Thursday, October 26, 2017 The weather is sunny
文/罗菇凉
watched too many dog-blooded dramas, have not thought that such a thing God is also going to come to me, about my girlfriends and boyfriends, no, ex-boyfriends, I should say, "you pair of obsessed with the man and the woman to be well taken care of ".
The bar noisy sound dizzy brain, I drank the fourth cocktail, to my panicked wrong four years of youth. After drinking it, I walked into the dance pool and shed tears while stepping madly on the beat of the music with a strong foot, dancing carelessly in those years in the dance club in the scattered dances.
Accompanied by me next to the Yingzi while soothing me, while scolding that on the top of the "little three" girlfriends. I laughed out loud, tears like collapsed line of beads sliding down from the corner of the eye, sliding into my white shoulder blades and collarbones, sliding into the debauchery of humble four years of infatuation.
-01-
Four years ago, I met Jiang Chao at a school club dance party. Jiang Chao is the sub-captain of the dance club, field school large-scale performance party will bring his team members to participate. And my "good girlfriend" Xiaoxuan is his teammates, originally nothing related to me and Jiang Chao in that party to recognize.
That day, Jiang Chao led the street dance team in the performance to get a piece of fan girls sigh of appreciation, under the heavy breakthrough, the street dance team successfully killed the competition in the top three. The street dance team members were excited to go out to celebrate the celebration, the team members yelled to bring "family members" over to have a good time, so Xiaoxuan pulled me as a companion to the "family members".
I belong to the quiet type of girl, always on these dinners do not have much interest, but in Xiaoxuan's strong request I accompanied her to participate in her dinners.
When I stepped into the doorway of the KTV, I ran into Jiang Chao, the captain of the KTV, who never misses a beat. Jiang Chao greeted me warmly, and his magnetic voice was really easy to seduce me.
Jiang Chao belongs to the type of male type of "small fresh", there is a pair of very good look of the eyes, high-strung eagle hook nose in the poly U.S. lighting appears to be more three-dimensional features, the corners of the mouth is also from time to time to show a bad smile lure, so it is no wonder that many girls will be on this type of male fascination.
That night, Kang Chiu, who was wearing a white cotton T-shirt, wide nine-minute pants, and black backpack canvas shoes, gave a sunny, street-dancing boy image, and I admit that I had a heartbeat when I saw him for the first time.
That night, I didn't participate in their game, just sat quietly in the corner looking at my own manuscript, which had not yet been revised. The other boys had been encouraging me to come and have a beer, but I refused to do so on my own.
From time to time, Jiang Chao brought a bottle of beer and invited me to join them in their games, but I don't like to play games, so I turned him down.
-2-
A month after the party, I inexplicably received a friend request from Jiang Chao. After clicking through with my instinctive reaction, Jiang Chao on the other side of the cell phone screen sent a sentence, "I heard you don't have a boyfriend?"
I was puzzled and replied, "Uh-huh".
Less than two seconds later, Ginger sent back, "That's good," with a self-congratulatory emoji.
Then, Jiang Chao began to show love to me on the offensive, from time to time to send flowers and gifts, invited to dinner, specially skipped class to come to accompany me to class, and on weekends, free to ask Xiaoxuan to pull me over to practice dance with them.
Yingzi, while chewing on the melon seeds in the bag, said lewdly, "Xiaowei ah, like Jiangchao such a popular boy are so active in showing love to you, or hurry to accept him, how rare ah."
Lying on the bed, I smiled and stared at the phone, flipping through the life photos of Jiang Chao's circle of friends, and responded in passing, "Reconsider and consider."
A month later, in the pursuit of Jiangchao I agreed to do his girlfriend, the night of the single meal I called the Yingzi with Xiaoxuan to go to dinner, Yingzi excited straight to say good, and Xiaoxuan said he was busy getting other things to put off.
Jiang Chao is the captain of the dance club, busy training on weekdays, when I had time to sit in the dance studio and watch him practice. Occasionally, I would be pulled over to train with them, so almost all the members of the dance club were familiar with my face, and would warmly call me "Mrs. Jiang" when they met.
On the night of the New Year's Eve, Jiang Chao took me to the crowded square to count down to the New Year's Eve. The meter eight tall Jiang Chao pulled me into his warm coat, bent over and lowered his head to whisper in my ear, "cold, small micro".
Magnetic tone gradually from the ear deep into the heart marrow, glutinous, sweet, like those who eat not tired of cotton candy, once stained, it will be difficult to tear off.
I broke free from Jiang Chao's coat and looked up with a smile at his deep eyes in response to the sentence, "With you there, it's not cold at all, but why did you like me at that time."
Jiang Chao's warm eyes seem to hide an endless love, with my gradually red cheeks, once again pulled me into his arms, warmly said, "That day you wore a plain dress, flowing hair draped over the shoulders. Obviously is the type of my heart, in the future we must be good."
The words fell, the riverside fireworks instantly ringing, like the colorful stars dotting the night sky, like the convergence of the collection of artillery shells colorful clothes, should be the wind fell into the air, should be the sound of instantaneous disappearance.
That is the first year I was with Jiang Chao, I thought, we will be like that day wishing for pure and beautiful, just youth will always be caught off guard in your deep love when you give you a fatal blow.
-3-
Jiang Chao loves dance, took over the dance club for one term after another, and as his right-hand man is Xiaoxuan. The third year of our program is the busiest year, along with the rush of school, I will reduce the number of times to find Jiang Chao, and Jiang Chao's focus has long been shifted to the dance studio, a whole month have not come to find me.
When we are looking for internships on the anxious, Jiang Chao said with me that he intends to start a street dance studio outside the school, want to through their own interest and ability to entrepreneurship.
I said yes.
At that time, he was already in his senior year of college, and his mind was fully focused on the creation of a street dance studio, and the organization of his thesis was left aside.
Xiao Xuan, who was also a junior, chose to skip class in her busy schedule and went to work with Jiang Chao to find a businessman to invest in the studio and find a suitable location to start it. In that month or so, Xiao Xuan left early and returned late, in addition to occasionally skipping class, she was also busy recruiting people to help bring training.
It's funny, I had to contact Jiang Chao through Xiao Xuan when I couldn't find him, and during that period, I even wondered what kind of identity I had in Jiang Chao's world.
At that time, he was already in his senior year of college, and his mind was fully focused on starting a street dance studio, while his graduation thesis was left unattended. So I made a special trip to his place of work to pull him out to talk.
I remember the door to the studio was locked, so I waited outside in the cold for more than three hours for Jiang Chao to show up.
"Chao, can you put aside the dance studio for a while and focus on your thesis and defense."
But Jiang Chao said, "It's the beginning of my career now, let's finish this period first."
I yelled at him, "Can't you be more mature, you can't even get things done for college graduation, you want to take care of school and leave me behind?"
"Xiao Wei, don't stop me, the big deal is to stay in school for a year." Listening to Jiang Chao's tone, I began to feel in a trance that the boy in front of me had been overwhelmed by his career, and if it continued like this, he would never graduate.
That was the first time I had a fight with him, and I gambled and tried to pull him out of the library, forbidding him to run off to work at the dance studio outside again, but he pushed me away and left me alone, sobbing outside the door.
After a few hours of cold wind, I started to get a bad cold after that day and took a week-long vacation.
During the period of illness, Jiang Chao did not give me a phone call, not to mention the initiative to come over to show their goodwill.
Maybe I was just looking forward to the day when the other side would come and hold your hand and say, "I'm sorry," but I didn't want to give in at all.
At that time, I was desperate for this relationship.
Then one day I took the initiative to go to the dance studio to find Jiangchao, pulling Jiangchao's hand, that I should not be so willful before, so we made up.
-4-
Jiang Chao did not fall behind in his thesis, and successfully graduated. I simply thought that Jiang Chao was listening to my words to finish the thesis properly.
In my senior year, I found an internship in a place more than an hour's drive away from Jiangchao, and Jiangchao and Xiaoxuan were all focused on the dance studio.
But I never understood why Xiaoxuan was so enthusiastic about running a street dance studio, and I thought she just had a strong sense of enterprise.
The first dance class, the results did not have much success, the need for a fixed monthly rent, the need for fixed capital investment. The dance studio did not make much progress, but also not enough to make ends meet, so the trouble ensued, Jiang Chao people have become cranky.
I said, "Ah Chiu, you have been running a dance studio for more than a year, and every time the school year starts you are busy pulling in new students, busy looking for customers, and now there is still no improvement, give up, and look for a good job to settle down."
When Jiang Chao heard me say this, he stared at me fiercely, with a disdainful tone in his mouth, "You're looking down on me, I'm so laborious is not for you, for our future."
I looked up at the twenty-something year old Jiang Chao, his face pale and yellow, and his deep eyes already lack of light.
Also missing was the love for me.
Outside of the full drop of rain dripping down the roadside puddles, pitter-patter sound more and more intense, I looked to the orange light of the rain under the blur of the moon's shadow, stretching out the palms of my hands want to catch the falling raindrops, but it is a pity that the finger cracks are too wide.
"For life? For me? Or for Little Xuan? Ah Chiu, how long has it been since you came to me. You seem to spend much more time with even Little Xuan than me."
I laughed bitterly, grumbling and resentment made me lose my mind, the sarcasm in my words seemed like a dagger piercing into my chest, piercing into Jiang Chao's heart. The bloodless mockery with jealousy cuts down my infatuation with Jiang Chao one knife at a time.
Jiang Chao looked at me blankly, wanting to say something. He tried to reach out and pull me into his arms, and I took a few gestural steps back, probably because Jiang Chao hadn't been willing to hug me in a long time, and I was almost defiant against the boy I had loved for four years in front of me.
"Break it up, we're not right for each other, I'm tired." I turned my back to Jiang Chao painfully threw out this hidden in the heart hard to hide the cut.
Jiang Chao stared at me in a daze, his face became even paler, and the drops of blood between his lips and teeth scattered.
"Why?"
I laughed evilly at my own foolishness, at my naivety, at the fact that Jiang Chao didn't love me anymore.
"No need to explain, you have a fun nature, love to make all kinds of friends, and I like quiet, all these years I have never disturbed your night life, never objected to what you want to do. I realize now that you and I are not the same kind of people."
"But weren't we fine before?" Ginger Chiu moved in front of me and took my hands in his, staring into my eyes in awe.
"Over the years, have you asked yourself if you love her in your bones, the one who runs around for you, skips class for you, writes papers for you or me, the verbal girlfriend."
I wiped the remaining teardrops in the corner of my eyes and fiercely shook off Jiang Chao's hands without the slightest warmth.
After I said that, I fled in a hurry, and Jiang Chao stood at the place where we kissed for the first time with a terrified look on his face as he watched me walk away until I disappeared into the sea of people.
He didn't come after me.
-5-
If I hadn't seen Jiang Chao and Xiaoxuan's intimacy in the dance studio; if I hadn't accidentally seen Xiaoxuan's desk with the first draft of her graduation thesis, which she prepared for Jiang Chao; and if I hadn't heard Xiaoxuan say that she had been in love with Jiang Chao for five years, I would have been foolish enough to think that a best friend and a boyfriend would be the only way to get rid of each other. The first time I saw this, I was so happy to see you, and I was so happy to see you.
Yingzi once told me, don't let your boyfriend get along with your best friend too much, after all, there are some things we can't see through. I didn't have a lot of distractions at the time, but just smiled and said that Jiang Chao and Xiaoxuan are just partners.
One day when I rushed to the dance studio to find Jiang Chao, I saw Xiao Xuan's gentle look at Jiang Chao's eyes like the throbbing of my look at Jiang Chao. I kept telling myself that their intimate gestures that day were only inadvertent.
It was not until later that I saw Xiao Xuan always squatting in the library to look up information in addition to practicing dance, and the information I saw was exactly the content of Jiang Chao's graduation thesis.
I comforted myself that it was just a coincidence.
I tested Xiao Xuan, and she told me fiercely, "She loves Jiang Chao, longer than me, deeper than me."
She said, "A quiet girl like you is not suitable for Jiang Chao because you haven't done anything for him at all."
She said she ran around for the dance studio, racked her brain for her thesis, and did far more for Kang Chiu than I ever did as a proper girlfriend.
I stared at this exquisite face that I have known for seven years, but blurred the innocent look when I first met her.
The pupils of her eyes as she stared at me may have been hiding a long time of accumulated jealousy and resentment.
I'm not good enough?
After that day, all that buzzed in my head was, "You don't deserve it."
I just need an answer from Jiangchao, but he didn't stay when he said he was breaking up.
At that time, I realized that he was already accustomed to the existence of Xiaoxuan, and forgot how to love me.
Lost friendship, more lost love. I was assured of Xiao Xuan like a complete fool, and infatuated with Jiang Chao to the core.
The bar is crowded with people, I drank the last cocktail, to pay tribute to the four years of youth in the wrong.
THE END