Both men and women like material things. Therefore, only by paying the bride price can a family be established.
Aronson, a social psychologist, put forward an interesting point in the book Social Animals: If a woman had sex with 100 men within six months, she might end up with only one offspring, so in ancient times she would choose a stronger hunter who could provide more food continuously as a companion. If a man has sex with 100 women in half a year, he may get a dozen or more offspring, but at that time, the material conditions and living environment were very poor, and many babies died at birth, so men tend to choose healthier and more beautiful women as partners. When these standards are developed to modern times, women will choose richer and more successful men as partners; Men choose healthier and more beautiful women as partners.
After all, everyone wants to have more high-quality offspring, which is the continuation of their own lives and can have healthier and stronger offspring, symbolizing that "I" can exist in the world better and longer.
Therefore, both men and women are realistic, but the emphasis is different.
Therefore, only by paying the bride price can a family be established.
3. Family relationship belongs to intimacy, which requires intimacy management ability.
Under the current social and cultural background, there is a gap in male emotional education. In this gap, there are some seemingly "accustomed" understandings of emotions: for example, if you have money, you have everything, and if you have money, there is no shortage of beautiful women. If you have money, you can find a younger and more beautiful wife. This concept seems to be teaching men to "objectify" women, but objectifying women is not objectifying men themselves. Many men do not distinguish between social work ability and intimate relationship management ability. They will think that this is the same thing. As long as I have super ability to make money, I can do anything. This just ignores caring about the family and sharing the happiness and difficulties of establishing a family with women. Women will feel helpless. So your wife told you these words, asking you to care about your family and share the happiness and difficulties of building a family with her.
4. The reason why the establishment and end of a relationship are attributed to "money" is to turn both "people" into "things" emotionally. And this whole set of operations is actually a defense that men feel powerless in emotions and relationships.
This defense has three main functions.
The first function: cover up the weak ability with superior ability.
These men's strengths are making money and working, and their weaknesses are establishing and managing intimate relationships.
The myth of such men is that as long as I have enough money, I can manage a close relationship. If you are not satisfied, I will throw money at you.
They don't distinguish between social work ability and intimacy management ability. They will think that this is the same thing. As long as I have super ability to make money, I can do anything.
As long as the relationship between the two is blurred, they don't have to see clearly the fact that they really lack the ability on the other hand, and they will have a stronger sense of control, although such a sense of control is actually "virtual".
The second function: to isolate intimate relationships.
We may all have a feeling that money sometimes pulls two people far apart.
For example, when the contradiction between husband and wife escalates to the climax and must fall apart, it is not when everyone blushes and has a thick neck, but when everyone calmly sits down and talks about property distribution.
When the two sides quarrel over each property, they are actually telling each other about their efforts, desires and losses in this marriage.
Just talking about money can cover up all these emotional attributes, because it seems to be just a cold interest.
In the face of emotional setbacks and the departure of the other party, it is interpreted as money, not as, for example, I may not understand, care for and support her well, or there is something wrong with our emotional interaction, which will not make people feel the loss of intimacy obviously.
It will be easier to pull our relationship apart with money first.
The role of the third line of defense: covering up vulnerability with moral commanding heights.
In fact, when a man accuses a woman of betraying herself for money, he stands on the commanding heights of morality and can hide his vulnerability.
For men, admitting that they are poor and have no ability to make money is a very hurtful thing to their self-esteem, but the magic thing is that for some men, as long as they point the finger at others, their sense of vulnerability will drop rapidly or even be ignored.
He is not only using this to "deceive" the outside world, but even deceiving himself:
When I am nothing like others, at least I am morally superior. I can accuse those who are mercenary and snobbish, which shows that I deserve sympathy, and it seems that I am completely different from them morally.
In fact, this defense has its own functions and functions, but at the same time, its rigidity and simplification limit the real growth of men's emotional ability.
5. Only by getting rid of the dependence on money can we get rid of the bondage of external attribution, and no longer attribute emotional frustration to money, or even to women's moral standards, can the repressed emotional function come alive and establish a truly quality and profound intimate relationship.