Such a nature of mind, directly condensed into my introverted and lonely marrow. Many friends like water, but I am almost stubbornly like the mountains, silent mountains. I like to throw myself into the middle of the endless mountains, like a banished child. Close your eyes, with the mountain wind little by little engulfed each hill, drowning each in the wind or intentionally or unintentionally swinging mountain flowers and weeds, roaming over my barren heart, in a flash, the spring breeze and green.
Did I tell you that I really like mountains, like that kind of silence and no competition. Although, many times, you see me, very noisy, in the crowd. In fact, where do they see, I raised my smile, is back to the sun.
I know, at this time, I concluded that I can not say see through, because as you said, we have a lot of responsibility in this world has not been completed, that is, we owe the debt of the previous life, if not one by one to pay off, finished, how can you go, I'm afraid that, no matter where the soul is, are not at peace with it!
So, I must stay in this earthly world, looking at the crowd around me bustling, looking at those destined to be in the wheel of my destiny or thick makeup or light smear of fate. Just like you, just like him, just like them, and ...... although it is very tired, but I don't say, say and how can, sing sad songs, see the happy play, in the end, the individual to live just their own life, with others and how much to do with it?
I know that you probably don't like this kind of me. You like that I have been so vivid, has always been very noisy in your ear rambling, like a child. You also like me to blow up at you, to see me choked to death by your words for no reason. I know, you like this kind of me. I like the fact that I am 100% committed to my work, and I try to do my best in everything I do, just like you, I am as critical as you are. Whenever I make a mistake, you should also be very angry, right? I know, if it was someone else you would have pulled down the face to criticize nonchalantly, but because it is me, you don't want to, you can't hold that degree. You always use a consultative tone to say to me if here how to deal with a little better, or there to delete may be more condensed a little. More often than not, you're making unfounded excuses for my mistakes, you're defending me from my own low-level mistakes, making them seem so insignificant. How could I have been unaware of all this.
I was a spontaneous idle person, afraid of disturbance, afraid of entanglement, just because of the fate of the world, so like an ostrich desperately struggling to live, fortunately, in the eyes of all people, I live pretty good, at least in the very heart to live, very hard to face everything. I gloat over my excellent performances, and I cry for joy that I can make so many people happy. Isn't the value of a person's existence reflected in the people around them?
I know, you do not like this decadent me. I don't like the fact that I always hide in the back of the crowd, sadly watching the tide come and go. I don't like my skillful movement of flicking cigarette ash, and I don't like my drinking unconsciousness and still clamoring to go to the sand river to see the night scene. You said that you had tasted all the bitterness in the world and it was time to savor the sweetness, and you wished you could take me with you. I also think that you must and must taste the sweetness of life like honey, to make up for the past decades of life imposed on your purgatory like torture, I have always thought so, so I quietly guarded behind you, watching, watching you laugh, watching you spill your confidence to the crowd, watching you in the sunshine like a flower blossom. It's so nice! Yet, I can't keep up with you. I also do not like this self, do not like myself always so so overly stubborn overly serious to life. Who said that I can live a happy life if I want to? I think, should be so, but, you tell me, why I will flow against the sadness. My friend said, like to see me write some small fresh small happy words, like to watch me will be the shadow of sunshine planted in the corners of life. I know that she really wants me to be good, really wants me to live a simple and happy life. However, I'm sorry, I'm always sorry to her, just like this text, I think she read, and will be angry at me. The first thing I want to do is to make sure that I have a good understanding of what I'm doing and how I'm doing it!
You once said, I write words, too spontaneous, and sometimes some unrelated emotions attached together. I know, this is my text the biggest hard injury, but also has not been willing to change the fault. How can a person who is spontaneous and unprovoked manage the rules of writing? In fact, I don't know where these words will flow at the moment, will not deviate from the main idea of my start, will not end up looking at your brows knitted, blame me for the wood can not be carved?
And let me again wantonly once, okay?
The last time I wrote, on July 8, was the article "Happiness, from listening to your own voice". Since then, a whole month, I actually do not have a word! By this morning, when I looked through my space, I was surprised by myself. It was unforgivable to me that I hadn't written for such a long time! Think about what I've done this past month. My mind is a mess, remembering a lot and forgetting a lot. The long train, a large large lake, deep and dense poplar forests, lined with stores, the cluttered Ningling night market, Ge Tian Park Lotus Leaf Lotus Pond, as well as Kaifeng Snack Street cup of cold, delicious fried yogurt ...... these, so close, and so far away, trance, let me doubt that they are really in my life! I'm not sure if I've ever seen them before.
A long trip, perhaps very hard, but has anyone ever told you, because the right hand side of the person, this long trip, overflowing with fragrance of poetry.
A small city so small that people despise, the population is quite a lot, dirty and poor is its most real characteristics, everywhere is a piece of unintelligible dialect, and that full of streets everywhere scurrying electric three motor. It's a far cry from the small but culturally rich city we live in, isn't it? We wandered salaciously through the filthy, cluttered streets, judging everything in sight. The street stalls, the tanned men and women, the bare-bottomed boys urinating and defecating on street corners. All of this was saturated with the smell of smoke and fire, and thick with the smell of the earth. I despise it all, and your gaze always cuts across the profile of time to see what others don't see inside. You reminded me of here every family's means of transportation are three-wheeled motorcycle, you said, this is a good indication that the concept of the family here is very strong. A travel, must be the whole family together, never a person alone out. After you so reminded, I looked carefully, really so. Every three motorcycle, are young and old gathered, laughing and cursing, not happy. You said, you must write an article, say this place of the tricycle culture, do you know, listen to this, I suddenly realized the fundamental difference between you and me - you always live so true, so rational, live to the corners of life, and I, but is the idle cloud wild crane, why ever pay attention to those fireworks on earth! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.
You will be able to talk to many people at will, and if you don't know them, you will be able to find topics very quickly, and they will be able to talk to each other. Many times, you are always very capricious and others nonsense, like a long child. I just follow you next to, laughing at you and those who do not speak the language of the people talk about, and do not mix a word, will not go to stop you. He laughed at you casually into a kiosk, grabbed the counter on the boiled peanuts directly into the mouth, laugh at you and do not know the red men and women to familiarize themselves with the raccoon gossip, these, I have long been accustomed to not surprised. As long as you are happy, as far as I am concerned, everything becomes possible. Remember that swing set? We stepped on it together. Actually, I didn't tell you I was afraid of heights. Every time the swing went up to the highest point, my head a piece of vertigo, but look at you smile like an untutored child, I, very happy.
Early in the morning, I read an article that said Zhang Eileen and Hulan Cheng. Zhang's life is absolutely gorgeous, but only for a million flowers fluttering past the flamboyant man eclipsed all his life. In fact, do not say whether it is worth it or not, love, do not ask whether it is worth it or not. Read the text, pondering for a long time, I think, a lot of things in the world is also so, like brine point tofu, just like this, willingly. Where to ask why, where still care about you to me wrong?
In Hou Fangwei's former residence, you stood in front of the wax statue of that centuries-old talent and beauty silent. I would like to know, that a do not see in the world of life and death love and touched your heart which a nerve cell, you can again for that a saddening love love to hold the injustice? Is the sad scene of the blood-splattered peach blossom fan still too much for you to let go of? Hou house deep courtyard, pomegranate like fire, bloom a thick, dotted with the afternoon empty silent courtyard, conveying a wisp of sadness through the centuries of time and space. You guess, these pomegranate trees, but Hou Fangwei and Li's Xiangjun hand-planted? Did they ever think that before the pomegranates they planted blossomed in front of the court, the famous actress who valued love and justice would be expelled? Wasn't a deviant love a beautiful mistake from the very beginning? Since it is destined to be fruitless, why start, adding a period of heart-breaking, love sorrow?
You have never been a look at the mountain is not the mountain, look at the water is not the water of the people, look at the low-hanging branches of the pomegranate, but you are again thinking about it? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and then you can get your hands on some of the most popular ones. You stood for a long time on the stone steps paved with green stone, climbed the wooden fence, eyes wandering, momentarily gazing at the gourd on the vine. You said, this hut is my family! That tone of voice, can not be argued. I know, how much you want to have such a thatched cottage, ah! How can a house made of reinforced concrete and steel accommodate your unruly heart that doesn't follow the crowd? In fact, if you can really keep such a hut, draw river water to cook tea, listen to the night rain beat banana, it is not in vain this life line in the world.
Standing in Kaifeng House on the high city, looking at the bottom of the curved coiled pavilions, listening to the scratch over a hundred years of Shaoguang rotten but still stand in the wind of the carved wooden windows, telling the wind and clouds of the Song Dynasty, elaborating on the windy Ming and Qing dynasties, presenting the change of dynasties, the rise and fall of the glory of the paragraph of the great years, I think, we should be different in the heart! I think we should have a different wave in our hearts!
You suddenly turned back, really want to jump from here. The eyes are unquestionably serious, I know, you are not joking. The idea is not a day or two for you, I'm afraid. At that time, your face was full of tiredness, trying to hold on to the guardrail to prevent yourself from falling down. I know that your back must be hurting badly again. But you don't say anything, you never say anything. From the time we started the tour until now, you never said anything. You just kept up with our footsteps as we traveled, and you didn't want to fall behind everyone else's pace because of you. How could you carry on traveling for several days in a row? At that time, you should be really unable to support the tired body! Full face can not hide the tired face, let you look so haggard. I took the tablet, but I didn't want to take any more pictures of you, even though I've always made taking pictures of you the most enjoyable thing I've ever done. There is nothing I can do to watch you hurt. I won't say that I wish I could inflict what you're going through on me, that would be too fake and unrealistic. I just thought about how I could minimize your pain, so I kept gossiping with you, kept asking you to look this way and that way, and kept asking you a lot of seemingly idiotic questions. I don't know whether this has the desired effect or not, but I really can only do so. Do you know, many times, looking at you pain, drilling into the heart of the pain, but I can not do anything, I feel that I am so useless. This way, you help me a lot, careful care of me to go forward for fear that I go the wrong way to ruin their own, but I can only look at you pain, look at you to withstand this kind of but can not do anything about it.
So, you said, really want to jump from here. I know, you're not kidding, jumping in you is not a complete and utter relief. But I also know that you will not really be that determined. You are not a determined person. Many times, many things, you are indecisive, looking forward and backward. If you want to do something, you will not do it because you are concerned about the feelings of others and endure the pain; if you do not want to do something, you do not want to be responsible for people's trust and make it the best. I've always felt that you are an endless spinning gyroscope, others pumped or not pumping, you have used up a lifetime of strength to spin, the magnificent dance to show all the people around you, where do you care about their own internal scars layer layer bump?
Xiangguo Temple quiet copying room, dense and the sound of guzheng like Weiwei blooming breeze, soothing the dusty heart, so that the heart of the moment like water, just want to get drunk for a thousand years never wake up. The yellow scrolls are engraved with "Prajna Paramita Heart Sutra", "Dizang Wang Bodhisatta's Wish Sutra", the solemn ancient yellow color, everywhere highlighting the solemnity and sacredness of the Buddhist family. You are silent without saying a word, the longing in your eyes flowed all over the paper. I know you want to sit down quietly, quietly purify your hands and burn incense, pick up the elegant wolf-hair brush, and copy down on the yellow paper your past life and present life, salvation. I told you that Faye Wong had shot a large-scale music video of "Heart Sutra" in the cultural square of the Famen Monastery. you responded absentmindedly, but your eyes were fixed on the wall of that piece of ink and lotus thought. That's the real you at that moment, isn't it? The deep corridors are filled with devotees, sitting in a corner and chanting. The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for the services you need.
There is a kind of encounter, not on the road, but in the heart. The first thing you need to do is to get a good look at the scenery, and then you can see what's going on, and then you can see what's going on. Ningling hustle and bustle dirty night street, but the warmest memories of my heart. Gertian's also, no Huai's also, with the heart to keep each other, to where are the good scenery of life.
Adu is a sad man, his vicissitudes of the voice, always interpreted the melody as a cuckoo cry like a person's heart trembling. I've read a passage: in this world, no one can accompany anyone for a lifetime, in the end, in the end, it is still their own one person to go. I know that this sentence is the truth. Since I was a child, so many people have come and gone in my life, when I love, tearing my heart and soul, engraved in my bones; when I don't love, there is no trace of it, as if I had never met them. Those years, I always thought, no matter how many years, no matter how many people again, some people, but will be remembered for life, who can not be replaced. So that bitterly entangled for more than ten years, they can not live with themselves, often in the dark night pain to paralysis, in the mind over and over again to recall, over and over again to enlarge the pain. The heart of the mind, every day thinking is to meet again in the dust, and look at that pair of unfamiliar and familiar eyes. However, how do you know, there really is a day, really stand in front of each other, only to realize that it is better to see than to miss. This realization, how let a person heartache, needle prick like. Suddenly, the heart on the empty, on the scattered, on the no hold no hang, on the plain. I realized that it's not that I can't let go of that person, but I'm too greedy for the flavor of missing a person! I have asked you, if one day, we came to no way out, what to do? You said, as long as you do not leave, I will not leave. You're so silly. Don't you know I'm a cloud? How can a cloud stop skimming the surface? But you're still worried about who will walk with me down the road if I don't have you! You say, how can there be a woman as stupid as you in this world? You're always like this, you go out of your way to be nice to people, you don't care about anything, your kindness to people seeps into your bones. I used to be angry with you for not being defensive with people, but you said that was too tiring, so why bother guessing what other people were thinking. You said, you are not willing to cover up, not willing to disguise, you are you, like people can be close, do not like can go farther. Now that I think about it, your clear angles, uncompromising personality, I'm afraid that is the most attractive place for me!
You have no principle of good to me, what will be for me to consider very well. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on a new one, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on a new one. You hope that I can be better, you will teach you for decades summarized the golden words unreservedly taught, is that I hope I can be like you to do a teacher popular with the students. You can talk all night long, and be eloquent, criticizing the current situation and denouncing those so-called scholars and experts who do not know what they are talking about. Often, you are a very low-key person, but in the art of teaching, you have shown an extraordinary ego. I know that you have plenty of backbone, so you are not afraid to act in a high profile. However, I often let you down, I will not be like you to take the work as their own career, I just take it as a career can make a living. I don't treat my students like children as you do, and you are always concerned about their well-being. Together, you will often talk about your students, talk about which child is smart, which child is naughty, which child's family has a change of heart, talk about students, you always have endless words, rambling, like a seventy or eighty-year-old crone. Although I am not overjoyed, but it is not good to brush off your interest, had to have a ride without a ride should be followed. I know, for the students, you are from the bottom of your heart love; for the work, you also want to do the best from the bottom of your heart. You tell me these, is the hope that I can also try to do the best, try to do a pure noble educator. Your good intentions, I understand, just, but may not be as you wish. Just like writing words, you will never teach me how to write, but you will hit the nail on the head, hitting my words where they hurt and letting me realize it myself. I understand all of this, but please forgive me for not being able to follow the path you envisioned. I am destined for a life of wandering, both body and soul. I have never drawn a blueprint for my life; I don't even think about the meaning of living. Before I met you, I acted arbitrarily, did many wrong things without repentance, indulged myself, and coveted only the pleasures of the morning. I've met you, read your words, and participated in your life, so I realize how shallow I am. I have also wanted to try to be on par with you, try to live as proudly and independently as you do. However, we are ultimately different individuals, with their own thoughts and personalities that can not be reconciled, so I may not really be able to do what you expect, I'm sorry! You said, maybe I owe you a fate in my past life, so I have to double this life to pay back, but don't you think, in fact, you are also in the past life owed me a lot? I'm afraid that the two owe each other, destined to be entangled in this life. But if one day, the payback is clear, the two do not owe, what should I do?
If there is really a day, we lost each other, please be sure, like today, as hard to bloom, such as the lotus bloom a pool of fragrance, like the Longting Park Bianhe that a piece of blue water. That way, even if the end of the world, the fragrance of the old man, I will certainly rush to the road with your agreement, and then, gently said--
Long time no see!
You see, I'm writing and running off the subject.
I know, you will read and scold, and then can not help but smile. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and then you'll be able to get your hands on some of the most popular ones. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and then you'll be able to get your hands on some of the most popular ones!
I am destined to be a person with no ambition, and this life is only a little bit of success. So, my spring can only be a mountain stream blooming wild lilies, square inches of heaven and earth, can not save the whole dry land of the waves. However, you can rest assured that I will be very attentive to bloom in my world, regardless of whether the wind will come.
Although life compared to you, just walk a long way, but I still want to be very pretentious, see through the mountains on the way, to this moment, just want to be quiet, slow down. An old man said to you and me, life's greatest happiness does not lie in what you want to do, but in what you do not want to do can not do. Really a wise old man ah, he must have experienced the great winds and waves of life will have such a penetrating, comprehension. In the past, young and vigorous, always feel that the world owes itself, and want to conquer everything. Climbing mountains, even if tired to vomit blood, must also climb to the peak; do things must compete for a first, so that they can afford to fight for a. The blood is fresh, do not know tolerance and understanding, often rashly hurt a lot of people, a lot of things wrong. Now, finally can be quiet, savor the slow stewed time mellow fragrance. Just like at this moment, I can sit quietly next to my mother, listening with interest to her read her unchanging scriptures. If she didn't know a word, I would patiently help her write it in pinyin. This before, I always feel that the singing is like a tightly wound spell, dazzle the people annoyed; can also be very patient to watch a circle of nephews and nieces and nephews gathered around the ants, they play happily, I actually also see the hands dance, and certainly not in the past to do the majesty of the teacher as an elder; will also be sitting quietly on the old house door of the stone cairn, and the comings and goings of the townsfolk greetings, and kindly ask a, ate it?
Suddenly, the world's most important thing is that we can't be sure of what we're doing.
Suddenly, I like this day, the water boiled cabbage, tasteless, but long lasting fragrance.
Yesterday, I went swimming and accidentally drowned. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. At that moment, I was really panicked, I was suddenly very afraid to die in this way. I desperately wanted to grab hold of something, trying to get out of the water, but the more I struggled, the more helpless I became. Later finally surfaced in a mess, big mouth greedily gasping for air, I finally know, all day long to life and death on the side of the mouth, but also childish because of the verbal dispute with him and the knife in the left wrist slashed and pulled a line of mouth, but when it really face the death, I actually is that kind of fear and resistance. I know, in fact, I really care, care to live well.
The monk at the Wolverine Temple said that I have a Buddhist destiny, and I have always felt that I am afraid that one day I will be able to go away and let go of the world's disturbances. The first thing I did was to tell him that one day I would go to the temple and become a nun. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said through clenched teeth, "If there is really such a day, I will definitely tear down all the temples in the world! I don't know if he still remembers the words he said at the beginning.
In the world, even if there is no double full method, I would rather bear the burden of RuLai not to bear the burden of the Secretary.
On the porch column of a mountain rain shelter pavilion, I saw these words, tears, abruptly fell. The first thing I want to do is to get rid of all the things that I've done in the past.
I don't want to do that climbing up the roller coaster, too much publicity life I can't bear. Just let me quietly do a grass, casually open in the countryside village, or the vast grassland which gap, can be good? I will face the mountain wind singing heavenly music day after day, bathing in the rain to wash the humble but not lowly soul. I will try to bloom in your visible or invisible place, as long as you turn around, I will be in the sky in the dust, to give you the warmest in the fireworks red dust, a touch of smile ......
So please allow me to allow me to, like a grass into the dust, waiting for the sky and the earth, a piece of clarity.