Papa bear column
Let go of anxiety, and your ordinary children can shine.
Recently, Ding Yanqing, an associate professor in Peking University, said in a small vid
Papa bear column
Let go of anxiety, and your ordinary children can shine.
Recently, Ding Yanqing, an associate professor in Peking University, said in a small video that her husband and wife are both "schoolmasters" who graduated from Peking University, but their daughter's performance is not satisfactory.
The words are full of helplessness to the "school scum" daughter.
At the bottom of this small video, there was a comment that received rave reviews: "China parents can't accept that their children are not excellent, no matter whether they are excellent or not."
Through the screen, we can all feel the depression in this netizen's heart, and this emotion comes from his parents' anxiety. This anxiety makes parents ask their children to compete everywhere. It seems that it is hopeless for children to be ordinary people.
But parents don't know that anxiety is useless. Children's achievements now do not represent their future life. Even if you can't be an excellent person, ordinary life can shine.
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Allow children to be ordinary people.
In the hit drama "Little Joy", space bound recovery fan, who is in senior three, failed in the exam and is likely to be repeated.
Christina's mother was very angry when she heard the news. She clearly knew that she and her husband were both schoolmasters, but she gave birth to a scum who didn't want to make progress. So while driving, while training his son:
"You don't call me mom, I'm not your mother.
Why should I have you? I'm full. I shouldn't have given birth to you.
Learning is ineffective, but fighting is clear.
My mother is a senior three, physics 93, mathematics 92, chemistry 9 1, all of which are excellent except English.
Why don't you follow mom? "
She scolds her son in the same way as an anxious mother in life.
Indeed, who is a parent who does not expect his son to succeed and his daughter to succeed?
However, there are not so many geniuses in this world, and gifted children may be ordinary people. Only by understanding this can we treat children with a normal heart.
In the book "I'm glad my son hugged me and cried", the famous writer Wu Nianzhen wrote a short story about his son.
One day when I came home, my wife was scolding my children, because the children who usually got good grades only got 70 or 80 points in math.
Wu Nianzhen pulled his wife into the kitchen and whispered, "Were you good at math at school?" ?
The wife replied: It sucks!
Wu Nianzhen said to his wife seriously, mine is also very poor, and I only got 10 in the college entrance examination. If we can't do things ourselves, don't embarrass the children. "
Yes, why should you let your children do what you can't do?
In fact, the so-called "academic bully" and "academic scum" can not define a child's life, but only explain the child's learning level under the current education system.
Besides good grades, there are many beautiful things to look forward to in life.
In those long years, as long as the children are healthy, happy and upright, why not be a kind ordinary person?
Accept the fact that the child is an ordinary person, reconcile with yourself and the child, and life will become happy and calm.
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No matter how ordinary a child is, there are some bright spots.
In the picture book "Little Elephant Ella: First Coming to Power", I told such a story.
Xiangdao Primary School is going to hold a personal talent show. Some friends can do magic, some can dance ballet ... and Ella the elephant seems to know nothing.
I can't find the rhythm of drums. I was hit by a coconut while practicing acrobatics, and singing scared the customers in the store. ...
However, ella was not discouraged. She is still actively involved. She helped draw signs of talent shows, strung medals with beautiful ribbons and counted the talent shows of her classmates. At the same time, she doesn't forget to encourage every student who performs to be their audience seriously. On the night of the performance, she brought her own chocolate cake and lemonade to all her friends.
After the talent show, Ella became everyone's favorite child.
Although she has no talent, she is not jealous or depressed. She is willing to applaud everyone and help them out of trouble. What an excellent quality.
Although she has no talent, her high emotional intelligence and gained experience in activities will become a valuable asset in her life.
After this experience, we all believe that Ella's future life will shine because of this process.
There is a proverb in Turkey: God has prepared a short branch for every stupid bird.
Every bird flies at different heights, but every bird has its own sky.
Our children may not reach the height expected by their parents, but they can try to find their own branch.
Let children in their own time and space, continuous progress, continuous growth, continuous transcendence, although ordinary, but not mediocre. Isn't this kind of life also a kind of happiness?
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With proper guidance, ordinary children can shine brilliantly.
There is a saying in "The Warring States Policy: Touching the Dragon and Saying Empress Dowager Zhao": "Parents' love for their sons is far-reaching. "
It means that if parents love their children, they should make long-term considerations for them, instead of just paying attention to the immediate gains and losses.
Parents who are worried about their children falling behind always expect their children to be better than others, driven by anxiety. But they forget that, in fact, as long as there is correct guidance, ordinary children can also shine.
Parenting expert Li Meijin shared her daughter's story.
Because of her daughter's poor math performance, the teacher told Li Meijin bluntly: Your child will definitely not be admitted to a good university.
But Li Meijin doesn't worry about their children's future like other parents. She believes that not all children are suitable for a good university, and children who do research and study music and art will have a good future.
So Li Meijin encouraged and guided her daughter to work hard towards her favorite music and singing and dancing. In the end, the child became a college music teacher and realized his dream.
Although her daughter's occupation is ordinary, she really loves her occupation. Although music teachers don't have the high income of the elite in the workplace, they have a good time in winter and summer vacations. Under her influence, more and more children grow up healthily and happily, and their daughters are particularly satisfied with their lives.
This kind of life is another kind of perfection.
Parents who only value grades will unconsciously hurt their children's fragile self-esteem, making them feel that their parents only care about their own scores, and nothing else matters. If they don't do well in the exam, they will feel terrible, stupid and not good enough.
Besides grades, there are many ways to choose from.
Guo Qilin, who is very popular recently, suddenly wants to drop out of school to learn crosstalk after the second grade of junior high school. His father Degang Guo doesn't want his son to go this way, because he knows the hardships of learning crosstalk.
But after careful consideration, Degang Guo agreed to let his son drop out of school. He just insists that he can choose his own way, but after dropping out of school, he must continue to study.
When talking about why he agreed, Lao Guo said: "I am me, he is him, he has his own way to go, stumbling on his own."
We should understand that every child is an independent individual, and they have the ability to choose their own path. Even if this road is not the Avenue of Stars, but a country road, there will still be different scenery along the way.
We should believe that even if a child can't "become famous and get married", he is just an ordinary person like thousands of people in Qian Qian. In his world, he is still the most beautiful star.
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Write it at the end
Our child may be an ordinary person all his life, however, ordinary does not mean mediocrity. In many ordinary things, ordinary people can do extraordinary things.
We need to guide and discover the bright spots in children, so that every child can become a unique and unique existence.
I like the line in Hi Mom very much: My daughter, I just want her to be healthy and happy.
On the road of growing up, parents only need to be a co-pilot, just need to point out the direction and how to go. Admit the child's ordinary, pay more love, and the child will grow into a unique self.
Every child has his own flowering period. For children, the most important thing is not to surpass others, but to find their true self. If our children are healthy, happy and kind, and can do what they like, why not be extraordinary?
About the author: Liang Liang, loves reading and sharing. The meaning of hard work lies in looking to the future. Life is full of people and things you like.