If you have a good and healthy thinking mode, then your words and deeds will naturally have good and healthy characteristics.
On the contrary, if your thinking itself has some bad patterns, such as extreme thinking and biased thinking, then your words and deeds will naturally call names easily or easily explode.
If you know how to establish a positive and healthy emotional intelligence thinking, you will naturally know how to deal with these problems and reduce unnecessary troubles.
So the so-called "remolding thinking mode" is to practice a way of thinking that can be responsible for your own problems. In this way, we can take some positive and healthy actions to deal with external problems according to objective conditions.
For example, others chat with you and accidentally talk about some embarrassing things. According to your inherent mode of thinking, you may be dumbfounded, at a loss, or blush. These reactions are all words and deeds shaped by your inherent thinking mode.
But if you can reshape your thinking mode, you can turn passivity into initiative and take some positive measures to resolve this embarrassment, whether it is self-deprecating or using appropriate language to reverse the embarrassing situation.
If we want to establish a new mode of thinking, we should start by changing our habits.
We have all heard the saying "Character decides fate". Character is the slave of habit, and habit is the embodiment of thinking mode.
Some people are savage and grumpy. You think it's because of their personality, but it's actually a habit of words and deeds shaped by their long-term growth and life. In the same way, some people like to escape passively when they are in trouble, which is also his long-term behavior habit.
Because everyone has shaped different ways of doing things in the process of growing up, and the experience of the day after tomorrow has continuously strengthened this way of doing things, and finally formed a mode of thinking. When encountering things, they will subconsciously adopt this established coping style.
Imagine that if a child is very young, his parents can give him a correct education and will not spoil him easily, then when the child grows up, will he be rude and irritable?
Definitely not. Because he created a good and healthy thinking mode for himself.
In other words, personality is a long-term accumulation of behavior habits.
Think about all kinds of acquired problems in your body, such as not being good at communicating with others, or encountering problems, you will look negative. It's not so much a matter of your personality as that you have established a long-term behavior habit pattern for yourself.
Many people are hesitant or impulsive, that is, they always choose this way of speaking and acting actively or passively.
People's different behaviors will leave different feelings for themselves. When you do something that makes you feel comfortable, you will choose the same behavior in the same situation to get this comfort.
For example, you hate your evasive personality, but do you feel more comfortable than taking the initiative to solve every problem?
No matter how much you hate your character of avoiding problems, you will still be willing to stay in this psychological comfort zone and it is difficult to change yourself.
Over time, this choice of behavioral tendency will become your habit and ultimately shape your current character.
So, if you feel that you have all kinds of problems now, ask yourself:
Remember, our way of thinking will be reflected in our words and deeds. And our behavior habits will in turn strengthen our thinking consciousness, and finally be reflected in our behavior choices again. It is for this reason that we can't improve our emotional intelligence.
If you want to change, you must know how to reshape your thinking mode.
Thinking will be reflected in our behavior, and behavior can also shape our thinking.
Before we change, we must first know ourselves, what bad habits we have, or what bad ways we react. For example:
These reactions are the embodiment of your inherent thinking mode, and they are also the personality characteristics shaped by some bad habits.
Some bad habits, for us, are just a way of behavior choice, which will not have a great impact on life, such as staying in bed, eating delicious food, smoking and so on.
These bad habits, of course, have a bad influence on our health, but they are not necessarily the most important factors that hinder our progress in life.
It's good to get rid of these bad habits. If we can't change them, as long as it doesn't affect the overall situation, many people will let themselves go.
However, other bad habits may have a very serious impact on our lives. For example, if you encounter setbacks, you will be discouraged, if you are in a bad mood, you will make a hullabaloo about, if you get along with others, you will be selfish, and if you look at problems, you will be extreme.
If you realize that these bad habits are having a very bad influence on yourself, then you'd better reshape some new habits for yourself and reshape our thinking mode with new behaviors.
It takes a lot of perseverance to change your behavior and habits, but once you take the first step and get used to it, your steps will be much easier next time you face such difficulties.
How? Is to develop a new way of response, and then through constant action, to strengthen its hint. This is an active way to cultivate habits.
Psychologists' research shows that the formation of habits generally goes through three steps:
First, the brain receives external stimuli and converts them into behavioral signals;
The second step, under the stimulation of this signal, the corresponding behavior is repeatedly executed;
The third step, get a reward after execution, strengthen the stimulation of the signal, and then return to the first step.
Give an example to illustrate.
For example, I am now the director of business development. I often deal with different people and publish my own eloquence books to teach others to improve their eloquence.
But in college, do you know that I am an introverted and passive person with poor eloquence and don't know how to get along with others? Even when I meet someone I know in the street, I would rather hide in the past than say hello.
Obviously, the words and deeds presented by this inherent thinking mode are not a good behavior habit.
In order to change, I will write down my strengths and weaknesses on a piece of paper, and then think about what I can change and what I can do better. My weakness at that time was that I was naturally passive, introverted and like to escape.
I will write down some situations where I am passive or like to escape, and then think about what new ways to react to change.
So with the inherent reaction of "I don't know how to say hello to others", I thought of a new reaction way of "greeting people I know well and asking about the recent situation".
For example, there was an aunt who was a tailor downstairs, who sewed clothes for her neighbors. Sometimes the newly bought clothes don't fit, so I take them to the aunt to mend them. But when I met her in the street before, I pretended not to see her and walked straight over. This is an inherent reaction.
When I decide to change and have a clear new coping plan, every time I see this aunt, I will slowly approach her and let her see me. Then I will take the initiative to say hello and ask, "Do you want to buy food?" Menstruation will respond to me with a smile and say a word or two.
When my brain went through three stages: receiving signals (seeing my aunt), performing behaviors (saying hello) and strengthening signals (responding kindly to my aunt), I formed a new reaction mode.
Over time, this reaction mode reshaped my thinking, so that no matter who I meet on the street now, even those courier brothers, I will take the initiative to say hello and talk a few words.
At this time, I have a new mode of thinking to deal with these problems.
Therefore, if you want to improve your emotional intelligence thinking, you must find out some bad behavior habits, and then try to adjust this behavior and change your handling methods.
When we adapt to this psychological change, our emotional intelligence thinking will be gradually constructed, and its application scope will naturally become wider and wider.
In order to change the core characteristics of our bad habits, we must have a "hands-on" mentality.
Since I realize that I have some problems and need to change, I can make myself better by taking some positive measures.
Many people stay in the old way of reaction because they don't know what new ways of reaction can be done. Since I don't know, I have been acting in the inherent way.
Therefore, if you don't know what to do, it is the most effective way to get some different ways to deal with problems through reading, and then transform them into your own habits and reshape our thinking mode.
And these books, it is best to directly improve our skills, ideas and knowledge for our career or life.
Such books can not only meet the needs of cultivating your ability, but also expand your vision and connotation, thus subtly affecting your personality and allowing you to cultivate some habits that are conducive to changing your life.
For example, changing one's inferiority complex or acquiring certain abilities can be found in books.
If you don't understand interpersonal chat, read some books that teach us to establish chat and expand topics, and learn chat skills from them. If you don't know the skills of project management, read books on management and accumulate relevant knowledge and ability.
If you can't write, just read books on various writing skills to improve your writing ability. This is all that we can learn about various abilities from books.
However, if you want to turn what you have learned into ability, you need a learning process, which is:
1, and get a new behavior plan through reading;
2. Seek opportunities for practice from life and establish behavioral signals;
3. Keep yourself stimulated by this signal and strengthen your willingness to act;
4. Feedback the behavior results so as to make appropriate adjustments;
5. According to the feedback results, let yourself be stimulated by the signal again and strengthen your behavior.
According to this process, if you look at these books like this, you can change to a certain extent and reshape yourself into a different mode of thinking.
Until a certain point, your thinking mode will not be confined to a small range as before. Your behavior when you look at a problem or deal with it will certainly be more efficient and useful.
Therefore, in order to make yourself better, you should change your habits, do everything yourself and read more good books.
This is the most correct and useful way in our life.