How to overcome excessive comparison?
Comparison is like a double-edged sword.
On the one hand, comparison can stimulate the potential of personal struggle and bring upward motivation to people; On the other hand, comparison also makes people live very tired, feel that their desires are not satisfied, and even lose themselves.
So the content of comparison is very important. If we just compare our own shortcomings with others' strengths, use our own shortcomings to counter others' strengths, and look at others' living conditions one-sidedly, then the result can be imagined naturally; At the same time, excessive comparison will also consume one's own energy, and ultimately it will not pay off.
Look inside yourself and outside the world.
Laozi's Tao Te Ching is listed as the first of the top ten masterpieces in the world in ancient and modern times by The New York Times, which awakens people's inner energy and tells people the way to decompress, treat others and be happy.
What is wealth? Lao Tzu said, "He who is content is rich. External affluence is superficial, and only internal affluence can last long. Most people like to compare with their neighbors. Laozi said that "fighting without fighting", "knowing men and keeping women", "knowing honor and disgrace" and "knowing white and keeping black" contain great wisdom in life.
On the premise of self-satisfaction, indifferent to fame and fortune, based on Tao, can lose its nature. Although we are dead, our spirit is immortal. People all know that contented people are happy, but ask our inner world, how many people have really achieved contentment?
"Tao Te Ching" talks about personal cultivation: "Self-knowledge wins, self-sufficiency threatens! 」
Everyone is selfish and has desires. If you want to get rid of selfish desires, you must reflect on yourself and then clean yourself up. If you can be self-aware, self-sufficient and forced, then you will be enlightened.
Inspire multiple thinking
Comparing with others is actually the psychology that most people have. Simply put, others have what they want.
Usually, there are great similarities between individuals who have the psychology of comparing with others and those who are selected as reference, which leads to the exaggerated demand for respect and the gradual enhancement of vanity motivation. Individuals may even have extreme psychological barriers and behaviors; Serious comparison often leads to extreme psychology of blindly climbing higher than one's own actual situation.
There is a theory of "self-cognition" in social psychology, and the comparative mind is actually a way to form self-cognition.
Self-perception, self-reflection, social comparison, evaluation and feedback from others are all part of self-cognition.
Among them, in the factor of "social comparison", social psychologist Cooley believes that self or personality is the product of society, which can only be produced through social communication and has the concept of "self in the mirror". People are mirrors of each other, reflecting each other. Comparison is also a process of looking in the mirror. The difference is that after looking in the mirror, we are not satisfied with ourselves in the mirror and want to change into a better one.
How to overcome excessive comparison?
People's understanding of themselves is mostly formed by comparing with each other; If a person can keep up with others in all aspects, it means that he probably doesn't know enough about himself and has too much self-esteem; But if only compared with the better people in his field, then he is self-motivated.
Classification of comparative psychology
1. Positive comparison
Positive comparison refers to positive comparison, which is a legitimate competition driven by rational consciousness, and can often trigger an individual's positive desire for competition and generate motivation to overcome difficulties.
2. Negative comparison
Negative comparison refers to those excessive and negative comparisons accompanied by emotional and psychological barriers, which will make individuals fall into a dead corner of thinking and produce great mental pressure and extreme self-affirmation or negation. The biggest problem of passive comparison lies in the lack of rational analysis of oneself and the surrounding environment. It is not good for people to indulge in comparison blindly.
Justice and integrity
How can we overcome negative comparison?
1. Use holographic thinking
Collect as much information and content as possible, and then compare them. For example, many people like to travel, shop, enjoy and eat delicious food in the circle of friends, without too much comparison, because the circle of friends only shows one side or a fragment of people's lives and does not represent all the real life conditions. Maybe the other person has experienced depression, loneliness, frustration, loneliness and trouble, but they just don't show it.
2. Use "holistic" thinking
Looking at empathy from a higher height, empathy often occurs between adjacent and similar people. For example, two waiters may compare who earns more money, but these two waiters can't compare with Bill Gates who has more money and who does more charity, because the level and realm between them are different, so we need to improve our self-cultivation inward and look at the problem from a more comprehensive perspective.
3. Use "whole process" thinking
From the perspective of time, a person's life is like a marathon. No matter whether he is ahead or behind in the start or race, it is not important to compare at a certain stage. The real competition in life is endurance and endurance.
Open the mystery and see wisdom.
From the perspective of Tao, everything is a whole, and human life is also a whole. There is no question of success or failure on the whole. The sum of loss and satisfaction is the same, and people need to overcome excessive comparison.