How to become a talking person, whether at home or in the workplace, will always maintain a good relationship, easy to communicate effectively with people. So how do you become a talking person? Watch it with me and become a talking person.
How to be a talking person 1 1, a cliche.
The most superficial communication is a cliche. You can also call it a cliche. The idiom is very simple, that is, simply greeting each other, such as "Hello", "Hello" and "Hello, nice to meet you", including "Have you eaten", which is our favorite sentence in China.
When two people meet, they almost always start with a cliche; The same is true for communication with strangers, including starting from this if you want to chat up handsome guys; When you don't want to talk about the substance, you can also say something irrelevant, such as "What do you think of the weather today", "How is the business in the store" and "How are the children".
Since it is a cliche, you don't have to be too serious when answering. Simple "hello", "I'm fine", "nice to meet you" and "eat" will do.
But there are always a few people who are stupid and naive, and insist on answering, "I have eaten in Simple Village, and I ate shredded pork with fish flavor, fried eggplant, crucian carp with watercress, braised pork with plum vegetables, 169 yuan. Really delicious! "
Actually, I was just asking. You don't have to answer so seriously.
Step 2: Facts
After exchanging pleasantries, you can exchange some factual information, chat with friends about current affairs and entertainment gossip, exchange school majors and hobbies with train neighbors, and talk with colleagues about career planning and work progress.
These factual topics that are happening or have happened are harmonious, safe, peaceful and calm, belonging to the safe area of communication, and generally do not produce conflicts and arguments.
But it's always easy for us to talk, we can't tell which are facts and which are ideas, we can't tell the difference between facts and comments, facts and speculations, and we take our own comments and speculations as facts.
"You forgot my birthday" is a fact, but "You don't care about me at all" is a comment.
"I organized three activities recently, and every time you said you didn't want to participate" is a fact, "You rarely cooperate with me" is a comment.
"If you eat an unbalanced diet, I'm worried that your health will go wrong" is a personal feeling, but "If you eat an unbalanced diet, your health will go wrong" is a comment.
"I don't think she can finish the work" is a personal feeling, but "she can't finish the work", taking speculation as a fact is a comment.
If we always like to take opinions, comments, etc. As a factual statement, it is easy to cause unnecessary disputes and arguments.
Especially in a dialogue situation with different views, full of risks and intense emotions between the two sides, we must learn to distinguish between facts and opinions, and learn to tell the facts first and then the opinions.
Step 3: idea
Our communication always likes to rush into this level, fearing that we will not express our views and opinions, and that others will not know that we are very powerful.
And this is indeed the area that is most likely to cause disputes and conflicts.
Because each of us has different experiences, dreams, values, training, cultural customs and ways of thinking, even in the face of the same facts and situations, we will have different cognition, ideas and views.
Therefore, in the process of communication, we need to talk about our own views cautiously and skillfully, and understand that it is unnecessary to allow the other party's different views, especially those caused by differences in values, and we should not argue. We can think our blue looks good, and we should also allow others to think his red looks good.
Our views and ideas, in turn, reflect our values and ways of thinking, which not only affect our interpersonal communication, but also ultimately affect our emotional feelings, behavior and final life.
Step 4 feel
I once wrote that we create our own emotions, and we make ourselves feel afraid, annoyed or angry.
So, what makes us have these emotions and feelings? The answer is our thoughts, but the way we explain various facts affects our emotions and feelings about these facts.
What will make us happy or unhappy one day may have little effect at other times. An insult or compliment that affected your mood yesterday may not affect you today. Why? Because you don't think today is that important. Without other people's behavior, you really won't feel some emotions, but it's not other people's behavior that determines what you feel, but your thoughts about it.
In other words, we will give some meaning to the observed facts and guess the hidden motivation behind this behavior, that is, why do they do it? At the same time, we will also add our own judgment-is this behavior good or bad? Then, based on these thoughts or plots, our bodies begin to respond to emotions.
Therefore, the best way to control emotions is to establish correct concepts, that is, to establish concepts that can guide us to produce positive emotions and return to healthy dialogue.
At the same time, learn to understand the needs behind your emotions or feelings. When we feel angry, angry and afraid, there must be unmet needs behind us. People's basic needs are nothing more than a sense of security, economic interests, a sense of belonging, gaining recognition from others and being able to dominate their own lives.
At this time, don't be angry, don't lose your temper, don't sulk, don't criticize, and it is more likely to directly tell our needs and satisfy our wishes.
I once met a woman who cursed her husband, "I told you to go out and buy a soy sauce, you forgot." If you can't do this little thing well, what can you do well? " .
5. tacit understanding
This level belongs to the highest realm of communication, and it is also the ideal realm we yearn for very much. The so-called "although my body does not have bright phoenix wings, I feel the harmonious heartbeat of the sacred unicorn" is also true.
A gesture, a look, an expression, a smile, you and I can both know each other's thoughts and meanings (so yearning).
This realm is estimated to be between couples who have been married for many years, between colleagues who have been married for many years, and between friends who are really rich in fire. Of course, it is the luck of two people. There is no need to regret it, because most of the communication is at this level.
As mentioned above, all our communication is inseparable from these five levels. We may say cliches, state facts, or express our thoughts and feelings, or we may experience the peak dialogue of "heart to heart"
On the one hand, the level of conversation can measure the intimacy of our relationship. The higher the level, the closer our relationship is. If communication does not involve opinions and feelings, you can appreciate the relationship between two people in detail.
On the other hand, we should also grasp the level of conversation according to the intimacy of the relationship. This appropriate limit is very important. We can neither talk about our thoughts and feelings to people we have only met once, nor face our friends, but we never share our thoughts and feelings. The scale and balance need to be understood and grasped by ourselves.
But one thing you should learn is that in interpersonal communication, you can neither reveal your thoughts at will nor express your emotions easily, which is a sign of maturity.
We communicate with people every day, including family, friends, colleagues and strangers. If you classify all these words, you will find that we can divide them into five different levels: rhetoric, fact, thought, emotion and tacit understanding. These five levels, from shallow to deep, the further back, the deeper the communication.
How to become a talking person? Read more books. Usually, you should read more books and accumulate more knowledge in all aspects, so that you can have something to say when chatting with others, and you can also come into contact with knowledge-related topics. Knowing all aspects of knowledge can make others feel our knowledge.
Learning skills. Speaking also needs to pay attention to skills. You can learn related speaking skills, sum up theoretical knowledge, practice more, combine theory and master speaking skills.
Look at the words and feelings. What kind of words you should say when meeting people, the way you speak, the tone of your voice and the way you express yourself, all depend on the person you are chatting with. Only in this way can we have a common language and make each other happy.
I'm flattered. When talking to others, you should know how to praise them. Many people like to be praised, which can also make each other more willing to get along with us. We can praise each other's knowledge and dress up according to the situation at that time.
Willing to listen. In the process of chatting and communicating with others, don't chatter endlessly, let the other party say that we are listening. No matter what the other party is saying, keep listening and respond appropriately, so that the other party will continue to communicate and will have a good impression on us.
Rich expression. When talking with people, you can make good use of rich expressions. Of course, it depends on the occasion, and appropriate body language can also be added to make the conversation atmosphere harmonious.