But for people like me who don't see hope easily, the good news is that our mentality can be changed. No matter what our nature is, we can use time, energy and efforts to change our attitude and make ourselves develop in a more optimistic direction. Here are five methods based on scientific research.
1. Change the view of stressors
Stress is inevitable. Every day, we encounter long queues, unhappiness with our partners, endless to-do lists and so on. Although we can't eliminate all the pressure, we can choose how to look at the challenges we face and adopt a new and more positive attitude around them.
Of course, some optimistic people seem to do this naturally (how lucky they are! )。 It is easy for them to see the positive side in the annoying and bad things in life, which helps to protect their emotions. If you can't look at things positively by nature, train yourself by paying attention to the benefits of stressors in your daily life. For example, if you are caught in a traffic jam, take some time to look at the scenery outside the window and pay attention to its beauty.
Here are some examples of how to turn setbacks into positive factors:
Trapped at the airport
Call a friend or read a good book and turn the waiting event into unexpected free time.
Fail to get a promotion as expected
This may mean that this is the best time to perfect your resume or explore other career options that may be more satisfying.
Spend New Year's Eve alone.
Enjoy the time when no one bothers you, and watch your favorite TV programs as you like. Or clean out your closet to welcome the new year.
We can't control what life brings us, but we can all interpret difficult things as challenges to deal with, not disasters.
Practice self-compassion
Some people tend to blame themselves when things don't go well, but in fact, self-blame doesn't change anything. In order to change our mentality to a more positive direction, we can give ourselves a break and treat ourselves with a friendly attitude, just like close friends in difficult times.
People who practice self-pity are unlikely to blame themselves when bad things happen. Because of this, they will have less anxiety and depression and more confidence in the future.
So, when something bad happens, relax. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, and treat yourself with care and sympathy.
3. Those who leave don't stay
In addition to blaming yourself for setbacks, people may fall into another trap-thinking over the bad experiences they have had. Instead of accepting what happened and moving on, they fell into negative emotions. To make matters worse, they will belittle themselves because they are in a bad mood!
People who criticize their negative thoughts and feelings will have higher levels of depression and anxiety and lower mental health and life satisfaction. This is because when you blame yourself for your feelings, it will form a vicious circle. Thinking about rumination will produce bad feelings, which in turn will produce more rumination.
If you find yourself lost in thought, thinking about fighting with friends, or something unpleasant at work, please try a new method: identify and stop resisting these negative thoughts and feelings. For example, you may think "I feel lonely" or "my work is not going well". Expressing all your negative emotions and thoughts and accepting them will help you stop clinging to them and clear the way for a more positive attitude and response.
4. Give up comparison and practice gratitude
Happy people don't need to compare with others. On the contrary, they are grateful for what they have, which is a good way to increase optimism and happiness.
It is easy for us who have a negative attitude to compare ourselves with others. Especially on social media, most people only post the wonderful parts of their lives: excellent children, wonderful holidays and admirable careers, which will make us feel that our lives are not as good as others.
Seeing others' life and work like a duck to water from social media will make people who love to compare with others feel more lonely and dissatisfied with life. In contrast, those who are used to practicing gratitude will find the beauty in life more easily and be happier.
If you find yourself in a trap, try to put down social media, or at least change your view of those "happiness exposed by others" Instead of being sad that your life is not satisfactory, it is better to focus on the really beautiful things in life. For example, my child is not good at talking, but he has many friends; We haven't had a chance to travel abroad yet, but we like our Zhou Bianyou very much.
Looking for humor
In fact, in any case, it is possible to find some humor, and trying to do this can help you adopt a more positive attitude in the future. I remember that my son failed an English exam in high school and only got 58 points. Although it worries me, he can still find humor in it. He said, "Round off, step on the passing line, five eight five eight, I'll send it!" " . And his optimistic explanation actually paid off: when he graduated from high school, he won the "Best Progress" award. More interestingly, he is an English major now.
Looking for humor helps people to deal with small troubles in daily life, which is especially important when dealing with some serious situations. For example, those who suffer from fibromyalgia (a weak and chronic disease characterized by extensive physical pain) rely on smiles and laughter to cope with small pressures in daily life (such as the bad attitude of waiters), which will make their psychological pain lower and physical symptoms less. This ability to cope calmly will reduce the sense of stress and the negative impact of stress on physical and mental health.
So, the next time you are in a dark or difficult situation, try to be humorous. Remind yourself that the present situation may be a good story in the future, and try to make a joke. Suppose you are about to be laid off, imagine that you can spend your last day in the most absurd way, or the most absurd job you may take next, such as kangaroo porter or bubble gum sculptor. Let yourself experience humor, and you can spend it better.
Although I am a born pessimist, it is hard to see hope. However, these methods always help me, make it easier for me to change my way of thinking and make me happier.