1. In the morning, I went to the vegetable market to buy vegetables. I asked the hawker: "Has your vegetable been treated with pesticides?" The hawker thought for a while and said, "I guess not."
2. I was playing a back-of-hand game with a female colleague, and I accidentally grabbed her hand and scratched a little bit of the skin. Then the female colleague took out her phone with a serious look on her face. Just when I thought she was going to take a photo and post it on WeChat to accuse me... I saw her searching on the Internet: Do I need a rabies vaccine if I am caught by a single dog?
3. I recently had relatives come over, and I started to get into trouble with my boyfriend when I felt uncomfortable. This has been going on for a week, and he has been pestering me shamelessly for the past two days! I was too lazy to answer him, so I pointed to the broken air conditioner and said: Men are all big pigs, just like broken air conditioners. When I am hot, I want to blow hot air, and when I am cold, I want to blow cool air! My boyfriend was also angry and said: You are not even as good as the air conditioner, at least it knows how to blow it.
4. I found a fortune teller to tell me my fortune. He looked at it and said: "Brother, you must have been born in the early morning." I was very surprised: "How did you calculate it?" So accurate?" He stroked his beard and said, "Because it's the ugly time from 1 to 3 in the morning." 5. A classmate of mine sold a house in Beijing some time ago. How could his family stop it? It was no use. When I asked him why, he said: I won't be able to live in this apartment in the future, and I can't afford it anymore. It's better to buy a dozen or so apartments in my hometown in the county. I'd rather have a chicken head than a phoenix tail! Until I heard that he opened a bathing center two days ago, I figured it out!
6. One day I asked my mother, "Mom, what am I to you?" My mother glanced at me and said, "Mom, you're mentally retarded."
7. After a long period of After more than ten hours of flying, I finally arrived in Los Angeles, USA, as I wished! When I smelled the air they were talking about in the United States, it turned out to be extremely sweet and completely free of smog. So I took off the thick mask I wore in China and put on a thick body armor!
8. I had an appointment with a beautiful girl. After watching the movie, she invited me to her home. I felt that I couldn’t go empty-handed, so I said I would go to the supermarket to buy something first, but at this time she She shyly said to me, “No need, there’s still some left at home.” 9. Lao Wang’s wife lay in my arms, pointed at the parrot in the cage and said, “When I leave later, put it away.” Get rid of it, and fly away when Mr. Wang comes back." I asked, "Why?" Mr. Wang's wife said, "This parrot can talk. When Mr. Wang comes back, he must tell us all about us." So I took the parrot. Brought it home. Not long ago, I went on a business trip and came back half a month later. As soon as I walked in, my wife said to me: "Old Li, it's bad, your parrot flew away." I said: "Ah~"
10. Just watched I met a fat homeless man and asked him: "As a homeless man, why are you still so fat?" He said: "Because I don't have money to go to the gym."
11. I got addicted to cigarettes after get off work today. , Smoking is not allowed in the factory area, so I took out a cigarette and put it in my mouth to light it before going out. At this time, the security guard looking at the door shouted to me: "Ahem, why are you smoking in the factory area?" "I haven't ordered it yet." "I haven't ordered it yet? Then you go to the street and take off your pants to play there?"
12. In the bathroom, I heard a male colleague talking on the phone. I cried so hard that I heard him say: "The most tragic thing in the world is not being broken up with, but getting back together three days after breaking up and finding that your girlfriend has learned a new posture."
Reposted from Public account: Kailiya