<1>
The interior of Xiangyang Street is completely contrary to its name. Crowded buildings, narrow alleys, and randomly pulled wires are densely packed, covering the only One side of the sky. After his mother's divorce, Ji Tangtang moved here with her mother. Across the street are independent apartments, with modern designs and unique landscapes, making them a place that Xiangyang Street residents long for but cannot reach.
The friends on Xiangyang Street told Ji Tangtang that he could not go across the street. The people living there were mean and cold. They would look at you with strange eyes, making you feel uncomfortable and even unable to lift your head. Ji Tangtang kept the advice of his friends in mind, and even though he was curious, he only dared to take a look at those beautiful houses from a distance.
No one has ever lived in the apartment across from Xiangyang Street. Outside the apartment, thick vines on the black fence are twisting and winding. Purple flower strings are blooming, and butterflies are dancing among the flowers. Ji Tangtang could not help but look back when she passed by this place after school every day. She thought, it would be great if one day she was also that free butterfly, so that she could fly happily in the sun and among the flowers without worrying about anyone's eyes. .
Spring is coming to an end, the wisteria flowers have withered away, and the lush green leaves are shining with emerald green light under the eyes. After school that day, Ji Tangtang passed by the door of the apartment as usual. A gray-white truck parked at the door of the apartment. The closed iron door was opened for the first time. People in blue overalls were moving in and out. . This long-abandoned apartment finally has its new owner.
When I got home, my mother hadn’t come back yet. The room was dark and cold, like a huge coffin, surrounding everything in the room. Ji Tangtang walked in the darkness, avoiding the stool at his feet, moving the chair in front of him, walking through the living room, groping for the thread on the wall, and pulling it gently, the lights on the ceiling flickered on. stand up. She was familiar with everything in this darkness. She had been in this darkness for too long.
Ji Tangtang put down his schoolbag and started washing and cooking rice. In the kitchen basket were tomatoes, eggs and cabbage with rotten leaves that his mother had brought back last night. After a while, the sound of hot oil sizzling came to mind in the kitchen. Ji Tangtang came out of the kitchen with the vegetables, placed them on the square table in the corner, and carefully put up a small umbrella-like vegetable cover on top.
After cooking, Ji Tangtang picked up his schoolbag and lay down on a low stool, using the dim light in the room to start doing homework. The Chinese teacher was a gentle female teacher, and her voice was soft and soft, as if in March. The spring breeze is refreshing and refreshing. Ji Tangtang held her head and frowned tightly. She didn't want to write this composition, but she was afraid that the Chinese teacher would be unhappy. She was very entangled, and her heart was like a hemp rope being twisted tightly.
The next day, Ji Tangtang and Wen Qiao walked arm in arm and passed by "that apartment". "That apartment" has become a synonym among the children. It was the only one where no one lived. The apartment was the only apartment the children dared to approach. But from now on, the children would stay away from there and stand at the street corner and watch from a distance.
The door to the apartment courtyard is open, and the winding path extends from the door to the door of the apartment. All kinds of flowers on the wall are blooming in a dazzling way. Ji Tangtang craned her neck to look inside, it was so good, she thought in her heart.
"The owner of the apartment is a writer." Wenqiao said.
"How do you know?" Ji Tangtang was surprised. She stared at Wen Qiao with wide eyes.
"My dad said that the person who helped him move yesterday was a writer. He has a lot of books. My dad said that all the boxes were filled with books. They were so full that they could fill a whole wall. "Wall."
A whole wall, Ji Tangtang imagined in her mind. She also had many books, some bought by her mother, and some she secretly saved money to buy, but she was stuffed with books. Not satisfied with an entire wall, the bookcase her mother bought for her is still not full.
<二>
Every time Ji Tangtang walks to "that apartment", what flashes in her mind is the wall full of books. She imagines that she will enter After entering the apartment, I pulled out a book from the wall, sat on a stool, straightened my back, and read the story in the book with relish.
The sound of "clang" woke up Ji Tangtang from his fantasy. At the door of "that apartment" stood a man in a crisp suit and shiny leather shoes. He held up the phone and spoke softly Talk to the person on the phone.
Ji Tangtang has lived on this street for a long time. The men here are either full-faced and casually dressed; All the men she met were different. Although Ji Tangtang had not been in contact with many men at that time, she inexplicably felt that this man was different, very different, and different from all the men in the world.
Ji Tangtang had an unspeakable secret in her heart. She spent countless late nights fantasizing about the writer's white and slender fingers wandering around her body, and his deep and sexy voice in her ear. Whispering, warm breath caressed her neck. As time went by, the longing in her heart became deeper and deeper, and the pain became more and more painful.
She had no one to talk to. While she was ashamed of her thoughts, she also enjoyed her day and night fantasies. Ji Tangtang felt that she needed an outlet to vent.
Ji Tangtang’s composition won the first prize again. The gentle Chinese teacher read it affectionately in front of the whole class. In the envious eyes of the people around him, Ji Tangtang straightened his back, although in his heart He was proud, but he still pursed his lips and suppressed his urge to laugh.
Ji Tangtang accidentally learned from the Chinese teacher's computer that this gentle female teacher turned out to be a famous writer on the Internet. Her stories contained rich life and social justice. On the way back, Ji Tangtang couldn't stop trembling. She seemed to have discovered a new world, in which she could be the center of everyone, and the protagonist who was envied by everyone.
That night, Ji Tangtang excitedly registered her account on the website, and she began to write a story about her and the writer. The writer in the story loved her until death, and their love was vigorous. Soon her story attracted a small group of readers, who left messages under the story. All kinds of envy and blessings made Ji Tangtang instantly satisfied physically and mentally.
This sense of satisfaction made Ji Tangtang uncontrollable. Her story began to have characters other than writers, her father who loved her, her best friends who cared about her, a bright and beautiful house, her story Tangtang in Zhongji is a princess immersed in happiness.
<三>
Ji Tangtang wanted to live her life like poetry, but things went against her wishes. Her life or her life was like white catkins after the wind blew, unable to The blue clouds are rising straight up, but they can only be crushed into mud. Ji Tangtang desperately showed off her love story with the writer on the Internet, but in real life she had never walked into the writer's life. The writer she knew was just the image she made up.
23-year-old Ji Tangtang is in love. The boy chasing her looks a lot like the writer, so she agrees. At the beginning, Ji Tangtang was very satisfied. She regarded the boy as a writer. They held hands, kissed, made love, and did all the things that couples would do together. She opened a new novel, a dreamy love story, and the little fans who followed her story were all excited. I was so excited that I left messages of blessing.
But not long after the novel was serialized, Ji Tangtang found that she was not satisfied with the current situation. She felt that her boyfriend was not always like a writer, so she began to reform her boyfriend intentionally or unintentionally. The writer's hairstyle, the writer's dress, she gained a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment from the process of transforming her boyfriend.
A year later, her boyfriend broke up. Ji Tangtang was very calm when she heard the news. From the bottom of her heart, she believed that her boyfriend was just a fake of a writer. After one copy was broken, she could create more.
After the breakup, Ji Tangtang's life was the same as before. She got up on time every morning to run and eat, then lay on the sofa in the afternoon to write her stories, and watch movies in the evening. Her story was picked up by a comic studio and adapted into comics, and later a film company bought her copyright.
Ji Tangtang did not participate in the adaptation of the movie. On the day the movie was released, she bought a ticket and sat in the corner and watched the entire movie by herself. She heard the envy of the people around her for the protagonist, and heard them praising her love.
Ji Tangtang suddenly burst into tears while walking in the crowd. She suddenly felt that she had been a joke for so many years. Her love was fictitious, her life was also fictitious, and she was a person addicted to stories. , so addicted that you can't distinguish between reality and illusion.
Ji Tangtang called her boyfriend in despair. After a period of ringing, a sweet female voice came from the phone. Ji Tangtang hung up the phone in panic, like a child who had done something wrong, feeling terrified inside. At that moment Ji Tangtang discovered that she had nothing but stories for so many years, no lover, no friends. She was a person in the center of the desert. No matter how she called, no one would respond to her.
After thinking about it all night in the dark, Ji Tangtang suddenly felt the paleness of life. She felt that she should do something to repair the cracks in her life. In 2012, Ji Tangtang went to Tibet to teach. That year she saw pure eyes, devout believers, the bright starry sky, and... She had never realized that life could be so beautiful, and she began to... I write travel notes, various aspects of life, children studying, and blue flowers blooming in the corner.
In 2015, Ji Tangtang left Tibet and began her wandering life. She went to the Northeast to see the snow, to Beijing to visit the alleys, and to Dunhuang to see the grottoes... She still writes stories, and there are no more words in her stories. It is a romantic fantasy but a real life. The old couple walking in the sunset, the young people wandering for their dreams, the singers singing by the fountain... The shadow of the writer has almost disappeared in Ji Tangtang's life.
In August 2017, Ji Tangtang got married to an interior designer. Ji Tangtang liked his warm and bright design style, which was like the sunshine in March, making people feel warm. Many nights, I would ask: "Ji Tangtang, are you happy now?" The voice in my heart would always answer me firmly: "I am very happy."
Chengyue Pavilion and Zhutao Garden jointly solicit essays/My writing relationship -