Revelation 1: caring for children from the perspective of life
"You are no different from others", this sentence was instilled in Liu Wei by my mother. Perhaps the original intention of Liu Wei's mother to say this sentence is very simple, just to prevent the child from falling into inferiority, but the simple words have the deepest connotation: look at the child from the perspective of life and remind the child to look at himself from the perspective of life.
This sentence from his mother lit up Liu Wei's life and led him to reflect on the value and significance of life.
Dr. Wu said that only when a child has infinite love for life can he achieve his unique self. The mother in the movie Forrest Gump is such a person. Before she died, she told her mentally retarded son: You are unique, and God sent you to experience a different life, not your mother. She encouraged her son to be himself, and as a result, Forrest Gump really took his uniqueness to the extreme, succeeded in everything and achieved achievements that normal people could not achieve.
In life, many mothers tend to ignore their children's life characteristics, regard their children as an object, and carve them according to their own wishes to show their life value. Please pay attention to let children reflect their own life value. Do mothers know what their children really want to do? If your child is very caring and loves animals, he will be excellent and happy as an animal keeper, and you should train him to be a banker, which will make him lose himself and his judgment on the value of life. He thinks that being a banker is more successful than being an animal keeper, but he is completely uninterested in it and will only fail.
If you pay attention to your child's life characteristics and let him develop naturally according to the trajectory suitable for him, then the child will certainly become a person with a great sense of accomplishment. Note: Natural development means letting nature take its course, guiding and encouraging.
Revelation 2: Sow a positive and energetic seed in children's hearts.
After Liu Wei's accident, the mother saw "Liu Wei is lucky to be alive", not "What can a child do without his arm?" Mom also told Liu Wei: You are no different from others.
This is a positive hint, a positive and vigorous seed. When he is used to seeing problems with positive thinking, all problems are no longer problems for him. So Wei Liu said: Everyone should be responsible for their dreams. He also said: I have perfect legs, at least if I go on.
Imagine if Liu Wei's mother complained about her bad luck every day, would Liu Wei still be him today? He is bound to become sensitive and withdrawn, and he can't be as confident and indifferent as he is today.
Where did Dr. Wu tell such a thing:
There is a family whose son came back from the exam with a score of 100 in mathematics and 79 in Chinese. Dad asked, "Why did you only get 79 points in Chinese?" Mother said, "Wow, my son is great. He got 100 in math! " "After appreciating and affirming the children's math achievements, the mother asked," What other aspects of Chinese need to be improved and improved? "
This is the "positive concern" in psychological counseling. This kind of positive concern can help children develop their intrinsic learning motivation and help them establish a positive thinking mode.
Dr. Wu said that she had come into contact with many children in her work. They don't like anything. They often say "boring" and "boring" and have no spirit to do anything. Teenagers as old as old people. "Children have no vitality and lack vitality. It is a great thing not to experience being alive. " This has a lot to do with upbringing. While paying attention to children's health and academic performance, adults should also constantly inject vitality into their lives. The method is simple. First, change your attitude towards the problem. Parents can discuss a negative thing in life with their children and let them express their views. When parents express their opinions, they often use the phrase "Fortunately ...". For example, if a vase is broken, they will say, "It's a good thing they didn't cut their hands." There was a traffic jam on the road, and he said, "Fortunately, there is nothing urgent." Secondly, you can also show your children some inspirational books.
Revelation 3: Let go of the hand holding the child.
Liu Wei is very independent. He always goes to Shanghai from Beijing to participate in the competition by himself. His independence was forced by his mother.
After losing both arms, the family ate. Liu Wei learned to hold a spoon with his toes and send rice and soup to his mouth. Rice and soup spilled all over the table, but his mother tried to hold back her tears and didn't help. My toe is swollen and bleeding, but my mother still "forces" Liu Wei to practice. Mother said to Liu Wei, "We are old and can't take care of you forever. You must learn to take care of yourself. " Mothers with disabled children can still do this, while mothers with physically and mentally sound children always do everything for fear of tiring their children and making mistakes.
There is a child in a key primary school in Zhengzhou who is in the sixth grade and needs his family to feed him every day. The mother of the child is very proud: my child studies very well, and his task is to study, and nothing else needs to be taken care of.
Is this love? Can this cultivate an independent child?
Those animal mothers in the animal world will leave their children when they should be independent. This is a natural choice for animals to keep their species alive, but human mothers often make a fatal mistake: they are unwilling to let go of their hands holding their children. Such love will only make children weaker and weaker.