I'm leaving. I haven't decided where to go.
Anyway, I'm leaving you. Will I live better without you? I don't know.
Will I meet someone who is as kind to me as you are? I don't know.
Don't be sad, I didn't cry, but I couldn't help crying.
I put the key in the usual place, under the flowerpot in the corner. The flowers have been watered, at least you don't have to worry this week. You should remember to take away the clothes hanging on the balcony. I have washed all the dirty clothes in the washing machine. I can't guess who will wash them with you in the future, and I won't throw everything on you if I lose. This time, I won't cheat.
I have packed everything, so you can throw away what you haven't taken with you. The moment I closed the door, I knew that this place would no longer belong to me. I was not qualified and didn't cherish the privilege it gave me.
Forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye, not intentionally, nor for a long time. Don't feel sorry for yourself There is nothing wrong with you. I don't deserve it Without me, you should live a good life and be doubly happy. Only in this way can I arouse the regret of an ungrateful person like me, regret my reckless decision now and regret not grasping you.
I have always forgotten to say how happy I am to be with you for seven years. I'm so happy that I don't have the confidence to accept such comfort with peace of mind.
I went shopping in the supermarket in the morning, passed by a handicraft shop, and accidentally caught a glimpse of embroidery in the corner. Two dolls hand in hand are covered with dust on the cloth, but they are still grinning happily.
Do you remember? I embroidered one for you, too At that time, in order to show ingenuity, female students rushed to do needlework, knitting bracelets and forgetting to eat and sleep, and knitting scarves. I think I have to show it, too I must let you know that I am a good program. But I don't want to follow the crowd. I want to do something unique for you. So I went around several streets and bought a cross stitch, intending to embroider a flower for you.
It was the first time I picked up a needle and thread, and my hands were clumsy. I just embroidered the flowers into a fly. Fortunately, I was smart enough to secretly cut off two dolls on my sister's clothes and make them up. I didn't feel enough to express my feelings, so I added our names in a crooked way. Finally, I am satisfied. I'll wiggle it for you, and you'll laugh till you cry. I said I sewed it on your schoolbag to let everyone know that you are mine. Your firm answer, you said, no, it's too girly. I pretended to be angry, I said throw it away, and you arrested it again and put it in your pocket like a baby. You are a duplicitous person.
Near the end of the semester, there are always as many people in the library as ants. You have many classes, while I stay in bed. You stay in front of the library early every day, waiting for a seat. I'm not in a hurry to find you. There are not many final exams for our major. I borrowed a bunch of Zhang Ailing's novels to read on the table, and you scratched your head to calculate the high number. When I come across a joke that is a golden sentence of love, I will copy it down and show it to you. You don't say anything, just look at it and bury your head and continue to do the problem, which makes people overwhelmed. Once I read Hu Lancheng's This Life so deeply that I grabbed your arm and began to mumble. You looked up at me blankly and said, what? I answered absently, no matter what happens, hold on to me and don't give up on me. You hold my face and say, yeah.
I finally graduated, and everyone around me hugged and cried like a ghost. I also wiped a tear. I said the world is so big, let's have a look. You nodded and shook your head and said that the town was actually quite good, with stable work and quiet life. I said it's up to you.
It's so pure that all I can think about is you. If it's because of love, don't lose two, anything will do.
Small towns are really suitable for living, not for life. After many twists and turns, you finally have a formal job, and I continue to be unemployed, and I am on tenterhooks all day. Your work is not going well, and I'm not feeling well.
The circle of friends began to bask in the sun, as if everyone was living a lively life, and only we stayed where we were, unchanged, and became the coordinates for others to compare the past and the present. I'm kidding. I'm going to become a lazy yellow-faced woman. You said with a smile, it doesn't matter. I like you when I become a yellow-faced woman. You are my wife.
The world of adults is vain, and we can't stop and watch others keep running forward calmly.
Over time, we began to quarrel. You say I don't understand you, and I blame you for not understanding me. We accused each other of tying our hands and feet. You are still suppressing your emotions and pandering to my unreasonable troubles, but I can't keep playing dumb and turning a blind eye to your fatigue.
You know, a greedy woman like me still wants a lot, and she will never be satisfied with her hard-won happiness. You always said you liked my insatiable appearance. You said you would support me. But ah, you have such perseverance, but I don't have such confidence. One day, like those noisy old ladies, I will set up a subwoofer and dance in the square dance before dawn. I will turn against you for the trivial matter of daily necessities. I will become haggard and hysterical, full of our breath, and it is no longer the smell of flowers and sugar, but the smell of onion, ginger and garlic.
Sincerity is a rapidly changing thing, and I'm afraid I have nothing.
You see, I'm so negative and scared. I also fantasized about growing old with you. Such small and big happiness is everywhere, but I don't have the courage to accept the same day after day.
I have to do something for myself. I can't treat you as a retreat forever. The unknown future is not terrible, but being a drowned mature frog is terrible. Killing in big cities is cruel and life in a foreign land is not easy, but I still want to give it a try. I am not afraid of beating gongs and drums. Maybe I'll go home dressed, maybe I'll lose my head and my armor. Who knows? Let's move on.
I can only see your face when the train starts. The little couple across the street laughed their flowers out. I sat by the window and looked at the polished telephone pole, tears streaming down my face. I'm afraid I can't help calling you, and I showed you my avatar when I was about to turn off my cell phone. I stayed for a few seconds to open WeChat, and you talked a lot. Did you miss me? I must have eaten a lot of junk food again. I should drink less cold drinks. What do you want to eat tonight? I'll be right back.
You see, you are such a person, meticulous at all times. I managed to hold back my tears, but I still couldn't help crying. The little couple gave me a look and quickly put down their hands on each other's cheeks.
People who are lovelorn are irrational, even I, an egoist who hurts others. While thinking about going back to eat fireworks with you, I can't let go of my heart that I want to pretend. I hesitated, turned off my cell phone and forced myself not to think about you. I know I can't want everything. When people are alive, they have to lose something to be more thorough.
I'm leaving. You have to live a good life.
Be sure to live better than me, even if I never know again.
Come to see me in your dream and let me know.