1 , a woman asked the master: you say I'm so gentle and virtuous young and beautiful, how no man like me?
The master took a rope tied to the neck of a cow
Woman: the master means that my is mine, not my rope pulling can not pull away is it?
Master: you realize too deep, I mean you gentle and beautiful? You and I pull the calf it!
2, classmates in the boys or girls in the fight.
A woman: women can pass without men, men can not pass without women.
A man: there are inflatable dolls on the line.
Boys have three legs you girls have? There is no?
A woman: If you have the ability to walk to me to see! Walk to me to see ah!
3, dormitory a buddy just picked up a phone: your girlfriend naked photo in my hands!
Hurry up and give me 10,000 dollars, or else it will be announced to the public!
Listen to him finish, the roommate tears silently flowed down: please hurry to publish it, I also want to see what my girlfriend.
4 , high school that will be, the class everyone is naughty .... Discussed, the teacher came, shouting together old Buddha auspicious (female teacher). Do not yell to level off not sit down, the teacher into the room, the class president to rise, the old Buddha auspicious. The shouting was deafening... Three late smokers ran into the room and froze with the teacher. The three of them immediately hit their cuffs together, got down on one knee and shouted. I and other late to save the emperor, but also forget the old Buddha atonement ...... God's response.
5, is in the hospital and other blood results. The first time I saw this, I had to go to the hospital to get a blood sample.
A little girl of four or five years old, was held down by his parents to draw blood, wildly crying: nurse aunt, I can not do not needle, please!
The nurse said: no Oh little girl: I have nothing to do with you, why are you so to me ah.
The nurse said: no Oh little girl: I have nothing to do with you, why are you so to me ah.
Next to the people are waterfall sweat!
See Qiong Yao drama mother born children can not afford
6 , go to my brother's home to play, little niece in the ancient costume drama, look very happy.
I'm going to leave when the little niece said to me that the grandfather must often come ah!
The child you go off the deep end, I am your uncle ah!
7 , and boyfriend in the school walk, I think wearing high heels tired to find a bench and he sat,
I took off the high heels, he also took off the flip-flops.
I suddenly had a brain fart and jumped up wearing his flip-flops and ran away.
I felt really comfortable, and the wind was at my feet.
Suddenly there was a class down, the crowd came out in a row, all staring to see my boyfriend's bare feet shrinking in the chair, a pair of high-heeled shoes on the ground.
9, today heard the subway two dialogues:
What a coincidence! Our two hair little pregnant at the same time! To the future child a doll marriage!
Well, if we all give birth to a boy, let them get gay;
If it is a girl, let them lily;
If it is a man and a woman, let them tie the knot as brother and sister!
Instantly my outlook on life and values are completely upside down!
10, read the university, a good friend is very 2.
Once I had a small cold, he accompanied me to the doctor, the doctor simply diagnosed my condition, asked me to bring how much money.
I immediately responded that I had only brought ten dollars.
The 2 goods immediately patted his chest and said, "I'm not afraid, I've just taken five hundred dollars.
I looked at him viciously, he thought I did not believe, on the spot on the five hundred dumped on the doctor's desk.
Finally, a cold cost two hundred.
11 , today's girlfriend and I said: I think you should find a beautiful generous, gentle and kind, will take care of your girl together.
I heard this is to dump my rhythm ah, so hurry to retain her:
No, no matter how good others, I only like you like this.
Girlfriend heard is a slap slap over, roared: old lady and these advantages are not involved in one of them?
12, the subway, a beggar shaking a well-known chain of milk tea store paper cups begging.
After he passed a woman with a child, the woman pointed to him on the side of the child said, see,
Milk tea after drinking too much can only come out to ask for food, not allowed to drink it, hear?
13, the little girl does not like to eat, often the adults tossed enough.
Once the little girl's mother had no choice but to take a chopstick to scare her: no longer eat, to beat you!
The little girl looked up and said, "Don't use the end with oil!
14 , yesterday when I came back to see a couple in the fight.
Curious past! Then heard this life should not hear.
The man said. You fucking quarrel again today I dry you on the street.
The woman said. You just three seconds. Into a second to move a second out of a second. Still want to fuck me.
Go home and spread some millet so that your chickens grow up and then give me this.
Then the man slapped the woman and said.
The man slapped the woman and said: "
Get lost. With your sister a moral.
15, junior high school English class I sing celadon.
I sang the climax: teacher where are you
Come to collect my cell phone
I'm holding in my hand is not to give you
You dare to rob me
on the smash of your cock so that you hurt
Then the teacher heard!
16 、Yesterday I heard a friend say.
He said to see the forum a person asked a question, said if you go to the bungee fall to half of the rope broken,
If you can only shout two words you will shout what.
A lot of replies, most of them back to the I rely on what treacherous business mom ah mom and so on,
and see a big brother's reply to the post I completely shocked the essence! Big brother back to the two words change!
17, talk about a high school, when the chemistry class, talking about acidity and alkalinity pH value, I do not know how to associate, asked the table male: semen is acidic or alkaline it? He answered: alkaline it! I asked why. He was very reminiscent of said: because eat up a little salty! I sweated profusely, and soon the whole class knew! I wonder if he's okay now?
18, the morning to take 100 whole to go to the newsstand to buy mineral water broken change.
Newspaper kiosk aunt said that this just opened to find not ah, I thought, that aunt you have two 50?
Auntie said, this has.
I said okay, then you first break me into two 50's, I then take this 50's to buy water you can find open, right?
The aunt laughed and said, "It's not like that, I can find the 50s.
19, just married soon, weekend girlfriends and daughter-in-law to go shopping, their own home for dinner. Eating half to the phone.
Hey, kid ah, I'm your father
I heard the anger, grandson! ***I'm sorry, but I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this. My father is eating in front of me! I'm not going to be able to do that.
I hung up the phone angrily and continued to eat.
A moment later, my father said: will not be your old man ah
20, male: I like you, you can do my girlfriend?
Female: But I already have a boyfriend.
Male: It's okay, I can wait.
Woman: you do not have to wait, I am not sorry my boyfriend.
Male: In case your boyfriend likes someone else.
Woman: impossible, he is not interested in other women.
Male: I know, but he is quite interested in me recently.
Funny jokes
Funny jokes
1. Fate is responsible for shuffling the cards, but playing cards is our own!
2. My life is also the end of the world, and eat no end of the world ~ ~ ~ ~
3. I remember a day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a text message: we still break up! I have not had time to be sad it, the girlfriend sent another one: sorry, sent the wrong one. This can be completely sad
4.
5. Occasionally you will feel very cool, but the life of a silence will be miserable.
6. Take off my clothes I'm an animal, put on my clothes I'm a clothed animal!
7. The IQ of a man cheating is second only to Einstein!
8. Out to mix, wife sooner or later is to change!
9. I really do not understand, the girl to buy many, many beautiful clothes to wear, is to attract the attention of the boy, but the boy wants to see, but does not wear clothes of the girl.
10. When I was a child, I thought I could save the whole world when I grew up, and when I grew up, I realized that the whole world could not save me
11. Roses for you, chocolate for you, diamonds for you. You, mine!
12. In order to avoid family violence - force, so I decided not to get married!
13. Someone in the dormitory to drink someone else's boiling water, hot jumped up, the mouth also called: Holy shit, so hot, the pig can not stand ah
14. If you see the shadow in front of you, do not be afraid, it is because there is sunshine behind you!
15. You can live like a pig, but you can never be as happy as a pig!
16. Why are you blocking your face with your butt?
17. child his mother, we still have a lot to do in this life, do not delay the effort and I play hide-and-seek, hurry up and pop out of it ~ ~ ~ ~
18. a dinosaur passed by the Xi'an Jiaotong University when she went to the toilet, came out of her whimpering: this life is not worried about marrying finally
19. nasty, do not eat chow mein, got hepatitis, hospital. Golden hook nose toad mouth, tiger eyes pig butt, plus a pair of legs.
20. When we are young, we often make faces at the mirror; when we are old, the mirror is considered even.
21. You came to me, cheeky and smiling, stole my two cents, my two cents, saved eight hundred years, oh ~ ~ ~ ~ you really shameless.
22. Listen to you, save me ten books!
23. Two farmers bragging: our farm chickens, eat all the tea, under all the tea eggs have well ah, our farms to chickens to eat wallet, so that it under the purse eggs.
24. The man's knee has gold, I cut off the whole leg, even a piece of copper did not find!
25. If happiness is a floating cloud, if the pain is like a star. Then my life is really a cloudless, starry sky
26. Soldiers pretend to be dead for the sake of their friends, and women get a facelift for the sake of pleasing themselves.
27. The effect of contraception: unsuccessful, then adult.
28. I remember when we dormitory a buddy to grab someone else's buns to eat, while eating, said: on this stuff, only worthy of stuffing ass
29.
30. looks like my next door grandpa raised a pig pull a pile of shit air-dried and then take to deep frying and hide seven years after taking out the hairy look!
31. The world is unfair is: God said: I want light! The first time I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie, I saw the movie. The beauty said: I want a diamond ring! So she has a diamond ring. The rich man said: I want a woman! So he has a woman. I said:
32. I want to take a shower! I can't believe the water is out!
33. We had a little disagreement: she wanted me to turn dung into gold, and I wanted her to see gold as dung.
34. ask you can have a few sorrows, just like a group of eunuchs on the greenhouse
35. life is like Song Zu De's mouth, you never know who will be the next unlucky ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
36. if one day I become a hooligan, please tell others, I am innocent
37. look at the beautiful woman on the street, the eyes are higher is to appreciate, the eyes are lower! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that.
38. You look like a pig alive with hope!
39. My cousin, more than forty years. Beginning from the literature, even the examination for three years and did not win. So I practiced martial arts, martial arts practice on the field of a vector, in the drum official, expelled. He changed to study medicine, wrote his own prescription, served, and died.
40. I remember my elementary school teacher scolded me: I slap you out! I was trying to laugh but I didn't dare to laugh.
41. My girlfriend is not a nun because she did not pass the fourth grade, the nunnery does not accept.
42. If you can not give your woman to wear a wedding dress, then do not stop you unbuttoned her hand!
43. Loneliness is a person's revelry, revelry is a group of people's loneliness.
44. Urination and defecation are prohibited in this place, and offenders will have their tools confiscated.
45. The age of appearance, the age of every day up. The year of vision, the year of hard work. The age of playing mahjong, the age of hanging out everywhere. The age of pulling the family, the age of hanging on the wall!
46. A mountain cannot accommodate two tigers, unless a male and a female.
47. Boys, girls, poor students, raw! First love, hot love, extramarital love, love!
1, vulgar is a breakthrough, especially elegant and noble are no use
2, live in a snail's pace, live in a wimpy, born in a wimpy
3, don't always shout me beast, more point to understand me, you'll know that I'm worse than a beast.
4, cross-eyed cold to the adulterer's shame, loose soil Gan for the bottom of the skirt cattle.
5, the recent pressure, gnawing Want Want snow cake than others gnawing smoke is also powerful
6, cow dung is cow dung, even if you are more meat and potatoes, flowers are generally still not inserted in your body, because that degrades the sense of beauty
7, cow B is a mundane person, the cow organ is a literati.
8, why we all give the darkness to the devil, because they are brave, are not afraid of the dark
9, lying is a man's prerogative, deceived is a woman's patent
10, I'm not like her, I like my script, just my script is that I am y in love with her
11, when you chase that Prince Charming in your heart, waiting for you! The frog is actually a prince, will be fished away
12, something or nothing, do not feel free to let their own feelings seed, or else rooted, you want to pull it also have to toss toss, root deep, you want to pull more can not be pulled out
13, the feelings of the two people, if only one person to try to mix the honey, then in the end, it will only make the other bee into the fly
14, drunk Fang Zhi Zhi stupid, love to understand the fool
15, the reason why you can not tolerate sand, is that you use the selection of flour sieve, too subtle the reason why I can put up with you, is that I used to catch the big fish nets, so that the small fish have slipped through
16, the loss of happiness, that is, the chrysanthemums on your buttocks, and often only when you have diarrhea, you only feel that it opens up the special show splendid
16, the loss of happiness, that is, your ass on the daisy, often only diarrhea, you think it opened up the special show brilliant
17, ugly is not your fault, stupid is not your fault, but the ugly and stupid play to the fullest, can not be used as a showcase of your greatness ah, to be modest
18, you're a person special goodness, especially when sorry
19, feelings like buying stocks, selected on the garbage stocks, losses, it does not matter, the key is to learn to stop loss but the most afraid is that you do not recognize their own Failure of vision, blindly hold, look forward to the recovery, the results, etc., etc., etc., until the flowers are thankful for a few times
20, playing a talented facade, revealing the essence of the B pretend.
21, the woman is still wearing a mask of make-up, the man installed is the moral face mask
22, those who are conceited, always can not help but chicken in the flock of cranes
23, irony is what? Irony is that even if you are willing to be someone else's toilet paper, people still think you soft paper, dirty fingers, hard paper, wiped the buttocks
24, do not always say that the mud can not turn the wall, because even if you are concrete, no one with you to turn, you have to be on the ground, someone turned over, regardless of the mud is rotten, but still will be sticking to a bit of mold in the wall
25, your boss as a baby, and then see yourself as a tit, and more to give yourself a little bit of a baby. As a milk, more pressure on themselves, squeeze out some milk, because the baby does not know how to appreciate the milk will not produce milk tits
26, people rely on clothing, Buddha rely on gold. But the essence is still the essence, like you, whether it is Li-Ning or Adidas, Impossible or
27, people's lives at least once at first sight, then it seems that I've made a lot of people not in vain
28, said that the beauty of the beast with the beast, when I'm a beast a moment.
29, want to bubble bubble not, that at most a plan bubble soup; want to bubble bubble people were soaked, that is soaked on the formalin, called leaching
30, as the saying goes, brothers such as hands and feet, women such as clothes, this is now still quite a reference value, but the reality also added a bit of the times it elements, but now it's a brother such as prosthetic limbs, women such as underwear, people can be the So life at least to become a screenwriter, to be wonderful, try to develop the director.
32, I see you on a professional weaving nets, and specializing in penguins.
33, you are the frog at the bottom of the well, or even the bottom of the well did not run all the
34, life always like to throw me between the angels and devils as a tug-of-war rope, in order to retaliate against them, I decided to do the rope of grass, broken, and then they all rolled to one side
35, the average person will not say that I am long and handsome, they usually only say that I was born to have a dominating spirit
36, to be able to so many human vices MIX so perfect, I believe that you rain out on the street, the God of Thunder can not touch you feel sorry
37, there was a woman who wanted to remodel me, the results she only dismantled my parts at the end, but never with me to install
38, romance is always impossible to assess the value of the, otherwise I would have been worth a million
39, go out Street these so strenuous movement is not suitable for me, the old cassock's big wish is to be able to sit in front of the computer on Sundays Zen Athletics.
40, people do not YY in vain! Not catfight uncomfortable!
41, live, is to leap in the gibberish.
42, even if I'm small, but when I try to live for myself, I'm still great, just I do not know the size of the great
43, is not my happiness have to be built on your pain, just you have to let your pain to me amused
22 hilarious classic quotes _ absolute laughter1, the night ordered the After dinner in the dormitory waiting anxiously, after a while someone to knock on the dormitory door,
When the hungry a little brain dead, I shouted a rice, is it you?
Only to hear the outside came a leisurely voice En, it is me
Dear deliveryman, do you want to be so cute!
2, it seems that I am too young aca, see people practicing to the coach hand a cigarette, have a laugh,
I pulled out my pocket only a pack of Kleenex, take out a hand to the coach: you smoke after wiping your mouth.
Everyone looks at me differently.
3 , in the morning, mom went into the house to wake up his son: son up, it's time to go to school
Why? Mom! I don't want to go
Tell me two reasons why you don't want to go
Well, the kids don't like me, and the teachers don't like me
So... Anyway, there's no reason not to go to school
Mom! Then give me two reasons why I have to go to school
Okay! First, you're 52 years old! Secondly, you are the principal
4, heart, my aunt and my sister have begun to ask me from time to time why I do not bring a girlfriend back, ask me in the end when I intend to get married?
I was forced to do nothing, still young, still want to play, work too busy, Beijing house has not bought, too poor and other reasons are said all over,
They are not let go, I said I am gay!
They answered in unison: no way! I'm not saying that all gay people are handsome?
5 , a female colleague, one hundred and forty pounds. Every night with the ladies dancing square dance action all kinds of retardation.
Yesterday pulled me to view, finished, asked me how the jump looks.
I said: I think you dance looks like a Swan brand drum washing machine.
6 , just now, I suddenly realized that my dog Xiaohei is a dog talent, I was about to sit down to eat McDonald's to buy back the burger,
Xiaohei suddenly yelled out the window, as if strangers into the yard,
I went out to look around, did not see anyone, and then came back,
found that Xiaohei and the burger are gone! .....
7 , reunion in order to highlight the identity, I wore a piece of Rolex, was worried about how to show the time, a classmate suddenly asked what time.
I was overjoyed, calmly took out his cell phone and dialed the phone:
Wang Manager? I am a customer who bought a Rolex from you,
Yes, yes, yes, the gold watch, I want to ask, what time is it?
8 , today my friend drove me home, get on the car habitually lit a cigarette,
friends a hand to my cigarette pinch off, came to the sentence: don't smoke in the car, there will be smoke.
I fucking slap him down, the battery car has your sister's smoke!
9, will soon be examined Section II, worried about not passing, so prepared a little something to find the coach: coach, this point of things to take to drink tea.
Roll! You take me as what people!
The coach righteously rejected me,
By the way, the bottle cap of iced tea printed with the words "one more bottle" was thrown into the trash.
10, today's daughter-in-law rest did not work, go back at noon to see her in a particularly good mood, but also particularly thoughtful,
According to her set of rules must have something to ask for, but since a word did not mention,
is feeling strange, out of the balcony to see my big winter jacket coat gorgeous cool there,
mood fell to the low point,
brothers, I've hidden 3k inside the winter coat, and then I've got a big winter coat.
11, and back to the familiar classroom, caressing the once desk, see familiar teachers, do a familiar paper
I know that I stayed again.
12 、Mom and I talked about Grandma when she was young, said Grandma was recognized as the city's first beauty.
So I asked with emotion and skepticism: bragging Grandma was really so beautiful?
My mom said with pride: "Of course!
My mother said, "I'm not sure if I've ever seen a woman like her before!
13, there is a girlfriend leakage more bitter things?
Yes, that is, the boyfriend leakage, that is really bitter forced.
14, yesterday late at night to go to the neighborhood supermarket to buy things, probably because late at night, rows in front of a few people are holding Durex,
I was a person with a tube of rolling paper,
TMD checkout cashier even sighed at me!
Sigh you MB ah!
15, today my friend drove me home, get in the car habitually lit a cigarette, my friend a hand to my cigarette pinch off,
came to the sentence: do not smoke in the car, there will be smoke flavor.
I fucking slap him down, the battery car has your sister's smoke flavor!
16, a boy and a girl in the cafe blind date, the boy asked for salt in a panic,
The girl asked him why, the boy said I'm afraid you'll ask me later to have a car to have a car I have no salt to the right.
17 , the evening with the new boyfriend walk, suddenly saw two dogs in the shoo,
He looked at a moment, blushed and asked me: Are you now also have such an idea?
I quickly explained: no no no, I will not be interested in a male dog!
18 , one night and his girlfriend went out to eat a late-night snack, home encountered four hooligans to rob,
I did not say back 10 meters, girlfriend did not move,
Hooligans said to me: Yo drink, meet a timid.
I said: beat you need me? (My girlfriend has a black belt!)
This is the first time I've ever seen a woman with a black belt!
This is the reason why I am so obedient to my girlfriend!
19 , will soon be examined subject two, worried about not pass, so prepared a little something to find the coach: coach, this thing to take to drink tea.
Roll! You take me as what people!
The coach righteously rejected me,
By the way, the bottle cap of iced tea printed with the words "one more bottle" was thrown into the trash.
20 , once waiting for the traffic light, a lot of people on both sides, see there are thirty seconds.
And think of the online LOL that sentence, brain pumping to a sentence: the enemy still has thirty seconds to reach the battlefield!
Crush them!
The next person to look at my expression are drunk, no place to hide, I am a sister ah!
21 、Buddy, your jeans are broken and still wear out?
This is now popular, you know a hair!
I looked at his leaking chrysanthemums, fell into a deep thought.
22, the mind is very important. Negative people, only to screw things up.
And once he has a positive mindset, he can happily screw things up.