Perhaps many people will think that they are overworked and need a good rest, but no matter how they rest, they can't regain their vitality and even become weaker and weaker.
It is a kind of immaterial, inner powerlessness, often accompanied by depression. However, it can often end naturally and regain its vitality after a cycle.
What the hell happened? What is the basic structure that makes us feel energetic and lose vitality?
We can regard the human spirit itself as an open system with rated energy, which maintains a person's most basic sense of vitality and constantly exchanges energy with the outside world.
We spend part of our energy to practice those activities that are accompanied by different experiences and psychological expectations, and we regain our energy in the satisfaction of experiences and the achievement of expectations. As long as the energy we get is greater than the energy we consume as a whole, our sense of vitality will not decay.
This seemingly simple and seemingly simple system. But the difficulty is that people can't always decide their own experience of doing something, can't always give themselves a reasonable expectation, and can't always create effective feedback. As long as a person's mental structure itself is defective, it will exhaust and consume those irreparable energy.
To understand this, we need to understand the psychological basis that supports those experiences.
Like a sense of energy. How does a person's most basic sense of vitality come from?
The sense of vitality comes from how many positive emotional experiences we had in the past growing environment were confirmed (characterized) by our parents, depending on how easily we can mobilize it and what we can use to mobilize it.
For a person who has suffered from child-rearing trauma, those positive emotional experiences can never be seen on his mother's face, and can never be retained from the silent interaction of emotions. Under a strong proof, they are all regarded as illegal, and then they are expelled from themselves and become dead souls wandering out of control on the edge of consciousness.
As fairbairn said, those experiences that were full of joy and satisfaction eventually alienated into an exciting self, which could not be experienced comfortably in the continuum of self, and there was no port connected with real experience.
Often manifested as excitement, excitement, but can not survive, because there is no corresponding container in the mental structure.
For example, a novice in the workplace may be so excited that he can't sleep all night after being praised by the authority that he must forward it to a circle of friends or share it with others. Instead of sharing joy, he is looking for someone to help him metabolize the overflowing energy, because it is beyond his own digestion.
This is a mental overload, it will not be experienced as a lasting and quiet pleasure, it contains a weak out of control. Because this kind of happiness has never been properly characterized, and it has never really belonged to itself. It was a brief mental outburst, and then it was quickly lost, but it also destroyed the previous balance and stability.
Because of this feature, people will become completely dependent on external feedback, and constantly need to gain value from the recognition and appreciation of others, so as to have the motivation to carry out the next round of tasks.
This is a bit like the direct connection mode of a laptop. The supplied current will not flow to the internal capacitor. It supplies power directly to the motherboard, and it will strike as soon as it is unplugged.
This is why many people, once they encounter setbacks or get no feedback, immediately fall into a state of listlessness or even paralysis and don't want to do anything. This is a state of mental low-pressure protection.
What should I do at this time? Many people often end this state because they get unexpected external feedback and get the energy to start again. As long as a person starts, he can create feedback through his own practical activities, and then continue to operate until he loses his balance again.
Many people will lose their sense of vitality intermittently for this reason.
On the other hand, if a person avoids losing vitality, he will enter a compulsive active state. They will overdraw their only vitality in advance in exchange for limited but continuous feedback, which is why many workaholics can't stop.
In this case, what we really need to pay attention to is our experience process. Because under a defective mental system, unrealistic expectations will naturally appear. In this unrealistic situation, one wrongly defines satisfaction, value, self-esteem and even meaning.
This means that people are naturally unable to do this, because they are naturally inclined to strike frequently.
In the words of self-psychology, one must constantly gain the experience of self-object in order to maintain the psychological vitality and function that one cannot provide independently.
What kind of experience is the self-object experience? Can enhance the psychological vitality and functional experience, lasting and stable, comfortable and non-stimulating. Based on this standard, you can well test what belongs to the self-object experience in your life and create a benign self-object environment for it.
From the perspective of health adaptation, we can only adjust this environmental parameter, but we can't really correct the internal mental structure. It is this structural difference that determines the vitality performance of different people.
Each of us has our own spiritual vitality account, and people with a total amount of 20 always lose energy faster than those with a total amount of 80. Similarly, it is also reflected in how common it is for a person to get the experience of self-object and how simple it is to empower himself.
Some people get together with a few friends a little, and their blood can be revived. Some people can completely adjust after a trip. And some people must have a specific person, with unconditional and integrated company to get energy.
Ironically, the person who really provides this kind of companionship often exists beside another person who doesn't need it. This paradox enables people who own a lot to obtain this kind of ownership. Let those who lack themselves become the least likely to make up for their lack.
In this sense, the more narcissistic and mature people are, the more they lack basic energy, and the easier it is to be supplemented. They are like a mobile phone with a battery capacity of more than 5,000 mA, which supports multiple fast charging protocols and supports wired and wireless charging.
And those who lack self are like a Nokia 33 10 with C plugs everywhere in the environment. Just like some people often say that there are many friends, but no one wants to share their feelings, even if people around them are allowed to listen.
For those who suffer from these psychological trauma, the most fundamental solution is to redefine those benign relationship experiences in a relationship with psychotherapy elements. It needs to make those things that have been alienated for a long time, improperly measured, and long expected to be ashamed and self-denying, become legal and appropriate again in a relationship.
Only in this way, in a person's self-category, the lasting pleasure experienced by competent experience can be preserved as vitality, and there can be a port to connect the sureness and strength generated by the companionship and response of others when vitality is lacking.