1: I remember when I graduated from junior high school, one of the physical examination is to check the color blindness. A buddy's turn, he stared at the picture dumb, next to the doctor said: said the number on the line, hurry up. Buddy: I know, wait a moment. Five seconds later, the doctor was anxious: you to say the number ah! Buddy: what's the hurry, this is not just finished counting it, 26 yellow, 37 red, 14 green ......
2: Guo Jingming, Desmond, fall this vote to eat together. After eating to AA, Luolu but said: no no, I'll pay the bill. And then paid all the money. Q: Why is this? A: Because the fall generous.
3: a reporter on the street to an old lady interview, reporter: talk about the impact of windy weather on your life. Old lady: I go, that affects the boss, today and my old man on the street it Emma, my old man it?!
4:English teacher lied, who said get up (get up) can not be used in the present progressive tense, I this process has lasted more than two hours ~
5:A man called the doctor: doctor, my wife recently always stomach pain, like an appendicitis.
6:Doctor: I remember two years ago to your wife had an appendectomy, have not seen a person on the body to grow two appendix ah.
7:How many people understand that eating can not bia chi mouth is the rule!
8:Riding a bicycle at high speed, facing a person also riding at high speed. I was about to collide with him, and I shouted: "I'm going left, you're going right"! Then I really left, then he really right, and then hit!
9: Yesterday, my girlfriend excitedly told me that she would dare to watch horror movies alone, because she thought of a way. In the play to the most horrible plot, mute, and then the most dazzling national wind as the background music
10:This person said: Have you never heard of a man may have two wives?
11:In fourth grade, the teacher assigned an original essay on spring. I was lazy and copied one that I thought was good, Zhu Ziqing's Spring. The teacher approved a good!
12: I heard to go to the Starbucks store will ask your name, so my good classmates answered "My last name is big. So I answered "My last name is Dai." And then "Miss Dai, your coffee is ready.
13:I found a bottle of expired toner at home. I've been searching the internet for a while: how to utilize the expired toner? A best answer popped up: give your husband to use.
14:On vacation, try to wear shoes with laces on the street, so that when you meet someone you don't want to meet, you can bend down and pretend to tie your shoes.
15:The school sports meeting, I am the end of the record keeper. Men's 10,000 meters long-distance running began, almost to the end, the second shouted: in front of the handsome man! The first place decisively turned back to the results, the original first place into the second place.
16: It is said that a Chinese listening test questions such as this test: wool sweater sale ah, pieces of 10 yuan, kind of 10 yuan, all ten dollars ah! Q: What is 10 yuan? A, pieces; B, samples; C, all; D, wool sweater.
17:Some people say you can change the English words you need to memorize into QQ passwords, it will be easier to remember the results, a wake-up QQ logged on
18:Following the introduction of a place to see 95-year-olds do not have to pay for medical care, and then there are cities announced that 100-year-olds can be free to climb Mount Tai, 110-year-olds to relax the policy of 2 tires, 120-year-olds can be allocated free of charge to the housing sector, 130-year-olds can be canceled! Monogamy restrictions can be lifted at 130. I hope that all children's shoes pay attention to take care of their health, behind the good days waiting for us ah ~
19: said a woman was robbed late at night, the robbers took the body of the valuable things out! The girl then from it, the robber took something and carefully stared at the beauty of a moment to take off all the clothes! The beauty thought after all can not escape, so from it. The man seriously look at her off after counting your honesty, did not hide things so turned around and left.
life funny quotes1. I always thought I was a talent, but I was wrong, I'm not, I T M D actually is a genius
2. Sometimes absurd everything looks so normal, normal everything looks so absurd
3. heart full of love look at the world of beauty are lovers
4. The world's most beautiful women are all lovers
4.
5. Doctors look good, so we see a doctor; smoke does not listen, so we smoke
6. Want to change life, but by life changed me.
7. Arrogant people are saved, low self-esteem is not saved. I think I can still be salvaged!
8. Failure does not have to be discouraged, but success we must be arrogant; people can be nasty, but can not be obscene; can be shameless, but can not be ignorant
9. A lot of people do not need to see you again, because it is just passing through. Forgetting is the best memorial we can give each other.
10. In a dark and windy night, stretching fingers to see the night, there is a woman wearing a trench coat
11. No one wants to be locked in a cage. The question is, to give you a piece of the sky with no boundaries, you are not really dare to want?
12. Sitting quietly and often think of their own faults, gossiping about people
13. To be a healthy person, a kind person, a happy person!
14. There are two kinds of silence: one: understanding, forgiveness, tolerance, and two: cowardice, harmony, no opinion. Unfortunately, people often see only the second point
15. Great men do not die nobly for their own ideals, but for their own ideals mean to live.
16. Could the eggs of the world unite to break the stone? So be realistic
17. Some people say that time is passing, in fact, not right, time is stationary, we are passing.
18. 10,000 miles of rivers and mountains, the wind blowing crepe sky light and clouds; a thousand years of history, the waves of talent and heroes.
19. Life must be open-minded, all things do not demand
20. Know me that I am worried about, do not know me that I do not want
21. Wish every time I recall, do not feel guilty about life!
22. Some people say that failure is the success of his mother, but my success of his mother is either difficult to birth or infertility.
23. I'm not a fucking god! I'm not a fucking god! I don't look like you love me!
24. Love makes people forget time, time makes people forget love
25. Sunrise in the East China Sea and fall in the West China Mountain, sadness is also a day, joy is also a day; things do not drill the bull's-eye, people are also comfortable, the heart is also comfortable.
26. What do you want to do when you are young, and what do you want to do when you grow up
27. Even if I am a toad, I will never take a female toad!
28. The poor are alone, and the world is a good place to live
29. The grievances that can be expressed are not grievances; the love of the people that can be snatched away is not love.
30. The beauty of the world does not lie in how he himself, lies in the degree of fulfillment of people to him!
31. Happiness does not lie in the eagerness to have, but in the ease of not fearing to lose
32. The mountain has a tree and a branch; the heart is happy to Jun and Jun do not know.
33. The world's wind and clouds out of my generation, once into the jianghu years destroyed. The emperor's plan to dominate the world is a laughing matter, but it is not better than a drunken life!
34. time, ah, really meat bag hit the dog
life classic funny statements1:Not the end of the story is not good enough, but we are too much for the story!
2:Being single is not difficult, what is difficult is to cope with those who want you to end up single by all means.
3:Fall down, get up and cry again~~~
4:Give some sunshine and I'll rot.
5:The difference between a lie and an oath is that one is taken seriously by the person who hears it, and the other is taken seriously by the person who says it.
6:Even if it is believe, there is a lie hidden in the middle.
7:The tiger does not send a cat, you think I am sick!
8:There is no 100 points of the other half, only 50 points of the two people!
9:Men fooling women, called molestation; women fooling men, called seduction; men and women fooling each other, called love.
10:The problem that can be solved with money is not a problem, but the problem is that I am poor.
11:You come back soon, I can't come alone!
12:My friend asked me about my computer configuration, I said the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)
13:Don't wait until everyone says you're ugly before you realize you're really ugly.
14:Go to the pizza store to buy pizza! The waiter asked me if I wanted it cut into 8 or 12 pieces. I thought about it and said: 8 pieces, 12 pieces can not be eaten! The difference between a human and a pig is: a pig is always a pig, while a human is sometimes not a human!
15:Life is not rehearsed, every day is live; not only the ratings are low, and the wages are not high.
16:When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic, and the teacher grabbed XXX in a fit of rage and said: XXX, you give me to stand on the wall! ~~The teacher said: XXX, you give me to stand on the wall to go!
17:Life is like Song Zu De's mouth, you never know who the next bad luck will be.
18:Scholar pretends to be dead for a friend, and a woman has a face-lift to please herself.
19:Usually people who are willing to stay and argue with you are the ones who really love you!
20:Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!
21:I can tolerate the body is fake, face is fake, chest is fake, buttocks is fake!!!! But just don't tolerate money yes ！！！！
22:I have a somewhat small heart, but not lacking; I have a good temper, but not without!
23:Flowers often do not belong to the people who appreciate flowers, but belong to the cow dung. Shake, shake, shake to the Naiho Bridge.
24:You have to eat properly to have the strength to lose weight.
25:A cultural evening, the host came on stage to report: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! The creepy bones!
26:How far is forever? You kid just give me a roll how far!
27:Sometimes, it is not that the other side does not care about you, but you take each other too seriously.
28:It turns out that as long as the people are separated, no matter how familiar the original, will slowly become distant.
29:In the Internet cafe, a student suddenly raised his hand and shouted: teacher!
30:The real good friends, not together, there are endless topics of conversation, but together, even if you do not speak, will not feel awkward.
31:Marriage announcement: the requirements are as follows, A live, B female.
32:The government thinks about how to reasonably tax, the boss thinks about how to reasonably avoid taxes, and I think about how to reasonably sleep more!
33:Planting grass does not allow people to lie down, it is better to change the cactus!
Classic Philosophy Funny Quotes - Funny Quotes
When is the bright moon, ask your roommate for a drink, I don't know the next door handsome, can have a girlfriend?
Although I am not very handsome, but when I was a child, I was also complimented on my left nostril is very idolatrous.
The first time I saw this, I was in the middle of a conversation with my mother, and she said, "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!
Spring is the season of colds and feelings of high incidence, some people accidentally cold, some people accidentally in love, I belong to the former.
I was also a seed of infatuation, the result of a rain ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ drowned.
Money is not everything, sometimes also need
I allow you to enter my world, but never allow you to walk around in my world.
God, you let summer and winter cohabitate? Give birth to this kind of ghost weather!
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it!
I'm not afraid of enemies like tigers, but I'm afraid of teammates like pigs.
Summer is bad, poor when I even have to drink the northwest wind ......
With your size!
Don't look for me if there's nothing going on, and don't look for me if there's something going on.
You think I'm going to stand by and watch you die? I'll close my eyes.
Angels fly because they take themselves lightly ......
I want to fall in love early, but it's already too late ......
Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, OK?
I I wish one day I could double-click on my wallet and select a hundred-dollar bill and hit "CTRLC".
I'm a lonely tree, standing on the side of the road for thousands of years, waiting for the lonely, just for the day when you walk by my side for you to fall down, smashed not flat you even if I live in vain.
Please raise your hand if you love me, and please stand upside down if you don't.
The first thing you need to know is that you can't do anything about it.
Don't hang yourself on a tree, try several times on all the trees around you.
Don't set your bank card password as your girlfriend's birthday, or you'll always have to change it.
The happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally. The most important thing is that you have to be able to get to the top of the list and get to the bottom of the list. The saddest thing: sleep until the hand cramps, counting money until the natural wake up.
Money can buy a house but can not buy a home, can buy a marriage but can not buy love, can buy a clock but can not buy time, money is not everything, but is the root of the pain.
Everyone wants to be different from others, and the result is that everyone is the same.
When we were young, we often made faces at the mirror, and when we were old, the mirror was considered even.
A man pretends to be dead for a friend, and a woman gets a facelift to please herself.
If being rich is also a mistake, I would rather be wrong again and again.
People are afraid of being famous, men are afraid of being strong, men are afraid of not having money, women are afraid of being fat.
The effect of contraception: if it doesn't work, it becomes 'human'.
Asked how many sorrows you can have, just like a group of eunuchs on the green house.
Sleep is an art - no one can stop me from pursuing art.
If marriage is the grave of love, then I look forward to having someone to bury me.
I'm not a casual person I'm not a person when I'm casual
To be a person, you have to be a person who is hovering between Bull A and Bull C
How far away the thought is, how far away you have to roll to me
Wherever you fall down, you have to lie down
Wistfulness is just like being pregnant, and it's only after time that it's obvious to the people.
Lovers become family members
Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face...
If a tree doesn't want skin, it will die; if a person doesn't have a face, the world is invincible.
I'm going to have a son whose name will be "Handsome", so when people see me, they'll say "Handsome Dad".
Work, one step back to the sea and sky, love, one step back to the empty building.
The highest realm of work is to look at other people work, leading other people's wages.
Money is not a problem, the problem is no money!
Drinking drunk I do not serve anyone, I'll hold the wall
I'm like a fly lying on the glass, the future is bright, but can not find a way out .
Big Brother. The second brother's meat is now more expensive than even the master's
If eating more fish can replenish the brain to make people smarter, then you have to eat at least a pair of whales ......
The water is as clear as there are no fish, and people are as cheap as there are no enemies.
Youth is like toilet paper, look quite a lot, with the use of not enough
My friends around you, you quickly famous, so my memoirs can be best-selling
A female classmates darker, her boyfriend is too white some of the dormitory one day in the poisonous queen of the day suddenly came out of the blue to her: "You can not do, you will produce zebra. You will give birth to a zebra"
I have always been regarded as handsome and money as dirt, and they have always been so look at me
Do not and I am lazier than lazy, I'm too lazy to compare with you
God said, there should be light, I said I oppose, from now on there is a darkness in the world
My first name is God, my nickname is Jesus, English name is God, the legal name is RuLai, and the name is RuLai. God, and my legal name is Rudra...
The farmer's three punches hurt a little
Actually, I've always been very popular: when I was a kid, I was loved by everyone, and nowadays I'm loved by bitches
I'm not afraid of enemies like tigers, but I'm afraid of piggy teammates
Going your own way, letting others take a taxi to go (and going someone else's way to make others
A mouse carries a knife and looks for a cat in the street
As long as the kung fu is deep, the shit is also serious
Who is the fastest runner? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang).
Only when there are long lines at the train station can you really realize that you are a "descendant of the dragon".
Spring is coming, a group of geese are flying north, a moment lined up in the B-shaped, a moment lined up in the T-shaped
Tiger not to be powerful you think I am HELLOKITTY!
Donkey yes Nianlai over the pour
Eat self-help the highest state: help the wall into, help the wall out.
No money, no power, and then not to your good point, you can follow me?
I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure you're going to be able to get a good deal on this.
The first thing you need to do is to go to Google.
Women must be better for themselves. Once exhausted, there will be other women to spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband, and beat your baby!
Grandfather are from the grandchildren come ......
Ideas have how far, you give me how far!
It's been a long time since anyone has blown a cow's skin so fresh and clean!
Boss, is money really that important to you?
This is the first time I've ever seen a man with a big heart, and I've never seen one.
I woke up and it was dark.
If I had been the HR manager, the first thing I would have done would have been to promote myself as the boss.
I eat every day in addition to the time to lose weight, and you say I have no perseverance?
I wouldn't say that even if it killed you.
The problem that can be solved by money is not a problem.
After studying for more than ten years, I think it is better to mix with kindergarten!
Even advertisements are believed.
I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to eat enough to lose weight, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
The early bird has a worm to eat, the early worm is eaten by the bird.
Gosh, my clothes are thin again!
Water can carry a boat, but it can also cook porridge.
Buying a computer without broadband is like being a monk before dinner when the meat and wine are ready.
There is a very old legend - people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever
Life is easy; living is easy; living is not easy.
My name in my girlfriend's cell phone was "he", and after we broke up, I became "it".
I'm not like you because I'm human.
I drink only pure water, milk only drink pure milk, so I'm very simple
The sky gives us youth at the same time also gave us acne.
The first thing you need to do is to look for the reason for your problem, and don't blame the earth for your constipation.
Boys are raised poor, or do not know how to struggle, girls are raised rich, or a piece of cake coaxed away.
Destiny is responsible for shuffling the cards, but it's us who play the cards!
Lover is a kind of helpless, loved is a kind of posture, waiting for love is a kind of expectation, no love is a kind of patience.
The beauty of women lies in the stupidity of no regrets, the beauty of men lies in the lying said daytime ghost.
The beauty of a woman is that she is stupid and has no regrets.