It also makes us feel the beauty of this world more fully. We should not completely separate study from life.
Have you found that life is learning and learning is life?
Nurturers and educators should not only teach children to learn knowledge, but also guide them to discover their potential in the process of learning.
Look at the world from different perspectives, and solve problems in life with a more positive attitude and better methods.
Then, as nurturers, how should we guide children to learn in life and stimulate their growth and progress?
What should we do, especially when we meet children who make excessive demands?
The toy cars at home piled up into mountains, and my son took a fancy to a new type of remote-controlled police car. If you don't buy it, roll around and cry loudly.
In winter, my daughter will be fine if she catches a cold, and then she will drag her mother to buy ice cream. If she doesn't buy it, she will find fault and make all kinds of emotions.
Dad just came back from a business trip, and his son threw aside the bike he just bought two weeks ago, climbed on his belly and said, "Our little friends all have balance cars. Buy me one, too. I love you the most. "
The mother carefully prepared sweet steamed bread and delicious meatball soup for her daughter. The girl pouted and said, I just want to eat pizza.
What should we do in a similar situation?
Mencius once said: those who nourish their hearts are not good at lewdness.
There is nothing better than reducing desire in such a similar way.
But now children's desires, like mushrooms after rain, come out every day. To know how these desires arise, we must find out where the root of excessive demands are.
Then we combine our own experience to find out five fundamental reasons for everyone.
The first root cause is that children put forward excessive demands, probably because their needs are often not met.
Just like a hungry person, when he meets something delicious, he will never let it go, and he will definitely burst his stomach, so he should be full.
Then imagine, are your children's needs often ignored or often unsatisfied?
If so, it will lead to children losing control and making many excessive demands once they have the chance.
The second root is that the role of parents in their own family of origin reappears when raising children.
What does this mean?
That is, for example, parents play the role of pleasing their parents in their family of origin.
Then after he enters the society, she may often habitually play this role.
Then in the process of raising children, he may continue this role, choose to please children and meet their various requirements as much as possible.
Over time, children's demands will be more and more, and gradually, children will develop the habit of making all kinds of excessive demands.
So, we can test ourselves and see what role we play in family of origin.
What about this role? Is there any negative effect on your children?
The third fundamental reason is the image of good parents.
What does this mean?
Some parents are actually very, very wronged and need to be very good parents.
For example, some parents lack material things when they were young, so they don't want their children to live in poverty. They think that children have more material things, so they will not be too eager for material things in the future.
So I will try my best to give my children the best.
Therefore, children will continue to pursue material life and put forward higher requirements.
Other parents don't want to show their weakness in front of their children. They want to show their children a tough and powerful parent image.
So he will try his best to meet the needs of children.
The fourth root is that there is too little spiritual companionship, and parents want to compensate with material things.
For example, some parents are very busy at work and have no time to accompany their children.
So once they are with their children, they are particularly willing to buy this and that for their children.
Show your love for children with material things, that is to say, fill the spiritual gap brought to children with material ways.
The fifth root is that children lack life experience and cannot understand their parents' feelings.
Because some children don't do housework or help their parents, they have less life experience.
So they don't know which requirements parents will find difficult and which requirements are stressful, and they will judge according to their own needs. I think I need this, I want this, and then he will make some demands.
Then we have found five sources of children's excessive demands. The problem we have to solve now is how to solve the problem of children's excessive demands?
The first plan is to meet the children's requirements appropriately.
The teacher said:
I didn't do very well before I was properly satisfied, until one day something happened: my neighbor, who knew I was an English teacher, sent his seven-year-old daughter to my house every Tuesday to learn English.
When I know that, out of courtesy, I usually send her home with my son Allen.
But when Allen went to his neighbor's house, he didn't want to leave until his aunt brought him delicious food, and then he didn't want to leave.
This incident made me realize that Allen's hunger for snacks was not satisfied because of his excessive control over snacks.
So, I took the opportunity to make an agreement with him: I can't eat casually when I go to someone else's house in the future. If I want to eat, I must tell my mother that my mother can buy it for you.
Then I also told Allen why we don't prepare snacks at home, and what harm snacks have, and then added: Eating them once in a while doesn't do much harm.
Later, Allen wanted to eat candy or cake, so I bought him some, just reminding him not to eat too much of these things, otherwise it would be unhealthy.
Some time ago, during the Mid-Autumn Festival, Allen and I went to an aunt's house selling flowers.
Aunt was very polite and gave him a bag of sweets, but Allen insisted on eating only two bags and didn't want to accept so many sweets. He also said that I can't eat too much candy. Eating sugar is bad for my teeth.
So the aunt said: Nothing, you can share it with other children.
Allen still refused to say that if they ate it, it would be bad for their teeth.
Therefore, moderately satisfying children's needs and helping children analyze such needs will reduce children's excessive demands.
Through the case that happened to the author, we can understand that excessive control over certain aspects makes children hungry in these aspects.
Then once they get the chance, they will never let it go. Then we lost the opportunity to educate him.
What we should do is to treat some things calmly and naturally and help him analyze calmly: you can choose, but you should think about what consequences you need to bear.
Children are very smart and intelligent, and we should trust them to give correct judgments.
The second solution is: we should analyze our role in the family we came from.
Let's see what kind of influence this role has had on our children, positive or negative.
After the analysis, we should make adjustments to make ourselves have a positive impact on children as much as possible and reduce the negative impact on children.
The teacher said:
Take myself as an example. In Born into a Family, I learned diligence and hard work from my parents.
Therefore, when raising children, I should be careful not to be too frugal, ignore their needs, and know how to meet some of their needs appropriately.
Therefore, we should also make an analysis of our family background to see what excellent qualities your parents have given you and what negative effects they have given you.
Then when we educate our children, we need to carry forward your good qualities and let those shortcomings fade or even disappear.
I have analyzed that my family background has given me some positive influences in educating my children: my parents are hardworking, hardworking, hardworking and hardworking.
So in daily life, I will consciously let my son Allen take part in more labor and work hard, realizing that every job is not easy, and then tell him that he can't just take it without paying.
He also cooperated with me to make the first dish in his life-tomato and potato chips.
Letting children participate in labor can not only make them feel the hard work of their parents, but also make them feel their sense of value.
So he was very, very happy that day
The third scheme is: for parents who want to arm their children with material things, I want to tell you that the pursuit of material things is endless and children need a rich spiritual life.
Some parents may have read the book Lonely Valley by American writer Bill Porter.
In this book, Bill Porter visited many hermits in China.
These hermits living in the mountains are very short of materials.
Sometimes I can't take a shower for a long time, and many of the dishes I eat are grown by myself. They are still very, very happy in such a difficult environment.
This example shows that we don't need too much material.
We should guide children to live a richer spiritual life, because these spiritual lives are the source of children's fun, which can help children get better growth and more progress.
So how should we guide children to live a colorful spiritual life?
Everyone can make some handicrafts to enrich our spiritual life.
In the process of making handicrafts, we can teach children. These handicrafts involve shapes, colors and various English expressions. We can also make a handicraft with a picture book as the theme, and we can help look at this picture book after finishing it.
I just showed you this set of cat and mouse crafts, which I made with Allen. After finishing this handicraft, we combined a very famous nursery rhyme "Mother Goose" and one of the nursery rhymes "Jerry Hall" to perform with these handicrafts.
Combining this nursery rhyme with this song, the child is very, very happy, so we let the child know all kinds of animals, colors and shapes in the process of making handicrafts, and let him learn nursery rhymes when playing with this handmade knife, so the harvest is very great.
The second way is to play some parent-child interactive games with children, such as:
The game of space travel.
The game is like this: first, we find a cake box, and then let the children draw the image of space on it. Then, we find some words to learn and put them under this blank.
Then tell your child that you are going to travel in space now, but you may encounter some dangers. When I find you in danger, I will tell you the name of the alien who attacked you. You say his name three times and photograph him three times, and the danger is lifted.
For example, if we want to teach children the word slap in the face, you can say: Baby, there is an alien named Panda who wants to attack you. Say panda at once, then hit him three times, and he will disappear, and you will be safe.
By learning other vocabulary in this way, any vocabulary can be played with children through games like this space box, and children are also very enthusiastic about this game.
The third method is parent-child reading.
Everyone can read with children, and the form of reading need not be too rigid. Everyone can sing, jump and perform, which can also help children enrich their spiritual life.
The fourth method is to cook food with children.
For example, making cakes and cookies together, these methods can be used.
Let children know all kinds of ingredients and English of all kinds of ingredients in this process, and also improve their hands-on ability. If they do it with other friends, they will also improve their social skills.
An activity we did in the first half of this year was called zongzi hunting.
We made some paper zongzi, and then let the children look for them. Let's divide them into two groups and see which one finds more.
This activity is also very interesting. The children were very happy, and then they learned a lot of traditional culture in the process.
Therefore, I also suggest that you organize similar activities for your children as much as possible. For example, you can also organize story meetings, sitcom performances, climb mountains together, or make some fruit platters.
The fifth way is to bring children close to nature. You can often take your children to climb mountains and go to parks.
Traveling to various places can tell children a lot of knowledge in the process of traveling.
Everyone should do some homework before traveling, and then think about what I want to teach my children in the process. This is also conducive to enriching their spiritual life.
Scheme 4: For those parents who sympathize with their children, are eager to satisfy their children and want to compensate them with material things, I want to tell you that really good parents should know what their children need most.
What children need is perseverance, enough adversity quotient and a grateful heart.
If children are ambitious, that's a good thing. We can take this opportunity to exercise them and cultivate their good character.
The teacher said:
Allen once asked me for Lego toys, and I told him, well, it's great to spell Lego to develop IQ, but you have to pay to get something. I see you punch in every day to study, and I appreciate the quality of this kind of study.
Then wait until the end of the month, I'll give you some little stars, and you can change Legos. what do you think?
He was so happy that at the end of the month, he finally had his own Lego toys, which were exchanged through this little star he usually accumulated. He squatted on the sofa and put these Legos together in one breath.
Wherever I go, I always want to take them with me. I have invented many new spelling methods.
In this process, I let Allen know that I really appreciate his love for learning, which I value very much.
The second is what he needs to work hard to get.
The third is to wait patiently for what you want. It's impossible to say yes or no. Right away, that thing is right in front of you.
I remember Mr. Liu Yong mentioned in his course that he educated an excellent son with the sentence "Wait a minute". Everyone has heard of the famous candy experiment, and there are various examples in life that tell us: teach children to delay satisfaction.
So when you meet your child's requirements, you should find ways to delay meeting his requirements.
The teacher said:
I remember once, after listening to elon musk's story, Allen said to me, Mom, I also want to build rockets.
I said, well, we'll see what we need to learn to build rockets. I heard that when elon musk was five years old, he sometimes studied for ten hours.
Allen said, mom, I have to study for ten hours. I said that building rockets still needs a lot of money, so how can you make money?
Allen said, Mom, we can make money by recording classes.
So after Allen made this excessive request at the end of last year, I began to make preparations. We learned more knowledge together, read books together, and recorded 50 children's songs a year.
Now I ask Allen to punch in super simple songs every day, twice a week, and prepare slowly. We will continue to work hard towards his excessive demands.
In the process of hard work, I think children will definitely feel the quality of perseverance and take root in their hearts.
He will also feel a seed called adversity quotient when he encounters setbacks, and will quietly plant it in his heart.
When he wants to get excessive demands, he will also get everyone's help, so I believe that a grateful flower will quietly open in his heart.
The fifth solution: In fact, those demanding children don't want to embarrass us, but they don't know what life is like.
It is difficult for children who lack life experience to understand the situation of others and feel the difficulties of their parents.
We often take our children to participate in various kinds of labor, so that children can feel their sense of value in the process of labor, and they can also feel that it is not easy for their parents to pay for him.
The teacher said:
I try my best to take Allen to work. Allen was ill at home these days, so I cooked with him. He especially likes cutting vegetables and cooking. The way he cut potatoes with a big knife the day before yesterday really scared his father to death.
I feel very calm. As long as I demonstrate a few more times and explain the precautions, they can do better and better through practice, and they will feel the hard work of their parents in the process.
Allen said to his father while cutting vegetables, Dad, it's okay. I can cut them all, but be careful. Mom was cut by a knife the other day, and so was I.
In fact, children who love their work are full of energy, full of value and more empathetic.
So, on the day he cooked, his father felt that the child was full of energy and jumped up happily.
Then I feel particularly valuable and meaningful. Therefore, I also suggest that you must let your children take part in more labor and exercise. Don't be afraid, don't think it will delay time.
In fact, life is the best study. In the process of their work, you can teach them a lot of knowledge by the way, and in the process of working together, you can also enhance the feelings between parents and children, so I especially recommend you to take your children to work more.
The sixth solution is that we should distinguish whether this thing is what the child wants or what he really needs.
Always be consistent with other family members at home and have the same attitude. We should find ways to meet what children really need so that children can live and study normally.
If the child doesn't need this thing very much, but he is very eager, then we need to judge. For what they don't need, we should be consistent and resolutely dissatisfied.
Unless these things are harmless to children, children themselves are willing to get them through labor.
At this time, we can consider, like the necessities of children's life and study, trying to satisfy children and ensure their normal life and study.
Children pursue too many toys, too many snacks and too many electronic products. We should negotiate with our families and not be too satisfied, so as not to form bad habits and affect our health.
If the child wants an expensive dress or an instrument that is beyond the family budget.
Parents can encourage their children to earn money by themselves and get it through their own labor.
There are many ways for children to get paid for their work, such as doing extra housework and asking their parents to help them buy some small commodities and then sell them.
You can also sell your own stories, your own picture books, record some short stories, or record some online courses.
All these can make children get some compensation, and also cultivate their financial quotient and other life skills in the process.
However, I have to remind parents that if your child is still in primary school and wants to buy a mobile phone or a game machine, you should just say: No!
Parents should guide their children to form good habits and good character. We can't agree to let them do things that affect their health or character.
Take your child to the supermarket, will you often get upset because your child wants to buy more things?
Now I will share with you the matters needing attention when taking children to the supermarket to buy things.
We need to discuss it with him in advance.
The teacher said:
For example, Allen and I told him that you have the right to choose a product with a price below 10 yuan.
So I never make a fuss because I want to buy too many things. I always stick to it, so he won't make any excessive demands.
So I suggest that you must discuss with your children in advance. If the child agrees to discuss, but he goes to the mall to buy more snacks or toys.
At this time, I suggest you tell him calmly: "Baby, no matter how you cry today, mom won't buy it because we agreed before."
Then, you must carry it out resolutely. You can take him away so as not to affect others. I'm sure he's done it several times. After seeing your determination, he won't bother again, so this little method is given to everyone. You can try.
At this point, our sharing is coming to an end.
Parenting first, let's cheer together!