Good evening. I'm glad to write this letter to you.
It seems that I haven't called your name for a long time, and now I finally have a chance to call _. "Ann", I like the name-Ding Xin. Of course, I don't know if the real meaning of the name is this. I just understand in the direction I like. Please forgive me if I don't understand correctly. I also like your appearance. No Mediterranean, no acne on the face and acne, eyes like it best. You are very attentive and affectionate when you look at people! It's just that I'm not in good shape and have a little belly, otherwise it would be more perfect.
My family is in a special situation and my parents have a bad relationship. Since primary school, I have been complaining, accusing each other and annoying each other. In addition, all the marriages I come into contact with don't seem to be very happy, so I am afraid of marriage and always feel that it is a terrible thing to live in a strange home. The marriage I yearn for is the kind that helps and supports each other. Maybe life will erase my passion, but I can still feel inner peace when I smile at each other. There is one kind: "Well, it's you!" I won't get tired of meeting.
Life as a child was very happy and carefree. At that time, someone in the village joked that I was "the emperor's daughter", which meant that my parents would try their best to satisfy me as much as possible, just like the emperor loves his daughter on TV. I was really happy at that time, but now I think it's silly. I don't have to study or work. I run around the village, fields and hills like the wind every day, following a large group of children, picking "chestnut bubbles", barnyard grass, catching small fish and digging "sour roads", and my mouth is watering at the thought of those delicious foods. I was very courageous at that time. There is a kind of snake called "cauliflower snake". I often catch small ones to play with, which is about the size of an earthworm, but the skin is a little hard, which is quite fun. My family was poor when I was a child. My father once caught snakes and cooked snake meat. There are very few now. Snake meat is the dish of the rich. Speaking of which, when I grew up, I caught a snake with my bare hands. That's a kind of "yellow belly boy". My sister and brother-in-law hold it with bamboo poles, but they dare not grasp it. I caught it directly with my specialty. It's quite big. It sold for dozens of dollars.
When I was in primary school, I was a bully. Writing a composition before the third grade is basically a double score. If I write a composition, I will lose points. Occasionally, I didn't get full marks in reading comprehension. At that time, there was no English in primary schools, and I generally got 195 in Chinese and mathematics. Moreover, I often participate in competitions such as "Hua" and "Olympic Mathematics", and my overall results are actually good. After the third grade, I began to read novels. Cologne was my favorite at that time. At night, I hide under the covers and secretly watch with a flashlight. There is also a Wu Ji, who wrote a series of legends such as "The Legend of Martial Arts" and "The Legend of Jianghu". I borrow it from others every day. The saddest thing is that I don't know the authors' names and I can't understand them now. Ha ha. And Liang Yusheng, Jin Yong also basically read, Longsheng Wo, Zhuge Qingyun also read a few books, but unlike Huang Yi, I don't know why. At that time, I seldom studied, and all my spare time was spent reading novels. When I was older, I began to read romance novels, which were romantic prose in Taiwan Province Province, so I was a well-deserved schoolmaster at that time. Of course, there were few knowledge points in primary school. Besides, I was very fierce in primary school, and those male students were afraid of me.
Junior high school is still a bully, although there are many subjects at once. In the first semester of junior high school, I studied in Hong Kong-US No.2 Middle School. Because I am close to my sister's home, I transferred to Hong Kong-America No.1 Middle School in the second semester, which is Hong Kong-America Middle School. I remember when I first transferred to another school, the vice monitor of my class, who was also the daughter of a math teacher, came to me and asked her what she didn't understand, told me not to be shy or something, and asked more students that I couldn't keep up with my studies. Then I got the first place in the mid-term exam that semester, which surprised her and made her laugh. The man who won the first place in the first semester of the class next door came to see me in our class and gave me an afternoon challenge. Unfortunately, since then, he has no chance to rank above me. When I was in junior high school, I was lazier. I not only read novels after class, but also secretly read them in class. I often read books on the table and under the table. I also don't take a nap at noon and peek at night. It's really embarrassing to think of it. I'm so ignorant, although my grades are so good. However, in the third grade, my grades began to decline, from the first in the whole school (yes, the first in the whole school, because at that time many teachers thought my grades were the best among the three grades in the whole school, and the total score was the first in the grade at that time) to the third or even fourth in the whole class. Chinese teachers and English teachers, especially Chinese teachers, feel guilty and think that his teaching method is not suitable for me, which leads to the decline of my Chinese performance, but it is not. It seems that I just got the third place in the senior high school entrance examination. First, a classmate who is very close to me was admitted, which seems to be more than 40 points more than me. Shame on me, the teacher is counting on me to break the record!
High school is even worse. I dropped from the top 50 in the college entrance examination to more than 300. I am embarrassed to say more. I'm ashamed to meet people. At that time, my English was poor and I didn't do well in the college entrance examination. At that time, the college entrance examination was still a standard score, which is different from now. Actually, it's my own problem I am so lazy that I can't help myself to die. My college English is not good, and I haven't even passed CET-4. That's a real pity. What's more, I failed high school math when I was a freshman! ! ! My heart is broken, and now I feel ashamed to meet the primary school math teacher! Pass the first semester with high scores and fail the second semester! ! ! All lazy. I read novels and play games every day. Very sad. At that time, I was quite afraid that I would not get a degree after graduation. Fortunately, I made up the exam once, and my hands-on ability is good. My total score in the experimental class is ok. Thank god!
I like eating since I was a child. Looking for food everywhere when I was a child. I baked sweet potatoes, bamboo beans, grilled fish, grilled chicken eggs and roasted birds in the kiln ... I did everything, and I cooked whatever I found delicious. It's still the same when you're old. I can't refuse delicious food, so I am easy to please, as long as there is something delicious. I'm also a good cook, with strong hands-on ability and innovation, so my figure is helpless. I always have to sacrifice a little for good food.
I still like to play. When I read martial arts novels, I want to learn the martial arts of other heroes, especially those who fly on the grass and float on the water. I am envious. I've been thinking that if I learn it one day, I'll follow like-minded children to find some high ridges with a big gap between them, and then find a place to jump. In the process of falling, I learned to step on several steps like other heroes, thinking that I could learn the skills of flying.
Later, I read more books and liked more. In high school, I enjoyed reading chinese national geography magazine. I long for it. Those who "explore holes", "climb cliffs" and "survive in the wild" are simply tickling. After reading Guan Xianglin's Lonely Walk, I like his Cherokee very much, and I like the feeling of walking around alone and in a car. I remember that he did the final design of web design when I was a freshman. He carefully searched for information and pictures and tried to make the desired effect, but unfortunately he couldn't find the design works later. I also like history, the ancient history of China, and I read many historical biographies in high school. At that time, I volunteered to study history or geology, and I also wanted to study agriculture and mulberry. It's a pity that my father scolded me badly. Now that I think about it, in fact, those majors are good, wasting such a scholar!
More and more, this is a serious love letter. Okay, let's talk about love. As mentioned above, I like your looks, especially your eyes. When you are stared at by those eyes, your heart beats faster. It's just that feeling when you think about it. And the sound. I like it, too. A little magnetic. It's good. I also like kissing. A little overbearing. It's good. It should be easy to get drunk You smell clean, which is my favorite. I generally hate the unclean smell of others, not the smell of sweat or car oil, but a feeling, a clean feeling, which gives me a comprehensive clean taste. I don't know how to describe it, so this is a special feeling. You give me a clean and comfortable feeling, without disgust, and I like it very much.
One morning at work, when I passed the traffic lights in front of the company building, I saw your license plate number in a trance, but I was embarrassed to confirm it, and I couldn't remember it clearly. I was a little nervous and almost crossed the road with my hands and feet. But it shouldn't be you. You usually go to work by motorcycle, right? Wechat that night said that you blacked me out, and I felt a little regretful. I shouldn't be so sentimental. Just keep it. I can still pay attention to you I can chat with you occasionally when I can't help it. You never reply to me. Why did you delete it? Unfortunately, there has been no regret medicine in the world. I want to tell you many times, since you have no one to marry and I have no one, why can't you accept me and try with me? Unfortunately, I dare not ask, maybe it is self-esteem or inferiority! At first, I thought you turned me down because you were still thinking about your ex-girlfriend, and I asked Alin specially, but he said that you had broken up with your ex-girlfriend for 10 years, and you didn't date during that period, which was a little uncertain. I don't know if you are waiting for your ex-girlfriend or are used to being alone. A person is imagining things, and his brain has made up a lot. After a while, he felt that there was definitely no chance, so be it. Anyway, he is used to being alone. Later, I was thinking, maybe you, like me, are a little inferior and uncertain and afraid to start a relationship. As long as I wait patiently, you will definitely come to me. Then do some stupid things, such as harassing you by texting, writing to you, adding your WeChat repeatedly, paying attention to your WeChat action steps, and sending many friends that only you can see, and then you don't respond and silently delete. I don't know whether I like it or not, but I always think of you during that time. Of course, this is all in the past.
In fact, I really don't understand these things about love, although I have read many romance novels. I liked a boy in the fourth and fifth grades of primary school. At that time, my family had just suffered a great change, and my mood was extremely low, which lasted until junior high school. I have thought about suicide several times, but I dare not and don't want to give up. At that time, ambiguity was popular among students, and quite a few female students liked that boy. I wrote him love letters, dozens, and love poems. My literary skills have already begun to show up in primary school. I went to school early in the morning, and then waited for him at the school gate of the teaching building, hoping to be the first to see him enter the school gate. This is also stupid, but it's all based on emotions and rituals. Of course, it's too small to do anything. Later, he wrote back to me, saying that he was still young and should consider studying instead of falling in love. He refused me, I cried a lot, and then I took back all the love letters and poems I wrote to him. It's all stuffed in the stove when cooking at night, haha. When I graduated from primary school, he also gave me a copy book. At that time, it was popular to copy lyrics, basically one for each person. In that book, he personally copied 99 songs, all of which were popular songs at that time, and there were many love songs, which moved me to death, so that I remembered him until I graduated from college, which directly led me not to take a good breath. Unfortunately, he dropped out of high school and went out to work. I got married in my freshman and sophomore years, and I cried when I heard the news of his marriage. I felt a little spoony at that time, although I don't know if it is love.
Two years before graduation, I was thinking about finding a good job, but I didn't think about it. Later, I worked in Yangxi, and someone at home introduced me to a blind date. The man came to my house on a blind date on New Year's Day. He was quite tall, almost 1.8 meters. I didn't think I was short enough for him, and then I lost it. Later, Yangxi's colleagues introduced a local young man in Yangxi. I guess he felt good about me, but I didn't like him at first sight. He is too thin, but he seems to like me. After I refused, I tried to contact me several times, and I deleted his contact information and added it back. At that time, I felt so old that I hadn't met anyone I liked. He feels good about me. I told myself from an early age that the person who loves me and the person I love must take precedence over the person who loves me, so I decided to seriously associate with him and give it a try, but unfortunately I still couldn't pass the test in my heart. In the meantime, the man who is 1.8 meters contacted me again and said that he still wanted to try with me, but I refused.
Later, in 20 15, the man from Yangxi came to see me for the third time, but it wasn't really him, because he didn't delete WeChat and QQ that time, and he occasionally contacted me, and he usually liked or commented on something in the space. He said he still liked me and wanted me to give him a chance. I agreed. But in the next few days, he often called, called during work hours, had WeChat messages, and went to see me. He was in Huizhou and I was in Guangzhou. I disagree, saying that I have no time to entertain him. He said he could cook and wash clothes for me if he had time. Besides, he told his family that he would marry me soon. I felt bored and scared by him. I never saw him again for two weeks, so I firmly refused him. When I told him, he also said I lied to him and told me not to do this in the future. I didn't know how to reply to him, but at that time I thought I was right, so I explained that I just agreed to try to start dating you, not marry you. You told your family from the beginning that I was under a lot of pressure. Now that I think about it, I really didn't do well. If I don't like it, I shouldn't accept it My fault! I'm sorry I didn't apologize to others at that time, and I forgot whether it was before or after, and contacted me again, saying that he still thought I was good. During that time, he went to Guangzhou to see me once and I went to Zhuhai to see him once. I just went to the park, visited the scenic spots and didn't even hold hands. WeChat or QQ will contact me once or twice a month. Later, I thought he didn't like me, but I thought my conditions were ok.
There's another one I almost forgot. At the beginning of 20 14, when I was still at home looking for a job in Guangzhou, my relatives introduced me to a blind date and talked for an hour or two every night. It cooled down after meeting, but it was still active. It's just that he likes night pu, and he plays in the bar until late at night or even all night almost every night. I didn't like it, so I refused. Later, someone came to me for this, and on 20 16, we chatted for a while. On the Spring Festival of 20 17, when I went home for the Spring Festival, I made an appointment with two classmates to watch a movie. Later, I still felt inappropriate and lost contact. I went back to Yangjiang last year, and he contacted me, but I refused. I heard he got married soon, with a very young girl. These are the three developed in the history of many blind dates. They are all pure chats without physical contact, which is pathetic!
The next thing is more important. Junior high school students and senior high school students are not in the same school, so there is no contact. Universities are all in Guangzhou University Town, and the schools are different, so I don't know how to contact them. I was just an ordinary classmate at that time. Sometimes I go back to school or go home on holiday and take a bus together. After graduation, it seems that contact has suddenly increased. When I just graduated, my job was unstable, I couldn't find my ideal and I was in a bad mood. I always chat with people on QQ. He should be the one who talks the most. I will talk about everything, both good and bad. It's a bit similar to the online "male girlfriends", but online, and there are very few actual meetings. Later, I worked in Yangxi and kept in touch, just chatting a lot on the Internet. No matter what happens, I will talk to him, including blind date and things at home. It has become a habit, and he has always replied to me. He will also take the initiative to help me analyze and give me advice, and never take the initiative to end the topic. I like or comment immediately when I make a dynamic. Later, I don't know why I didn't contact him for a while, about a year. It seems that I didn't contact him or forget him during that time. I don't know what I was busy with during that time. I think I am either addicted to novels or addicted to games. In 20 14, I got in touch with him after working in Guangzhou. I have been working in Guangzhou since graduation, and after contact, I have returned to the way I used to talk about everything. Somehow, I confessed to him at the end of 20 15, and he refused. I was very sad at that time. I don't know whether I really like him and get used to him, or whether I feel that I can't find the right person and get married at such a big age. He had good conditions, so I found him. I don't understand anyway. He said I didn't like him, but I thought he was qualified. I didn't meet the right person, so I asked him. I don't understand. Anyway, I was sad for a long time, about half a year. At that time, I was very sad to delete all his contact information (QQ and WeChat were added and deleted, especially QQ. At that time, I often added and deleted QQ repeatedly, and he added and deleted me. He even went to my QQ space to like the message, and I was very angry and blocked him. After a long time, I opened a yellow diamond for a month. After shielding, I found that he had been to my space several times. However, after being rejected by you some time ago, I added him back to WeChat and found that he didn't have to pass the verification, and his heart was warm! The person who said in the first letter that he had been out of another city for more than two years meant him, but he exaggerated there. When you are in a bad mood, you will always enlarge the haze in your heart. I changed cities just because I don't like Guangzhou, I'm not used to big cities, and I want to be closer to home. I think I really don't like him, but I'm used to his company on the Internet. Because he refused, I was just sad that there was no one to chat with me and I didn't feel like being together. Then it disappeared until I met you.
I have rejected three men, including you, and three men have rejected me. Is it doomed? In the days when I first met you, I have been thinking about a sentence in Self-protection. You can't say you're a woman. "There should be a hunch. The previous three blind dates had three opportunities, and this time I gave myself three opportunities, and now the opportunities are used up. I can't call it an opportunity, but I'm a bit of an idiot. I always think about three things. When I did something wrong, I always wanted to finish it quickly, so I didn't think about it all the time, so I squandered all three opportunities I thought in a short time. In fact, I always tell myself to be grateful, to be content, and to live safely and healthily in this world should be the luckiest thing. In college, my classmates ate with me and said that the way I ate made people feel very happy. I can eat more when I look at it. At that time, I should be peaceful and happy. I have always wondered why parents can walk hand in hand in the most difficult time, but they are so incompatible in their old age when they should be in peace. Isn't it said that young couples always come together? Is the resentment accumulated since childhood, will it be vented when you know your fate? So why! Now that we have gone through decades of long years together, why not spend it safely in the old age that should be calm? Even if you can't be warm together, you don't have to use harsh words.
I should be regarded as an optimistic person. Of course, there will always be negative times. So you call me gray, which is actually wrong. Just two letters doesn't mean anything, but I was really a little gray at that time. What I told you before may not get married, which is true, but not because of you. Whether you appear or not, in fact, this possibility exists, but at that time, because of this incident, my mood fell into a trough, so I said so many extreme words. I am optimistic at ordinary times, and I am curious and appreciative of everything. Not getting married should be a question for older young people to think about, maybe you have already thought about it. It's not because of someone, but at this age, since we haven't organized a family yet, it's inevitable to think about this problem. I'm a little lazy. I don't take the time to meet and know new people. I hate trouble. I think it is very troublesome to know a person, get used to a person, or even get used to a family. I don't want to change, or I'm too lazy to change, or I'm afraid of change, afraid of some unexpected things brought about by change.
I saw a sentence on the internet, which roughly means "it's better to have someone to miss than nothing", and I quite agree with this sentence. I have a bad memory and often forget some people and things, but I hope I can remember you for a long time, so that I can have something to hold when I miss someone, instead of being empty and not knowing who to miss. It's a pity that there is no photo of you, otherwise it should be remembered for a long time. It's not that I don't want to get married, it's not that I can't let go and be persistent, but that I'm too lazy to meet new people. Of course, maybe one day I suddenly meet a person who likes my model and is very kind to me; Or fall in love with someone at first sight one day and get married in an instant. Anything is possible. Another is that women are old, and once they are over 30, they have almost no choice, so they can only passively wait for others to choose. Although I don't quite agree with this view, society is so realistic that there is no way but to compromise. Well, to put it bluntly, you can't get married, haha. Why can't a talented person like me find someone to talk to? Alas, life is really lonely as snow ~
When I was a child, a little sister in my neighbor's house often told me that she would take me to become a monk when she grew up. I always remember this, but becoming a monk is impossible. I like meat very much. Besides, I don't have any beliefs.
In fact, I want you to delete me not because I am tired, but because I am afraid you are tired. I'm afraid I can't help disturbing you and making your impression of me worse. I have a big heart and a poor memory, and I'm easy to be stupid, but I don't think you can. It's actually good to keep your own WeChat. I can pay attention to you occasionally and talk to you when I miss you, so that I can remember you for a long time. But you're not rude enough to reply to me. When I say ten words, you can call me back at most, and when I call you ten times, you can call me back once or twice at most, or not at all. If it takes a long time, I won't call you again.
You have been persuading me to buy a house instead of a car. I know and understand the pros and cons. I don't want to buy it. I just think that if I buy a house in a city, it means that I have chosen this city to settle down. I don't know where I will be in the future, so I always avoid thinking about it. There is also the question of funds. One person is under too much pressure to pay for the house, and it is easy to cut off the supply if his job changes. To put it bluntly, it is a question of money. If I have the money to buy a house in my favorite city, then these are not problems, but I have no ability, so I escaped. You call me a "rich woman", but I'm really poor. Now my ability is only enough to maintain food and clothing, and there will be no more. Although you are heavily in debt, you are actually much richer than me. At least you dare to owe money, I won't. Don't always feel that you are heavily in debt, stressed and have no money to support your family. You have done a good job. Now many people are still living on their laurels in their thirties.
I've heard you mention that academic qualifications limit promotion before. Maybe you don't like it, but I still want to say it. It's better to go to TV University and get a degree and sign up instead of going to class. There is no need for tuition now. Just make a surprise before the exam. A degree is better than nothing. Now many companies have academic qualifications. Since they can't change this situation for the time being, they should change themselves, get used to it and think about other things when they can. Usually you can read more books, professional books or leisure books, not to say what you want to learn, just to broaden your horizons. Smoke less. I heard you coughing on the phone. I don't know if it's a cold or a throat problem. It is always good to smoke less or not. Do something else or distract yourself when you are bored. There is also tourism. I don't know if you have gone out to play. I prefer to walk around, not for fun, but to wander around and see other places and other people's lives. But traveling is really expensive. Those who don't go far can also approach. It's nice to see the sea by the beach and the mountains in the fields. Maybe you will say that children who grow up in rural areas live in these places every day, and there is no need to go to see them specially. Personally, I feel different when I look at it, so I should have different feelings, but I guess you will find these things a little boring and a little literary, that's right, so work hard. Look how busy you are at work. Remember to pay attention to your health. After all, your health is the most important. Look at me. In these 30 years, I have been looking for delicious food every day, and finally I have fed myself to 100 Jin.
I want to say another interesting thing. On the day we first met, I thought there would be a midnight snack, so I ate less dinner and saved my stomach for a big meal. Who knew you were so stingy, not only didn't have a midnight snack, but also laughed at me for being fat. That's ridiculous. I went back and ate all the two honeycomb cakes I bought for breakfast the next day. I remember seeing you three times and didn't even invite me to dinner. The only time, I paid the money. In other words, you are so stingy that you really may not get a wife.
Man is really a strange creature, sensitive and fickle. For example, some time ago, it was very sad to think of these things. I covered my chest and pretended that "mom's heart hurts." These days, when I think about it again, I only have some nostalgia, a little lust and laughter. After a while, it is estimated that even this nostalgia is gone. Therefore, the thorns mentioned before, which persisted and could not be put down, did not exist, but were just the products of the sitcom at that time. I don't know if I am old or fickle. It is easy to change, and it is also easy to change. I am really not a good person. I don't know whether it was my negligence or selective forgetting, but I don't remember whether you formally apologized to me, because in this case, I think you did something wrong. Of course, this right or wrong is determined by my standards, so I always remember that you still owe me an "I'm sorry." When I think of it, I will die, scold you, or be melodramatic and make some nervous remarks, which seem to be scolding but not scolding, love or not. It's a good thing you finally said it. I got it. Thank you.
I have a lot to say, but I dare not say it in person or on the phone WeChat. Maybe I'm not familiar with it enough, so I have to write it. Relatively speaking, I think writing letters is actually a good way to communicate, and I can say something I want to say from the bottom of my heart, including something I have never said to anyone. After all these years, I think I'm too lonely. I don't know who to talk to, but it's only superficial at best. Just take this opportunity to tell everything. But it's a little superficial for you. If you think what I wrote is ok, read it as a story. If you are impatient, think of it as a letter written by a stranger, but it is really similar to a stranger. How can I put it? In fact, this letter is not only for you, but also for myself. Consider it a memoir of my first half of my life.
Not much to say, that's all. A Zen monk said, "If you like someone, you must tell her. Not to touch her, not even to expect her to respond, but to remind her that there are still people in this world who like her and care about her when she denies herself in the dark days to come. This may be the greatest gentleness that one person can give to another. " So this love letter clearly tells you that I like you very much and don't reject being with you for a lifetime; I also apologize for my harassment and interference with you before. I'm sorry! Of course, this letter doesn't want to touch you, and I don't expect you to respond. I just want to tell you that there is such a thing. For feelings, my courage is actually quite small. I have no courage, so I basically don't take the initiative. In fact, for others, my courage is also small, but I have been used to being alone for many years and can only show more courage.
Thank you!
I'm sorry, I miss you.
Well, sweet dreams, good night!
A flower flies by.
2065438+July 2008