? Please him? As the name implies, in interpersonal communication, we blindly reduce our own needs and blindly meet the requirements of others; Even though I know I can't finish it, I dare not refuse other people's requests.
In real life, who will please others? Quite a few. They want to satisfy others in everything and accept all their requirements, whether they really want to do it or not.
? Please him? Can you really please people?
Unfortunately,? Please him? Really can't please others, let alone? What about Yue himself? . Because in a good interpersonal relationship, both sides should be in the position of relatively equal. If one party is in a low position for a long time, it will inevitably lead to the imbalance of communication, which will lead to the attachment of the lower party to the higher party. In the long-term attachment process, the relying party will gradually lose the independence of personality and the equality of communication rights. In short, in order to gain others' recognition and affirmation, regardless of one's own feelings or deliberately lower one's status, the result will not only be true affection, friendship and love, but will accelerate its demise.
Why do some people like it? Please him? ?
From a psychological perspective, please him? One of the reasons may be due to personal deep insecurity and anxiety about being alienated and abandoned. This may stem from childhood and childhood, leading to adulthood? Please him? Interpersonal communication mode. Another reason may be that he suffered setbacks in his first contact with people, and he could only gain this person's friendship through this flattering way, which formed a bad interpersonal communication model and failed to correct it in time.
How to overcome it? Please him? ?
★ 1. Maintain equal interpersonal relationships
In communication and interpersonal communication, friendship can not be obtained simply by meeting other people's requirements. That may lead to others treating you? Please him? Abuse, I think your help is easy to get and cheap, so I won't cherish what you gave him. Psychological research shows that the communication between people is essentially a process of social exchange, and individuals will cherish those gains more only if they pay and get directly. If you get something at a little cost, then the individual will often cherish it even less, because he feels that he has not paid the price, and even if he loses it, he will not lose much.
★ bis: Keep your personality independent.
Don't always be attached to others (including material attachment and spiritual attachment), but have your own personality independence. Only when you have an independent personality can you affirm and protect yourself, because you can give yourself a sense of security if you are not completely dependent on the outside world. In addition, learn to respect your feelings. So that others will respect your feelings.
★ ter: Reject other people's unreasonable demands.
When someone makes a request, we must see whether it is reasonable and consider whether we are willing and able to help. If these three conditions can be met, you can lend a helping hand; If any of them can't be satisfied, you can politely refuse others' help. Rejecting others should also pay attention to certain skills, which you can learn more. For example, you can tell people who ask for help that you are willing to help, but you are too busy because of many things recently. If you have to help him, it may delay his work, and so on.
★ quater: Get happiness from loneliness. A mature person should be able to learn not to feel lonely when alone. Want to get rid of it? Please him? Your behavior means that the joy of life can't all come from others, but from yourself. Therefore, we should improve our ability to be alone and cultivate more hobbies, such as reading and enjoying soul music that can adjust our mood and emotions, such as the five-rhyme music launched by Wisdom Body and Mind Network, as well as walking and traveling. These hobbies can help you improve your quality of life, learn self-affirmation and get happiness when you are alone.