Borders are like what we call bottom lines and principles, which let us know what we can accept and what we can't accept, and how to deal with others when they cross these borders.
What kind of personal boundaries are unhealthy?
Unhealthy personal boundaries are easy to be responsible for the emotions and behaviors of others. Or expect others to be responsible for their emotions and actions. People with unhealthy personal boundaries tend to regard the needs and feelings of others as more important than their own, and will have the following behaviors:
When you refuse other people's demands, you will feel bad or guilty.
If you are treated rudely, you will only submit to humiliation.
Give up your faith in order to please others.
Define yourself by other people's comments.
Always want to save others, arrange problems for them and solve problems.
A healthy personal boundary is responsible for one's own behavior and emotions, not for others' behavior and emotions. In this way, we can bear the consequences of our own choices, and we can also ensure that others will be responsible for their actions and will not cross the border to infringe on us.
Personal boundaries of health should have the following characteristics: clear, protective, firm but flexible, and self-established.
In fact, a healthy personal boundary is very important, because it implies a well-known truth, that is, "everyone should and should only be responsible for his own life."
When we have a healthy personal boundary, we know that we have the responsibility to reject each other, and the reason for rejecting each other is that they have crossed the line, which naturally lightens our guilt. At the same time, you can also tell the other party where your boundary is, to prevent the other party from crossing the border again in the future.
How to establish a healthy personal boundary
1. Make it clear that you have the right to establish personal boundaries.
Of course, you have the right to protect your privacy and refuse others. The process of establishing personal boundaries is actually the process of establishing self-identity. Only when you establish a clear and firm boundary will others respect you.
For example, for Jackson Yee, his boundary is "I am the captain and I have this right", while for our daily life, what I want to do and what I don't want to do is our boundary.
Your own feelings are more important than the needs and feelings of others.
This sentence may seem a bit "selfish" to the public. Our culture requires us to think too much about the feelings of family, friends and even strangers on the road.
But first of all, we should understand that we should love ourselves before we talk about love. If we please others and give up our own boundaries, others will not like and respect you for it, so it is very important to put our feelings and needs first.
3. Determine which behaviors are unacceptable to you.
Every time your personal boundary is violated, remember carefully, list the things you can't accept, and try to express it directly to the other party in a peaceful tone next time.
Jackson Yee, for example, actually questioned the captain's decision-making power, and it was inappropriate to "plead" more. If possible, he can show that he doesn't accept such behavior.
Try to refuse
If someone makes a request that offends your boundaries, "getting angry" is a very good way. It has nothing to do with petty and joking.
However, if you don't express your feelings for fear of provoking others, interpersonal relationships will be damaged, indicating personal boundaries and appropriate refusal will help the development of relationships.