The teacher asked: what happened to your hand
Xiaoming said: it was broken
The teacher said: why?
Xiaoming said: because I am too lazy
The teacher said: too lazy hand will break?
Xiaoming said: I was walking down the road, my shoe ran into a stone,
but I was too lazy to use my hands to get it,
so I hugged the pole and shook my foot to let the stone fall out,
the passers-by thought I was electrocuted and hit my hand with a stick.
So .................
Teacher: ............
2. The Taiwanese businessmen who do business in China,
Because their families are in Taiwan,
so every night they like to run the sound and color places.
One day, he was caught by a security expert, and
his Taiwan Traveler's Permit was stamped with the word "lewd."
He was very happy to see that he had been caught by a security expert.
He was very upset,
so he spent some money through his connections
to get rid of this unflattering term.
A week later,
his friend told him it was done.
He thought, "There's nothing you can't do with money on the mainland.
He received the Taiwan compatriot certificate and opened it with great joy.
Inside it was stamped with three big words:
Non-prostitutes.
Later, he tried to get rid of the
non-prostitutes
three words through more powerful people,
because he felt that these three words are still indecent,
so this time he explained to be sure to solve this matter.
Because next month he will return to Taiwan ....
The friend also assured him again and again that
there will be no problem,
but the etiquette can never be less.
Another week later,
my friend came to him and told him, "This time it's really done!
He rushed to take the Taiwan compatriot's card and read it,
It reads:
The African firebug
3. A, B, C and the three of them went on an outing together, and A caught a cold.......
In the evening, they all slept together in the same bed, and A slept in the center.
In the middle of the night...A sneezes,
B C's entire face is covered with A's crystals.
B C: next time to notify us ......
After half an hour,
A: pay attention...
B C heard hurriedly burrowed into the quilt,
and to make sure that there is no connection with the outside world! ...
As a result, A farts.
4. I once went to my high school teacher's house with a few of my classmates
It was an old man, and before we left,
We left some fruits for the teacher,
But the teacher held onto the headmaster's laptop bag and said, "Look, what else do you bring with you when you come to visit me? ......
Just leave it at the door."
5. Accompanying a friend to see a netizen,
Almost to the time,
friends pointed not far away from a strange ugly girl to the driver said:
"see that woman?"
"Yes, stop there?"
"No, run her over!!!"
6. One day in Oriental Plaza about the network MM meet,
do not want to show too much earth, about the Starbucks.
Waiting for MM feel not to buy something inappropriate,
to the counter to order coffee.
The waiter asked, "What do you want to order?".
The waiter asked, "What would you like to order?
I didn't bring my glasses with me that day,
The café was dimly lit,
I looked at the price tag as hard as I could, but I still couldn't see ......
I said, "I can't see it clearly!".
It's a good thing I'm not a big fan of the brand.
Waiter: "Okay, cappuccino!"
So I drank my first Cappuccino at Starbucks ......
7. The manager of a company told his secretary to forward an official document to the boss:
"Report boss, there is a batch of orders in Europe next month,
I think the the company needs to take someone to a meeting with them."
The boss signs the back of the brief: "Go a head".
After receiving the letter, the manager immediately instructed his subordinates to buy a plane,
to prepare the itinerary, and himself to organize his luggage.
On the day of his departure, he was stopped by his secretary.
The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new car, and you'll be able to get it back.
Manager: "To Europe for a meeting ah!"
Secretary: "The boss has agreed?"
Manager: "Didn't the boss say Go a head to me?"
Secretary: "Come to the company for so long,
do not you still know the boss's English level?
What the boss means is: Go a head!"
8. A certain brother likes to eat fish.
The bass at Walmart is nine dollars a pound,
but if it's dead and on ice, it's seven dollars a pound,
just as fresh.
A brother from work,
and rushed to buy, or often bought away,
A brother stood in front of the tank waiting ah,
Sometimes half a day does not die a.
The first time I saw this, I saw a man in the tank, but I did not know what to do.
A brother will use the net to fish, with a handle to knock the head of the fish.
The waiter couldn't stand to watch,
came over to the brother and said:
"Sir, fainting does not count ......"
9. Even the MM class is a 50-year-old woman.
One day to visit the boys' dormitory,
just a boy nothing to wear in the underground scurrying ~
by the class saw
immediately screamed and jumped to the bed,
cover the quilt ~
class left a sentence on the way out:
I'm so old what have not seen,
you call!
The students are very cold - -!!!!
10. Pirated CDs:
-Are you serious?
-No, I'm kidding.
Translation from the movie:
- Are you Silas?
-No, I'm Caden.
11. Freshman year,
a guy in my dorm room
woke up one morning
and found a half-dozen big black moths on his pillow,
and felt doubly depressed.
I lifted it up and was about to throw it away,
but then I realized that the teeth marks on the moth's wings 。。。。。。 were all there.
The whole room was cold for a semester!
12. A pair of men and women cheating, the husband suddenly came home, the man did not care to wear clothes on the jump window to escape, walking in the street on the road onlookers, the man pretending to look at the sky as if nothing happened: ah, this is the earth ah. Passers-by said: cao, pretend chicken hair aliens.
13. There is a small noodle shop across the street from our bedroom.
A roommate in the bedroom,
special love to play cool,
one day is waiting in the window to wash his hair,
to wash,
hair flung as a star,
finger to the noodle shop,
shouted out: opposite to eat small noodles of friends, how are you!
14. One day students went to Zhongguancun around,
a peddler went over and asked,
"to hard disk or not? Cheap"
The students took over to look at it and said: "How hard"
15. When I was in college,
we all had to chat for a while before going to bed at night.
Once said that if the night there are thugs turn into the dormitory how to do?
(At the time, there was a report that a girl's dorm room had been raped.)
A sister said: "If you see him climb up to the balcony, let's go together!
"And then?" the crowd asked.
She paused and then said:
"Drag him in and L J him,
until he is exhausted,
so that in the future when he passes by our building, they have to take a detour!"
16. There is a buddy in the dormitory who loves to talk in his sleep.
One night I was getting up to have a drink of water,
and he suddenly yelled out, "Hey!"
I was so scared that I broke my glass ......
One night, I continued to talk in my sleep again,
mumbling,
"In fact,...... in fact. ...... I ...... am pregnant ...... (slightly crying)"
17.Once in the summer outside for a late-night snack,
A bare-chested fat man sat at the table next to him.
Huge fat, upper body meat are hanging.
Halfway through the meal,
the pager rang (9 years ago) and we took a look at it and it wasn't us.
As a result, we saw that the fat man turned up the meat above the waist,
looked at the pager count and then put the meat down, received up to eat.
At that time, the beauty of our table sprayed rice.
18.baidu know
Emergency essay: analysis of the beauty of the mood of Chinese art
Reward points: 0 - Time: 2007-6-22 18:24
Emergency essay: analysis of the beauty of the mood of the Chinese art
2,500 words to 3,000 words
Everyone who has a favor to help, thank you for the columns first!
Shallow analysis of the beauty of the mood of Chinese art
Reward points: 0 - Time to solve: 2007-6-24 14:12
Huxi Arts and Sciences students I am Mr. Cao, who teaches you Introduction to Art! About this analysis of the Chinese art of the beauty of the mood of the paper In order to prevent you plagiarism! I've browsed through the first 40 pages of Baidu's search on analyzing the beauty of the mood of Chinese art! I'm still browsing the rest! Please pay attention! Use your own brain!!!
19. A classmate, his computer will automatically turn on every morning (presumably because of the dormitory in the morning incoming calls a moment to flush open).
The result was that his old man took a charm and stuck it on the computer.
20. One day, A gentleman in the toilet inside the poop,
Estimated pull out,
on the toilet inside barking.
At this time, the outside of the B gentleman heard,
so loudly sang:
"can not come out a roar ah!"
What's even better is that
Mr. C immediately followed up with
"If you can't pull it out, you'll have to use your hands to pick it out."
This is the first time I've seen this.
Since then, this song has become our dormitory's room song
21.photo subject three exams, 5:00 a.m. to let the collection, the natural test when confused.
It was my turn to get in the car, start, go, steady drive, the examiner did not speak, sitting next to.
Suddenly, the examiner said to me, "Come on, students.
At that moment, I was flattered, a warm current in my heart, thinking, what a good examiner ah, know that I am nervous, but also encourage me.
So I smiled and said to the examiner, thank you examiner.
The examiner froze and looked a little helpless. Just drove on, turned the corner, and the examiner came back with a cheer!
I was warm and touched again, still smiling, and said, thank you examiner!
The examiner seemed even more speechless, forcing a facial expression and shaking his head.
Nearing the finish line, the examiner said impatiently for the 3rd time, Come on! Cheer up! Classmate.
Before I could say the word "thank you", the examiner stood up and pointed to my right foot on the gas pedal and said:
I am asking you to refuel your foot on the gas pedal, not refueling you! You think this is the Olympics, I came to see you compete!
22. Night, four dormitory one fell asleep,
There are three people in the discussion of how to chase the girl for the first time confession,
Discussion is lively,
The sleeper woke up:
Nothing to say, let's go to sleep .....
23. Peking University's graduate and undergraduate campuses are separate,
The graduate students are on a campus called Wanliu.
On the undergraduate campus,
there is a bicycle parking lot at the west gate of the main campus of the University,
specifically for graduate students,
and the wall reads "Wanliu Student Parking Office".
One time when I was passing by with a friend,
I saw that he was hesitant to say anything,
and after struggling for a long time, he finally asked me, "
Who do you think this Wanliu student is?
24. At the beginning of the school year,
there was a new English teacher,
who asked us to answer questions in English.
Then he started to call out the name: NO.1.
He shouted.
Our class number 1 stood up,
and shouted: "Yes! The teacher said:
Please in English!
My classmate scratched his head,
held back half a day and answered:
guide ~ ~ ~ ~ (hair second tone)
25.
The busy grabbed half a day did not catch,
Dude sighed and said:
"Damn, starve you to death!"
Then quickly put the mosquito net away,
Endured a few days did not hang the mosquito net,
Finally the mosquito to starve to death,
We that sweat ah ~~~~~
Or the mosquito net thing:
One day he found the mosquito net even flew into a fly,
and we said: "
One day he found a fly in the mosquito net, and said to us: "I'm going to kill him."
We said: "The fly is hungry.
"You see",
The man copied a novel into the mosquito net,
seal.
While reading the novel, he kept waving his fan,
just to keep the flies off the ground,
and after two hours,
the flies finally couldn't fly.
He went over and stabbed the fly and said:
"Fly ah small kind, master book is not enough to read it"
26. A student admitted to a university in Beijing and the alumni of the conversation:
You are from Yunnan?
"YES"
"Wow... It's so far away ...."
..........
"Has Yunnan been liberated yet?"
"No, we carry guns in class"
"You originally spoke Chinese~!"
"Just learned it on the train when I came here" .
"Do you live in kilns?"
"No, we live in trees"
"Is Yunnan in Kunming?"
"Uh, Yunnan is the capital of Kunming."
"Where are your many pigtails?"
"Had to cut them off for college!"
"Do you still eat raw meat?"
"Our boss invented flint wood for fire, and we eat barbecue,"