Good mother
Winnicott observed 60,000 pairs of mother-child relationship, which is the source of his theory.
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Good enough, mom.
Transition object
Object usage
Primitive maternal love
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The purpose behind Winnicott's professional vocabulary is to cultivate an aggressive child. On this point, there is a powerful statement in Winnicott's biography:
I need someone who won't retaliate, so that I can nourish the feeling that "the world is ready to accept my instinct".
What is "instinct"? That is, the desire to invade or destroy, "the core of creation/destruction that will never be known is the truth of existence for him."
Creation is life, destruction is death. This sentence seems to say that the original forces of life and death are one. Winnicott believes that aggression is not the original driving force, but the result of parenting failure.
"Winnicott spent most of his life searching, expressing and using his hatred consciousness."
However, Winnicott's extraordinary deconstruction of aggression is an important development force. For him, the feeling of vitality and real life is obviously linked with offensive factors. Primitive aggression indicates the germination and development of creative ability, and a suitable environment will make attack the driving force of creation.
He believes that when the baby is in the womb or in the mother's arms, the innate aggression is manifested in the contact and confrontation with the mother by means of eager and greedy sucking and chewing. As the baby grows up, the nature of aggression is also changing, which depends entirely on the type of environment. In a good nurturing and promoting environment, children's aggressiveness is gradually integrated. If the environment is not good enough, aggressiveness is manifested as a destructive and antisocial way, and destructiveness is aggression without relationship adjustment. That is to say, if the mother can't cope with the baby's attack on her, especially choose some revenge behaviors to respond to the baby, the destructiveness that occurs at this time will become a feature of the child's personality, and the child may defend himself by suppressing the attack or turning the attack to himself.
Construction of the relationship between children's early psychological development ability and adults' psychology from the perspective of object relationship
1, children's obedience and false self
First, the wrong self-unsafe environment or desire is repeatedly ignored, which will lead to the child's obedient reaction. That is to say, obedience satisfies the nurturer,
This is the development of the false self.
B. This obedience leads the child to maintain a state of isolation from the core that he spontaneously gives meaning to life.
Babies who can objectively perceive the world have experienced that the object has survived the initial attack, which means that the object has not changed and has not retaliated by refusing or punishing. Mothers who are not good enough and mothers who don't respond to the baby's spontaneous movements can't survive, and the result is a blow to the baby's emotional development. As a result of this blow, babies are in danger of developing obedience and false selves.
Winnicott suggested that the more aggressive children are, the healthier they are in clinical situations. He also clearly pointed out that "it is creativity, not anything else, that makes individuals feel that life is meaningful." A state opposite to creativity is obedience. "Obedience makes individuals feel useless, accompanied by the idea that nothing is important and life is meaningless." "Creative life is a healthy state, and obedience is the basis of lifelong illness."
2. The real source of dark fear is absence and absence. Freud's three theories about sexology discuss children's anxiety.
Aunt talked to me, and I was scared because it was too dark here.
What's the use? You can't see me.
It doesn't matter. When someone speaks, it brings light.
So what he is afraid of is not the darkness, but the absence of his relatives. As long as he has proof that the man is present, she will calm down.
3. How do three types of mothers bring children back and attack the solidified structure of children?
How does a neurotic mother lead to the marginalization of her children?
B. Early mothers can't understand their children, which will make them locate the relationship between mental disabilities.
C. How do anxious mothers undermine the environmental sensitivity of parenting propaganda
Winnicott has an amazing conclusion: "For a growing child, he can find the deepest part of his nature, and some people must be despised and sometimes hated without worrying about the danger of a complete breakdown of the relationship." It means that a recognized internal disobedience is necessary for children's growth, and it must be aggressive, but this aggression is closely related to the motivation of personal growth. In later papers, he also introduced a concept "object use" to discuss the position of aggression in the transition between subjective omnipotence and objective reality. In subjective omnipotence, babies "ruthlessly" use objects (important caregivers, mainly mothers). He created it for his own pleasure, used it, and then destroyed it when he completely stole it. From the perspective of the baby's subjectivity, this experience requires the mother to surrender herself and survive after being used, that is, the mother gives an appropriate response to make the baby realize that the mother has not stopped loving me. Gradually, the baby will begin to notice those who survived his destruction. This is a process of all-round creation, destruction and continuation of the existence cycle. This process begins to establish a certain external sense for the baby, a real other who is self-existent and beyond its all-round control, which may be the beginning of the baby's development of social functions.
Nervous mothers, every child's behavior is disciplined by his own will, and the child is ignored in the mother's field of vision, while the second type of mother only understands incompetence rather than aggression, and the third type of mother takes anxiety as the transfer, worrying about fear, weakening the child's sensitivity to the environment, and then generating a sense of isolation. After reading Winnicott's theory repeatedly, I found that how high the requirements of a good mother are, the aggression of the child will arouse the aggression of the mother and trigger her narcissistic anger. If the mother lacks the necessary God-man for her children, we have all experienced one or three types of mother complex in the process of growing up, which will inevitably lead to retrogression and aggression that cannot be transformed and then fixed. So when we grow up, we will form an uncreative individual, and after being a mother, we will cycle from generation to generation. Judging from the parenting environment, we can't be "good mothers". Only by studying and reflecting on your growth the day after tomorrow and giving full play to the instinct of maternal love, will the rest cross the river by feeling the stones. Winnicott said, "Who can tell whether fire is constructive or destructive in nature?" In a good environment, aggression, as a useful energy, is integrated into the individual's personality and participates in work and games, but in a bad environment, aggression will become violent and destructive.
4. The secret boundary between truth and secret in the object relationship.
Between the true and the false is a strategy: defending and hiding one's own unbearable-unable to locate oneself and a very capable Oscar actor.
The false self is a master of disguise, followed by great self-denial.
Secrets are manifestations of division. Isolation in all aspects of personality.
Self-honesty and secret: Only the true self is natural, and we can feel truth and sincerity, while the false self shows unreal and ineffective communication.
5. What is the quality of children's subjective experience? How will he decide whether the inner strength of a child is good or bad in his growth?
Structural analysis of teenagers' learning ability
& Enthusiastic outgoing link-affinity
& Desire and acceptance of companionship-degree of closure-empathy
& vitality and interest, communication skills and desire.
& Self-realization attitude towards vision
Analysis on the Dynamic Structure of Adult's Inner Self-development
The hidden splitting mechanism of C's self-authenticity
If the mother can't survive after the baby uses it, if she retreats, collapses or fights back, the baby will pay attention to externalities too early, at the expense of the complete experience of her own desires, and feel dangerous. As a result, the baby is afraid of needing and using his objects and adults, accompanied by unreasonable suppression of desires. In Winnicott's observation, adult love also needs periodic mutual object utilization, and each party obeys the rhythm and intensity of its own internal needs without worrying about the viability of the other party after being used. It is the solid persistence of the other side that enables individuals to fully and strongly connect with their passion.
In Winnicott's view, creativity comes first, which precedes sexual desire. It originates from the beginning of life and is the center of mother-infant relationship. The "illusion space" established between the baby and his "good enough mother" allows him to create what he wants, that is, from the baby's point of view, just as he created the mother he needs in fantasy. Babies first discover the world by creating it. He was born an artist and a creator. This is the meaning of "original creativity" put forward by Winnicott. Primitive creativity is mainly the natural driving force of health, which is related to several important themes, such as subjective omnipotence, true self-feeling and primitive aggression.
1968 Winnicott relayed the information conveyed by the mother to the child and expounded the significance and value of the baby's original all-round experience. "The communication between (the mother) and the baby is like this:' To creatively come to this world and create this world, only what you create makes sense to you.' Next is:' The world is in your hands.' "
1970, that is, one year before his death, he further elaborated the theme of creativity and creative life. "Whether life is worth living depends on whether creativity is part of personal life experience. To be creative, one must exist and have a sense of existence ... After that, creativity comes from the act of existence. " In the article Game: Creative Activities and Self-seeking, he mentioned that "in the game, perhaps only in the game, children or adults can create freely" and "psychotherapy is carried out at the overlap of two game areas (that is, patients and therapists). This principle works for me. If the therapist can't play games, then he is not suitable for this job. If the patient can't play games, then something needs to be done to make him able to play games, and then he can start psychotherapy. The game is important because only in the game can patients be creative. "
Ps: There are three fire signs here, Aries (aggressive)-Leo (creative)-Sagittarius (visionary), and a self-growth experience of integration-stability-development. Development must involve transformation and internalization, otherwise a compensation structure will be formed.
As the first house of the zodiac, Aries can correspond to the original creativity, and was born in1August. The stage of perceptual movement in Piaget's theory. Prototype narcissism. The process from separation/individualization to harmony. I feel that I can do anything. Need the most basic trust (Erickson). Indifferent self. I can't tell myself from objects. Simple impulse. "I am the world. Me, here, now. "
The prototype is Ares, a Greek mythological figure. He is extremely irritable, simple-minded, well-developed in limbs, and aggression is a child's most instinctive self-protection. In our upbringing, those children with obvious Aries characteristics, especially girls, are most likely to lose their aggressiveness in the early stage. After all, girls are defined in traditional values. At this time, a good mother's response to the attack is extremely important, warmth and companionship. Mars in everyone's chart is actually the driving force for everyone's survival.
Leo (creativity)-the fifth house of the zodiac, the prototype of Leo is cheerful and unintentional enthusiasm. "I love you, life, and I want to celebrate for you!" Because our life is not long, I want to add, "I forgive you all my life!" " "In short, the goal of Leo evolution is happiness. Jung put it this way: "In alchemy, the lion, a" noble beast ",is synonymous with Mercury, or more accurately, it is a transformation stage for him. He is a devouring and predatory warm-blooded animal, which gives people the same first impression as a dragon ... The violent lion wants to express a clear intention-a strong passion that he generated before he realized his unconscious thoughts. "
Sagittarius (visionary)-the ninth house of the zodiac, life is a complete journey of exploration for Sagittarius. The shooter is the seeker. The internal driving force will make Sagittarius never stop exploring. What is the goal of Sagittarius's precise definition? After all, it is the true meaning of life. They need to focus on pursuing a wider range of mental and conscious experiences.
Judging from several evaluation standards of teenagers' learning ability, the construction of warmth, companionship, vitality, vision, learning interest and learning ability goes from one level to another, and the mother-child relationship is the first level. The growth of each level is accompanied by the addition and aggregation of different resources, but the first level of protection lays the foundation for children's openness in future social life and ensures the possibility of resources entering and forming transformation. Once the transformation takes place, people's vitality is naturally mobilized to form a benign dynamic ring.
6. The correlation between the mental damage of family background and family relationship.
There is no baby, only the shadow of the mother-Klein
& the most primitive level of parent-child relationship: the quality of mother-child relationship-the quality of mother is personality.
& the destructive power of will and forced invasion
& Neglect and Hidden Evil Punishment
Sick love and inseparable kidnapping-primitive attachment.
The higher the quality of bidding farewell to family of origin, the higher the quality of establishing new relationships, and the lack of corresponding independence and responsibility for parents' original attachment, dependence and desire.
Ask questions:
AP: Unsafe environment, insufficient response. In infancy, the mother appears as an environment to let the children meet the needs of the mother and the children obey.
XJ: the rebellion of adolescent children
Children's rebellion is to establish a sense of identity with ta, and children are constructing the subject and will system to form a dynamic mechanism.
XJ: She didn't want to do her homework, saying it was simple.
Can you finish your homework for twenty minutes in five minutes? (speaking ability)
Children need a high-quality audience. After listening, there are two questions to guide them.
When there is fear, face it with a false self.
T: Being stolen three times is the turning point of HL, and the experience begins.
WLL: How should I treat my mother?
T: There are too few injections for my mother. When I meet the second kind of mother, I still want to be attached to my mother.
ZL: The relationship with the mother, does the child need the mother's care?
T: Write a memo to calm your mind, ask yourself and answer yourself by asking questions, otherwise your mind will be too loose, and you can complete the transformation with the help of object relationship.
PS: a dialogue to learn from each other's strengths.
T: I'd like to hear your understanding of going long and shorting.
K: Long-term advantages, short-term disadvantages.
T: What do you mean by these two words?
Krishnamurti: Explain these two words.
T: Which of these two words do you choose?
K: It's fun to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and it's mediocre to learn from each other.
T: It is an important social skill to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and it is an important learning skill to learn from each other. Both of them are indispensable, and they are used to transform and nourish themselves and foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. This is a problem of resource identification.
Finally, I want to say that this group of conversations has given me a deep inspiration. Sometimes we fall into dualism and always choose one without thinking. Sometimes we habitually teach others to give their own answers urgently. In T's dialogue, we first present each other's experience, care about each other's understanding and voice, and then give our own understanding. In this way, the dialogue completely presents the process of cognitive correction. What is our state in parent-child communication? Do we allow children to talk? Can you let go of your obsession and listen to what ta says? Perhaps the education we understand is authoritative teaching, not equal communication and guidance. I think T said that psychology is really not learned. Psychology is based on the integration of individuals and the rotation of personal experience, otherwise there will only be dry theories. I believe that a good mother is a complete person first.