At the same time, there is another phenomenon, that is, although the guardian of the child has not formed a new family for a long time after divorce, he also found that the child's personality has changed greatly, and the situation is constantly changing in his study, and the parent-child relationship is not as good as before. There are even some children who live with their parents every day, but their rebellious mentality is increasing and it is not easy to discipline them.
Due to the large age span of single-parent children, today, Han Shi Leng Yue specially selected the second resistance period of children (7-9 years old) as a sample, and gave some suggestions to parents of single-parent families, aiming to let you know the influence of divorce on children's mental health, and how to take effective measures to ensure children's mental health as much as possible, so as to reduce the probability of children's growth problems.
Children in single-parent families are in the second stage of resistance, and parents' divorce is very easy to make children psychologically subhealth. Single parent children become anxious because they can't live with their parents.
For children, there is a psychological dependence on their parents from an early age. In their young minds, parents are their whole world. But suddenly one day, mom and dad divorced, leaving only mom and dad to live with me in this family, and the children will be particularly uneasy. Especially when the child is criticized or punished for doing something wrong, it will make the child more anxious, because he or she will mistakenly think that the mother (father) as a guardian does not love himself, so he or she will be so "bad" to himself or herself. There are also many times when children will subconsciously look for parents who have run away from home, but when they are confirmed to be gone, they will feel painful or confused in their hearts, but the children are unwilling to say it.
I feel particularly lost, because I miss my parents who left family of origin, but I can't see them at any time.
In early childhood, the emotional development of children in single-parent families is not particularly sufficient. Although they often miss their parents who left home, as long as someone plays with them, they will soon concentrate on playing. However, after children enter primary school, the emotional world will develop rapidly because they formally enter childhood, especially when they enter the second resistance period of 7-9 years old, and children will pay special attention to their inner feelings. Sometimes, choosing who to talk to will be different from before. If a child wants to talk to a father or mother who doesn't live together, he or she may feel lost at any time when he or she is away. As a guardian, the father or mother tends to overlook the feelings of children. And your neglect is very easy to make children feel lonely and helpless, and it is very easy to have potential psychological problems.
3. When a single-parent child is criticized by the teacher, the child will feel helpless and become silent easily.
After children enter primary school, family changes often directly affect their interest in learning. For example, after school, they may prefer to find playmates and feel lonely at home. But in this way, children will have problems when completing their homework, which will lead to more wrong questions, negative learning attitude and coping with things. When teachers don't know what children have experienced, they will have such poor academic performance, and rashly criticizing children in class can easily make children feel depressed and helpless. Originally, children thought that their parents left home because they didn't love themselves. Now that teachers criticize more, they are prone to cognitive bias, and then they become silent under helpless control. If you are the guardian's parents, you can't carefully observe your child's emotional changes every day, and your child's studies may never recover.
4. When single-parent children lack psychological security, it will affect their sleep, diet and attention.
Psychological influence of parents' divorce on children in the second period of resistance. 1. After parents divorce, there will be completely different results between children, which depends entirely on the guardian's attitude towards children.
For some couples, although they have 1000 reasons for divorce, only a few people will give priority to the negative impact of divorce on their children. But for children, it is not necessarily up to them to decide who their parents will follow after divorce. In particular, children eventually follow their mothers or fathers, but as guardians, the attitude towards children's discipline often determines the key to their healthy psychological growth. For a grumpy, impatient mother or father who doesn't know how to raise a child, it is very easy to make the child more difficult to discipline because of improper discipline attitude. Originally, the child was in the second period of resistance and there were many problems. In addition, the attitude of discipline is simple and rude, and education is more difficult, which lays the foundation for the rebellion of children in adolescence in the future. On the other hand, if the mother or father who lives with the child understands family education, can care for the child in time and adopt a relatively gentle way of discipline, the child will easily experience a growth crisis.
2, ridicule or casual jokes from peers can easily make children angry, leading to emotional extreme behavior.
Children who are extroverted and lively are very likely to become introverted after their parents divorce, and are even more reluctant to confide in others.
4. Without complete fatherly love and maternal love, single-parent children are very easy to indulge in games and close themselves off.
In many cases of children from single-parent families I have contacted, the number of self-enclosed and game addiction is the largest. Why does it show such characteristics or laws? There is a simple reason. After the whole child's family was broken, the relationship balance was also broken. It turns out that no matter how contradictory a couple is, they all have complete fatherly love and maternal love for their children. But now, for children, their emotional world has collapsed due to the departure of their parents, and it is easy to lack psychological security. In order to make up for their inner anxiety or dissatisfaction, most people will shut themselves up and don't want to be disturbed. However, some children find that games can make them happy, so they put most of their energy into games. As a result, they gradually become addicted to games.
Guardians with custody should pay close attention to the psychological changes of children, and these are the concerns. 1. After the divorce, the guardian of the child must strengthen the family companionship of the child and encourage and guide the child in time.
Those parents who are particularly responsible for their children's education, although their marriage is not satisfactory, eventually divorce, but when they get custody of their children and become independent guardians, they often give priority to the harm caused by divorce. So I try to spend my time and energy on my family. For example, she (he) will tell my children that mom and dad have to be separated for some reason, but we all love you at the same time. What about you? You only live away from your parents temporarily, and you can stay with him or her on weekends or holidays. When a child gets a positive answer and commitment from his mother or father, his inner anxiety is easily eliminated, and he even longs for the weekend. For such enlightened and educated parents, it is easy to reduce the influence of parents' divorce by encouraging and guiding their children to face the reality in time.
2. The guardian should avoid blaming or blaming the child's father (mother) in front of the child, which can reduce the child's negative emotions.
In real life, there is a kind of very bad divorced parents, who often criticize their children's father or mother in front of their children and try to portray each other as unforgivable sinners. But they don't know that the more they smear each other, the worse it will be for their children's mental health. Because as a child grows up, he or she will have his or her own cognition and discrimination. When one day the child finds out that everything you say is false, it is not only disrespectful to you, but also makes the child lose trust in you and thus unable to discipline. Therefore, guardians should avoid blaming or blaming their parents in front of their children. They should regard it as a minefield and don't step on it easily. If you do, I am glad that your child is not affected by negative emotions, and even he (she) can become a positive and optimistic boy like you.
3. Parents should always pay attention to the relationship between children and playmates and resolve conflicts in time.
For children in single-parent families, as guardians, mothers or fathers must always pay attention to the relationship between children and playmates. Because a good playmate relationship can make children happier and feel more secure. To some extent, this can make up for the inner loss brought by parents' divorce to their children. For example, some mothers or fathers will take the initiative to arrange more outdoor activities for their children, encouraging them to finish their homework first and then play with their friends easily. Others make an appointment with their children's good playmates to go to parks, cinemas, museums or the wild for some activities on weekends. As long as children have a colorful extracurricular life, it is easy to make their hearts full of sunshine. If parents find that there are contradictions between children and friends, they will definitely help solve the contradictions between them in time to avoid the loneliness of children because of losing playmates.
Experienced parents will tell their teachers the real situation of their marriage after divorce, and try their best to let the teachers teach according to the methods and means of educating their children in single-parent families. And some parents who don't understand education are unwilling to tell their teachers the real family situation because of their ugly faces after divorce. Therefore, it is difficult for teachers to take care of every student. This makes the subject lack of pertinence. If there is a father of a third-grade boy, after telling the class teacher about his divorce, the class teacher also introduced the child's performance in class to the parents. Frank communication with each other, the purpose is the same, we work together to get the children out of the shadow of mom and dad's marriage failure. Speaking of which, Leng Shi Leng Yue can definitely tell single parents that most teachers will understand and tolerate you especially, so you don't have to hide anything.
Beware of the psychological discomfort caused by the second marriage, and let the children gradually go too far. 1. If you want to enter the second marriage, the guardian needs to let the child have the right to know first and enhance the child's psychological security.
For some single parents, they are bound to face the reality of second marriage. If you are responsible for your children, I suggest that you must have a serious talk with your children in this regard and tell them the pain of being single, so as to gain their sympathy and understanding. As long as we do this, we can get the support of our children and make a good start for family reconstruction in the future. However, some single parents are not rational enough to completely ignore their children's feelings. As a result, they have laid the groundwork for new problems in new families because of their children's future discipline problems. Although they have a new marriage, even if their children are unhappy, they may be hurt twice.
2. Whether to formally enter the second marriage requires the guardian to seek the opinions of the children, and it is appropriate to get married when the conditions are ripe.
For single parents who are ready to formally enter the second marriage, I suggest that you'd better ask your children's opinions. If the previous work is thoughtful and meticulous, and the child is familiar with your other half, he (she) can be accepted psychologically. However, be cautious before marriage, because for adults, they are often good at camouflage. It may be one thing before marriage, but it may be another thing after marriage. Only time can tell whether a person really loves you and your children. If you really find the right person, you and your child will get real happiness, which is definitely the best thing for your child. Here, please prepare your parents for the second marriage. Is it appropriate to get married when the conditions are ripe?
3. After the second marriage begins, it is necessary to clarify the positioning of family members and discipline the stepfather or stepmother.
Because they are not biological children, many second-married families often lack the experience of disciplining their stepchildren (daughters). Leng Yue, a cold stone, makes several suggestions here: First, it is necessary to hold a family meeting to clarify the main position of stepfather (mother) in the family; The second is to clarify the stepfather's (mother's) right to discipline, so that children can clearly know; Third, it is best to let children express their views under encouragement and guidance, which is conducive to establishing a committed relationship. If such a democratic family relationship can really be achieved, I believe there will be a good family order for family reorganization, which will make children feel warmer, safer and happier than their original home. What is more important than children's happiness? Because children have happiness, of course, everyone has it.
4. The guardian should talk to the child about the feelings brought by the new family in stages and understand the child's real thoughts.
It is an indisputable fact that the second marriage needs running-in. Children will naturally have their own inner feelings in the process of getting along with their stepfather (mother) day and night. For parents, it is necessary to take time to communicate with their children alone and let them talk about their impressions and feelings about their stepfather. For children, as long as this topic is thrown out, it will be clear that you really love him or her, and naturally you will express your true feelings with a trusting attitude. If you find these problems, you can tell your child that you are responsible for solving them. Please wait for mom or dad's reply. As long as parents establish a new family and establish a kinship relationship without blood in a frank and pragmatic spirit, I believe you will definitely make the kinship relationship more harmonious and beautiful.
Conclusion: This article ends here. Although I only take children aged 7-9 as samples to illustrate, you can still learn from the single parents of children before the age of 7, and you can tell you with joy that you can handle all this before the children enter the second resistance period, which is more conducive to their future education and growth. Although the length is very long, but in the spirit of being responsible for children, I still spent a lot of pen and ink, analyzed as thoroughly as possible, and gave more comprehensive suggestions.
If you have any questions about educating children in single-parent families, you can write them down in the comments or leave me a message, and I will take the time to answer them.