Gentry, originally a kind of clothing that shows rank status, refers to the big belt that ancient literati tied on their coats. "In ancient times, officials paid attention to gentry (sudden sound)." From the meaning of gentry to the gentleman who binds the gentry, it further refers to the literati class with certain status and identity. But the ancient scholar-officials only referred to the literati who were officials. With the development of the imperial examination system, during the Ming and Qing Dynasties, more and more scholars pursued fame. Although many people have achieved fame, they can't be officials. So people call those scholars who have never been officials scholars. At that time, there were essential differences between gentry and literati. In modern times, this distinction was gradually eliminated, and officials or not were called gentlemen. In modern society, the gentleman has a special status, with no officials and no people, which is a feudal hierarchy higher than the civilians; Even men are called gentlemen because they behave well and are polite.
A gentleman is a man's behavior and a state of mind. If this concept is raised to a state of mind, it can be said that a gentleman has no certain code of conduct.
"Gentleman's demeanor" is the general name of a series of behavioral norms such as male behavior, civility and courtesy, and respect for women. It can be roughly understood as:
1. Always keep a calm, objective and fair attitude towards external things, have clear boundaries and discretion, and try to avoid all kinds of rudeness and violence in behavior;
2. Pay attention to self-worth and dignity, but don't do excessive things, be good at respecting others, and never offend others. Even if it is necessary to conduct confrontational competition, you will definitely adhere to fair conditions, never take advantage of others, and never accept any benefits without conditions;
3, gentle, cordial, enthusiastic, self-respecting and self-respecting without being frivolous; Generous, decent, calm, humble, tolerant and not haggle over every ounce; Understanding, insightful, brave to take responsibility, not aggressive, not imposed on others.
Summarizing the connotation of the above three aspects can also be understood as: politeness, humility,; Knowledgeable and elegant in speech; Dress appropriately and behave in a civilized manner; Elegant cultivation, healthy and upward; Love and respect others; Stay away from bad habits; Establish good interpersonal relationships.
It is very difficult to maintain gentlemanly demeanor and personality under the condition of both gentlemanly demeanor and personality. If we want to combine the two perfectly, we must have a high degree of self-restraint, self-restraint and expressiveness. Self-cultivation includes elegant manners and high language expression ability. With these abilities, you can fully embody your personality without losing your gentlemanly demeanor.
1. Gentleman's demeanor is outstanding, paying attention to appearance and hygiene. Pay attention to neatness and color matching from head to toe. Generally, men's clothes are darker in color, while shirts are more eye-catching. Dressing neatly is considered as a sign of self-discipline and charm. If you go to work or meet important friends, try to wear a suitable suit and polish your shoes to show respect for others. Pay attention to oral hygiene at ordinary times, and go to the hospital to wash your teeth regularly twice a year. Dirt in the teeth and bad smell in the mouth are all manifestations of poor cultivation.
2. Gentleman's demeanor is also reflected in China men's speech, tone, gestures and sitting posture. When you don't understand someone, you should say "I'm sorry" to signal the other person to say it again. When talking with people, you sit up straight, gesture harmoniously, make little movements and have a moderate tone, which makes you look very graceful, which will inevitably increase your personal charm. If you talk to people with a lot of actions and loud voices, especially when you shake your head and swear constantly, it will be considered rude without education.
3. Respecting women is also a concentrated expression of a gentleman. It is very uncivilized to grab a seat in public, especially with women. Whether in shopping malls, subways, buses or offices, ladies must be asked to leave first when they come in. Of course, there is no need to say such kind words as "ladies first", but use a friendly and elegant gesture to signal the ladies to go first. When I opened the door, I met someone behind me, especially the lady who was about to walk in. You must wait until the lady comes and grabs the door before you leave.
How to cultivate gentlemanly manners and ladylike manners on campus?
Walk with your head held high, walk slowly, don't run, let alone chase; If there are many people going up and down the stairs, please keep in the right one-way street, don't walk side by side, don't be crowded, don't grab the road.
Speak naturally and clearly, don't hesitate, hesitate, and of course don't shout. If it is a conversation, please don't interrupt others in the middle, interrupt.
When praised, keep calm and don't be very happy; When criticized, keep calm, don't praise casually, and don't turn a blind eye. If the criticism is improper, you can tell the reason calmly afterwards, and you can't refute it face to face. When dealing with sundries, you should throw them in the dustbin, not far away, not to mention everywhere.
(Attached) British "Gentleman Manner"
"You should live like a gentleman" is a common saying of some people. But what is a gentleman? Although this is also a topic of different opinions, for those gentlemen who want to make their behavior more civilized, they may wish to observe one or two.
good eloquence
The importance of eloquence to gentlemen is self-evident. It is necessary to cultivate a gentleman to use a unique language, so that people will be quickly exposed to English. This point has been emphasized in some gentlemen's training manuals published in19th century, such as Hamilton Moore's Guide to Ladies and Gentlemen and English Teacher's Assistant in 1802: "A gentleman should only have one or two conditions. To be a gentleman, you must have many qualities at the same time. Among them, elegant speech is the most important aspect, just like elegant personal image. "
In Hamilton-Moore's view, the purpose of learning is not only to find a job, but to make people "become popular people and become useful materials in society;" Happily face loneliness and endure all kinds of distractions and temptations. " Therefore, like Castie Gelina and Lord clanton hundreds of years ago, he emphasized the importance of eloquence. The main difference between the two is that the ancient values possessed by a few nobles have now spread to a wider and more dynamic middle class. In fact, when Hamilton Moore emphasized the importance of English writing and conversation, it was obviously aimed at emerging middle-class professionals, such as politicians in the upper and lower houses, lawyers involved in prosecution and defense, clergymen who preached, businessmen who wrote business letters and so on. However, while emphasizing the cultivation of language ability, he particularly emphasized the importance of good manners such as punctuality, humility, sympathy, caution and keeping secrets. He advocated that "a life of virtue is not as good as a life of joy". These values form the basis of the concept of a gentleman.
Today, as long as you watch an English gentleman's actions in clubs and country hotels, you can feel the above characteristics. You meet a stranger in a company. You may think he is deaf because his eyes never leave the desk and newspaper in front of him. He never shows his curiosity, nor does he show feelings that are inconsistent with his identity; He never looks you in the eye unless someone introduces you to him; He keeps a low profile and doesn't want to leave his name easily. In a hotel, he never wants to quietly tell his name to the waiter at the front desk; If he sends you a card with his home address, you can be sure that he regards you as his friend. When he introduces himself, he always looks cold, even if he wants to know you or is going to do something. Put yourself in the other's shoes and compare these words and deeds with those of China people on similar occasions, and you will understand what China's new rich people will look like in the eyes of traditional gentlemen.
behave oneself well
Once upon a time, politeness in conversation was only one aspect of good manners, and good manners were the key to becoming a gentleman. William wickham's phrase "Etiquette makes a man" is widely circulated, and it has also become the school motto of the two schools he founded-Winchester College and Oxford New College. In fact, as behavior becomes more and more important to the gentleman class, related books are becoming more and more popular. Geoffrey chaucer, the first great English poet, provided a good example. In the preface of Canterbury Tales, he emphasized the importance of table manners. It can be seen how unusual the good manners at that time were: the lips never leaked crumbs, and the fingers never dipped in soup; He can lift the food gently to prevent a fragment from falling on his chest. "Good behavior makes a person whenever and wherever possible", and it is very important to pay attention to the wording of words at all times, because "words can make or break a person". As you can see, as early as 500 years ago, people clearly criticized three uncivilized behaviors: spitting, runny nose and farting. These behaviors are common in China today, but many people turn a blind eye to them. In the eyes of an English gentleman, these are the three most disgusting behaviors, and those who long for gentlemanly manners should abandon them completely.
Of course, rich knowledge and good habits come from long-term experience and practice, and then form stable social behavior, which dominates them from childhood until their death. When they don't have to work or make money and have leisure to master this knowledge, the stability of this social class is more or less guaranteed. Thorstein veblen, a social theorist, confirmed this in his study of the "leisure class". This article was written at the end of 19, when the United States was emerging as the richest country in the world. He believes that exquisite speech, manners and living habits are all signs of elegance; Good education needs time, practice and cost, so it is difficult for people who devote all their time and energy to their work to have a good education.
Therefore, good knowledge and accomplishment are the primary signs of a rich and healthy life. They don't need to work under the supervision of others, and they don't need to work to get something that doesn't have much positive influence on themselves. In Thorstein-veblen's view, the true meaning of proper etiquette is that they are the proof of leisure life. Because if a person works hard for a living all day, he has no time to pursue a good education. Gentleman's demeanor has a subtle influence on gentleman's behavior, even in today's public schools, it has been well cultivated.
obey rules
The children of wealthy emerging industrialists and professionals, studying and playing with the children of wealthy and powerful aristocratic families, have partially broken through the original social barriers: regardless of their titles and status outside public schools, they must abide by the rules and order in the school. The school's philosophy is to "play games hard". You can try your best to express yourself, but you must obey the rules. This concept of strictly obeying the rules is deeply rooted in middle-class culture, which sometimes leads to tragedy.
Among them, an unfortunate case happened in 1825. Lord shaftesbury's son 13 years old, studying at Eton College, was killed in a fight. It is worth noting that the Lord refused to take any legal action against the school or his son's opponent. He believes that this unfortunate fight was carried out in accordance with the fighting rules of the time. According to these rules, the fighting should continue until either side gives up. In fact, everyone drank some brandy that day, which was also the main reason for the death of the Lord's son. For personal honor, the son of the Lord showed great courage in the face of his older and taller opponents. Courage was one of the virtues of men in that era. In the sports field and in life, the combination of courage and justice is the proper character of a gentleman.
Moral dimension
Therefore, the concept of a gentleman not only refers to society and class, but also includes moral factors. This also puzzled Victorian people who tried to define the concept of gentleman, although countless people tried. Many people assert that the concept of gentleman is the revival of chivalry in19th century, just like the revival of Gothic architecture and medieval decorative patterns in19th century.
The connection between formal education and the moral connotation of gentleman values can be clearly seen in the most accurate definition of British gentleman so far. This definition appeared in john henry newman 1852, The Idea of University. Among them, the definition of a gentleman is long, but it is clear and worth quoting:
A gentleman is defined as a person who never brings pain and trouble to others. The above description is both concise and quite accurate. His main job is only to remove obstacles that affect personal freedom. He agrees with other people's behavior and doesn't want to show off himself. He likes so-called comfortable and convenient things, such as a comfortable chair and a good pile of firewood, which can help people drive away the cold and fatigue, although the creator provides various tools and heat for human beings to rest. A real gentleman is always careful, behave appropriately, avoid possible conflicts and unhappiness, avoid all conflicts of opinions or feelings, and avoid all suspicion, sadness and resentment. He is most concerned about making everyone comfortable and free and easy; He pays attention to all his companions, treats shyness, strangers and ridiculous people well; He will remember the people he talked to and avoid inappropriate hints or topics that may irritate people; He seldom talks to people to show off, and he is never bored; He likes others and is liked by others, and gains a lot when he gives. He never talks about himself and never defends himself to refute others; He never wants to listen to gossip; He carefully told his goals to those who interfered with him; He understands everything around him entirely out of kindness; When arguing, he never uses despicable means; Never speak out, never insult others or use harsh words, and never attack others by innuendo. In the longer term, he followed Gutaisha's maxim that we should embrace our enemies as if they would become our friends one day. He was too alert to face any offense or insult; He was too busy with official business to remember what harm he had done to himself; He is too lazy and relaxed to bear all kinds of intentional injuries. He is patient, tolerant and obedient based on philosophical laws; He suffers because he thinks pain is inevitable; He suffered bereavement because he thought everything was irreversible; He faced death calmly because he thought it was his destiny. If he participates in all kinds of arguments, his knowledge training is enough to ensure that he avoids making big mistakes.
This is perhaps the clearest and most detailed summary of the basic moral quality of a gentleman, which is very close to the ideal of ancient Confucianism in China, and it is also a hard standard that a real gentleman needs to adhere to.
Therefore, the real quality of a gentleman does not depend on superficial fashion or politeness, but on moral value; It does not depend on personal wealth, but on personal quality. 1900 or so, all kinds of behaviors and qualities, including elegant and decent speech, manners, eternal humility, calmness and courage in the face of major difficulties, are finally brought together through public schools. With the rapid expansion of the British Empire, the concept of English gentleman gradually became clear.