I know that you have a successful career, reason and maturity, perhaps you have a family, perhaps still enjoying the freedom of the single life, you in the workplace in the world of work, or leisure or to travel the world, or to sit and watch the clouds roll in, can not be more elegant. But I guess you all have a biggest weakness, which is your parents.
I have a single girlfriend, many years ago to start their own business, in a first-tier city with a house, a car and a deposit, a wide range of hobbies, life is self-fulfilling, although the self-proclaimed single dog, but it is a group of our buddies in the existence of a god, the girl said, did not meet the ideal type of determined not to settle, the big deal is to adopt or to borrow the sperm to give birth to a child, anyway, to support the affordable. So chic chick New Year's trip home on the goat, looking for people everywhere to introduce her to the object, but also registered a dating site, to participate in matchmaking activities. Can carry the loneliness, can carry the temptation, can not carry the parents of the bitter, to say in fact, her parents did not say what jumped ah severance, usually on the phone urging marriage she can deal with the past, go home to meet with a see parents sad look instantly feel their unfilial, do not strive for the oldest not small enough to let parents worry, so that parents have a daughter who can not get married to shame.
Not only single, married with their own small family, parents out of concern, too much interference in the children's families, resulting in marital relations, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship rupture, the chicken flew to the dog jump thing is common. Most Chinese parents lose themselves in their relationship with their children, giving up their own ideals and pursuits for the sake of their children from the time they are born, doing everything for the sake of their children, and even imposing their own dreams on their children, not realizing that this creates a great deal of mental pressure on the children. If we don't listen to our parents and go against their wishes, we will have a sense of guilt. The more gentle and devoted parents are, the more repressed their children tend to be, and it's not just the parents who are sacrificed in the parent-child relationship, but the children who are sacrificed to the will to grow up and live according to their own ideas.
In fact, in any relationship, there is a degree to which the relationship becomes distorted and unhealthy when either party crosses the line. Just like a couple relationship, one party sacrifices to pay too much, the other party will produce a huge pressure, but not conducive to the healthy development of this relationship. If our parents are unhappy, we may not dare to be happy. The harder we work and the more we sacrifice for each other, the more unhappy we all become. Parents and children have a natural blood relationship, giving us life and raising us, of course we should respect them and honor them, but we also need to know that parents and children are always independent individuals, we can't live for each other, both of us have our own independent ideas, and neither one of us should impose their ideas on the other. In order to make the relationship healthy, so that everyone is happy and happy, we should learn to "peacefully break up" with our parents.
1. First of all, you need to be financially independent and live independently.
At least after work, we have to be able to support ourselves and take care of ourselves. Poor parents, if you do not have the ability to feed yourself? power, or life is a mess, do not know how to clean up, can not take care of themselves, but also do not let your parents to control you, interfere with you, that is also too difficult for them.
2. Then we need to be mentally independent. This may not be so easy, we need to consciously change. Just started working for a while, every time after the paycheck want to treat yourself, I will immediately think of me in the dashing luxury when maybe parents are still suffering at home, and then will dispel this idea, in fact, I am in the use of the parents of the concept of consumer bondage, because the parents have always been thrifty, I dare not a little bit of extravagance, or else there will be a sense of guilt. Until later, my parents felt that I was suffering outside always urge me not to be too frugal, I realized, in fact, under the sky parents want their children to be healthy and happy, their own hard-earned money, as long as they are happy to spend it without having to feel guilty about anyone. If our parents forcibly interfere in our lives, we must try to be a little more ruthless, do not have to go too much against their own wishes, our parents interfere with our original intention is for our own good, I hope that we are happy, we go against their interference, at first maybe they will be unhappy, but when they find that we do not according to their arrangements, the same as the time to live a happy life will also be relieved. This is one of the hardest things to do, most of us tend to not tolerate them being unhappy and then suppress our thoughts, make ourselves unhappy or change our thoughts to suit them. This is the most important thing to do in order to change the relationship.
3. Most of us and our parents do not live in a place, parents for the children of the long-distance travel extraordinarily uneasy, and this uneasy and will let the children produce pressure, will be resistant to communicate with their parents, the more do not communicate, the more the parents do not feel at ease, and over time will form a vicious circle. In fact, this is what we do children's wrong, we should not deprive our parents of the right to care about us, at first in order to let them rest assured that we believe that we are doing well may need to spend some energy, but it is absolutely worth it. We should talk to our parents on the phone at least once a week, don't feel that you don't have anything to say, as big as the company has changed bosses, as small as what we ate tonight, don't feel that you don't understand even if you talk to them or boring little things to say, in fact, our parents are very interested in everything that is happening around us. I believe that most of us treat our parents are not good news, it is right, but not too outrageous, parents are not fools, what are good they will suspect that you are perfunctory them, and occasionally you can spit with them some insignificant little things, such as cooking tonight salt too much failure and so on, so there is a sense of realism, and for a long time the parents for you to have a life outside of their sight! The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you're getting yourself into, and how you're going to get there.
4. Help your parents become independent. Most of our parents gave up on themselves and sacrificed their ideals when they had children. Now that we have grown up and left their arms, it is time for them to find themselves. We can help them find their hobbies, such as supporting them to dance, buying them DVDs, introducing them to friends, encouraging them to participate in community activities for the elderly, teaching them photography, painting, practicing calligraphy, etc. There are so many activities, there is always a suitable one for them. Parents have their own hobbies have a support, no longer put all the energy on the children, to re-find belong to their own as an independent individual happy, parents independent children naturally independent.
With the development of society, our parents are also making progress. In recent years, we often see a group of elderly people traveling abroad, which means that parents are paying more attention to themselves, and their children should be more supportive from the economic and spiritual point of view. Earlier, I read a news story that at the wedding of a gay couple, the old father said with tears in his eyes: I don't understand, but I bless you. I was touched that the relationship between parents and children is gradually developing in a healthy direction. I hope that in the future there will be no jumping for marriage, non-marriageism, Dink family no longer afraid of parental opposition, homosexuals can be together like ordinary couples, no co-wives, no deception, no repression.
For such a world, I am willing to start from me, and parents "peacefully break up".