There is a special team in Huilongguan Clinical Medical Center of Peking University, which is the expert team of children and adolescents with psychological disorders led by Prof. Liu Huaqing. In this team there is a group of doctors who love people as themselves, and they work tirelessly to help children and their families one after another.
cornerstone of health" img_height="383" img_width="900" data-src="//imgq8.q578.com/ef/0603/2ebbb9693c3de6cd.jpg" src="/a2020/img/data-img.jpg" > Cornerstone of Health" img_height="383" img_width="900" data-src="//imgq8.q578.com/ef/0603/9116929ad9de94a3.jpg" src="/a2020/img/data-img.jpg"> Healthy Cornerstone" img_height="383" img_width="900" data-src="//imgq8.q578.com/ef/0603/d1c8053594fe8f26.jpg" src="/a2020/img/data-img.jpg">Family is the A safe harbor in each of our hearts, which family relationships are the most important, and how the patterns of how families get along with each other can affect their children are topics of growing concern for growing parents. We had an in-depth discussion with our team of experts on these topics.
1
The most central relationship in a family,
Is it the husband-wife relationship or the parent-child relationship?
Dr. Yanru Liu:
For many Chinese families, children are the most important. In fact, in the family core relationship, the most central is not the parent-child relationship, but the husband and wife relationship, many psychologists at home and abroad agree with this view.
For example, Mr. Zeng Qifeng, a famous psychologist in China, once said, "The husband-wife relationship is the lynchpin of the family." Virginia Satya, the founder of United Family Therapy in the United States, believed that "the best gift parents can give their children is a good marriage between husband and wife."
Why is the husband-wife relationship the most central relationship in the family? Because when a couple's relationship goes bad, it hurts the parent-child relationship.
In my work, I found that some children, when faced with parental conflict, tend to attribute it to themselves, thinking that it is because they are not good enough or obedient enough to cause their parents to fight, and always blaming themselves internally.
When couples always solve problems by blaming and arguing, children will not have high self-esteem and will not respect themselves and others. This kind of trauma may lead to insecurity and desire for love throughout one's life.
Such a child will act more sensitive, think more about what others say and do, and lack confidence in interpersonal interactions.
At the same time, the husband and wife are not in harmony, even if it is a cold war or not in front of the child quarrel, the child is also able to feel. Even some children will do some out of the ordinary behavior, trying to use this way to help parents "reconciliation", to keep their parents in the family.
If the child puts more effort into helping his parents maintain their relationship, he may not have enough energy to develop himself properly.
Li Jiu Ju Therapist:
On a psychological level, husband, wife, father, mother, child, each role has its own place, and each role has its own function.
Dr. Liu Huaqing:
I strongly agree with the idea that the husband-wife relationship is the core of the family relationship, and that the husband-wife relationship is the lynchpin of the whole family.
I'd like to add that the way a couple gets along, the way they speak and act, the way they interact, all become objects of imitation for the child.
If couples are harmonious, communicative and respectful, and even if there are conflicts and arguments, they are still centered on solving problems and making the family better, it has a good influence on the children.
A good relationship between husband and wife means a good parental relationship for the child, and such a family can provide a very good psychological foundation for the child, a safe harbor for the child, and the child's sense of security comes from this.
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How do you interpret
"Parents are a child's first teacher"?
Dr. Yanru Liu:
When I saw this quote, I began to reflect on what I could actually teach my children as a parent.
In the Three Character Classic, it says, "If you don't teach your children, it's the father's fault." The father here refers to the parents. If we give birth to children and just care about raising them without teaching them, it is the fault of the parents.
In the child's childhood, parents should teach their children something more important than knowledge by word and example. For example, excellent moral character, good behavior, these are from the family. In the long run, the formation of a person's outlook on life, values, and worldview cannot be separated from the influence of his parents.
We often say that "quality companionship is not as important as time companionship". Quality companionship means that when we spend time with our children, we let them feel that their parents are with them wholeheartedly and love them. This kind of companionship will make the child psychologically healthier. If a child is treated gently by his parents, he will have the strength to love and get along better with others.
In my clinic, I often come across parents who are very strict with their children, but can't do it themselves.
In the clinic, I often come across such parents who are very strict with their children, but they can't do it themselves. For example, if they ask their children to read a book, they themselves swipe their cell phones and watch short videos; if they ask their children to pay attention to their meals, they themselves play video games while eating.
So I think the meaning of "first teacher" is to be a good role model for your child, and it's more important to provide the power of example than to talk about it.
Li Jiu Ju therapist:
I understand that the phrase "parents are the first teachers of their children" means that parents should think more about how to provide their children with a better environment to grow.
Winnicott, a British child psychiatrist, once said, "If you give your child a good environment to grow, he will naturally grow into a healthy and mature person, just as he grows into a big tree."
Just like a sapling, if we can provide it with sufficient air, nutrition, sunlight and water and other conditions necessary for growth, the sapling doesn't need you to teach it how to grow, where to grow, naturally, it can grow into a big tree, even if there is wind and rain in the process of growth, will not impede its growth, because it inherently has a tendency to grow upwards as long as the conditions are sufficient to be able to The first thing I want to do is to get the best out of it.
Similarly, if we have a strong family environment, and the parents are mature enough to feel and listen to their children, then every child will have a tendency to grow upward, and will naturally develop well.
When do parents need to teach their children, and how do they need to guide them? In fact, the answer we can capture, the child will be in the growth of a variety of help signals, parents have to do is to capture this signal in time, and then give a timely and correct response.
Dr. Liu Huaqing:
We often hear the term "kicking the cat", which means that the parents are criticized by the leadership in the unit, and they go home and get angry with their partner, scolding the child, and then the child kicks the cat to get rid of the bad feelings.
In fact, this is the parents as the "first teacher" in the anxiety, irritability and a series of negative emotions "taught" to the child. If parents often threaten, criticize, and scold their children, then the children will also treat others in this way; if parents often blame others at home, the children may also become a person like this.
The influence of the "first teacher" on a child's emotions is very important, and it is important for parents to be able to digest their own negative emotions and be emotionally stable so that the family can be the first classroom where children can learn to manage their emotions better.
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Harmonious family relationships
What is the significance of each for the "little family" and the "big family"?
Dr. Yanru Liu:
I'm a psychiatrist, so it's inevitable that I have to talk about some of these diseases. Here is a set of clinical data to share with you: the results of the domestic survey of students from the first year to senior high school students showed that the incidence of depression in secondary school students is 42.3%, of which mild depression is 14.6%, moderate and severe depression accounted for 15.3% and 12.4%, respectively, the focus of the prevalence of depression among students of high schools is 40.4%, the general secondary school is 39.5%.
These data allow us to visualize that the mental illness of children and adolescents can not be ignored, which will bring a great deal of trouble and burden to the children and their families, and is also a very serious problem in the development of society. These problems may be related to family disharmony, many children come to the hospital, we go back to look at his family, more or less will find some of the factors of family disharmony, just different forms of expression.
Li Jiu Ju therapist:
Family harmony is very important to both individuals and society. On the one hand, when couples have a good relationship and the family is strong, parents can better devote themselves to their work and contribute their values; on the other hand, children are the future of the motherland, and they are healthy both physically and mentally in order to become qualified builders and successors.
Therefore, a strong relationship between husband and wife, a harmonious family relationship, and a good environment for the children to grow up are not only for the parents to raise healthy children, but also for the country's future talent pool and social stability.
Dr. Liu Huaqing:
We hypothesize that if a person has been loved and treated gently as a child, they will be able to grow up to treat society with love and gentleness. If a person is treated violently, demeaned, or grows up in an atmosphere of family disharmony, then some of the darker aspects of the child's personality may come out in various ways as he or she grows into an adult and wreak havoc on society.
In fact, not only do we need harmony in the family and society, but we also need a harmonious environment for the survival and development of the whole human race, which requires the child to have a good childhood first of all, and to have all his needs met, and to grow up in an environment where he is recognized and appreciated, and then such a child will not be able to deal with the world in a destructive way when he grows up.
When the family is harmonious and beautiful, the child's growth process can be very beautiful, and when he grows up, his mind will also be beautiful, which will be more beneficial to social harmony and human harmony. Therefore, a harmonious family relationship is not only good for the family, it is also very important for the normal functioning of the society as a whole.
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If a person has serious problems,
Can they all be attributed to family of origin disharmony?
Li Jiu Ju Therapist:
Parents are something we have no choice but to have, and our family of origin has a profound influence on us, which in many cases is an unconscious influence that introduces an unconscious behavior.
When there is some emergency, our first reaction is usually it. For example, a child who has grown up being blamed a lot may hate it at the conscious level, and often warns himself that "when I have a child in the future, I will not blame him". However, when he really sees the child misbehaving and not listening, his first reaction at the unconscious level is to blame.
In early childhood, we are more influenced by our family of origin, which may affect our behavioral patterns and may cause us many complexes.
But as we grow up, these can be changed through self-awareness. If you have allowed yourself to live in that kind of unconsciousness, attributing all your problems to your family of origin is the result of a lack of self-awareness and reflection, and is actually a sign of irresponsibility for your own growth.
Dr. Yanru Liu:
In fact, we can try to work backwards with this proposition: if the reason why a person does something wrong is because of his or her family of origin, then how is it that different children growing up in such a family often have different fates?
For example, if a pair of brothers both grew up being beaten by their often-drunken father, and one grew up doing the same to his own children, the other had a reflection and an awakening about it, and has been conditioning his own unconscious behavior to not let it happen again in his own little family.
So it's more about the growth of the individual, how he actually perceives what he's been through. This is an important point of psychotherapy - even if we can't change the pain of the past, it is possible to change the way we see it, to change the present and the future.
cornerstone of health" img_height="571" img_width="839" data-src="//imgq8.q578.com/ef/0603/a25e7299f7941b72.jpg" src="/a2020/img/data-img.jpg" >Dr. Liu Huaqing:
If you feel that you have more childhood misfortunes and traumas, there are two ways to ease them:
One is to find a psychiatrist to ask for help, which is not something to be ashamed of, and to take the initiative to seek help in solving psychological problems is something to be encouraged and praised in this day and age;
The second is to learn more about psychology on your own.
No one can do everything perfectly, but parents should learn to reflect. If we realize that the bad influence we have on our children is brought to us by our family culture, and that we had such unpleasant experiences and underwent such psychological damage as children, and realize that it is not right to do so, then we should be more conscious of stopping the inheritance of such a bad family culture and terminating the transmission of it to our next generation.
It is true that parents lay the foundation for their children's personality underpinnings, and that childhood life has a very profound impact on a person. However, as parents in the new era, we can spend our whole life learning and growing, and in the process of development to constantly recognize ourselves, improve ourselves, and take responsibility for our own happiness and mental health, which is also the best words and example we can give to our children as parents.
Beijing Huilongguan Hospital
Children and adolescents psychological ward
Beijing Huilongguan Hospital children's psychological outpatient clinic was established in 2000, the children and adolescents Psychological Ward (Pediatric Psychological Ward) was established in 2003, and in 2012 a separate establishment. The pediatric psychiatric ward was established in 2003, and in 2012 it was set up separately.
Now there are 15 beds, and every year we actively invite famous child and adolescent psychiatrists and child psychoanalysts from home and abroad to come to teach and check the rooms.
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Can a family member stay in bed with my child when he or she is hospitalized?
Children's open psychiatric wards can provide patients with a more relaxed activity space and close to real-life environment and conditions, patients will enjoy more freedom and respect, while the family should assume the corresponding responsibilities and obligations.
This is the first open psychiatric ward for children in China, where parents and other family members (one family member is currently required to stay with the patient) can stay with the patient around the clock, and volunteers from key universities often came to the ward to help the child with cultural lessons and performances such as theater before the Xin Guan epidemic.
Which children are suitable for the open ward?
The Pediatric Ward is a specialized unit designed to meet the needs of our patients with a wide range of services. Specific types of diseases are as follows:
1 Behavioral problems (anorexia, antagonistic behavior, game addiction behavior)
2 Mood disorders (separation anxiety disorder, school phobia, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder)
3 Developmental disorders (Tourette's syndrome, autism spectrum disorders, mild mental retardation) of the diagnosis and treatment of the
After hospitalization the child What services are available? Relatively Exclusive Room: Equipped with companion beds, TV, air-conditioning, and separate toilet facilities. Friends and Family: All patients can be accompanied by friends and family. Open management: At present, during the epidemic prevention and control period, the open ward is closed management, the children can bring their own electronic devices and so on. Quality medical services: The ward has an excellent medical care team, physicians including chief physicians, deputy chief physicians, attending physicians and clinical doctoral and master's degree students, two of them have served as ward director and head of the Psychology Department for many years, with a very rich experience in medical work, the nurses are well-staffed with extensive nursing experience. The head nurse was elected as a gold medal nurse of Beijing Huilongguan Hospital in 2014 and an advanced worker in Beijing in 2015. After hospitalization, there are second and third level checkups, and the ward actively carries out medication at the same time, attaches importance to psychotherapy, there are specialized psychotherapists to talk with patients on a regular basis, in addition to one to two times a day group therapy, family reading club, etc., to provide patients with a variety of modes of psychotherapeutic services at the same time, but also to help family members change the parent-child relationship in order to better accompany the patient. Convenient follow-up visits: The ward will guarantee outpatient appointments and telephone counseling services for discharged patients. How do I register and get hospitalized? Our hospital is currently Beijing Medical Pass platform appointment release time for the daily 6:00 pm (release the eighth day of the number of sources), note that this time for the information system use of the peak period, prone to some patients slow use of the system, or even a short period of time can not be booked. If you would like to learn more about the Children's Psychology Ward, please call 010-83024227 (doctor's office)/83024226 (duty nurse's office). - -THE END- - Article | Parents Must Read Magazine May 2022 (slightly abridged) Layout | Zhao Chen Images | Li Dongliu, Internet