Physiologically, nervousness is manifested as facial muscle stiffness, involuntary trembling of some parts of the body, rapid heartbeat, sweating of palms and other symptoms; Psychologically, nervous people subjectively feel that others are staring at them, seeing their nervous performance, and even others are laughing at themselves in their hearts. At the same time, they will also have an escape mentality. In public, they will try to escape to a corner that will not be noticed, and try not to talk to reduce their tension. But as long as we understand it correctly, make up our minds to change it, and use scientific psychological principles and methods, we will definitely get out of this psychological cycle.
To overcome social tension, we should first pay attention to adjusting our mentality and establishing some good ideas:
(1) Accept yourself and build self-confidence.
Many people who are socially nervous are dissatisfied with themselves and have no confidence in themselves. Therefore, to change, we must first accept and accept ourselves in our hearts and establish confidence in ourselves.
(2) Don't ask too much of yourself.
Too much pursuit of perfection, too high demands on yourself, it is easy to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, too concerned about what others think of you, and bent on getting recognition from others, thus losing yourself. Accept your status quo and don't care what others think. The more you are afraid of making mistakes, the more you will be at a loss.
(3) Don't care too much about your body reaction.
Nervousness is always accompanied by a series of physical discomfort. According to reinforcement theory, if we pay too much attention to the nervous reaction of some parts of the body when we are nervous, it is equivalent to strengthening our nervous behavior and making it worse step by step. However, when we don't care about our own nerve reaction, because the tension is not noticed and strengthened, the nerve reaction will gradually fade over time.
(4) face it bravely.
Nervous people often show escape psychology in social situations, fearing that they will make a fool of themselves and dare not face it. Actually, running away can't eliminate the tension. On the contrary, it will make you feel weak and blame yourself, which will make you more nervous next time. Besides, we can't escape forever. We live in this society and must associate with people. Sooner or later, we all have to face it.
The best way to overcome nervousness is to face it bravely! As a psychologist pointed out, "what we are afraid of is not the thing itself, but ourselves!" " The key is to see if you can beat yourself and take the first step bravely! Face it bravely!
With the above understanding, combined with some psychological principles and methods and skills, put the change into action:
1 Positive self-suggestion: Say to yourself 20 times every night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning, "I accept myself, I believe in myself!"
Through this positive self-psychological suggestion, we can gradually change our previous negative views on ourselves, learn to accept ourselves and cultivate self-confidence.
2 systematic desensitization training: it is impossible to change in one step, it is a gradual process, and you need to overcome your nervousness step by step.
First set yourself a series of behavioral goals, such as the tense communication scenes in the past 10, and then arrange them according to your own situation in order from easy to difficult. In this way, social practice training is carried out from easy to difficult, and each practice is very easy, so you can enter the next practice.
We should believe that human ability is gradually cultivated and developed through practice, and so is social ability.
3 mirror skills: spend 10 minutes every day, stand in front of the mirror, look into your own eyes in the mirror and say to yourself loudly: "I believe I can easily associate with others!" ""I believe I can change successfully! "Repeat this sentence many times, carefully understand the changes that have taken place in your heart, and feel whether you believe this sentence.
4. Relaxation and quiet training: Find a quiet place where no one will disturb you, sit comfortably, close your eyes and imagine yourself coming to a quiet place surrounded by green mountains and trees, and your mood will become peaceful. Now relax, imagine relaxing and softening from head, neck, arms, chest, abdomen, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet in turn ... At least once a day, regular exercises like this can help us control our bodies and overcome nervous reactions.
5. Read biographies of great men: Try to read biographies of some famous men and women, use their growth and successful experiences to motivate themselves and build up courage and confidence in change. At the same time, after reading the deeds of these great men, they can also play the role of idols, and we may potentially imitate some of their positive thoughts and behaviors (such as the biographies of Helen Keller, Lincoln, Ford, Nobel and Napoleon). ).
Learn interpersonal skills: read more magazines and books about interpersonal communication and eloquence skills, learn more from other people's interpersonal experience and improve our communication skills, which will help us build confidence in communicating with others.
Social phobia can be overcome.
Xiaowen is an introverted girl who is not good at speaking in front of people, especially the opposite sex. She felt overwhelmed, flushed, her heart pounding and her voice trembling, which made her very uneasy. According to her parents' memories, Xiaowen was not like this before. She used to be lively and talkative, and all the adults in the dormitory liked her very much. I don't understand why I grew up like a different person.
It's all because of adolescence. When entering adolescence, boys and girls have strong self-esteem, are sensitive to external reactions, and care about other people's impressions and evaluations. Coupled with the expansion of social circles, more people know each other. I used to be unscrupulous at home, but now I am a little shy in the face of my peers, for fear that I will be looked down upon if I make a mistake. If you are in front of the opposite sex, you are more worried, so most of the time you are "silent" and seem very silent.
If we want to trace the family growth environment, we can say that girls are more controlled by their parents than boys. The girl's parents calmed her daughter down and acted like a girl. This undoubtedly increases the psychological barriers of girls in communication with others. They are afraid of leaving a bad impression on others, so they are timid and cautious, afraid of being teased for saying something wrong. This kind of psychology is much stronger for girls than for boys.
However, everyone has to go through the process of socialization, from family to society. Being too shy and introverted will hinder the development and perfection of personality and bring adverse effects on study and work.
In youth, many children often set too high demands and goals for themselves. If they fail to achieve their goals occasionally, they will easily feel inferior and be very sensitive to external reactions. This is normal. But if you overreact, you will be timid, affect communication, and gradually form self-isolation. This is harmful to the perfection of character. An important skill of modern people is to learn to get along and cooperate with others. Without interpersonal skills, it is difficult to achieve career success.
To overcome social phobia, we must first overcome ourselves. You know, no one is perfect, everyone has shortcomings. Don't exaggerate the advantages of others and enlarge your own shortcomings. You don't have to look up to others, you can be excellent as long as you work hard. Overcoming inferiority will increase your desire to communicate.
Secondly, it is important to bravely step out of the self-enclosed circle. Anything you do, you have a chance to do it well. Just like learning to swim, diving a few times is not so terrible. You can make a plan for yourself, first talk to familiar people, then step by step, and finally reach the level of talking to strangers. Usually, you can take the initiative to talk to your classmates and slowly cultivate your ability to express your views in public. If it is really difficult to do this, you can talk to the wall at home and imagine that there are countless listeners below in a public place. After a long and arduous psychological exercise, with the growth of age and the improvement of personality, social phobia can be gradually overcome.
Training methods to improve self-confidence
Q: How to improve self-confidence through training?
A: The training methods to improve self-confidence are as follows:
(1) Say "I can do it, I can do it"
Students with inferiority always think they can't do it. I can't do Chinese, I can't count, I can't do English, I can't do this, I can't do that. The more you think you can't do it, the less confident you are. The less confident I am, the more boring I feel, and even the broken cans are broken.
Therefore, to overcome inferiority and build up self-confidence, we must say "I can do it, I can do it" in our hearts. Meditation should be decisive and repeated several times, especially when encountering difficulties. As long as you persist in meditation, especially nine times after getting up in the morning and nine times before going to bed at night, you will gradually build confidence and accumulate psychological strength through the mechanism of self-positive suggestion.
Other students can do whatever they want. We are all human beings, all have a head, two hands and similar intelligence. Only hard work and correct methods can improve your grades. In fact, even if students with good academic performance relax their studies, their grades will drop. But if you work hard, your academic performance will improve.
Self-taught language
I can do it,
I can do it,
The correct way is,
I must finish it.
……
Self-psychological training language
Believe in yourself, I will be able to do it;
Others say I can do it, and I can only do it if I work hard;
If you can't do it today, try it tomorrow;
I can face it squarely, but I can do it;
Not only do it yourself, but also help others;
Support each other and cooperate with everyone; Strive for the comprehensive line, the college entrance examination can.
(2) Think more about what you are happy about
Every student has something happy. Happy things are things you have done successfully, and confidence and strength are its products. Think of your proudest and most successful thing. For example, if your homework is well done, you should carefully taste the feelings in your heart at that time.
3. Smile
People who have no self-confidence often have dull eyes and pull a long face, while ambitious people always have bright eyes and bright smiles.
People's facial expressions are consistent with people's inner experiences. Laughter is a sign of happiness. Laughter can make people have confidence and strength; Laughter can make people feel comfortable and refreshed; Laughter can make people forget troubles and get rid of them.
Learn to laugh, learn to smile, learn to laugh when you are frustrated, and you will improve your self-confidence. Please carefully understand the psychological feeling of smiling. Although this method looks simple, it does have an effect. When you gradually get into the habit of smiling often, you will feel confident and powerful inside.
Hold your head high
People who are frustrated by setbacks often hang their heads, which is a sign of failure, lack of strength and loss of confidence. Successful people, proud people, successful people, always hold their heads high and high-spirited. Holding one's head high is a sign of strength and confidence.
People's posture and inner experience can promote each other.
A person with confidence and strength will hold his head high, while a person without confidence and strength will be listless and dejected. Learn to hold your head up naturally, and you will gradually build up your self-confidence and improve your self-confidence.
Self-psychological training language
A person's appearance expresses the soul,
I have a positive attitude,
Therefore, we should hold our heads high and move quickly.
I feel appreciated by others,
This is a symbol of my upward mood!
(5) communicate with others actively
When you meet, take the initiative to say hello, take the initiative to say hello to others, and follow the routine, and others will return you.
You smile. We seldom see you greet others with a smile, and others will say "you are not good", which is not in line with human nature. When you greet others with a smile, you will feel the warmth and truth of this world, which makes people full of strength and confidence.
(6) Enjoy inspiring music.
People will have such an emotional experience: when they hear magnificent and passionate music, they are often enthusiastic and motivated; When you hear deep and tragic sorrows, you often feel sad and nostalgic. Therefore, listening to happy music often is of great benefit to regulating mood.
(7) In areas where achievements have been made or advantages have been shown, or continue to work hard.
After gaining success and self-confidence, many students often forget their own qualities or characteristics that once made them happy. So, don't give up your own advantages and start a new stove, or chop and change, give up halfway. Making unremitting efforts in the field where you have made achievements or shown great advantages is one of the secrets of constantly improving your self-confidence and moving towards success.
Self-taught language
I have achieved a lot,
This is my new starting point,
As long as I work hard,
Greater achievements,
Just tomorrow!
……
(8) independently choose the environment suitable for their own development.
Some environments can provide you with opportunities to show your advantages, conditions to help you develop, and people who share your goals, care about you, understand you and support you; And some environments not only do not have the above factors, but will suppress you, hinder you and bruise you, and become the object you must contend with.
Therefore, consciously choosing your own development environment and purposefully guiding yourself to continuously develop and consolidate your own advantages are effective ways to fully improve your self-confidence.
(9) Take the initiative to try
Be curious and curious about areas that have not been touched before and areas that can improve your ability. Don't care about the immediate gains and losses, don't ask too much, encourage yourself to try boldly, try your best to see, think and do.
(10) Enrich leisure time consciously.
Some students are very passive in life. Only teachers and parents ask him to do what he does, and then he does nothing. His leisure time is full of pure leisure activities, such as chatting, surfing the Internet, shopping, watching TV, sleeping and so on. They seldom think about the future, but passively wait for good luck or bad luck to come. Another kind of life is very active. They not only do what they are asked to do, but also "go looking for trouble" in their spare time, take the initiative to approach people and things that are beneficial to them and look for opportunities to enrich themselves. Their eyes not only see the present, but also actively pay attention to the future, and turn their attention into action, and grasp their destiny by increasing their knowledge and improving their talents. In contrast, the later life of the latter will be more substantial and the development will be smoother. Therefore, it is best to enrich your leisure time, do all kinds of things that are helpful to your development as much as possible, and ensure that the resources that supply your confidence will never be exhausted.
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As long as you can follow the following requirements, your mind will be open.
* Treat the demand correctly and don't expect too much.
* Do your job conscientiously and diligently.
* downplay personal fame and fortune, regardless of personal gains and losses.
* Deal with family, colleagues, classmates and other interpersonal relationships.
* Strengthen self-cultivation and be open-minded.
* Love life and have a wide range of interests.
* Insist on physical exercise, fitness and disease prevention.
Don't suppress your emotions
Don't expect too much of yourself.
Don't expect too much from others.
Suppress one's excessive emotions
Face the harsh reality correctly
You should be able to overcome your emotions with reason.
Take the initiative to pour out your inner troubles.
Adjust emotions with defense mechanism
Don't set your goals too high;
Give up negative self-suggestion;
Maintain a positive emotional experience;
Use nature to cultivate emotions;
Use positive language to adjust;
Turn your attention to something else;
Transfer bad negative emotions;
Using the mechanism of frustration sublimation;
Overcome feelings with rational adjustment;
Conduct appropriate psychological catharsis.
Jealousy is a big obstacle to communication.
Jealousy, in a sense, is a common emotion of human beings. Modern society is a society that advocates success. However, in the fierce competition, if someone succeeds, someone will inevitably fail. The complex emotion composed of shame, anger and resentment after failure is jealousy. Jealousy has two meanings:
On the one hand, jealousy has positive significance. Shakespeare compared jealousy to the guardian of love. Indeed, if your lover opposes your contact and communication with other members of the opposite sex, it reflects the degree of his or her love for you. On the other hand, if he (she) is never "jealous", then the love between you is probably still at a very low level or has reached a dangerous level. Therefore, jealousy still has certain positive significance in love. If jealousy can be turned into motivation, it is positive.
On the other hand, jealousy shows more negative meanings. Jealousy often leads to negative behaviors such as slandering others, resenting others and slandering others. Jealousy is often associated with narrow-mindedness and lack of cultivation. A narrow-minded person will be jealous because of some trivial things, and anything that others are better than him has become the origin of his jealousy. People who lack self-cultivation will turn jealousy into negative jealousy behavior and seriously destroy interpersonal relationships.
Although jealousy has its positive side, the negative side is still the most important, so we should overcome it. Overcoming jealousy can start from the following aspects:
Attention shift
Give yourself a reason not to be jealous.
See your strengths.
Turn jealousy into motivation
When we have a lot of things to do, we have no time to envy others. Therefore, take an active part in various beneficial activities, study hard and strive to enrich yourself, so the poison of jealousy will not breed and spread.
In order to alleviate the psychological imbalance caused by your own failure, you can find some reasons to stop being jealous of others. It can be said that "my luck is not very good" and "such success is of little value" to ease my dissatisfaction and avoid jealousy. This method is only a stopgap measure and cannot be overused, otherwise other negative psychological obstacles may appear.
In short, it is not terrible to be jealous of others. The key is whether you can face up to jealousy. If you can turn jealousy into a driving force for success and negative into positive, you will often catch up with or even surpass others. It's up to you.
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Anyone can overcome social fear.
Some friends are confused by social problems, such as being afraid of being the center of others' attention and speaking in public under any circumstances; For example, I never dare to communicate with my boss, dare to argue with my friends, and dare not talk to my colleagues about things other than work; For example, they are extremely unaccustomed to jobs that require external communication and communication. They are afraid of making mistakes in front of others. Before taking part in social activities, I am very anxious and always imagine many embarrassing situations in front of others. Even after the activity, it is still difficult for them to restore their inner peace. They reviewed the scene over and over again, reviewed everything they said and did, and repeatedly told themselves what to do in the future. Contact and communication with people should be a happy thing, but for friends with social fear tendency, it has become a reluctant and painful thing. Not only can they not freely show their personal charm, but they are often at a loss, sweating with nervousness, flushed and thirsty, and eager to escape from the crowd as soon as possible.
Some people think that social fear is related to personality, while introverts are afraid of social activities, while extroverts are not. In fact, this statement is unscientific. Social ability is a very important quality in the process of interpersonal communication, and it is an effective way for us to increase our talents, broaden our knowledge, understand society and enrich our lives. At the same time, socialization is a life skill, which can make us better adapt to the new environment and new objects, so as to gain more beneficial life experiences and profound friendship. Social ability can be learned and cultivated, and it has nothing to do with whether the personality is introverted or extroverted.
People's behavior habits are formed from childhood and are closely related to their parents' education. However, some friends often pay too much attention to their children's academic performance and neglect the cultivation of their interpersonal skills. Some children are afraid of strangers, unsociable and unable to express themselves in groups, which are all manifestations of lack of social skills. Some parents may think this is good, because the traditional idea is that a "good boy" should be quiet and obedient, not impatient and pushy. Girls' parents, in particular, want their children to be quiet, soft and weak, always keep the image of a lady and interfere too much in girls' normal foreign exchanges. Nowadays, women have to participate in social competition and face personal development and challenges. Without good social skills, they can't succeed in their careers.
If you have a certain degree of social fear, here are some suggestions for you: First, take a deep breath. When you feel nervous inside, force yourself to take a few deep breaths and breathe rhythmically, which can relieve your inner anxiety in time; You can also stand on your feet, slowly raise your heels, hold on for a few seconds and then gently put them down. Do it 20-30 times each time, 2-3 times a day, which can effectively overcome the feeling of anxiety; Second, when attending social occasions, you can hold a small thing in your hand, such as a wine glass, pen, etc. It will play a role in stabilizing the mood at the scene; Finally, we should cultivate our extroverted hobbies. Some hobbies, such as calligraphy, painting, watching TV and reading books, are often a person's "static" interests. I advocate everyone to take part in group sports hobbies, such as fitness, playing ball games and chatting, so as to make themselves "active" and "open". We have always advocated lively hobbies, and only in the outgoing interest exchange can one's social skills be improved slowly.
Learn to overcome six social and psychological obstacles
1. Inferiority: People with inferiority only know their own shortcomings and don't know their own advantages. They are happy to live in everyone, lack self-confidence and can't give full play to their advantages and specialties. They are used to treating Nuo Nuo passively in communication, and seldom express their opinions directly and boldly. If this kind of psychology is not overcome, it will gradually wear away a person's courage, courage and characteristics over time.
2. Suspicion: People with this kind of psychology like to look at others and external things with distrust. For example, when you see other comrades talking privately, you think you are speaking ill of yourself; If you deduct a few dollars from the bonus, you think that someone is in the way ... A suspicious person, catching shadows and creating complexity, only to find trouble and create estrangement.
3. Timid psychology: People with no experience, shallow experience, introverted personality and poor rhetoric are prone to this kind of psychology. Because of cowardice, I dare not express my thoughtful opinions in the evasive debate; In study, work and life, due to cowardice, bold plans that have been brewing for a long time cannot be implemented ... cowardice is a rope that binds people's thoughts and behaviors and should be resolutely abandoned.
4. Exclusion psychology: the existing knowledge, experience and thinking mode of human beings need to be constantly updated and created, otherwise it will lose its vitality and even have side effects. Exclusion psychology just ignores this point, which shows that clinging to the residue without extending the tentacles of knowledge and broadening the field of thinking can only encourage people to beat around the bush in a narrow space of self-enclosure.
5. rebellious psychology: different thinking does not mean being unconventional and singing the opposite. Some people don't realize this, so this phenomenon arises: you say that a wrong view is untenable, and he tries his best to defend it; You mean east, but he wants to go west. This kind of rebellious psychology often blurs the strict line between right and wrong, and its negative effect is obvious.
6. indifference: some people think that sharp words, aloof attitude and cold expression mean "personality", so advocating indifference has become a fashion. In fact, this is a morbid condition, which will make young people's narcissistic, lively and romantic nature shrink, thus stepping into a dead end of widowhood. Therefore, it is also a psychological phenomenon that should be resolutely overcome.
Overcome psychological barriers in interpersonal communication
Interpersonal communication is one of the important contents of people's social life. Self-development, psychological adjustment, information communication, the satisfaction of different levels of needs and the coordination of interpersonal relationships are all inseparable from interpersonal communication. Everyone wants to be good at communication, and they want to establish harmonious family relations, kinship relations, neighborhood relations, friends relations, classmates and colleagues relations through communication ... These good social relations can make individuals study, live and work happily in a warm and pleasant environment. However, in the actual communication process, there will always be some unsatisfactory places, which will affect the normal interpersonal communication.
Social psychology research shows that people who are highly praised and "popular" in interpersonal communication generally have the following characteristics: optimism, intelligence, individuality, strong independence, frankness, sense of humor, consideration for others, vitality and so on. Of course, this does not mean that all these characteristics can bring good interpersonal communication. Those who are not popular in interpersonal communication also have the following characteristics: selfishness, narrow-mindedness, haggle over every ounce, arrogance, dependence, self-centeredness, hypocrisy and inferiority, no personality and so on. With the above reference standards, everyone can foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. Of course, the most important thing in interpersonal communication is honesty. Everyone is an independent individual and can't lose himself. Flattery and echo can't get good interpersonal communication.
How to correctly evaluate yourself and others in interpersonal communication, the old saying goes well: "People are self-aware." What is "expensive" and why "expensive" and expensive, it is difficult to explain. It's really not easy to know yourself correctly. In the wrong self-evaluation, the biggest obstacle to communication is inferiority and pride.
Inferiority means underestimating one's knowledge, ability and talent. And then deny yourself. People with low self-esteem have good wishes in communication, but they are always afraid of others' contempt and rejection, so they have no confidence in themselves and want others' affirmation very much, and often sensitively attribute others' unhappiness to their own mistakes. People with inferiority complex tend to have excessive self-esteem. In order to protect themselves, they tend to be very tough, inaccessible and become out of place in interpersonal communication.
Inferiority stems from a negative psychological self-suggestion. Many psychologists point out that inferiority has nothing to do with my intelligence, education level, social status and other factors, but I firmly believe that I am inferior to others. Therefore, to overcome and prevent inferiority, we must first dare to face up to our own shortcomings. No one is perfect, everyone has his own advantages and disadvantages. For some unchangeable facts, such as appearance, height, etc. You can make up for them with the brilliance of other places without feeling ashamed. It is not a bad thing to find the advantages of others, but he always compares the advantages of others with his own shortcomings. Instead of inspiring the courage to catch up, the more he compares, the more discouraged he becomes, thus belittling and denying himself. In fact, everyone has his own strengths, and he can't be better than others in everything, and vice versa. Seeing Siqi should be encouraged, and there is also a problem of doing what you can. Therefore, to prevent and overcome inferiority complex, we should also be careful not to ask too much of ourselves. When choosing a goal, we should not only consider its value and our own wishes, but also consider the possibility of its realization. Instead of pursuing those unrealistic things, it is better to set some realistic goals and adopt the principle of "running in small steps" to constantly encourage yourself. Finally, we should exercise our psychological endurance, and don't be devastated because of one failure, or completely deny ourselves because of one aspect of our fault.
Compared with inferiority, pride also comes from wrong self-evaluation. Proud people like to overestimate themselves. They are arrogant, boastful and domineering in their communication, and they are unwilling to associate with people who think they are inferior to themselves. Such a person will certainly not be welcomed by others. Once frustrated, conceited people tend to feel inferior. Proud people should learn to respect others and be good at discovering the advantages of others, so as to evaluate themselves objectively, and learn to be strict with themselves and be lenient with others.
People who know others are wise, and those who know themselves are clear. Whether they can correctly know and understand others is also related to the smooth progress of interpersonal communication. To get out of the psychological misunderstanding of others, we should pay attention to the following aspects:
1. Don't judge by first impression. The first impression, that is, the impression formed when people are perceived for the first time, is often the deepest, and it often becomes a basic impression, affecting the evaluation of others in all aspects. As the saying goes, preconceptions are the truth. People attach great importance to the first impression given to others, but we should also see that the first impression comes from short contact and has no previous experience as a reference, so it is subjective and one-sided. Therefore, we must pay attention to its negative side. Don't completely deny the first impression just because it is bad, and also prevent yourself from being confused by the grandiose appearance. Such examples are not uncommon. We should practice the ability to see the essence through phenomena, and fully and correctly know and understand others in long-term relationships.
Don't judge a person by one thing at a time. It's just that someone made a big mistake, so someone found out that he was never a good person. This is recency effect's fault. In the long-term communication, the recent impression is more dominant than the initial impression, which is a psychological inertia. Because of this inertia, people tend to judge people according to their recent impressions. In addition, there is the so-called "halo" effect, in which a certain advantage of a person is magnified into a "halo" covering the whole body, and even the original shortcomings are covered up or covered with a dazzling brilliance. The biggest mistake in this kind of cognition of others lies in covering the whole with one side. "A glimpse of the whole leopard" does not always apply to all people and things, and individuals and parts may not necessarily reflect the whole. It is undoubtedly naive to judge whether a person is a good person or a bad person by grasping a good person or a bad person among a person's many behaviors or personality characteristics. To know others correctly and comprehensively, we must overcome the absolute method of saying that all good things are good and all bad things are bad.