Children have been brought up by their elders since childhood, and they are not close to their parents and have alienated feelings. First of all, as a mother, if you don't always look at your children with critical and complaining eyes, but learn to appreciate and accept them, there will be many problems.
But what about this kind of question? Parents have responsibilities. You can't put all the responsibilities that children should bear in the process of growing up on the elderly. Moreover, as soon as they see their children's shortcomings and mistakes, they accuse the elderly of having problems in education. Then why don't parents do their duty to educate their children? Why are children absent when they are growing up?
Parents should be the guiding lights in the process of children's growth, but you are not there. Shouldn't you blame yourself and feel guilty? Because children don't obey their parents' wishes and grow up according to their parents' requirements, you must hate him, despise him and laugh at him. ...
Have you considered the feelings of children?
I was not accompanied by my parents since I was a child. In his young mind, I decided that I was not liked, accepted and loved by my parents.
Feelings need ties and connections, giving and love. You should cultivate feelings with your children first. Use your love, tolerance and understanding to correct children's bad living habits and teach them to live a correct lifestyle.
"Women are weak, mothers are strong", which is vast and vast. Only maternal love is the greatest!
Children are the meat of their parents, especially as mothers, they must love their children very much. Children grow up to be people they don't like, and all the reasons are related to themselves. Parents are the original sin, because a child's character cultivation, moral habits and so on are influenced and educated by family, especially parents. Letting his son become a person he hates is actually a denial of his own education and a consequence of his own education. Man is a career in itself. Parents have the responsibility to educate their children as soon as they are born. It is their own problem not to fulfill this responsibility. There must be many problems for the elderly to take care of their children. I can only blame myself for not handling this relationship well when my child was young. Now I can only accept tolerance. If there is still time, bring the child to our side. Even if you rent a house, you should separate him from the old man, pay more patience and slowly reverse his bad habits, instead of blindly looking at the children with hatred and blame. But you can't criticize the old man or deny his contribution in front of the child, which will make the child very disgusted, and you can't show your boredom and disgust with the child from your eyes. Let the children feel the love of their parents from the heart. This mentality of the questioner is very unhealthy and violates the ethics of parents. First of all, we must correct our mentality, secondly, we must find more ways to communicate with our children, and finally, we must get the support of our families and find reasons to keep our children close to their parents and separate from the elderly. This may be a difficult and long process, but it must be endured, because the practice of leaving children with parents will pay a price, no matter what the reason.
Hello, friend. T-friend, the creator of emotional field, is happy to discuss life problems with you.
After reading your question and thinking about it repeatedly, T friends think that this is a serious topic about how to correctly handle the relationship between children and parents. Judging from the content of the article alone, with all due respect, it is really inappropriate for you to treat your children like this.
First, the care of children must be done from an early age, and in a subtle way, deep feelings can be formed between mother and child. Children are the heart of a mother. Who doesn't love it and don't want to succeed? How much do you hate your son from the heart? This is just your irony. Even if you hate iron and blame your son for being upset, have you ever asked yourself? How much have you paid for your children? People's feelings are not formed in childhood, so you can't cultivate children's sincere feelings for you at any time, because many people's feelings are gradually formed by childhood contact and feelings. I don't understand why you entrust all the children's discipline to his grandmother. This does not mean that children and grandmothers do not get along well, nor does it mean that grandmothers have a low level of education. It means that you have left your son's intimate contact early, and you are indifferent to him, feeling strange and completely heartless. Therefore, no matter how busy you are, you should keep your son with you, discipline him personally in his childhood, and deepen the feelings between mother and son in frequent daily contact.
Second, children are lively and naughty by nature. You should try your best to persuade, be gentle and let them grow up healthily. But we must treat him with gentle breeze and drizzle. Who didn't grow up? When you come to the park and admire the blooming trees and flowers, have you ever thought that the reason why saplings and flowers can decorate today's beautiful scenery is really the hard work of garden workers in watering, weeding, pruning and controlling pests and diseases when they were young? Now the child is very young and has many physical problems. Aren't you in a hurry to educate, love and love? Moreover, a naughty child as a child is, on the one hand, his nature, on the other hand, his talent and cleverness. You should avoid killing him, be good at finding him, cultivating him and persuading him. After many years, if he can achieve something, then you will really contribute. American inventor Edison was deaf and dropped out of school at an early age. Thanks to the education of his virtuous mother, he was able to make later inventions. Otherwise, mankind will face more and longer nights.
Third, you have to pay ten times the price to correct every bad detail of your child. Once you miss the opportunity, you will regret the infinitely clever children, who always make the family full of joy, while the dull children always worry the mother. The article also talked about many problems of his son, such as cowardice and introversion, poor initiative, incorrect learning attitude and strong dependence. Parents must attach great importance to it and carefully observe and understand that some of them are also caused by parents. Your son grew up with his grandmother, who was too fond of him, too dependent on his parents and far away from his playmates. Therefore, he is introverted and withdrawn. You have to let him get in touch with more people, especially his playmates around him, and take part in group activities such as games. If it really doesn't work, he will ask a psychiatrist for help. His study is not good. You should go to school to understand, interact with the teacher, strictly supervise and correct his learning posture. Grandma is old, and many educational concepts are very old. She has no choice but to teach her grandson in her studies. Suggest that she ask for tutor or self-study. Childhood is a critical period for growing up, learning knowledge and spreading etiquette. You can't ignore it at all, otherwise it will delay your child's life and make you regret it later.
To sum up, parents should do everything possible to deal with the relationship with their children, especially the emotional cultivation of children, and the management of learning should be put in the first place. Don't take it lightly, even fantasize, sow the fire of hatred between you and your child early. Look around, where are the adults and children in the world? Isn't this even more ridiculous?
Friends, let's call it a day. Thank you for reading and correcting me.
Your problem is that children hate you from beginning to end, only the title is that you hate your son. So it can be said that your dislike stems from your feeling that your son is cold, distant and rebellious to you.
Hatred is a highly generalized word. You can make it clear that your question reflects that you don't like your child's introverted personality and the sound in his throat. These two points may be your projection, that is, when you have these qualities that you can't tolerate in particular, you put them on your son.
Children live with their grandmothers since childhood. Obviously, you have missed the critical period of establishing an attachment relationship with your child. If a child has no sense of security, he is likely to be weak and extreme, forming an unsafe attachment model. Perhaps, he wants to be close to you, but he is afraid that you will leave again and get hurt again after being close.
Finally, talk about the gap. What do you think? Like hate? If you can't say anything specific, then your problem is unsolvable.
Let's see what you can do now to change this relationship. Why not introspect first and see if you can be classified as introverted? Do you hate this part of yourself? Take back your projection.
Is the child in adolescence? When his throat makes a strange sound, the first thing you won't doubt is whether he is ill?
Give yourself some time to repair your relationship with your child. The formation of a child's character is very long, not a one-off event. Parents still need to do a lot.
Of course, I like my children. Why can't I love them? In fact, it's not that I don't love it, but I still hope to get along well with my children. The reason why I am estranged from my children is mainly because of my grandmother.
It's because you project your dissatisfaction with your children. You are not really dissatisfied with the children, and the apparent severity is not unreasonable. It is because of grandma that you are unconsciously strict with your son.
Being strict with his son is precisely to show the correctness of his education for his children, and to deny grandma's educational methods by strictly disciplining her children.
As you said, the child was brought up by grandma, totally dependent on grandma and not kissing you. Your child's behavior makes you sad. Obviously you are the child's biological mother, but your son is not close to you at all. Just like your own son is grandma's child. Grandma's doting on her grandson makes you feel that you are behind the times in the "struggle" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the children have become grandma's private property.
But children are their own children after all. Cultivate a good habit, he will unconsciously be strict with him, so strict that the child will feel uncomfortable and emotionally accelerate to move closer to grandma. Your child's performance makes you more strict with your child and gradually lose patience, so that you have the idea of giving up your child.
In fact, you can talk with your husband about your child's education, so that he can realize that good habits are cultivated from an early age, rather than waiting for your child to grow up and get better. Without good habits, there is no good life plan.
Grandma has done a lot for her children, and the feelings of grandparents are understandable and acceptable. On the issue of children's education, we should not interfere too much, but let parents play a leading role in their education.
Grandma should also take the initiative to let go, emotionally return the child to her mother, and establish emotional dependence as soon as possible. This is a healthy parent-child relationship. Instead of long-term possession of children, depriving a mother of the right to raise children. If possible, we can be apart for a while.
Finally, be patient with children. Too strict can only accelerate the child to push her grandmother. After all, the person children trust most is grandma, not mom. Encourage children, cultivate their self-confidence, establish parent-child relationship as soon as possible, and repair women's feelings.
You love children, but you don't know where to start.
The child was brought up by grandma. You missed the growth of the child and didn't know how to get along with it.
Children who grow up without their parents are insecure. They are fragile and sensitive. Like you said, they dare not say. If they talk about it, they will cry.
Children don't grow up as you think, and you feel at a loss and powerless. In fact, from the perspective of psychoanalysis, you are angry and regretful about yourself. Why don't you bring your own children when you are angry, and you are at a loss for your own children? From the bottom of my heart, I hate that I can't get close to my children. This frustration makes you very angry. You vent it on your incompetence and confusion. You feel helpless to your children, so you hate your children.
When this happens, the most important thing is to establish a relationship with children:
1, spend more time with the children. Make up for it, get to know each other again, spend more time with your child, and make him feel that he is very important in your mind. Play more interesting games with children, and playing games together can quickly enhance the feelings between children and you.
2. Pay attention to the positive aspects of children. Pay more attention to the advantages of children and praise them immediately if they do well. Adults and children don't want to hear criticism.
3. Pay attention to tone when communicating with children. When the child does something wrong, use the tone of consultation and use "can't" and "can't" more often. For example, you can demonstrate the child's hunchback first, and then tell him, "How about this?" Tell your truth and thoughts, and children will accept it easily. Use "must" and "must" less.
Mother and child are connected with each other, and no one can replace them. Cultivate feelings slowly and use your beloved children. You and your children will get along like friends.
Of course there is a way. This problem is a manifestation of the disharmony between parents and children. The main thing is that you have no feelings for your children. The most fundamental solution is to deal with the relationship between you and your children. The main relationship is good, and the feelings will develop slowly. After all, they are mother and son, not enemies. How to ease the relationship between your mother and son can start with the following points;
First, bring your own children.
Because I didn't bring my child, I think there is nothing wrong with the child. The main reason is that you have no feelings. To ease this relationship, grandma needs to quit, mom needs to take care of the children, and both mother and son need to get along well, especially in daily life. Take care of the children by yourself and keep them by your side. Instead of being a big shopkeeper like an outsider, nothing will happen. It is a disadvantage to see children covered in clothes. Taking care of children by themselves requires parents to guide their children with their own actions and dribs and drabs in life, and the subtle power is great.
Second, get along with children with tolerance and love.
Usually, when getting along with children, mothers must be tolerant, such as children playing and making the house messy. Many mothers will be angry at this time, for example, I used to be like this, but now I am not angry at all, because I understand that children are naturally like this. Although the house is a mess, children don't understand. As parents, they only need to guide their children how to pack their things when they make a mess at home. Try to hug the child every morning, say good night to the child before going to bed and kiss the child at the same time. It is best to tell children a bedtime parent-child story before going to bed, which can effectively close the parent-child relationship and make the parent-child relationship more harmonious.
Third, don't physically punish children.
Every time a child makes a mistake, try not to severely punish or physically punish the child. After all, your relationship is not very good now, and it is easy to accumulate contradictions, which will lead to serious parent-child relationship problems. At this stage, slow down your mood and do too many things in time, but in the case that your relationship is not very good, it is recommended not to be too radical.
Parent-child relationship needs love to maintain. Love is an effective link for parent-child relationship to experience setbacks. It will not hurt us, but will make us love our children more.
I am a second-born mother with rich experience and knowledge in parenting. Please pay attention to the message and express your different opinions.
Cultivate feelings first, and take care of your children no matter how busy you are at work. Why do you earn money? For the sake of your family, if your child is unfilial and even engages in western activities, no amount of money can be earned enough for him to squander! Cultivating children is the greatest wealth!
Well, it was like this when I was young. I was afraid of boredom and hardship, and I dragged my children to my grandmother. You don't care whether you are born or not, but worry about responsible hardship, grow up with your baby and pass it on to others. When you grow up, the baby will definitely stay away from your heart and can't talk to you. You don't know the baby, and the baby doesn't know your inner world. Thank you.
Are you here to scold or do you think everyone will blame grandma? You also said that children have always been brought up by grandma, so what responsibilities have you fulfilled as a mother? Only responsible for living, not for raising?
I have a cousin. She was sent away just because she was a girl. Her parents gave her away to a rich family with good family conditions. Many people say that she is unfortunate and was rejected at birth! But I think she is lucky because her parents prefer boys to girls and sent her away as soon as she was born. It is better not to be born than to give her away from the beginning. Giving her away as soon as she was born shows that they are not worthy to be parents at all, and they have not been accused by their parents! But fortunately, my cousin was sent to her adoptive parents, who had a good family condition and treated her as their own. Her adoptive parents regard her as the apple of their eye and don't allow her to suffer a little injustice! So my cousin is lucky.
But as a mother, you have the ability and obligation to raise your son, but you bring him to your grandmother, which not only does not give your son enough love, but also makes your mother-in-law very tired. Finally, you blame your mother-in-law for not taking care of her son, and you blame her son for not loving you enough! A child is like a mirror of his parents. He will truly reflect on what his parents have done, and your selfishness will affect him. He doesn't study well and he doesn't know how to study. Because you, as a mother, didn't urge him to develop good study habits since childhood. Too introverted, a lot of minor problems, it is your mother's responsibility not to do a good job in education. Love hunchback, it is your mother who ignores his growth. In the final analysis, all his problems are that as a parent, he has not "taught" him well and "educated" him well!
In fact, according to your statement, I can see that you still love your son. The more you blame him, the more you deny yourself, because you dare not face your mistakes! No parents don't love their children. My suggestion is that if you still love him, you should get him back in time. The child is still young, bring him to your side, patiently guide and educate him, give him more mother's love, and let him grow up healthily and happily like other children!