If hatred is too strong, it can't be just hatred for children. The fact that they show hatred for their mother does not protect them from the consequences of hatred.
It is important to understand that no matter what we do, there will be a result, and there will be a result for our children.
Doing something destructive for moral reasons cannot avoid the consequences of these behaviors, nor can it reduce the sequelae of harmful behaviors.
As a child, a mother should be allowed to deal with her hatred. If children learn this, it will be very useful and beneficial to them.
In the arrangement of the family system, there is a strategic intervention, that is, let them tell their mother: "All hatred for our father is because of you." You can advise them to do so, but don't explain. This is the first step. Let's think about what happened.
When people are emotional contagion of others, indirect treatment is relatively better.
Next, let's tell a true story.
(The following is Mr. bert hellinger's personal experience)
My wife and I were invited by a psychosomatic hospital to help some patients there. We worked there nervously for more than ten days.
Every morning, they have a special program, and every afternoon, they have primitive group therapy.
I once dealt with a woman who was extremely depressed. During the treatment, she shouted in a cold and hateful voice that she hoped her father would die in the war.
The next day. I asked her, what happened to her father? She explained that her father's head was injured in the war, and then he often fell ill. When he is sick, he will do some crazy things, which will make her and her mother miserable.
Later, they gradually began to hate their father and even looked forward to his death.
But judging from the way Hellinger talked with her, Hellinger suspected that the hatred her daughter felt and showed belonged to her mother, not herself.
On the second meeting, Hellinger asked the woman if she had any children.
Woman: "I have two sons."
Hellinger: "You have a son who will follow your father."
The woman looked at Hellinger silently and said nothing.
Later, Hellinger asked about women's marital status.
The woman's answer passed by, only vaguely indicating that it was not ideal.
In fact, a woman's husband is considerate of her and her children, which is why they are together, but women don't like her husband very much.
A few days later, Hellinger saw the woman again. She looked depressed and excited.
Hellinger asked her what had happened.
W: I just received a letter from Children's Home, saying that my youngest son who was fostered there almost committed suicide.
Although this confirms what Hellinger said to women a few days ago, women still don't understand the connection.
The woman went on to say, "I love my little son very much."
But through the woman's narrative, her so-called "love" obviously does not contain too much sincerity.
Therefore, Hellinger told her: I can't hear how much you love your little son. I'm a little puzzled when you say that about your little son.
Hearing this, the woman was very angry and drove Hellinger away.
Another day later, when Hellinger visited the woman again, the woman was surprised and took the initiative to imagine that her little son was around, and then said to her son, "I hate your father, but I love you." Say that.
Hellinger asked the woman, "How would your son react if he heard you say that?"
Woman: "I don't know."
Hellinger: "Can he react?"
The woman replied softly, "No."
Hellinger: "That's why your little son is crazy and even committed suicide."
At that time, Hellinger and his wife worked in the same ward, and there was a young man.
The young man was left in the hospital by his mother when he was a child. He was adopted by many families and his fate was very rough. However, he accepted his fate very calmly.
Hellinger then said to the woman, "Look at him. He has suffered so much, but his spirit has not collapsed." He knows better than you how to deal with his mother. "
Thinking and inspiration:
1: Allow mothers to deal with their hatred.
If children learn this, it will be very useful to them.