Gao Zan replied: "I don't care what I have, I don't care what I don't have, I'm not afraid of losing, I don't pursue strong twist." I feel that everything is my own, and it doesn't matter if I am nothing. It's enough to get it, but not afraid to lose it. "
Isn't this a decent man? Yes, it is right to have no sorrow under your heart!
The real sense of security can only come from one place, and that is your heart.
Children's real sense of security can only come from their parents (close caregivers) at first.
1, parents love each other, which is the most confident sense of security for their children.
Parents love each other, no matter what the environment at that time, no matter how poor the material conditions are, it will not affect their love!
I remember when I was a child in summer, my father went to work in the city alone, and it took an hour to go home by bike after work. I don't remember being hungry when I was a child. What I remember most is that my brother and I were beaten together when I was a child. My brother and I have always lived alone, and my mother has always been aggressive. The two little people were too scared to climb down from the tree, and we didn't get help until it was dark when dad came home from work! Several times, we all sat on the branches and fell asleep.
Brain tonic, dad comes home from work every day and picks up two children from the tree first. It's worth drawing a picture!
However, such children are not insecure. Instead, I play tricks with my mother and my friends. Every time my father always buys us the latest mechanical pencil, my grandfather has a canteen, we always have inexhaustible pens and notebooks, and we always have pocket money.
Later, the hero raised his own children. Compared with many children, our two children grew up healthy and lively, cheerful and confident, and never left behind. My brother and sister are each other's best friends. They get excellent grades in school. They have their own hobbies for many years and have been independent until adolescence. Even in Germany, Dou Rong is always listed among the praised "other people's children".
2. Parents love each other, give their children the best growth model, and let them learn to love themselves first.
Seeing that parents love each other, the first thing children learn is to love themselves! The so-called love for yourself means knowing that you are important and how to do your own thing well. For example, you can study hard when it is time to study. When you should ask your parents, you will never feel wronged, guilty and unworthy!
I remember when I was a child, my father bought a big radio, and a group of friends often came to listen to children's programs at night. Originally, dinner was my mother's favorite time to listen to Yang Jiajiang. My mother said to my father, "The children don't have time to listen at noon, so I will listen to the replay at noon and let them listen to their trumpet program at night!
Everyone has a mobile phone now. When eating, everyone consciously put their mobile phones upstairs, and her husband would say, "Come and video chat with grandma for a while." Then we will talk about our respective days over dinner.
Parents love each other and parents love their children, that is, a family often eats well, doesn't it!
3, parents love each other, let children know that the meaning of life is great love, that is, love others, love the world!
As I grow older, I know that my father works so hard every day because he is the factory director. He wants to pay for everyone and help more people!
With our graduation from college, our marriage and family, our heroic brothers also formed their own teams. We also feel that we can help more people like our father, and we try our best to make the world a better place. Just like my parents, we are conscientious and diligent. Live well before you have the strength to love others and the world!
Many parents complain that their children are selfish or have baiwenhang. In fact, this is because their children lack love. Just like if you only have one favorite apple, you won't want to share it, but if you have a basket of apples, 100 apples, you will be generous!
Love others, love the world, there must be enough love, enough sharing, enough dedication, including generosity. The premise is that you must have it and have money. When you are scarce, of course you will be selfish and unwilling to share!
In fact, a child's sense of security can range from big to small, which may involve many details or feelings. To put it in a small way, it can be simply summarized as three points: that is, as long as he has a sense of security in emotional/physical/social relations, then the child must be a healthy child!
First, emotional security:
(Dare to speak, dare to express, dare to communicate, dare to say no, dare to make demands)
Children are emotionally safe when they know that their parents love each other, especially when their parents love themselves. He dares to speak at 1.
2. Dare to express
3. Dare to communicate
4. Dare to say no
5. Dare to ask for it.
Children dare, because children have confidence! It is the sense of security that parents give him, and it is also the confidence that parents love him!
You can recall, when did children become afraid to speak? Parents must have quarreled, or parents yelled at their children!
Therefore, if parents don't love each other, just to have a family in name only, even if they don't divorce, it won't do any harm to their children. Therefore, a "single-parent family" is not only after parents divorce, but also for many parents who do not divorce.
For example, to guide children to "dare to speak" means to make them feel safe, that is, to let him know that his speech will not lead to war, scolding and beating, ridicule and attack, and will not be punished for saying the wrong thing. Don't play mobile phone!
Dare to express, dare to communicate, dare to say no, dare to ask, dare to say, these are all manifestations of children's strong sense of security. If children can ask their parents for help, discuss with them and solve problems with them without worries, then there will not be so many children with psychological barriers, so many children who jump forward without saying a word, so many children who are bullied and dare not speak, and so many children.
Diego 15 years old. He used to be as hot-tempered as his mother, but he was more humorous than his mother 100, so he often joked with his mother. Even when he quarrels with his mother, he annoys her with humor.
I remember once before his 10 birthday, his mother had a big fight with him because of the scheduling problem. Finally, the two girls cried bitterly. Diego wiped his nose and said, "Mom cried before. I always thought you were a saint and there was no such thing as tears. " In a word, we two girls are in tears again!
Second, the body's sense of security:
Dare to act, dare to protect themselves, dare to exercise their rights and dare to fight against unfair treatment.
A child with a sense of security not only dares to speak and express, but also dares to act and has a sense of physical security.
For example, a healthy and confident child knows how to line up in the playground, share toys with other children and lead a group of children to hide and seek. In other words, he dares to think, do and act.
If you dare to protect yourself, you won't let others bully you or give in to it. On the contrary, he dares to speak out, dare to fight and know how to protect himself. Such a sense of security can make children grow up healthier.
Dare to exercise their rights and fight against unfair treatment, which must be implanted in children's hearts from an early age. When children enter kindergartens and primary schools, they must learn to face the jungle world independently. At this time, they must learn to face and solve problems independently!
Sweet girl was always chubby when she was a child. In elementary school, she and her best friend Leonie were two schoolmasters, but they were both a little fat. It is said that two chicks are called "Little Fatty" when they meet a little boy. Mom asked her how to deal with it. Sweet girl smiled like a hero: "Leonie and I kicked them, shouted, and kicked their ass once!" " !
Mother asked carefully again, "Have you ever felt inferior because you are fat?"
Sweet girl looked at her mother like an alien: "mom, how can I feel inferior?" I exercise much more than their boys. Do you think I am thin now? " 12 years old, sweet sister lost 8 pounds through exercise and diet control, and now she is also in the slim ranks, haha.
Third, the sense of security of social relations:
Independent individuals, people are equal, have the energy to love and be loved, and have the most trusted people.
As long as you do the first two, this level will naturally improve! # Love is a verb #
From birth, the child cultivates the consciousness that he is an individual.
Every child is born, his parents will prepare his own room, his own bed, his own stroller and his own clothes are soft. Except for the public living room and his parents, he has the right to choose, decide and dispose of his own things!
To give the simplest example, when a child is two or three years old, his birthday will be celebrated, and parents will ask him whether the theme of his birthday is Star Wars or Paulie Pony. If your boy is going to have a unicorn-themed birthday, parents can't discourage ridicule or reprimand, but let the children make their own choices, make their own decisions and bear it!
Sweet girl has a good classmate. They all call him Fafa. His father is the coach of regensburg football team, and his younger brother is one of the players now. However, Fafa has only played with ponies and unicorns that girls like since she was a child. The friends she invited to climb the ladder on her 7th birthday were all girls!
My mother, who is full of good words and gossip, also asked carefully. His mother smiled brightly: My son is like a girl, and we have guided him, but we can't force him to stick to his opinion. Besides, we all think it's nothing. Anyway, he chooses and makes his own decisions!
I remember our family also discussed that if Diego has some special hobbies one day, my husband's attitude is also: "No matter what he becomes in the future, he is our son, with love of 100, which is beyond doubt!"
Third, how to cultivate children's sense of security.
1, parents love each other, parents love themselves, live well, and naturally have the power to love their children!
2, children feel emotional, physical and interpersonal security, that is, they can get a healthy sense of security.
3. Finally, let the children get unconditional love!
Supersimple and unconditional love
Unconditional to a child means that the child is very kind and polite, and you should love him when he is very difficult for his parents. He is very naughty and makes you angry. You can't wait to beat him, so you still have to love him!
Unconditionally to ourselves, when we are in a good mood, when everything goes well, when we watch our children love enough, we should love them! When we are tired and bored, when we want to fight with the world, we should love our children.
Unconditional love, no matter how much money, time and effort you spend, as long as you want to love your children with it, then you must love your children regardless of cost, gain and loss, past grievances and consequences!
PS: It may take a long time for a child's sense of security to be established. Parents don't have to worry. Slower, later, or almost, will not affect the life and growth of children! As long as we adhere to the principle of truly loving children and unconditionally loving children, I believe that we will all have healthy and sunny children in time:)