As I slowly close my eyes.
I thought, even though I stepped over the Naiho Bridge and drank the Mona soup.
I will never forget that boy standing in the sunlight with a slight frown, holding out his hand to me and saying, Yan Chenduo, get up. But, Guan Qiyan, I'm sorry. I really can no longer walk.
PART ONE
The year I was eleven years old, the heat of the summer, the robin chirped endlessly in the old acacia tree outside the window, and the air in the hospital spread with the smell of fermented lysol that was so hot it was fermented. I had just finished a CT scan and was helped back to the ward by the nurse, and at the door I heard the noise in the room, and then I saw another bed that had not been occupied for a long time, a boy with his right foot in a plaster cast shaking the doctor's hand, squeezing his brow and shouting "I don't want to be in the hospital, I'm going to die of suffocation sooner or later if I stay here," he said willy-nilly.
I walked past the end of his bed without a word, glancing at him as if he were an alien creature encroaching on my territory. Then I sat down heavily on my own bed.
The nurse seemed to recognize my displeasure and said coldly to the other bed, "The patient needs to rest, please keep quiet!
In my eyes, I saw the tall, fatherly man beside the boy press him back into the bed and say, "Son, you stay here and don't misbehave with me again.
The next bed was quiet, and I was a little pleased with myself.
The next bed was quiet, and I felt a little bit proud of myself. In this hospital, everyone backs down from me, the old patient who faints and loses his temper, so I don't want to let that little brat get away with it.
But a few moments later, I heard a boy's voice from the direction of the bed, saying, "Hey, what's wrong with you?
I was still a kid who didn't like to talk to strangers, and a boy who made a bad first impression, but I couldn't stand to be called "hey". I turned my face and stared at him, "I'm not called Hey, my name is Yan Chenduo, and you wouldn't understand if I told you about my illness.
He laughed and laughed and said, "Yan Chenduo, that name is so ladylike, it doesn't match you at all. You're too mean.
How dare he say that the name my mom gave me is not worthy of me! I climbed to the end of the bed and looked at his chart. Then with a sneer and a grunt of the nose, he said, "Guan Qiyan, I also have bronchitis!
In the days following the arrival of Guan Qiyan, I found that the kid was even more difficult to serve than me, the nurse was not good enough to take care of him for a while, the hospital's food is not good I was in another bed to see too much, threw him a big blank stare, said Guan Qiyan, this is a hospital, and not your home hotel, where there are so much to talk about?
He poked his head in, hey, Yan Chenduo, yesterday because there is a stain on the bed sheet on the mess who is ah?
My face turned green and red in a flash, and I pushed his face away from me, saying angrily, "It's not your turn to control me! But in my heart, I was super upset thinking that at the age of 11, Guan Qiyan knew how to use the Muyong family's technique of "using one's own way to return to one's own body".
The time spent in the hospital bed is like a snail's pace, which I have long been accustomed to, but for Guan Qiyan it is like purgatory. So his bedside comic strips and Transformers stacked higher and higher, when he was bored he would have a conversation to find me talking about how much fun their school's backyard is, saying that the mulberry tree there will be full of purple and black fruits in the summer. I pretended to listen carelessly, but in my heart I was envious and longed for it. Then he scratched his head and said that he had accidentally fallen off the wall and broken a bone.
You deserve to be crippled. I cursed him.
How can I be crippled? I'm going to grow up to be a beautiful young man! Guan Qiyan raised his eyebrows, his long eyelashes fluttering. I suddenly realized that when I looked at him closely, he really did have the flavor of a child star on TV.
A week later, Guan Qiyan could barely walk on the ground, and with his crutches, he insisted on pulling me along for a walk in the garden.
I don't look at my head and say no.
But he pretended to be surprised and shouted, "Yan Chenduo, how long have you not seen the sun, look at your face as white as a zombie!
Eventually I was dragged out onto the lawn. The July sun shone through the dense foliage of the bell tree, and even the dust seemed to dance in the air. Guan Qiyan, like a prisoner who has been incarcerated for a long time, ran with a limp on his crutches.
Guan Qiyan, you really want to become a cripple. I shouted from behind, trying to catch up with him, but just as I stepped away, my body trembled and I fell to the ground.
Why are you so useless, you can't even take a few steps without falling. Guan Qiyan ran over to me with a thump, like an angel in a cartoon. He stretched out his hand to me and said, "Yan Chenduo, get up quickly.
I tried to raise my hands on the ground, but tears were falling down my face.
Guan Qiyan got anxious and knelt down to pat my back, don't cry, tell me where it hurts!
My tears are still like a spring of water gushing out of my eyes, in fact, I do not hurt at all, but I realized that I really so useless, I do not even have the ability to run. For the first time in my 11 years of life, I wished so strongly that I was a normal child and that I could run forward with him holding my hand.
Three days later, Guan Qiyan was discharged from the hospital. He stood by my bedside with his crutches and said, "Yan Chenduo, I'm giving you all my comic books and toys so that you won't be bored after I leave.
I was about to say in return that I had lived without you, but he slowly lowered his eyelids and said, "Yan Chenduo, you should get well soon. When you get well, you will be able to leave the hospital and see the world.
My nose was sore and my eyes were foggy. I wore slippers and walked down the corridor, watched Guan Qiyan being helped to the car by his parents, and suddenly realized that apart from knowing his name Guan Qiyan, I didn't know his address, his phone number, or anything related to him.
The day after Guan Qiyan left, I had a major operation. I survived, and the doctors said it was a miracle. Lying in a quiet hospital room, I said to my father, "Dad, I want to go home.
Dad nodded and said yes.
PART TWO
My illness continued to wax and wane, I was given pills of various colors every day, and I went to the hospital once a month for routine checkups. But I never saw the naughty boy who broke his leg again. As I lay on my bed at home, flipping through the comic books that Guan Qiyan had given me, I remembered his eyes drooping as he said, "You'll get well soon.
I wanted to ask my father if I would die as suddenly as my mother did, but I didn't dare. But I didn't dare, I didn't want to see him sad.
A year ago, when spring was approaching, my father asked me if I wanted to go back to junior high school, saying that more contact with people would make me happier. I nodded and said yes.
When I walked into the unfamiliar classroom on the first day of school, someone tapped me on the shoulder, and a figure came out from behind me and shouted, "Hey, you're still alive!
I looked at the boy in front of me with my eyes upside down, except for the fact that he had grown a little taller, the rest of the boy did not improve at all, and said sullenly, bronchitis, your memory is that bad, I'm not called Hey, I'm called Yan Chenduo.
He bent his eyebrows and smiled, as if he was familiar with me, and put his face close to me, and said, "You're cured, and I didn't think we'd be classmates from now on.
Because we used to live in the same room, I will definitely protect you.
You need a beating! I threw up my fist and pushed him a safe distance away, only to realize that my face was burning. I was blushing because of his joke? I slapped my face and lowered my head, pretending to organize my textbook.
The medication makes me very drowsy, and I tend to lie down for a whole class. When I woke up, I was bored and kicked the stool of Guan Qiyan, who was sitting in front of me. Or with the end of the pen in his back writing and drawing, he could not resist the itch, and constantly shaking body, so many teachers named to answer questions. When I saw him scratching the back of his head, I hid behind his not-so-tall figure and laughed secretly. After class, Guan Qiyan asked me what I wrote on his back, I pursed my lips and shook my head not to tell him.
School days are still boring. Because in addition to staying in the classroom, I couldn't take physical education classes or participate in extracurricular activities. I sat on the rooftop of my classroom and watched my classmates tug-of-war on the playground, and suddenly tears came to my eyes. Then I heard a muffled voice from behind me, "You're still the same.
I turned around and quickly wiped away my tears, and answered him with my head held high, "So what, it's been like this for more than ten years anyway.
Guan Qiyan did not say anything, walked to sit beside him, swaying his legs, looking down at the students on the playground.
I glanced at him and said, "You're getting more and more courageous, you dare to skip class.
He turned his head and patted his chest in a very righteous way, saying, "I said I'd take care of you, so how can I leave you here alone in the cold. I'm sitting here, and I'm taking at least 50 percent of the wind out of your hair.
I laughed and said that with your slimmer-than-a-girl body, you don't even know who's blocking the wind for whom.
The tube Qiyan red face, humming and hailing can not say a whole sentence.
I ignored him and lay down on my back. The pale blue sky with the airplane swept through the tail cloud left behind, like a bridge across the sky and the earth. The cold wind was blowing uncontrollably, but I suddenly didn't feel so cold.
The year of my junior year, I became diligent and studied every day on time. My father stroked my head in pain and said, "Duo Duo, take care of your health, and I'll help you find a way to go to any high school you want to go to.
I looked at my father's eyes full of love and compassion, my heart is tangled pain, I said, Dad, look, I have not been on the attack for a long time now, I will be able to get up, will be able to live like a normal person, right.
Yes, yes, yes, DuoDuo's illness will be cured. I could feel his choked up trembling as he held me tightly in his arms.
RART THERE
That midterm, Guan Qiyan and I both got into the city's key high school. When he saw my notification letter, he was so surprised that his eyes almost fell out. With a skeptical look on his face, he exclaimed, "How could you get into a major high school with all that wobbly studying? Then, with a fake shudder, he said, "We're going to be in the same school again, so you're really a ghost. After that, he reflexively jumped a meter away and deftly dodged my angry fist.
In high school, Guan Qiyan and I were separated by a few classes, but every time we encountered each other in the hallways, we would still have some kind of banter. Occasionally, he would skip class and sit with me on the top floor of the classroom to watch my classmates in gym class.
One afternoon when I walked to the rooftop of the top floor as usual, I saw Guan Qiyan leaning against the railing, staring blankly, with a pink corner of his clenched hand seemingly showing.
Wow, you've got a love letter! I slapped him on the shoulder.
Guan Qiyan didn't turn around and didn't say anything. I turned my face to look at him --- now Guan Qiyan, clean short hair, handsome features, middle school after I was taunted by the efforts to work out a straight body. He has fully realized his goal of being a beautiful young man as he said when he was a child.
I turned back on the rooftop railing, eyes confused looking at the green playground in front of me, murmured, I should not also have a love affair, a strong love.
Guan Qiyan is not cutting the expression, you are really childish little girl, I do not care whether it is a great deal or just plain, if I fall in love with a person in this life, I will certainly love her for a lifetime!
I was stunned, then I poked his head with my finger and said in a more dismissive tone, "Che, you think you're a pure love twelve young ah, but also a lifetime! Then I pointed to the playground on the gym class, said to him, look, see, wearing blue and white tracksuit of the boy.
En. Ling Muhan, the class president of class 5.
I laughed and laughed. He's handsome, he's good, and he's the most popular guy in the world. He'd be a sensation to have as his girlfriend.
Guan Qiyan turned around, staring at me with wide eyes, you make a fool of yourself, even if it's not enough, that kind of dangerous person, you be careful to lose yourself in it!
I patted the love letter he held in front of his chest, pretending to be very old, said, you still think about yourself first, although you now at least have a handsome man's appearance, but the love is still to rely on their own efforts to chase.
Then I turned around and left, leaving him with a very dashing back. I think he would not have seen the tears seeping out of the corners of my eyes as I turned around.
PART FOUR
About Ling Muhan, from the first day of school his name was yelled by the girls.
It is said that he got into this high school with the highest score in the city, and his prince-like looks are also seen for all to see. What is even more striking is that this standard good student in the eyes of the teachers is also a playboy who is in both black and white, and is surrounded by beautiful women. So much so that as soon as he entered the school, any wind and grass related to him would set off a storm in the city.
I looked at the picture of my mom in the money clip and thought I might not be able to be a glamorous bride like my mom, but I can always have a glamorous relationship. I said O mom, you will bless me, won't you.
I never thought that figuring out a way to meet a prince coincidentally consumed more brain power than solving an analytic geometry, but as I walked along the boulevard of the campus, my mind full of thoughts about how to create an opportunity for myself to meet Ling Muhan, I suddenly went limp and lost consciousness.
I tiredly open the heavy eyelids, vaguely according to the snow-white sheets, blue screen to determine that this is the school health room.
You're awake. The boy's flat voice came from the side of the bed.
I turned my head slightly sideways, my heart skipped a beat---I'm the unlucky guy whose luck is so bad that he can even suffer from a terminal disease that only affects one in 20,000 people in the whole world, and I can't believe that I met Ling Muhan in such a way!
He was sitting on a chair next to the bed with his legs crossed, the sunlight filtering through the glass window creating a layer of soft velvet along his delicate face. This is the first time I've seen him up close. Thin lips, high nose, deep and clear eyes.
He opened his mouth slowly, and said, "It's really scary that you fainted on the ground like that. The school nurse couldn't find out why. I found some pills in your backpack, but the English instructions on them were a bit of a pain in the ass. It's a good thing you woke up, or your parents would have been called.
He spoke slowly, calmly and without pause. I couldn't get a word in, so I just stared straight at him. A playboy is a playboy, and even the corners of his mouth are so seductive.
He handed me a glass of water and my pill box and said you should know how to take this medicine.
I reached out, opened the box, 1 red + 2 white + 1 yellow, skillfully and quickly completed the entire process of taking pills. When I raised my head, I saw his eyes abruptly flashed. He slowly leaned down, his long fingers ruffled the hair on my forehead, and said Yan Chenduo, you are really a heartbreaking girl.
After that, things went along the usual lines of all fairy tales --- the prince escorted the sick princess home, and then waited for her to go to school the next day in front of her house. Maybe I'm overstating my case by comparing myself to a princess, or maybe Cinderella would have been more appropriate, but the fact remains that the next day, Ling Muhan held my hand and walked through the school gates.
The news that Yan Chenduo from class 2 had become Ling Muhan's new girlfriend immediately spread across the campus. Every now and then, girls would walk by the door of the second year class and cast their eyes on my seat. I lifted my chin and stared straight back at these beautiful girls, secretly thinking that Ling Muhan was really so influential that he could make Yan Chenduo, who had always been low-profile and unknown, become the center of attention overnight.
When I met Guan Qiyan in the corridor after class, he looked me up and down like he didn't know me and said, "Hey, you don't have a lot of talent, but you're very fast!
I threw up my fist and swung it over, and asked him, "Did you get that love letter done?" I'm not going to have time for you to laugh with me, so find a companion. I turned to him and waved my hand, saying that Ling Muhan is still waiting for me, take care of yourself!
Then I heard Guan Qiyan yelling behind me, "Yan Chenduo, you have to be careful when you're with a tiger"
I went down one floor, and there was Ling Muhan leaning on the corner with his arms crossed, looking like a handsome man from a comic book. When he saw me, the corner of his mouth curved into a nice arc, and he held my hand to go to the cafeteria to eat.
DuoDuo, you must eat more.
DuoDuo, you must eat more.
In the noisy cafeteria, Ling Muhan sat across from me and kept putting meat in my bowl, with a look of pity on his face.
I lowered my head and grubbed at the rice that was covered by layers of chicken nuggets, and could vaguely feel the hostile and acidic gazes that shot over me from all sides. I said, "Muhan, you're going to ruin the image of the Flower Prince with this new century good guy look.
Muhan, with his hand on his chin, tilted his mouth and hooked up a bad smile, said, "So the rumors are really believed? In fact, those so-called beautiful women are just some friends of the opposite sex or chasing after my girls.
He put down his chopsticks, opened my pill box, skillfully helped me pick out 1 red + 2 white + 1 yellow pills, handed me in front of, well, don't forget to take your pills!
I looked at the colorful pills lying in Muhan's hand, and my heart flushed with wet breath. I wondered if I had been sick in the head, and wished that Muhan had said to me that he had loved and cared for his former girlfriends in the same way. I think if that was the case, then I would dare to accept his kindness to me with peace of mind.
When I met Guan Qiyan on campus again, there was a beautiful woman beside him. I couldn't help but draw a breath in my heart, so I wrote him a love letter to the school flower Ji Yan Yan, who is the most beautiful girl in the school! I was just about to pull out a bad smile to criticize him, but the Ji Yan Yan took the arm of Guan Qiyan, raised her beautiful pointed chin and said "Hi" to Ling Muhan on my side, and incidentally swept a demonstrative gaze at me.
She gave me goosebumps with her proud, smug look, and I gave her a blank stare in return, before striding past them with my head held high.
DuoDuo, what's wrong, you'll fall if you walk that fast, MuHan came up from behind.
Isn't that Ji Yan Yan your ex-ex-girlfriend? I don't like her! I said.
Muhan turned around and hooked my nose, and smiled with a curved eyebrow.
No wonder, for those of you who have countless girlfriends to be jealous of, it is better to jump directly into the vinegar tank.
PART FIVE
After I suddenly fainted, my legs became paralyzed more and more frequently, but fortunately, Muhan held me in time to keep me from falling to the ground.
Muhan accompanied me to the hospital for a routine checkup. The attending doctor took my checklist and said, "DuoDuo, you'd better stop going to school and rest at home. His face was very ugly, and I squeezed Muhan's hand tightly, biting my lip to keep quiet.
Muhan rubbed my hair and said softly, "DuoDuo listen to the doctor, we first suspend the school, and then go back to school when you get better.
I looked at Muhan's eyes, which were full of pain, and gently nodded my head.
The second week of the suspension, Guan Qiyan called me, he was on the other end of the fire shouting, Yan Chenduo, what's wrong with you, skipping classes also skipped too long, right?
I told him lightly that I had taken a leave of absence from school.
Ah! Suspension! The sound that erupted from the phone made me move the receiver an inch away.
I said, "Yeah, well, I'm not going to be able to go to college anyway, so I might as well go home and get some rest.
The phone went quiet for a long time, and he said, "Oh," and all that was left was the sound of a beeping disconnect.
I went back to the days of lying in bed and watching the sun rise and set. Muhan would come to see me every week and ask me if I had taken my medication and if I had any other symptoms. Then he would open the pill box and put the medicines in front of me.
I smiled and said, "Muhan, you can be my personal doctor.
Muhan raised one eyebrow and said yes, yes, I'm studying science, maybe I can be a doctor in the future.
I smiled and said that if you really become a doctor, business will be so good that the female patients will want to be treated by such a handsome doctor.
Muhan reached out and patted my face, said Duo Duo to be jealous ah, then I do not go to the hospital well, I only give Duo Duo as a private doctor, but you do not hire to hire me ah!
My throat was so tight that I buried my face between his arms and said Muhan, you don't have to be so nice to me, I'll feel guilty.
Foolishly, you are my girlfriend, so I don't have to be nice to you. He patted me on the back. Dodo, why are you crying? I really won't treat other female patients, don't cry, don't cry.
PART SIX
When the countdown to the college entrance exam was only 60 days away, I suddenly received a phone call from Guan Qi Yan.
PART SIX
When we were only 60 days away from the countdown to the college entrance exam, we suddenly got a call from Guan Qiyan, who said, "Yan Chenduo, how are you doing?
I grunted and said, "You're so ungrateful, you've got a beautiful woman with you and you've forgotten about me, maybe you won't be sad when I die.
He froze over there, and then said, "Yan Chenduo, can you come out, I want to see you.
My heart skipped a beat, and I gripped the microphone tightly and said yes.
I sneaked out of the house while Auntie Qin was cooking dinner in the kitchen. I saw the familiar figure in the shade of the park from afar. I've not seen him for more than a year, but his silhouette has hardened.
I tapped him on the shoulder from behind, "Hey, it's been a long time.
He turned around and handed me an envelope with his head down.
I froze and looked at the letter in his hand, my heart thumped, and I spit out two words like a tongue-tied love... Love letter?
He still had his head down and whispered, "Yes, love letter, Yan Chenduo, I like you.
I stood in a daze, unable to reflect for a moment, only to hear myself saying, "But...I have Muhan, you're not the only one...". I've got Muhan, you've got Ji Yan Yan...
Ha! You're really stupid! Today is April Fool's Day!
My face turned as red as a ripe tomato and burned as hot as a flame. Bronchitis, you're a jerk! I raised my leg and kicked him hard, and turned around angrily.
Yan Chenduo, are you really angry?
Yan Chenduo, are you really angry? Guan Qiyan saw that I still cared about myself to go forward, hurried to catch up, okay, okay, I apologize, not ah?
I stopped walking, slanted my face, raised my chin and said to him, "Well, as an apology. You will go up to the mountain at night and show me the sunrise.
But your body . Guan Qiyan frowned, carefully glanced at me, but finally in my slightly angry gaze helplessly answered
The way up the mountain is indeed a kind of torment for me, I leaned on Guan Qiyan help me to find a branch, but still every few steps have to stop to catch their breath.
Yan Chenduo, I'll carry you up. Guan Qiyan turned around and held out his hand to me.
I was slightly stunned, pursed my lips and shook my head, no, I can go up by myself!
With this speed you climbed to the top of the mountain the sun has long risen to the middle of the sky. He crouched down with his back to me and carried me on his back.
There was a cool breeze blowing along the mountain road at twilight, and the night insects were chirping, and the stars were shining all over the sky.
My face was on Guan Qiyan's shoulder, and I could feel the rise and fall of his throat as he breathed heavily. I could feel his throat rising and falling as he breathed heavily. I thought to myself, "If I could go on like this for the rest of my life, how wonderful it would be.
That morning, I saw the sunrise for the first time. I watched the light rise from the place where heaven and earth meet, like a phoenix in flames, with the beauty of burning and tearing, and the whole world seemed like a newborn baby slowly opening its eyes in this red light. My heart violently tightened, suddenly lying on the arching knees of the pipe Qiyan, hard pounding his legs, shouting, pipe Qiyan, I really do not want to die ah!
Guan Qiyan's body steeply stiffened. He patted me on the back and said, what the hell are you talking about cursing yourself ah, you see your strength is still so big! You can't let go of your lover Ling Muhan!
I ignored him and cried my eyes out, soaking his pants with tears and soaking the love letter that was used to joke with me.
PART SEVEN
The year of the college entrance examination, Muhan lived up to the expectations of our city's top science student, he filled in the first volunteer in the Peking Union Medical College, he said to my father, uncle, can let DuoDuo transferred to the hospital in Beijing, where there is a more advanced medical technology, and I want to take care of her.
I tugged on his arm and said, "Muhan, why are you doing this?
He rubbed my hair and smiled a smile that could have killed anyone, "DuoDuo, you know, although I have had many girlfriends, but the only one who really made me want to love and take care of her from the bottom of my heart is you", he said. He said, "Don't worry, when I go to the medical university, I will find a way to cure you.
My heart was twitching with sadness, and I thought that if I had a male friend like Muhan, even if I died immediately, I would have no regrets.
The sky in the north is always a solemn white, and there are birds flying low and diagonally over the brown branches of the big trees, emitting a dull hiss. I sat in the large garden of the Concordia Hospital and watched the sunlight streak across the green roofs and sprinkle on the white stone paved paths. Patients in blue and white hospital gowns like mine came and went, and occasionally naughty children chased and shouted across the wide lawn.
Once in a while, I get a call from Guan Qiyan. After the college entrance exam, he and Ji Yan Yan went to a university in Shanghai and lived together. He still has the same tone as when he was a child, talking about where he and Ji Yan Yan traveled and how beautiful the scenery was. He said, "Whenever you are well enough, you must go and see it," he said.
I said quietly, good, and then put down the phone. I didn't tell him that my condition had worsened and that it was difficult for me to walk
Toward the end of the next summer, I said to Muhan, "Muhan, let's go to Phoenix. I've been your girlfriend for more than three years, but I've never been out with you.
DuoDuo, when you get better, I'll take you anywhere. Muhan wrapped his arms around me and gently stroked my hair.
I shook my head and said to myself, Muhan, look, how beautiful this sentence is---for you, this ancient city has been waiting for a thousand years. It must be a very beautiful place. Muhan, you know, my childhood dream was to see the outside world one day...
Muhan's jaw rested against the nape of my neck, and when he nodded, a warm liquid slid down my neck.
A few days before the trip, Guan Qi called in an inappropriate manner. As soon as he heard about my travel plans, he clamored that it would be inappropriate for the two of you to stay in one room, and that it would be a waste to stay in two rooms, and that he and Ji Yanyan should be added to the list.
We met in a private house in Phoenix. The growth has made Ji Yan Yan more vivid and attractive, in contrast to my pale complexion. I leaned over the bed and said to her with a smile, "Yanyan, you and Guan Qiyan are the envy of the world.
Chiyan Yan Yan's gaze abruptly dimmed. After a long time, she slowly spoke, in fact, Guan Qiyan and I broke up right after high school.
I was stunned. But I saw the corner of her mouth pulled up a bitter smile, said, I remember the day of the breakup, he and I said I'm sorry, he said that his life only to a girl wrote a love letter. He said I like you. He said his heart was so full of that person that he couldn't get anyone else in.
Chiyan Yan Yan looked back into my eyes, Chenduo, in fact, this trip is he begged me to come with him. It was the only way he could pretend to meet you as if nothing had happened.
The cold moonlight shone through the old wooden window panes into the room as if a layer of hazy silver veil. I looked at the full moon in the old city and sat in a daze for the rest of the night. The next morning, I called out Muhan early and left a message on a sticky note for Guan Qiyan: "Muhan and I will go to the city first, we won't wait for you..." I tried to speak as easily as possible, but my hand trembled as I held the pen. Every stroke was like a knife cutting through my heart, and it hurt.
Muhan worriedly held my hand, "DuoDuo, what's wrong with you, did Ji YanYan say something to you?
I shook my head and struggled to open my mouth, Muhan, I'm sorry, I can't go any further... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't even accompany you on this one and only trip...
I was lying on a cold operating table, with the instruments on my side flashing a fluorescent blue light. I could feel my heartbeat slowly decreasing in frequency, but my mind became clearer and clearer for a moment.
I remembered the time when Guan Qiyan said that he would love a person for the rest of his life if he fell in love with him, and my heart ached violently. I knew that I could die at any time and could not be loved for the rest of my life,
So I decided to keep what I wrote on his back in junior high school, "Yan Chenduo likes Guan Qiyan", as a secret and sealed it in my heart forever.
I also remembered that afternoon in the health center, I asked Ling Muhan to send me a great love before I left this world. But I never knew that the playboy he seemed to be was such a devoted man, that he loved me so y, without asking for anything in return.
It turns out that all along, I am a willful child, I selfishly seek a love that should not have, but y hurt two so good boy. I think when I see God, I will be very good and repent, and then beg him to wipe me out of their lives and give them back their happiness.
If, indeed, God exists...
I wish it could hear me, that's my last wish.