China's parents are the hardest group in the world, especially those of us who are mothers. We put all our thoughts on children, and we like to talk about children best when chatting: excellent, diligent, sensible, naughty and so on, whether they are just born or married. The topic of children is always new.
A few days ago, I went to the hospital to see a sick child. My mother said to me, "In fact, I just want my child to be healthy now, and nothing else is important." Then, my mother said, "I don't think so when I am well." It's time to hope that the children are all right. " Yes! There is not a parent who does not put the child's health first, which of course includes physical health and mental health.
Every parent wants his children to be healthy, happy and get excellent grades. When we are "tigress" in children's works, when we play "lion roar" in children's works, we will say helplessly, "I also want to accompany my children to grow up happily! I also really want someone to give me some advice when I am confused! " Our topic today is: accompanying children to grow up healthily and happily. First, through a few small cases, I really feel "psychological education".
First, parent-child relationship is the key to education.
1, some time ago, a friend who didn't have much contact often came to chat with me with his children. As soon as I entered the door, my friend talked about how difficult it is to take care of the children alone. Although I am usually strict with the children, it is also for the sake of their future. The child is also very helpless. I asked my friend, "Is your daughter excellent?" My friend first looked up at me confidently, but what he said was extremely inconsistent with his expression. The friend said, "My daughter is good, but not good enough." It can be seen that this friend is usually very stingy in expressing praise. The following conversation makes me feel depressed. The mother is very picky about her children. When encountering problems, she always lets her children approve of her ideas. It's too difficult to get this mother's approval! In such a family relationship, the mother is like a judge. If she makes a mistake, she is not allowed to make it again. When the child makes a mistake, the mother will keep chanting until the child's temper breaks out. The mother will ask her how she can be so rude to her elders, and the contradictions will be superimposed. The child tried several times to leave home and live outside, but the mother didn't agree. The college entrance examination is coming, and the children already feel unbearable.
After understanding the situation, it is suggested that the mother and daughter exchange for 3 days, and the mother and daughter exchange to play each other's usual appearance. If the mother can successfully play the role of daughter and spend these three days without complaint, the child will listen to her from now on. When we chatted again three days later, as I expected, my mother felt her daughter's feelings and her daughter felt her mother's good intentions. Right or wrong is not as important as mother-daughter relationship.
2. My other friend's son 15 years old. We had dinner together that day, and my son was very upset at the dinner table because he had too much homework recently! The son said, "Why does the teacher always give us so much homework?" ! What a waste of time! How annoying! "If you were the mother of the child, how would you respond to the child? Some mothers will seriously say, "Son, other students can finish the homework assigned by the teacher. Why can't you?" Or: "Teacher, that's for your own good! "Do you know? If you know everything, why don't you get full marks! I still have too much homework, and other students can't have too much! " What will happen? Will children put away their emotions and finish their homework?
Let's see how my friend did it: my friend quickly put down his chopsticks, rubbed the child's face and said piteously, "I'm exhausted from my baby son, and my mother is so distressed!" " Come on, mom peeled a prawn for her eldest son! "The child's expression immediately became embarrassed. Mother peeled two prawns and put them in the child's bowl, and then said, "Would you like to treat you to a supper?" "I'm so tired recently, I have to eat well! Come on, son, what do you want to eat? Mom will do it for you! " My son has already started to want to eat, and he has forgotten the problem of how much homework.
This is the Master of Education. When you know how to grasp the relationship with children before looking back at the problem, maybe the problem has disappeared. At home, the mother cooked a delicious dinner for her children and stayed up late with her son to do his homework. When children see me, they are always happy to say, Aunt, do you know? My mother is a sweet-talking mother, but she doesn't like me at all, because it's not that difficult for me to have a mother.
Parents, our children will always encounter all kinds of problems when they are away from home. When a child meets something, the first person he wants to talk to is his parents. If parents are not "parents" at this time, but "outsiders", it is equivalent to closing the child's open heart door to you, and at the same time closing the injured heart inside. The scars that the mother could have healed were put aside and ignored, but she kept criticizing the children. Asking children to do this and that will increase their psychological burden and negative emotions. If the mother holds the child in her arms and feels distressed for a while, expressing confidence that the child can handle this problem well, then the child will feel the mother's distress for herself and become stronger.
This tells us that a successful education should be based on a good relationship. Parent-child relationship is the key to education. Children who have a good relationship with their parents will be calm whenever they encounter problems.
Second, companionship is not just companionship.
Many parents around me are typical of "accompanying children": sending their children to school, doing homework with them, telling stories to them before going to bed ... They have made a lot of efforts, but their children are ungrateful and even don't like their parents' company. Why is this? In fact, only when we let go of all requirements, control and evaluation, simply see the child's present appearance and feelings, and are willing to share time with this real person, is this true companionship. Did you do it?
I remember when my son was young, a friend of mine told me that if you have children, you should stop thinking about your life, especially after the children go to school, and stay with them until they go to college. What impressed me the most at that time was that every time I went to her house, I could always see that as long as the child was doing homework, she moved the stool and sat next to her son, staring at him, and his son was slouching on the table doing homework, lazy and uncomfortable.
"What are you dawdling about? Write quickly? " She yelled at her son from time to time, and when he resisted a little, he immediately began to nag, "Look at others …", which made me feel very dignified. At that time, I thought, if I were a child, I would be bored.
My friend complained behind my back about how much he paid and how much he sacrificed to accompany his children. ...
Later, my friend's son didn't graduate from junior high school, and he didn't go to school anyway. Friends cried one after another for this, and the child did not embark on the road of success she expected after all.
Last Sunday, I took my little nephew to the amusement park on the second floor of the mall. I saw a mother looking down at her mobile phone almost all afternoon, and her daughter was playing alone. There is little communication between mother and daughter. Compared with children of the same age, that child is quiet and unsociable. He played quietly in the corner, watching his mother's direction from time to time, for fear that her mother would leave. ...
These scenes are not uncommon. Many parents think that as long as they are with their children, they are accompanying them, even if they are holding a mobile phone, talking absently to their children, or just looking at them. ...
How to achieve high-quality companionship? In fact, the truly high-quality companionship should be paid, and it should be the parent-child time enjoyed by both parties. I read an article introducing two kinds of companionship, which are simple and easy to operate.
1, please see the first "Hyvata" education.
Haiwota is a chat mode between parents and children in Jewish families. Their chat is not gossip, but conscious, listening and expressing at a fixed time every day. In the Jewish family, the weekend is the time for the whole family to have dinner, and it is also the time to "sea tower" together. Parents will not ask their children to "eat well and don't talk", but discuss various issues while eating. Then we can choose the time to communicate with our children according to our own situation, which can be on the way to and from school, dinner time or bedtime.
2. The second is "123" family education in Taiwan Province Province.
The so-called "123" rule is: 1 time a day, 20 minutes each time, 1 of the three things parents and children do. Three things include reading books, playing games and chatting together. Practice has proved that it is more meaningful to have a high-quality parent-child interaction and companionship every day according to the "123" rule than to be together aimlessly for a long time!
Third, daughters need bottom-line education, and sons need sunshine education!
Family education directly affects children's future growth. In daily life, parents will habitually buy dolls for girls and toy cars and guns for boys. This unconscious behavior just reflects that boys and girls need different parenting styles. So how should we choose the way of education for boys and girls?
The writer Luo Song told two stories: The first story is about a girl.
An adolescent girl didn't come home until the early hours of the morning. A few days later, her father asked her out for a drink: "Try it, get drunk, and dad will take you home." That night, the girl fainted in the bar. The next day, when I woke up, I saw a letter from my father: in the letter, my father told my daughter how much wine she drank last night, so that her daughter could remember her limit. He also said that he couldn't always be around to protect his daughter, so he let her know her limits and let her learn to protect herself.
The second story is about boys.
A boy of 14 years old saw a favorite book in the bookstore, but he didn't have that much money with him, so he secretly hid the book in his arms, only to be found by his boss and sent to the police station. Soon, the father of the child arrived. The boy hung his head and waited for his father's scolding. But his father didn't scold him, but said to the bookstore owner, "He must like this book very much, just because he didn't bring enough money." Do you think this is okay? I am willing to pay three times the price for this book ... "When I left the police station, my father stopped and said to the ashamed child," People make mistakes more or less all their lives. Listen, forget it! Don't let it leave a shadow in your heart, study hard and don't make the same mistake again. "
Finally, Luo Song said: The best protection for daughters is bottom line education, and the best protection for sons is sunshine education.
1. The bottom line education for girls is: physical bottom line, life bottom line, emotional bottom line and life bottom line. The following are the main points: the bottom line of the body and the bottom line of life.
What is the bottom line education of physics?
Parents with girls at home must warn their daughters not to hurt and sell their bodies for anything.
Then what is life bottom line education?
Tell children that it is inevitable to meet wicked people in life. In case of encounter and inability to fight gangsters, we will fight circuitous wars. No matter how important you are, you shouldn't confront him. The best choice is to give up money to save your life. Nothing is more important than life. In life, it is inevitable to encounter sad things. But no matter how sad, you can't choose to end your life. Suicide is the stupidest way to solve the problem.
2. The best protection for son is sunshine education.
The first sunshine education: adventure education.
Nowadays, many parents always educate their children like this: "You can't go there, it's too dangerous." "This place can't stay, it's dangerous." Educator Richard put it well: "Children who lack adventurous spirit are often used to sticking to the rules, weak in character and not good at innovation."
The second sunshine education: rule education.
On the basis of "adventure education", balance adventure with rules. Whatever you do, you should think of the worst result. If the worst result is acceptable, you can try. If you can't bear it, don't do it. (Tell my son's case)
The third kind of sunshine education: frustration education.
Yang Baode, a doctoral student at Xi Jiaotong University, committed suicide because he couldn't bear the harassment of his tutor. Ou Jianxin, a programmer of ZTE Group, committed suicide because he couldn't bear to be dismissed by the company. They chose to commit suicide because they lacked frustration education since childhood. In recent years, child suicides have occurred frequently, which is shocking.
In fact, what knocks us down in life is the passive evasive attitude in the face of setbacks. Then we should teach children how to turn every difficulty and setback into an opportunity for learning. Nowadays, many parents try their best to meet their children's requirements, so as not to let them be wronged and let them experience less setbacks. This method of education is putting the cart before the horse. Just as children have to learn to walk when they stumble, they have to stumble when they grow up. In order to avoid excessive injury, it is enough for parents to silently guard and be ready to rush to stop the injury caused by big events.
The fourth sunshine education: independent education.
It is to cultivate children's independence in life and thought.
Fourth, happiness education.
We firmly believe that parents will always love us the most. Then, as parents, we are also the people who love children the most. If the education method is wrong, that kind of heavy love will deeply hurt the growth of children. If you love children, please read their hearts first, so as to scientifically guide them to grow up healthily. So how can we guide children to grow up healthily? Finally, talk about happiness education. Happy education is to cultivate children's happiness with behavior as the first priority;
1, I don't know how to look at children with adult thinking mode; 2. Don't let children get hurt in cold violence.
Nowadays, parents have realized that it is wrong to discipline their children with "beating", so many parents have no choice but to use "indifference". The child lied, and the mother was very angry. What should I do if I can't beat the child? Is indifference, indifference, in our words, indifference, is hanging him.
There is a famous psychological experiment in Japan. The object of the experiment is three bowls of the same rice. People passing by every day say to the first bowl of rice, "I love you so much!" " "Speaking of the second bowl of rice," I hate you! " "Turn a blind eye to the third bowl of rice. Half a month passed, and the result of the experiment was that the first bowl of rice gave off a faint bouquet, and the rice turned sour the next night. Surprisingly, the third bowl of rice stinks and is covered with black hair. There are many psychological experiments like this, but those who are left out are the most hurt. As parents, the education methods should be appropriate, and the children are still young, so they should make a difference.
Some parents will ask: Will spanking and snubbing hurt children? There must be a way to discipline them, right? I suggest that parents establish equal communication relations with their children from an early age. Parents often listen to their children's hearts and try to understand their behavior from their perspective, and they will find that children are not what we think!
3. Teach children to manage their emotions.
Emotion itself is a feeling. Happiness, anger, sadness, thinking, sadness, fear and surprise are the seven primitive emotions that human beings are born with.
First, let children understand their emotions. Parents don't judge their emotions. Parents often say: "Crying is a sign of cowardice!" "It's wrong to lose your temper!" Such guidance will make children depressed in some emotions and form a depressed character. As a parent, you can tell your child that you can cry when you are sad, and crying will reduce your sadness. If the child cries in any occasion, tell the child that it is ok to cry freely in front of his parents, and someone will watch it in public. Guide children's behavior in a gentle way, and don't make bad comments emotionally. Let children understand that emotions are the embodiment of life energy, just like "crying" at birth. Let the natural existence of emotions disappear naturally. Don't be coaxed when the child cries, but wait for her to cry with a smile. After the child has experienced emotional solitude, the child can calmly face his various emotional feelings and will not be troubled by emotions.
4, the influence of example
Now, let's play a game with me: please hold out your thumb and middle finger at the same time, keep him at an angle of 90 degrees as far as possible, then slowly, let it form a circle, and then please put it on your cheek, cheek and cheek. Most people follow me here. What does this mean? Yes, in fact, sometimes what you say is not important, but what you do is the most important. We tell our children every day that you should be obedient! You should study hard! You want to do this, you want to do that, you say it ten times, it is better to show the children how to do it again. People still don't want to talk too much.
Education is a kind of practice. Good education should be that parents constantly correct themselves through the mirror of their children and set an example for their children with brand-new self. Children are happy children today and will become happy adults tomorrow. Children who can grow up happily are the healthiest psychologically!
Some people say that raising the first child is an experiment, raising the second child is a fine product, and raising the third child is the best. So for parents who have only one child, as long as we keep learning and changing the way of education, I believe our children will be trained to be the best.