The Writing Guidance of the Proposition of "Great Love and Silence" to Narrative Writing
Zhang Er
Theme display
Read the following materials and write as required. (60 points)
This is a world of love, and love is everywhere in life. Parents' love for children, children's love for parents as early as possible, teachers' love for students is more enthusiastic, students' love for teachers is purer, friends' love is more sincere, and the love between neighbors is more harmonious. ...
However, not all love is vigorous and earth-shattering Many times, love is a gentle look, a gentle gesture, a quiet listening and a casual look back. ...
This is the great love of life! Only by experiencing such love can we truly understand life and the world.
Please write an article on the topic of "big love is silent"
Requirements: ① Apart from poetry, the style is optional; ② 800 words; ⑤ The roll surface is neat and the handwriting is neat.
Writing instruction
Love is Silent is a propositional composition. The starting point of this proposition is to be close to students' life and let students have something to say and express their feelings. At the same time, the composition of the senior high school entrance examination is very enlightening. Our purpose is to guide students to pay attention to life and be good at discovering the truth, goodness and beauty in life. Learn to be grateful and embrace life with gratitude.
If you only look at the title, Love is Silent seems familiar. Perhaps many students feel that they have read a similar composition on the topic of "love", but they can't write it at the moment. Therefore, it is very important to carefully read the materials given before the composition questions.
The first paragraph of the material says: "This is a world of love, and love is everywhere in life. Parents' love for their children, children's love for their parents' families, teachers' passionate love for their students, students' pure love for their teachers, sincere love among friends, and harmonious love among neighbors ... "Some students started to write when they saw this, and even some students described them one by one with subheadings such as" Love as soon as possible ","Passionate love ","Pure love "and" Harmonious love ". This is of course beside the point. This narrative description is either too big or too superficial. In fact, if you read the material carefully, you will find that the key to the exam is after the "but". "However, not all love is vigorous and earth-shattering. Many times, love is a gentle look, a gentle gesture, a quiet listening, a casual look back ... this is the great love of life! Only by experiencing such love can we truly understand life and the world. " In other words, this proposition requires us to understand great love and true love from the nuances. When carefully examining the questions, we must grasp "great love", "quietness" and "great love in quietness".
Practice of recommendation and comment
Love is silent.
Father bought a watch, an electronic watch, without a strap.
In the evening, my father lay in bed, adjusted his watch, and looked at it carefully: it was about 5cm long and 3cm wide. The number was on the right side of the watch, next to a photo of a big-name star, and the outer layer of the watch was wrapped in transparent plastic. For a long time, my father shook his head. [The action of "shaking your head" is very interesting. ]
Mother leaned in and looked at her watch. "Is it beautiful?" ? Not bad, there is a beautiful big star next to it! "The father still shook his head.
Father got out of bed and found a two-inch photo from a book, scissors, ruler and pen. Father looked at the scissors, shook his head again and found a sharp knife.
Father gently opened the shell of the watch, picked up a small ruler, carefully measured the length and width of the star photo, and recorded it on a piece of paper. I don't seem to be at ease. Measure it again. Just like a second-grade pupil who just learned to use a ruler. What a earnest and lovely father! Then he cut out a rectangular piece of paper drawn according to the measured length and width, placed it behind the photo, pointed the paper and the photo at the light, and constantly adjusted the position of the paper. After a long time, I put the photo back on the table and drew it on the back. Then I picked up a knife and carefully cut the photo. Father is a bricklayer and often cuts things, but this time he cut his finger with this knife. Mother, who has been silent, said, "What are you doing? Can't you use scissors? " Father immediately replied, "The blades of scissors are too dull, and the edges of things cut out are irregular." Then he lowered his head and carefully cut the photo. [It is such a quiet description that touches every reader. ]
After another half a day, my father finally cut the photo. He carefully covered the photo with the photo of the star, packed his watch and showed it to his mother with joy, as if a primary school student had given his carefully crafted handmade works to the teacher for evaluation. All the descriptions are so bland, but they strike a chord with every reader. ]
The star photo position on the watch is the remaining two-inch photo of my son's school registration.
This is what my mother told me when I was watching TV on Saturday night. At that time, my father had gone to Shanghai to work. I think my father must have looked at his watch carefully that night.
Great love is silent and integrated into the dribs and drabs of life. [Emotional expression is fluent and rich. ] (This article is an article)
Comments: This is the best composition I have ever seen (I think). What a relaxed narrative, what simple words, what ordinary things, what deep love! ! The little author wrote a little thing very well, in which he expressed his infinite affection for his father. Aren't all fathers like this! They do everything silently, seemingly inadvertently, but in fact they are full of deep love for their families. But the little author did not write a snot and a tear, but wrote this deep love in a relaxed way. The reason is the sensitive and grateful heart of the little author. This composition once again confirms that sentence: writing is like a person. It seems that writing a good composition is first and foremost a life. (Comment by Teacher: Bai Huizhi)
Love is silent.
Being poor from a small family, our parents scrimped and saved for our brother and sister to go to school. Determined to study hard, we all got excellent grades. [The language is concise and explains the background. ]
When I received the admission notice as the only person admitted to the county key middle school, the whole village was boiling. The wrinkles around my parents' eyes have also been lengthened. However, it is almost impossible for a family like ours to attend a key middle school.
So, every night, my father always goes into battle lightly and takes photos of eels with others to subsidize his family. [Expression of Love]
On the day of school, my father put the luggage prepared by my mother on his shoulder and strode in front of me. I released Old Phoenix, which followed him for nearly twenty years. He is still the same washed cloth, a pair of sneakers with holes in his feet. He drove me to the school gate. [Detailed description of caring for the above-mentioned poor families]
The school gate is very lively. Cars and motorcycles abound in rich families, and the people who signed up were packed. Father put his "Old Phoenix" under the big tree, carrying my luggage and "charging". He opened the way for me in front of me. My weak body was staggered by the crowd, and I finally found my father's back, so I followed closely.
I came to the dormitory to find a bed. Other parents helped their children pack their clothes. Dad ignored them, put down his luggage and left. [This is to cultivate children's ability to stand on their own feet] I was surprised ["busy" should be changed to "call"] and said, "Dad …" "What's the matter? I have to go back to work for half a day and it costs more than ten yuan. " I don't know when, two lines of wronged tears rolled down my cheeks. I quickly wiped away my tears for fear that others would see me. Because I remember that "children from poor families are in charge early."
After every holiday, I either take the bus or walk. When I get home, I wash rice and cook, and then read books and wait for them to come home. [Self-reliance, the result of father's education]
It's been three years. After getting up this morning, my father asked me if it was the senior high school entrance examination today. I replied and went out with tears in my eyes. For three years, you only cared about your work and never cared about me. ...
As soon as I entered the entrance of the examination room, a familiar voice jumped into my ear: "Jinger, study hard, and dad is here to watch you." "Dad, you still go home! It costs more than ten dollars to miss half a day's work ... "[Compared with the previous sentence, it highlights the incomprehension of fatherly love] I choked. "Don't worry, it's no more than ten dollars. Just work overtime tonight. Go inside. Don't miss the time, dad will accompany you [plus], "] until you come out smoothly [this is the encouragement of the farmer's father to the children before the middle school entrance examination]." My tears have been disobedient and poured out. Father, you love me, but my daughter misunderstood you.
Wandering in my heart, the breeze mixed with my tears smells salty and sweet.
With my father's earnest expectation, I strolled into the examination room and indulged myself. Seeing the title "Big Love is Silent", I can't help but write it casually: Father, wait, I will pass the three-day exam smoothly, and repay your years of parenting with my knowledge and achievements. Your daughter must make you very proud, very proud. [Confident words cannot be separated from silent fatherly love]
At the end of the article, my tears once again indulged: Father, please forgive my daughter's unfilial … I sincerely thank you …
(This article is an article)
Comments: This is a typical model essay of "winning with emotion". The full text is not publicity, not engaging in "bright spots" of beautiful sentences such as "all over the sky", and not playing deeply. I only described two scenes of my father sending me to school and sending me to the senior high school entrance examination. Father's words are few, but he is heavy and filial, which is in line with his character. Daughter's feelings are from the heart, and there is no "slogan". It can be said that "your feelings are true, and your feelings are natural and true." In the current era of witty remarks and beautiful sentences, this is tantamount to the spring breeze opening a new chapter in winning the composition. Another highlight of this paper lies in the coherence and profound meaning of language. For example, "What if I lose more than ten dollars after working for half a day?" This sentence first appeared when the father sent his daughter to school. At this time, on the one hand, he took care of the poor families above, on the other hand, he showed his great love for cultivating his daughter's self-reliance ability; The second appearance was what my daughter said when she was sent to the examination room by her father. At this time, on the one hand, this sentence shows my incomprehension of my father, on the other hand, it is also to set off my father's love for me, which is unique. (Teacher: Bird III)
Love is silent.
A little life, a little love.
A little life, a little love. [What a delicate beginning! The opening is full of emotion, and the topic is naturally concise. ]
Your love is like a silent movie, let me savor it carefully and cry silently. According to the second person, speaking directly face to face is easy to infect readers. ]
That hard time was when you walked with me. I am sad, you are sad; When I am sad, you frown. Only when I smile quietly will you tense your face. Time has left a mark on your forehead mercilessly, but you always say, "Mom is not bitter or tired, and I am young if you are happy." [The long and short sentences are staggered, which makes it very rhythmic to read. Mother and child are connected, and only those who have tasted maternal love will feel this way. ]
You said you would stay up with me, but I objected, but you insisted. So, you stayed with me the first night and the second night. But when I opened the door on the third night, I saw you sitting at the dining table, and the book in your hand had slipped to the ground. Your head is low, then slowly hangs down and suddenly wakes up. [The word "slowly" is very vivid, which reminds people of the modality of mother dozing off. ] You rubbed your sleepy eyes with your hand, picked up the book on the ground, and then repeated the action just now:
Book, slide to the ground.
Head, hang down slowly.
I woke up suddenly.
Rub your eyes and pick up the book.
.................................................................................................................................................................................. In the repetition from drowsiness to awakening and from awakening to drowsiness, maternal love is rendered rich and melancholy. ]
So, from that night on, I will never let you stay up with me again. But whenever I feel sleepy, a cup of fragrant tea or a piece of sweet bread will always be sent to my desk. The mother can be absent, but the heart is always concerned about the children. It was the tea and the bread that accompanied me through night after night, and of course, your love.
Remember that time, when you were on a business trip, I was the only one at home, and I fell asleep alone. The next morning, I was awakened by a rush of telephone ringing. Just as I was complaining about who disturbed people's dreams, I heard your warm voice:
"Xiaofeng, sleep well? what do you think? Are you afraid of being alone at home? I'm afraid you can't sleep, so I'll remind you in particular. Mom will come back as soon as she finishes. " People are in other places, but their hearts are at home. Simple words are full of love for children. Who knows if mom was worried about her child being late last night and stayed up all night? ]
I am speechless, but I feel that what I see is vague. Love that spans thousands of miles is connected by a telephone line. Silent love, heart-to-heart communication.
I am silent and you are affectionate.
You are taciturn and love flying.
Love is silent and my heart is surging. 【 After layers of bedding, the ending is full of passion, especially short sentences with similar structures, which are close to reality and intense. Deductive topic, wonderful! ] (This article is an article)
Comments: The author selected a few trivial matters from trivial matters. Although they are trivial things, there is mutual care between mother and son everywhere between the lines, and the hearts between mother and son are interlinked, which makes trivial things seem to be of great significance. This should be attributed to the author's careful observation and careful experience of life. The description of the mother in the article is very detailed, with love overflowing, and the author's feelings are true and delicate. Another highlight of the article is the clever use of short sentences. Exquisite long sentences and short sentences are superimposed together, which makes the article neat and exquisite and full of charm. (Teacher: Zhang Ling)
Love is silent.
A wise man is silent, but he loves silence.
-inscription
Father is a "cold-blooded animal", I always thought so. Why else wouldn't he care and smile at me? Why else does he hit me every time he sees me arguing with others, no matter who is right or wrong? I always thought that "Dad doesn't love me" was the feeling of "I" when I was a child. That's a song. I want to promote it first. "Forgiveness is evil and strictness is love"]
Mother said, "You are really enemies!" I understand that I am a boat in stormy waves, a seedling in the wind and rain, and a bird in the snow, but I still don't want to bow my head in front of my father, because I don't want to see his poor eyes. The use of a set of parallelism and metaphor shows the young author's language skills, reflects his father's indifference and highlights the stubbornness of "I". Further pave the way]
My home is always like an ice house. Even in the scorching sun, I still don't feel a trace of warmth. [Contrast, pun]
Father is a worker. I always come back with greasy clothes every day. Suddenly, the room smells like gasoline, which makes me very disgusted. I hate my father's incompetence, which makes me feel inferior. I dare not look up in front of my classmates, so that I don't want to look at my father or say a word when I meet him on the road. My father's humbleness makes me feel inferior. Write a general psychology of middle school students today, and also write "I" ignorance. Very real]
Soon, tuition fees will be charged again, which is surprisingly high, more than 500. In the eyes of others, it may not be too much, but in my family, I went home at one breath and didn't know what to do. I told my dad, and he left without saying anything. [First place "Silence"] I have no choice but to laugh at myself: "You can have a rest this time!" Going to school soon, he came to me and gave me a pile of money. Even the money is covered with oil. He still didn't say anything, [the second place is "silence"] turned and left. As everyone knows, it is these "humble" people who hold up "I" with greasy hands. Shocking. ]
At sunset, his pale hair was scattered on Hui Jin. His waist had been bent down because of years of hard work, but he was not as tall as my nose. Step by step, his figure is getting shorter and shorter, but I feel that he is suddenly as tall and majestic as a mountain, so heavy that I can't breathe. I feel a little sore in my eyes and my nose is stuffy. I really cried. My father's old age was intertwined with my ignorance, and "I" had an epiphany. It's a bit like "I" and "coachman" in A Little Thing. The little author is really original. But the relationship is changing a little too fast. ]
Although the money in my hand is covered with oil, I feel very clean. Dad worked harder and harder to earn it! [Use comparison and pun again]
I remember my grandmother told me about my father's childhood at home: "Your father was very poor when he was a child and had no money to go to school. He tills in the fields every day. He knows what he is suffering. Who is he trying to make money for now? I just want you to study hard! " [Grandma's words tell the expectation of an ordinary father to his children from the side. ]
Father, I was wrong! I suddenly understood Zhu Ziqing and his back.
It turns out that great love is silent. [More topics, eye-catching, make the article coherent from beginning to end, complete structure. ] (This article is an article)
Comments: The article didn't have flowery rhetoric, talked loudly or even shouted a slogan, but it touched the readers. "touching people, don't worry about feelings first", the father described by the author doesn't know how to express love. Deep, he has no sweet words, no sweet words, but he interprets what fatherly love is with actions. The father in the article didn't say a word, which closely followed the "silence" in the title. Two details in the article are well used: "pale hair" and "bent waist" are both related to the burden of life. What the author wants to show is a "small" and "humble" father. His love is so great that he is "big". In addition, the psychological description of "I" in this paper is true and credible, and the use of bedding contrast and pun is worth learning. (Teacher: Zhang Ling)
Love is silent.
If everyone gives a little love, the world will become a beautiful world.
-inscription
Boxing love
When I was a child, I always thought that parents hated their children by hitting them. Later, when I grew up, I realized that [deletion] and [] turned out to be [deletion] and [beating is pain, scolding is love]. Once, I was late for school, and my mother had not finished cooking. I wanted to go to school, but my mother wouldn't let me. I have a bad temper, so my mother hits me. Then I left, and my mother bought me food at school. [This example can't prove the view that "beating is painful and scolding is love"] I thought to myself at that time: Why? Just after the fight, someone came to care about me. Now I understand: this is the "love of boxing" and there is a misunderstanding of "love of boxing".
Passionate love
I have been with different teachers for nine years, and I understand that teachers and students have similar characteristics, that is, love. Kindergarten teachers are innocent and lovely ["innocent and lovely" is not properly decorated] Primary school teachers, like parents, care about their students seriously, like their brothers and sisters. In junior high school, teachers [delete "edge"] are like friends, talking about everything, and their humor is comforting. I wonder what a high school teacher will be like. Delete "I don't know what a high school teacher will be like" that has nothing to do with the theme. In short, any teacher's behavior towards students is his love for students. [Lack of concrete expression of "passionate love"]
Sincere love
I believe you have many friends, and those friends are different. [Delete "those friends are different"] At least they have different status in your heart. Among them, [change "among them" to "in your heart"] the person who loves you the most. When you are in trouble, she will reach out to help you, when you are sad, she will comfort you, when you fail, she will enlighten you and cheer you up again. Never lie, be sincere to you, that is sincere love between friends. [The view is a little one-sided]
Lovely love
A good neighbor is better than a brother in a neighboring village. Everyone should live in harmony with his neighbors. But it's not easy. [Ambiguous] There is disharmony with my neighbors. Why are you doing this? Some people get along well with their neighbors. Like a family, that kind of neighborhood relationship is too enviable. They care about each other, love each other, exchange needed goods and share weal and woe. [Neighborhood relationship is hard to reach this level] If everyone can do this, the world will become a beautiful world.
Love is silent.
Whether it is the love between parents or friends, it makes us feel warm. In fact, love is everywhere As long as we observe carefully, love is around. Because love is a gentle look, a gentle gesture, a quiet listening ... love is silent. [Apply an introduction before the composition question]
(This article is 36 points for three types of articles)
Comments: This article takes the relationship with mother, teacher, friends and neighbors as the main line, and expresses the love around us in the form of subtitles. There is no problem with the material selection and form of the article. However, the content under each subtitle is too general and general, and there is no specific narrative and detailed description, which can not highlight the theme of "silent love".
In order to express the love he feels in his life, a small author should describe the love of people around him for his details and his delicate psychological experience. However, this article does not naturally reveal true feelings between the lines, and does not reflect its own personality and style. Language lacks literary talent and appeal, and some languages are verbose and should be deleted, such as "I don't know what high school teachers are like" and "I believe you have many friends, and those friends are different". (Teacher: Bird III)
exist problem
Judging from the composition marking, there are some * * * problems:
1. Check is not clear. Write only "great love", not "silence", and generally write "love". Just write what love is, what kind of love it is, what role it plays, and so on. , published vague comments without real feelings. Or just write personal feelings about "love" and use parents' love as a foil.
2. The structure is unreasonable. Applying, paraphrasing or even writing unhealthy ideological content, telling lies, cliches, big talk and empty talk sometimes occur. There are many stories about parents' divorce, car accidents, dumbness and leukemia, which are suspected of winning the sympathy of the marking teacher and are also a reflection of not observing and expressing life well. Others write "silent love" as "tolerance" and "fraternity".
3. Simply retell the stories or materials you have read, without your own life experience and true feelings. Quite a few students' compositions contain such words as "I have seen such a story …" "What I saw on TV …" "Touching the top ten people in China …" and "Give an example", and most of them are said by others.
4. One-sided pursuit of ostentation and extravagance of articles. Many essays or "inscriptions" or "postscript" are good things, but most of them are irrelevant and far-fetched, just trying to have a novel layout, regardless of whether it has anything to do with the content of the article.
5. There is a misunderstanding about "love". Take "doting", "justifying faults" and even "puppy love" as "great love".
I got you so much, you should be inspired! !
References:
/jyxw/2007/ 1208/content _ 5003 . htm