the old man is not willing to take the child, the young people should also sympathize with the old man.
Secondly, if a young couple really has difficulty in balancing their children and careers, the elderly may wish to help the young people tide them over if they are able to do so
It will take three years for a child to be born until he or she is ready to attend kindergarten; and it will take a further three years for a child to be ready to attend elementary school.
If the financial pressure were not so great, I believe many young people would approve of the elderly living their own retirement life. However, even if the elderly do not bring up their children, their children still have to support them, and the pressure on young people is only increasing. If they cannot afford to hire a nanny, young people can only let their parents bring up their children.
Thirdly, if the elderly are willing to help the young people to bring up the children, the young people should give the elderly appropriate recreational time
Weekends and vacations, as well as after work, the young people have to bear the burden of caring for the children, don't just leave the children to the elderly, and their own side of the enjoyment.
After the children go to primary or secondary school, young people can take over the care of the children when conditions permit, so that the elderly can be free to enjoy their later years at ease.
ConclusionElderly people raise their children to adulthood, and the selflessness of their energy and money is something that young people should keep in mind. No matter which choice the old man makes in his old age, the young should not blame the old man.
In fact, the old age and child rearing, is not two different things, life is a family to help each other to live. The daughter-in-law or son-in-law has no blood relationship with the elderly, is not relying on you to pull me a hand, I help you once, the feelings are slowly built up?
Even if the old man can't always help with the children, but in the most difficult years, the old man can do to his children, I believe that the children will remember the old man's contribution, in the old man's old age, they will also treat the old man well.