Many times when we talk about marriage, our first thought is the daily life of firewood, rice, oil and salt, filled with children, parents, and quarrels between husband and wife, and rarely think of love.
We are always used to. Once married, love will gradually withdraw from the "stage of history", or no longer important. But is this really the case? I've interviewed many unhappy couples, and many times they are unhappy because there is no love between them. So even a little bit of conflict will be magnified, the two people are not willing to tolerate each other, mutual understanding, but instead of boredom, bickering.
Cao Yan and her husband are like that. In fact, it's not like they didn't have love in the beginning, flowers, romance, bombardment, all of these they have experienced. But I don't know when it started, the two gradually went further and further apart. A few years ago, my son was still with them. Taking care of the child's study, food and daily life attracted Cao Yan and her husband's attention the most, making them ignore the gap in their relationship. After all, no matter how bad the relationship between two people is, they treat their son with one heart. But last year, their son got admitted to college and went out of town, returning only once every six months. That's when Cao Yan and her husband finally realized that there was no love between them. The awkward atmosphere of caring for each other when they were together was really worse than strangers. Cao Yan even felt that sometimes she was more comfortable alone when her husband was not at home.
Cao Yan knew that her husband felt the same way. Since her son went to college, the two of them have been coming home later and later, leaving less and less time for each other. Moreover, the little things turn into heated arguments when they arrive, and the little bit of affection that remains fades away as the arguments become more and more frequent. Cao Yan also complained about this situation with her friend. The friend's opinion was, "I really can't go on, or I'll get a divorce." It's not a solution to bear so much."
But Cao Yan immediately rejected such a proposal, saying frankly, "The days will not pass, and I will not divorce."
The friend was puzzled by this. Cao Yan explained, "In fact, there is only one reason." Why is love so precious? It's because it's not only hard-won, but it fades over time. When you are in love, there are so many couples who love you and me, but after years of marriage, how many couples still love each other? Talking about love after marriage is a luxury and childish. There are too many things in life that cannot be taken care of, where is the time and energy to maintain love? That's why Cao Yan says lost love is the root cause of today's outcome, but in other words, it's a normal thing, so why bother?
Though there is no love, Cao Yan and her husband have a **** same son and a family that has been run for so many years. Even though life is a will now, those bonds are giving up. Plus, even if you get divorced, can you guarantee you'll meet the right person? For the second couple, both have their own families of origin, their own children, and different life experiences that can cause too much conflict. Even if you can be tolerant at first, how long can you last? And, if you don't bother to maintain it, the love will die. Maybe it will end the same way after time. Cao Yan sighed and said, ''Why are couples still as good as before? Because even without love, there is still a reason and meaning to hold on to it." In a way, Cao Yan's thoughts represent most couples who have lost love but still don't want to divorce. There are children, years of memories and emotional entanglements, and fear of the future. For various reasons, they don't want to divorce even if they can't survive.
But is this life with no joy at all really what you want? The answer for most people is no. In fact, if you don't want to be so passive, you should know how to maintain love from the very beginning.
Love is never optional for marriage.
It is the catalyst of the couple's relationship, which can make the couple spontaneously tolerant and considerate when conflicts occur; it can make the couple change from cohabitation to supporting each other and resisting the wind and rain together; it can make the marriage stronger and more solid. Therefore, instead of thinking "don't toss it, just let it go" when you can't get it back, you should leave the love at the beginning. If everyone can understand this truth, perhaps all the troubles will be solved, you will live a happier life.