I think you understand that it is better to break down the bridge than to ruin the marriage, so you still want to persuade her. In fact, there are many people who get married first and then have feelings. Of course, there are people who love each other until they get married.
Your friend doesn't want to get married, because she doesn't know that white people are always afraid and anxious about the unknown. You can help her know more about this man. Is it reliable? Marry a good man, and you won't suffer.
And her parents like it very much, so the old man can get a general idea by looking at one person. After all, he has seen too many people and things in his life. Parents like their son-in-law, so there will be less trouble after marriage.
I wonder how parents treat women. Does this man like your friend? Feelings can be cultivated. All adults dare to do it, and do not advocate breaking the contract, which will hurt the elderly. Try to persuade your friend to think twice.
2. What about anxiety before marriage?
A person who has no sense of responsibility and responsibility.
Those men and women with immature personality, strong dependence and poor living ability are prone to nervous and anxious feelings about the upcoming marriage life. According to psychology, people who complete their married life must have a considerable degree of maturity and sense of responsibility, and need to have a certain degree of rational thinking and ability to cope with life.
Those who blindly rely on others and let their feelings induce them completely often miss the love period when they are not expected to fulfill their responsibilities, and have anxiety about entering the marriage period. People who are excessively worried about marital conflicts and conflicts.
Mentally and emotionally, there are always some people who are sensitive. They worry about possible conflicts in their marriage in advance. These people are either influenced by the unharmonious shadow of their parents' marriage, or have seen examples of the breakdown of marriage around them, or have heard the saying that marriage is the grave of love, thus generating a kind of pre-marital anxiety that flowers don't bloom often and the good times don't last long.
People who are too used to living freely before marriage are used to living freely. They are worried that once they get married, they will lose their independence and freedom, narrow or even close their social circle, and thus unconsciously have a fear of marriage that may suppress their various psychological desires. For those who are worried about entering the marriage hall, it is best to leave enough time for themselves and make appropriate psychological adjustments.
Including identifying your own concerns and choosing coping strategies according to the problems. You can listen to wedding counseling lectures or read such books, and you can also learn to master some specific life skills and communicate with your lover, especially the arrangements and ideas of married life.
When the worriers start to cope and change, they are no longer just worried and helpless, but their emotional state can also change. .
3. How to comfort a desperate and sad friend?
There are people following in my footsteps these days! I want to give a humble opinion from someone who has experienced it: there is nothing you can do in this situation.
The main characters are the school teacher, her parents and her. I guess she should be an introverted girl. The most effective way is for her parents to communicate with teachers, encourage their children and comfort her. In addition to this method, it's useless. Even if you comfort her, it won't help much.
Because you can't change her teacher's opinion of her, her parents' demands on her, and her classmates' contempt for her. Only you can change it.
She is an indirect loveless girl. What you can give her is considerate care. Of course, if you can communicate with her parents, it is the best choice.
Pay more attention to children, not just parents' own face! If you have any questions, please consult me in time for adoption. It is not easy for a little girl to type.
4. How to comfort an anxious girlfriend
It takes skill to comfort others. If you are not satisfied with my answer, you can trust me privately. When friends are sad or crying, we usually feel uneasy: should we help? what can I do to help? How to help is effective? To what extent should we help? And when a friend is crying and speechless, how can he most effectively relieve his pain and anxiety? "Heart disease" also needs a "heart medicine" doctor. Let's listen to the advice of a psychological counselor! After a smooth childhood, I encountered a tragedy in my life: my girlfriend who was about to talk about marriage suddenly fell ill and passed away a few days later.
He can't face all this at all, but at the same time he is strong and doesn't want to affect the good job prospects at hand. Finally, he cried in front of his old friend Ray, leaving Ray, who is not good at comforting people, at a loss.
Divergence of attention When ordinary people encounter setbacks, they will have two reactions: one will take a repressive approach, and he will suppress all the disappointments in his subconscious mind and try to digest them by himself. From the point of view of mental health, this is an unhealthy way.
If the backlog is too long, it may gradually form neurosis, or a more serious disease. In the face of this kind of friend, you can open the dialog box by shifting his hobbies, which is a crucial first step.
If he likes singing and dancing, he can go clubbing together. If you like literature and art, you can distract him by reading books and watching CDs. Besides, some outdoor sports are also good for body and mind.
In short, you should know how to divert his attention. Listening is more important than speaking. Another kind of person is willing to talk. As a friend, you should choose the right time and place and slowly create opportunities for him to speak.
In this process, we should pay attention to the following points: Listening is not a simple silence. The first thing to do in listening is to forget yourself. In the process of speaking, you should completely put aside your own thoughts, all your thoughts and intentions, devote yourself wholeheartedly with a sincere attitude and provide unconditional help.
In this way, the comforted person will trust you and feel warm. And in the process of talking, try not to interrupt, be sure to let him vent all his emotions.
The average comforter can't wait to put forward his own opinions when he hears or resists. In fact, this is a very inappropriate practice. The comforted sometimes only need the quilt as their "ringing box", and they can use it repeatedly.
In addition, what the comforted person said should be supportive. By default, everything he said is right and mistakes should be ignored.
In the process of listening, if he asks, you can tell your own experience. Of course, be brief.
And what you said must be worse than his situation. "I used to ... take my time." If you can successfully get him to talk for two hours, you will basically be fine.
In the whole process of comforting others, listening is more important than speaking. A lost and depressed heart needs gentle listening, not a long speech.
Listening is a process of mutual concern. Don't ask the cause and effect of things, and don't rush to judge. Let him express his feelings freely. Without saying a few words, Lin felt that his friend Pippi's recent behavior was very strange. Ask her out shopping. She said stiffly, no time! Call her at night, she seems to be sulking again, and she gets angry without saying a few words.
Later, Lin found a strange new manager in Pippi's department. She always likes to find fault with everyone, even making trouble without reason, which makes Pippi very unhappy. Lynn wants to talk to Pippi, but she doesn't know where to start.
There is no need to teach him how to do it. There are many examples in life. Students who go in and out of society hit a wall several times in the interview, and began to doubt their abilities, and they were depressed and confused. At this time, as a friend, all you have to do is objectively analyze the current situation and help him verify it.
Losing the game will more or less produce inferiority complex, which is the most common problem. What we have to do is to help him overcome this inferiority complex. First, you have to make sure.
"This may not be a question of your ability at all, or it may be ..." Be sure to say that he is good. As for how hard he has to work, that is what he needs to sum up.
We are not going to help him solve practical problems, but to help him solve psychological problems. We can't teach our friends how to win this position. That's his business. What we do is to help him adjust his mood and let him not be upset. Giving comfort is not telling others "You should feel …" or "You shouldn't feel …" People have the right to keep their true feelings.
This is not what you want to say. It is up to him to discover it slowly. In the whole process of comfort, it is very important to ask open questions. When you realize his weakness, you can ask questions from the side, "What do you think of your level?" Then he may realize that he needs to adjust himself.
Let him confidently out of the shadows, this is our ultimate goal. Help him experience his success. First, let him review his successful experience.
There will be times of success in one's life. You should let him know that one failure does not mean all failures, nor can it be generalized.
If you know that he used to sing better, you can say, "I heard that you used to sing … how do you feel?" Let him say it, so that he may slowly forget the unpleasant things, and he will feel that he is still excellent. Don't let the temporary fog blind your eyes, disturb the direction of progress, build up self-confidence and help him experience his own success.
Besides, it is obvious that a blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise, but friends in adversity may not see it for the time being. You should help him realize this problem.
"You haven't found this job yet, but you still have many opportunities, and the development prospects are hard to predict ..." We may all encounter some setbacks and difficulties, which may be a great thing at that time. But looking back, you will find that this is just a process, looking at the problem from a developmental perspective.
It is difficult for comforters to go out with friends. Generally speaking, asking questions is more effective.
Go out with your friends. Time is the best medicine to heal wounds.
The other person will feel safe and warm in your company, pour out their pain and tell them.
5. My friend is depressed. How can I comfort her?
Personal physical reasons, 15 years old hearing disability, bilateral, severe, now 29 years old. It can be said that I don't know how many times I have been depressed over the years. You can think about it, the world is dominated by verbal communication, and I am deprived of the right to listen. You can think about how isolated the world like me is. Therefore, I used to fall into depression.
I think the key to depression and autism is to come out by yourself! At least I basically came out by myself. I know I'm depressed and autistic, but I don't see a psychiatrist. I am on my own. I believe that "the one who tied the bell is needed to solve the bell".
I started to keep a diary from the age of 13 until I graduated from college (Pugaoli was admitted to college by herself), and I often kept a diary after entering the society. Keep a diary, review yourself, praise yourself, complain about yourself and help yourself find a solution. In addition, I also read a lot of books, Douban high score books, mainly pleasant books. It is also a good choice to get in touch with some good movies. I often watch Chaplin's pantomime.
From my own point of view, what we need is not too much concern, but a listening and sincere audience. You should listen to her opinions more, express your own opinions less, try to understand, affirm and recognize her opinions, and support her in action. Take her from the desert to the sunny beach bit by bit. ...
Personal experience holds that depression is a subconscious problem, and patients have too many negative interpretations of external information.
6. How to comfort people who are prone to anxiety
That's a good question
Anxiety means having bad expectations for the future, being fearful, being cautious, always looking back where there are mistakes, and not tolerating future mistakes. I hope to have a bright future. I really want to have a good future. Without a good future, there is no way. Anxiety, usually accompanied by obsessive-compulsive symptoms, means thinking repeatedly, checking repeatedly, nagging, nagging.
Are you sure? Is that anxiety? Or is it a projection of personal anxiety? This is to be distinguished. If you can't make a diagnosis, don't jump to conclusions.
Anxious people, when they are alone, are nervous, worried, anxious, impatient and tired. Outsiders will project some bad things about themselves, for example, privately think that someone is wasting money, wasting time, doing nothing, worrying about his future and so on. For intimate relationships, it means worrying, accusing, criticizing, reminding, being angry and impatient with each other.
The essence of anxious people is that they have high expectations, are under great pressure, can't make mistakes, and want to have a good future and good results too much.
People who are troubled by anxious people will be angry with him, criticize him, annoy him, avoid him, and even be anxious by him. Doing so will make anxious people more anxious. He thinks you don't understand him, don't realize the danger, and are too confused. He wants to control, but he feels out of control.