When communicating with others, you should think from their perspective.
The most taboo is to talk to yourself and completely ignore each other's feelings.
Emotional intelligence is whether you can observe each other's needs, understand each other's emotional state, facial expressions and so on. Say it in their comfortable words.
Emotional intelligence is the most basic ability of social communication, and everyone should have such ability.
You can't live in isolation in this world, you have to cooperate with others after all.
Emotional intelligence is one of the key factors.
How can I improve my emotional intelligence?
1. Show your learning attitude first.
Specific words: hello, teacher, so you have such a view on something. I'm interested in your opinion. Can you share your opinion with me?
That's what you should say in the face of differences.
Specific words: Teacher, I am very optimistic about your views on a certain culture, but I also have other ideas. Do you think you can give me some advice?
3. Respect each other.
You should pay attention to the other person's perspective, and you really need the other person's perspective. Don't always think that you are always right.
4. Find out the similarities between you and your partner.
When you talk about a topic with each other, it means that you are both interested in it. You can say that a certain cultural phenomenon is a valuable spiritual culture of our country.
EQ is more important to be trained frequently in daily life. As for books, I recommend reading The Weakness of Human Nature.
Well, I'm @ Growing Companion Book Company to read classic books with you. what do you think?
Emotional intelligence, in other words, is fun, which can not only make you feel comfortable, but also make others feel comfortable in doing things, and also relieve embarrassment. Speaking of emotional intelligence, do you think of Bo Huang? His emotional intelligence is highly praised. He is always humorous when relieving embarrassment so as not to embarrass anyone.
There is another kind of people who also have high EQ, and that is the host, such as CCTV teachers Sa Beining, Zhu Guangquan and Dong Qing. Compared with reading skills, it is better to see how others can ease their embarrassment.
In fact, sometimes our emotional intelligence is not low, but what we say in our hearts can't be expressed with our original intention. At this time, the main thing is to exercise your eloquence. The most effective way is to communicate with others and slowly and consciously train your expression ability.
EQ equals fun. An interesting soul is one in a million. By observing the people around you, it is not difficult to find that those who love to laugh and have a sense of humor have good interpersonal relationships. Everyone likes to associate with interesting people, and they will bring happiness to people.
Therefore, improving one's self-cultivation and sense of humor can improve one's emotional intelligence. To improve your sense of humor, you should read more books and learn from those interesting people. Interesting ideas and interesting things in the book are the cornerstones of humor. When you have enough knowledge, humor will be at your fingertips.
Speaking too straight is a reflection of not considering others' feelings, and others will not consider your feelings until they need to stop and consider others' feelings. Emotional anxiety shows that people still need to be tempered, read more classics and describe themselves as some kind of world outlook, outlook on life and treat people with things. Emotional intelligence is gradually improving, and everything goes wrong, which is a sign of impatience. Self-cultivation is a must. You can reflect on yourself according to your own personality.
Hello! I am @ Wei Jiao Si Lian, and I hope I can help you solve the problem. What book is better to read when problems arise? This is a question of many people, hoping to solve the problem. My suggestion is to read Carnegie's The Weakness of Human Nature.
This book is mainly to let you know about human nature. If you don't even know human nature, how can you know others? What's good about this man, what's bad about him, and where is he? Why would he do that? No one can swear for no reason.
Go up the mountain to understand the nature of the mountain, go into the water to understand the water, and be a man to understand human nature. Carnegie said that 15% of a person's success is his professional knowledge and ability, and 85% is his ability to express his thoughts, lead others, and more importantly, arouse others' enthusiasm. Every industry has people with strong professional ability, but to be a leader in the industry lies in the ability to express ideas, the ability to lead others, and more importantly, the ability to awaken others. These are the abilities to get along with others.
The closer you are, the more you will treat people close to you by accusing and complaining about others. Criticism will only make people resist, not blame themselves. The more accusations and criticisms, the more people resist, the more resistance, and the lower work efficiency.
So when others do something wrong, we should treat it in a different way and think about how to make others accept their mistakes. You also need to put yourself in others' shoes. Like President Lincoln, keep calm even if you miss the opportunity. What is the reason? Consider what problems he will encounter. We should also take care of others' feelings and understand others. Indeed, criticizing people is also a way for people to vent their emotions and bring self-satisfaction, but in the end, they will only get a lot of trouble and the relationship between people will get worse and worse.
These are the costs of criticism, accusation and complaint. What people need to get along with each other is equality. At the same time, they should learn to put themselves in others' shoes, and at the same time take care of others' feelings and learn to implement them. This is the value of learning. This is the value of this book.
When we buy books, what we definitely need is to keep reading and you will find a problem. After reading the words in the book, I just feel that what is written on it smells like my own shadow. Then when you encounter this problem, you must change it bit by bit, instead of resisting it in your heart. The most terrible thing about people is that they refuse to admit that they are wrong, even if they are wrong, they must admit their mistakes. Although face is really important, solving problems can solve some changes in your life and work. We should not try to change others, in fact, the most important thing is to change ourselves. Because you changed yourself, so did your world.
What I see most is that many people don't know themselves. Because of this ignorance, I missed many opportunities in life. And everyone will say, this is my character. So stubborn, how can life change?
To build a strong and close interpersonal relationship, everything you do must be related to the people around you. No matter what you do, you should cooperate and care for everyone around you. Treat everyone equally, that is, you should pay attention to everyone you meet, be a conscientious person and know how to respect others. People around us are like this. They encourage each other, make people great and look at people around them with appreciation. If you spend time in this place with understanding and respect, you can get more rewards than others.
Negative is what we encounter most around us, no matter who we are. It's like garbage, which will always be dumped into the trash can. If someone around you says something negative, it's like taking out the garbage and treating yourself as a trash can. If you absorb yourself, taking yourself away is the negativity of your thoughts. Then we can respond with positive words. We can't confirm whether this garbage collector is a good person or a bad person. The best way is to encourage or motivate him with positive words, and we should also ask this matter clearly. Complaining is poison, so try to solve it. The best way to isolate such people in the team is to isolate them. But judging whether you are such a person or not.
First, do I have problems with others every day?
Second, do people often apologize to me?
Third, are all the bad things actively looking for me?
Fourth, do I have no friends? How many do I want?
Fifth, do I often put my foot in my mouth?
Others feel that they have failed because they have been criticized too much, which has been the case since childhood. Praise only once in ten criticisms at home, and even better in school, praise only once in seven criticisms. And this is also a factor that people tend to be pessimistic, because only four praises can offset the negative emotions brought by 1 criticism. Therefore, we should also understand that negative emotions are very harmful. In this society, why so many people can't succeed is to accept too many negative emotions.
First of all, disappointment with a few people will prevent us from trusting others. I'm sure we will also be hurt by people we trust. With such emotions, how can we have a harmonious relationship in the team? How do you get help from others?
Second, trusting others shows our emotional health. Trusting others means being friendly to others and treating others fairly at the same time.
Third, faith determines our actions. If we don't trust them, we can't hide them. If you want to promote a person, you must first value them.
Fourth, marriage is mutual trust and tolerance for the other half. No one is perfect. Seeing flowers is flowers, and seeing Buddha is Buddha.
In this case, my advice is to talk less and listen more. As a listener, first try to give up your position and think more from the standpoint of a confidante. I think what you say will get people's attention easily.
If you really want to read a book, there are too many books to recommend. You can search in JD.COM. There are 800 books without 1000, but I personally read three or five. To sum up, it has little effect. Still have to rely on yourself.
Remember, wait ten seconds before you speak, think about it first, and don't speak too fast.
If you want to improve this problem, you can try to exercise yourself in interpersonal communication. The Analects of Confucius said: "Think twice before you act", which means that we should think positively before expressing any of our views and doing things. So what should we think?
First of all, do we express our views and ideas from the perspective of love? If it's congratulations, it's half the battle;
Secondly, in the process of talking with the other party, do I consider the problem from the other party's point of view? That is, we should benefit from his thoughts;
Third, what kind of results do I want to get from talking with people? Is it a failure or a win-win situation, or even a win-win situation? If I win, how can I change my expression?
If you can ask and train yourself with these three questions in every conversation, and form the habit of positive thinking, I believe you will not be bothered by EQ any more. Come on, let's put it into action!
Good: You don't have to.
I suggest reading Emotional Intelligence: Why She Is More Important than IQ by the writer Daniel Gorman. I suggest learning to speak slowly and think clearly.
I always made this mistake when I first started working.
Reading is only one aspect, which requires a tough combination of theory and practice.
"Keep a word to your lips", learning to control your emotions, not being controlled by emotions is the first step, and language ability is gradually developed. Be kind to others, be modest and prudent, and naturally not offend others [yeah]
Today, I want to recommend To Kill a Mockingbird, a book about big nuts. I regret not reading and understanding carefully earlier. Quoting a Douban reader, "Life without reading this book is really different from life after reading this book." I strongly recommend it to you because it is a book that can really help us improve our EQ: How should we get along with others? How to deal with complicated interpersonal relationships honestly? How to be a friendly but persistent person? This book can give the answer.
EQ is a good book.
To Kill a Mockingbird.
Author: Happo lee
Won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.
British and American teenagers' favorite novels
Main storyline
Scoot, a 6-year-old girl, lost her mother at a young age in a southern town called Mecom during the Great Depression in 1930s, and lived alone with her lawyer father Attix and brother Jim. Dee, a boy, came to Menstrual Home for the summer vacation, and Jim and Cool Brother became friends with him.
The three children were deeply attracted by their reclusive neighbor Arthur Radley, and it was daunting to talk about him. He shut himself indoors for more than 20 years. The first part of the story revolves around the curiosity of three children about this eccentric Radley. Nobody at Mecom wants to talk about Radley, and no one has seen him for years. Children fabricate stories with rumors, speculate on the hidden mystery behind them, and design one plan after another to lure him out. In the next two summers, the three children found that someone often left them small gifts in the tree outside Radley's house. Only later did they know that it was actually Arthur.
The second part revolves around a case in which his father Atticus defended the blacks.
Addicks was appointed by the court to defend Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a white girl, Maiella ewell. Although many people in Mecom objected, Attucks agreed to defend Tom. Some children laughed at Jim and Kupao because of Attucks, calling their father a "nigger-loving guy". Scoot was even provoked to win her father's honor, and his father told him not to do so.
Scott, Jim and Deere secretly attended the trial of Tom Robinson from the black viewing platform. Attix exposed the plaintiff Mayella and her alcoholic father Bob for lying. It was Maiella who seduced Tom, and her father fought with her for it. Although Tom's innocence was obvious, the jury still found him guilty. When the desperate Tom escaped from prison and was killed, Jim and Attucks's belief in judicial justice suffered a great blow. Although Bob won the lawsuit, his reputation was ruined and he swore revenge in a rage. Bob hit Addicks in the face in the street.
Finally, one night, when Jim and Kupao came home from the school Halloween party, Bob suddenly gave them a hard hand. Jim's arm was broken in the fight, but in the chaos, a stranger saved the children. The mysterious man carried Jim home, and Scoot recognized him as Arthur Radley.
In a small town in Mecom, everyone knows everyone. Stubborn and conservative aunt Alexandra, reasonable neighbor Miss Modi, gossip neighbor Miss Finks, educated black nanny Ka Glacia, paranoid and perverse wife Dubos, upright and upright white employer Link? Diss, the bright-minded Judge Taylor, and the self-contradictory teacher Miss Gates ... Although there are great differences in time, region and culture, from the perspective of human nature, Mecom town is no different from our environment. In our own units, schools and extended families, we can recognize people with similar personalities to various characters in the book. It is in this way that readers can get to know these people with the greatest goodwill from the perspective of a little girl Scoot and under the guidance of her father Attix, and get along with them with empathy while sticking to their own views.
"When you finally get to know them, you will find that most people are good people."
Father Atticus told Cool Run, "If you can learn a simple trick, you can get along well with all these people. Unless you think from the perspective of others-you will never really know a person until you enter his body and wander around. "
Arthur Radley has shut himself in the house for more than 20 years and has never left the house. In the gossip of neighbors, Radley was imagined as a terrorist who "eats dead mice and always goes out at night with a pair of scissors in his hand", but in the end, he realized that Arthur was actually the kindest person. He secretly gave gifts to the children and saved Kupao's younger brother and sister at a critical moment. He shut himself in the house only because of a disaster committed 20 years ago, and now he just wants to stay in the house.
Raymond, a white man, is regarded as an alcoholic by residents. He put the whisky in a bag and drank it through two straws all day, looking drunk. Later, the three children found out that Raymond was actually drinking the coke in the bag. He didn't drink at all. He has been pretending to be "drunk" just because he thinks this is the "lifestyle" he wants.
Mrs. Dubos insulted the Atticus family because Atticus defended the blacks, which angered her brother Jim, who smashed Mrs. Dubos's beloved camellia in a rage. Addicks made Jim read to Mrs. Dubos every night as compensation. While Jim was studying, Mrs. Dubos continued to taunt Jim and attack Addicks from time to time. It was not until Mrs. Dubos died that Addicks told her brother and sister that Mrs. Dubos was addicted to morphine.
There are many such plots in the book, all around the theme of "empathy", which teaches us:
1, why we don't get along well with someone (or a certain kind of person) is because we don't agree with this person's behavior style, thus denying this person as a whole.
2. If you always look at others from your own point of view, it is difficult to understand why others have such "weird" behavior;
3. "From the perspective of others": You don't simply imagine yourself as the other person, but guess according to your own experience. But to "enter other people's bodies and wander around", that is to say, you should really understand this person's past background and experience. If you still judge this person's actions only by your own experience, you can't achieve real transposition.
4. If you can't "get into other people's bodies and wander around", at least, you should have this belief in others: "When you finally get to know others, you will find that most people are good people". This sentence is the last sentence that my father Addicks said to Scott in this book, and I think it is simply a wise saying. Before we know others, we should at least understand that "what others do is reasonable".
The way you deal with "dissent" reflects real education.
Atticus has been opposed and laughed at by many people in the town since he became a lawyer for black Tom. Even his sister Alexandra, in Scoot's view, Aunt Alexandra is an antique, not only forcing herself to be a lady, but also gossiping about her father Atticus with outsiders. Scott rebelled angrily against Aunt Alexandra. But Atticus said, "You can choose your friends, but you should not and cannot choose your family. Whether you appreciate your family or not, your family has always been your obstacle. And when you lose gratitude to your family, it will make you look stupid. "
Another person who strongly opposes defending blacks in Atticus case is Mrs. Dubos, who always takes the opportunity to abuse lawyers. Later, my brother Jim's anger erupted like a volcano, interrupting all the camellias in Dubois Hospital. Addicks was not angry, but insisted that he apologize to Mrs. Dubos and read to her for two hours every day for a month as compensation. After more than a month, Mrs Dubos died of natural causes. Atticus told the children that Mrs. Dubos suffered great pain every day in order to quit morphine, but she persisted in the end, so she died as she wished and was completely free. Then Atticus said to his son:
The trial of Tom's rape case was held in a small town, and three children secretly watched the trial in the audience. Gilmer, the prosecution lawyer, brutally questioned Tom, which made Jandyr very sad. He began to cry on the spot, so his brother Jim had to carry Dill out. Jim told Deere, "That's his job! Without prosecutors, we have no defense lawyers. It's natural for him to speak in that tone, Deere. He is interrogating ... "Jim learned to distinguish between things and people when he was very young.
How many years will it take us to learn to treat things correctly instead of people? The way a person handles "dissent" and how to treat people with different views is the real embodiment of education.
Learn to get along with yourself first, and then learn to get along with others.
Atticus's decision to defend the black Tom was greatly criticized in the small town at that time. Addicks knew that Tom had been wronged. He said to his younger brother Heck, "Sometimes, I feel like a failed parent, but I am all they have. When Jim respects others, he respects me first. I hope I can live honestly, so that I can face him frankly ... "
Atticus also educated two brothers and sisters in this way:
Due to Attucks's late marriage, his father is older (50 years old) among the classmates of Scoot. The two brothers and sisters always thought that there was nothing wrong with their father, but their unexpected father turned out to be a famous sharpshooter in the town. Scott was anxious to tell his classmates, but Jim said, "If he wanted us to know, or was proud of it, he would tell us. Addicks is really old, but even if he can't do anything, I don't care-Addicks is an educated man and a real gentleman.
After a series of events, Jim finally understood what his father said: "Courage is not a person holding a gun in his hand, but knowing that he will lose before he starts, but doing it anyway and persisting." You seldom win, but sometimes you win. "
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Miss Gates, Scoot's teacher at school, told them about Hitler's cruelty to Jews and that "everyone is equal and has no privilege." But Scoot remembers what happened the day black Tom was convicted. She told Jim:
After reading this passage, I feel that the author is really sharp. When I look at myself in the mirror, I often make the same mistakes as Miss Gates and adopt contradictory multiple standards. However, when our behavior is inconsistent with our values, children will see through it at a glance.
No time to study, so watch a movie! The movie of the same name stars the famous gregory peck (the one who plays Roman Holiday). He played his father Atticus and won the Oscar for best actor for his wonderful performance.
Mr. Qian Mu said: When we read good literary works, we are actually looking forward to a higher life and contacting personalities who are in line with our own preferences and have a higher realm. Attix is a role model for good parents. When my child is older, I will definitely recommend him to read To Kill a Mockingbird and tell him, "This is what I am trying to be!" !
No one is an individual who exists independently in this world, and wonderful interpersonal relationships are everywhere in your life. Even when you are lying in bed alone in the dead of night, don't you ever wonder whether your neighbor slammed the door on you this morning, whether your colleague made you a cup of hot tea during your lunch break, and whether the girl who accidentally bumped into you on the way to work without apologizing was rude ... you must have thought of these! And these doubts, worries and worries in hindsight are the embodiment of interpersonal management ability!
There are not so many mountains and rivers in this world that meet bosom friends. Everything is the end of getting along. The neighbor didn't slam the door, just because of the strong wind. Colleagues won't have an opinion of you just because you didn't say thank you; The girl who crashed into your house was so frightened because of the emergency ... She has better interpersonal awareness and understanding, which really makes herself comfortable and makes others comfortable. Never speak ill of each other, never think secretly, never let go of perversity, and never stop growing. ...
May your friends be everywhere in this city. Every time you knock on the door, you will be greeted with a warm smile!