Two young people have been married for three years and have a son; both have good jobs: one in a state-owned enterprise, the other in a bank; both are the backbone of the organization. The girl, a little strong, everything to do; the boy, very handsome appearance, magnetic voice, but but very listen to his mother, a little bit of mom's baby male meaning, but also quite a measure, in the daughter-in-law and mom, has always played a benign bonding role.
Mom is very smart, capable, inside and outside a hand.
Of course, this also includes bringing up children.
Later, the woman suddenly sued for divorce. The reason is not to say. The reason for the divorce is not to say, but to say that the family affairs are still messy.
One of them is this issue: the mother-in-law is always in the intentionally or unintentionally expressed with the child even more than the biological mother of the relationship.
After a full hearing of the case, I saw the reason for the mother's transgression:
The interesting thing about this case is that the girl and her mother-in-law are very similar in character, both are more forceful, and both have to be in charge of the family kind of thing.
But each other and incompatible.
The mother-in-law has retired, with children also have time, and belongs to the kind of woman who can not be idle.
But also belongs to the kind of old man who is not responsible for the work.
The daughter-in-law's stereotypes are very deep, and almost everything can be found in a place that does not satisfy her.
Because her son chose the girl, the mother has been patient.
But in her cognitive concept, this daughter-in-law is not worthy of their son's ---- so excellent son ah, married such a woman.
She wants to do to her daughter-in-law to see, a good woman at home is how to serve her husband, how to raise children.
The same child, the grandmother held on how to be good, a tease on the smile, a feed on the food, a coaxing on the sleep.
The mother of the child, the child is immediately not suitable for the appearance of the hives all over the body, like the left and right are not served.
Grandma has in fact taken the place of mom in raising this child.
The real mom sucks.
To make matters worse, the grandmother loves to flaunt her mother-son bond with the child in front of family members.
It makes the mom feel a little like a stepmom, and she's a mess.
The girl ends up feeling more like her mother-in-law's child. The loser in this secret battle for the child's affection must be this young mom.
The child is pure life, and he is so dependent on his direct caregiver up to the age of three that whether that person is addressed as mom or grandma, the child only recognizes the one who is with him every day and takes care of him.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a marriage, and the two women are strangers to each other, and they meet under one roof, and they are entangled in the lives of two men.
In fact, there is no one who is good or bad.
We can only say that
If you love this big man, then accept his mother;
If you love this little man, then accept his grandmother.
As for this divorce case, it ended up being a mediated divorce.
Sadly.
The child, the man, was raised directly by the man.
In the end, the grandmother took the place of the child's own mother as the child's caregiver.
My mother-in-law is a true reflection of this! The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do this, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to do this, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to do this! My mother said don't be like this, the child to eat milk to eat for a while, not so fast, she still don't listen, but also according to her own to, my mother-in-law did this because my father-in-law and my husband have always been subject to her control, the family what are her say the kind of, but my husband and I got married a penny didn't spend her, my mother also gave me 100,000 dowry money to bring over the dowry money also let me bring over the dowry money, so I don't listen to her! The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to do, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it, so I'm going to try to make sure that I don't have to do it," he said.
T: Why do some grandmothers always want to take mom's place?
As it happens, I have a female friend whose baby is one month older than mine, and recently she always complains to me that her mother-in-law has taken her place, holding her baby every day and even sleeping with her baby at night. She feels like she's just a reproductive tool, deprived of her right to nurture.
The mother-in-law, who always wants to be involved in the baby's business, is one of the few, and I analyzed this with my friend about why her mother-in-law has such a mentality:
Her mother-in-law was originally a person with a strong character, plus the reason for the nature of her previous work, which led to her mother-in-law's demand for all things in the family to be centered on her, and she could not be rebutted. It just so happens that my friend's temper is relatively soft, and she can only hold her grievances in her heart and sulk, and her mother-in-law is even more vocal when she sees this situation.
The mother-in-law always thinks that she has traveled a lot, and also raised a few children, will always be too much stronger than you as a new mother. With this mentality, she always wants to boss her daughter-in-law around. How the diapers should be used, how thick the baby should be dressed, whether the socks should be worn or not, all have to be done in the mother-in-law's way. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do about it, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do about it.
I analyzed with my friend that her mother-in-law might have been emotionally attached to her son. The first time I saw her, she was so busy with her own career that she didn't have time to be with her children, and they grew up and started a family. Now that she is retired and has grandchildren, she wants to make up for the gap in her feelings. This is also known as intergenerational kinship.
Whichever of the above is true for you, it's not good for the baby when the mom is excluded from the core of the family. For this reason, I gave my friend these ideas:
My friend's approach of always keeping it inside will definitely make her mother-in-law more and more aggressive. Take the initiative to seek equal communication, no matter what the result, to let your mother-in-law know what you think in your heart, but also should know how is conducive to the growth of the baby's environment, the mother's role mother-in-law certainly can not be denied.
Husband is the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law of the bond, this situation is more important to let the husband first know the harm, after all, the baby's growth can not be separated from the father's care. Regardless of the form in which the husband will communicate with the mother-in-law, the challenge to the authority of the strong mother-in-law is gentle and makes the mother-in-law more acceptable. And the husband also acts as a buffer between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, so you won't be embarrassed yourself.
Take the initiative yourself to help your mother-in-law find some hobbies, square dancing, singing, opera are all good choices. When your mother-in-law's spiritual life is enriched, she will naturally not project her sense of self-worth onto the third generation, nor will she look for meaning in her life through the third generation.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are the most delicate and difficult to reconcile. Every mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has their own problems, and on top of the difficulty in communicating, it may be a good idea to take a step back for the sake of family harmony.
How can that be?
The grandmother loves the child, as a mother, you should be grateful,
Better than no one to bring, they are exhausted alone.
As for what you said about replacing, I told you never.
Grandma, even if she's good, will never replace mom in a child's mind.
I have a friend who
has a mother-in-law who has been with her since the baby was born,
except for breastfeeding time.
This includes changing diapers, playing with her, etc.
Later, after the child grew up and went to kindergarten,
the girlfriends really started to pick up and drop off.
And the child, every time he sees his grandmother, is also clamoring for his mother.
You know she was raised by her grandmother.
So, never be afraid that your child will not be close to you,
Even if the grandmother is close to you, you can't take the place of the mother.
I'm not sure how happy you are to have another person to love your child for you.
This was the case in my nephew's family, and my aunt especially wanted to take my sister-in-law's place. Later, I asked her why she always thought my nephew was hers. She told me because she carries more and my nephew only sleeps with her at night .
First of all, my aunt is helping with my nephew all day long, and my sister-in-law and brother are basically leaving early and coming home late. The housework, my nephew's food and drink, and the whole family's living and drinking are all taken care of by my aunt alone, so she naturally feels that the family is her work alone.
Secondly, my aunt always felt that my sister-in-law stole my brother, after all, it was the son she gave birth to, and suddenly it was given to another woman, and this kind of traditional concept will also lead her to want to take my sister-in-law's place.
Once again, I feel that grandmothers like my aunt are everywhere, quietly taking care of everything in the family, but some children can understand and get along well, some children don't know how to be thankful, and then all kinds of contradictions within the family, and as soon as there is a contradiction, grandmothers want to take the place of their mothers even more, and want to hold the absolute right to speak.
I have a friend abroad, my mother-in-law came to take care of me when I was pregnant, until the child was born. The friend was very grateful, but later realized, just learned the news of her pregnancy, the mother-in-law let her sister-in-law to remove the ring to prepare for pregnancy, before and after the foot of the two have a child. The child was only a few months old, when the mother-in-law's visa expired, she said she wanted to take the child back to her country to raise, and then send the child over when it was a little older. The friend, although reluctant, but can not help the mother-in-law's whole day nagging and tears offensive, coupled with the husband's acquiescence, thinking of holding back to relatives to see the line, after a few months to go back to the child back, I did not expect to ......
In fact, we can guess, the grandmother has always been dominated by the child, the surface said that the two couples at ease with the work, but the In fact, every month to urge the child's living expenses, but not a child's oh, sister-in-law's child mother-in-law also together with, it is the same as the friend of the two families to earn money to support their own children and other people's children. The mother-in-law has words again, their own because help with the child can not go to class, so the monthly living expenses friends two mouths also together remittance.
The friend is bitter to say not to say, because earn money to go to work to tie themselves to death, can quit the job to take care of the child, the whole family is against. The reason is that the foreign good money, the friend is younger than the mother-in-law certainly earn a lot more than, at home with the child is too bad.
This time, the child is more than 2 years old, the friend can only see the child 2, 3 times a year, the child is now only recognize the grandmother does not kiss the mother.
I have always believed that children should stay with their parents from childhood, no matter what the reason is, once separated, the child's psychological growth, parent-child relationship will be buried hidden and uncompensated cost.
The most essential reason why a grandmother wants to take her mother's place is that there is no sense of family boundaries. The son will always be his own child, and the child born to the daughter-in-law is also his own child, and the big and small families are all in one pot, and they want to be in a dominant position in the big family.
Encountering this kind of calculating and strong mother-in-law, it is necessary for the daughter-in-law to be firm in their own position, after all, they are the children's own mother, when the mother will do their duty.
Later, my friend discussed with the company and changed from a full-time to a part-time job, and took the pressure to get the child back from China, and raised him carefully. The company's goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers," he said. "The company's goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers," he said.
My mother-in-law has succeeded in making my eldest child a mother. My eldest child doesn't sleep with me at night, and doesn't look for me when something happens, but looks for his grandmother, which makes me feel so sad when I am a mother
My mother-in-law has succeeded in making my eldest child a mother.