Every day, people will inevitably talk or listen to others. We will find that chatting with some people always makes us feel very happy, and the original melancholy mood will become suddenly enlightened; Talking to some people can make people nervous, and every word they hear makes people feel on pins and needles; At the same time, there will be some people, and the first thing they say, someone will leave and never listen again.
Speaking is simple, and saying yes is not an easy task. I don't know if you have noticed that although we chat every day, what we say may not be liked by people.
Is speaking an art? The answer is definitely yes, because people who can speak well are much more likely to succeed than ordinary people, because speaking well is very difficult.
How can we learn oral English well, and then spread knowledge, interests and thoughts through oral English, and express them with rich expressions and beautiful voices? Thomas, an American researcher in human behavior science, pointed out: "The ability to speak is a shortcut to fame, which can make people stand out from the crowd. People who are eloquent are often respected, loved and supported. It enables a person's talents to be fully exerted, get twice the result with half the effort, shine brilliantly and achieve excellent results. "
Let's first list what can show that we won't put it right:
First of all, speak without thinking.
Second, what you think is straightforward, and what others think is self-righteous.
0 1
I don't know if you have ever met someone who wants to say nothing. There is such a person around me. She is not the only one, but she impressed me deeply. She doesn't listen to advice, or she doesn't like others to point out her shortcomings.
A friend of the opposite sex bought her a lipstick. Boys buy lipstick, and I don't know what color number girls like best. A friend bought her a pink lipstick of Dead Barbie. Why did her friend buy death Barbie powder? Boys will never know the difference between big red and China red.
He bought this lipstick to give her a surprise. One night, after my friend bought lipstick, she drove to pick her up and gave her lipstick. When she got it, she opened it and found that it was not her favorite color number. Instead of saying thank you, she blurted out, "I don't like dead Barbie powder. Why didn't you ask me when you bought lipstick? "
My friend is straight, but he is also very careful. I kept in mind what she said casually. I wanted to surprise her, but in the end it turned into a dog biting Lv Dongbin. That dead Barbie pink lipstick worth more than 300 yuan was thrown out of the window by a friend without hesitation.
I don't know how my friend felt at that time, but when I heard it, I really felt that what she did was wrong. Whether you like the red number or not, someone will take it and say thank you. After all, if you mention anything casually, others will keep it in mind and send it to you, and you are really a friend.
I know that many times, the intention is not bad, but I don't know that what I said has to be carefully thought out and weighed repeatedly before I can say it. This is good for you and me, for friends around us, and for making friends in my career and life. Only in this way can others notice you and like you.
02
"You are so fake when you take pictures and laugh."
"Hey, your makeup is so ugly today."
"The food you cooked tastes terrible."
"I call this straightforward, not ugly."
..... me? What about you?
This word is straightforward. Do you misunderstand it or do I think it's biased? Why do these words sound so harsh to me?
Once, I had nothing to do with two friends. After discussion, we decided to go to my house to cook and eat. Of course, it's definitely not me who cooks, and I can't cook.
Is a male friend who cooks. We call him little z here. We decided to make flowers, shrimp, fish and vegetables. Xiao Z and I are people who go to the vegetable market to buy materials, but the people we invited are at work. We invited her to come alone. Later, she came to my house alone, accompanied by a colleague. When they arrived, they washed their hands and served food. Little Z is good at cooking and doing everything.
She spat out the flower nail at the first bite and blurted out, "Why is this flower nail so bad?"
I looked at her in silence with two other people at the table. As a result, she didn't realize what she had done wrong, and went on to say, "The previous flower armor was not like this. It's terrible. "
The colleague who came with her finally stopped her: "No, it's delicious, maybe you're not used to it."
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I finally can't stand it. I can't stand it. I reached out and gave her a piece of shrimp: "This is delicious. Eat this."
Finally, I skipped this topic. I looked up at little Z and looked at him carefully for a long time. I found that there was no unhappy look on my face. I'm thinking that he may think he is a boy and won't say anything to girls. Boys should be generous.
Later, after eating this meal, I was not very happy, and a meal cooked with my heart ended hastily. She and her colleagues left my house first, but we stayed.
When I got on the bus, I said to him in the car, "I'm sorry to make you unhappy."
Although Xiao Z and she are my * * * friends, what she said is really a bit too straightforward, and she doesn't respect other people's labor achievements and feelings.
"Nothing, this is not the first time." He shook his head and said.
It's really not the first time. I have never changed my mind. As I said, this bad habit of hers is not once or twice. Not only did I not listen, but I said confidently, "This is straightforward, and I will continue to maintain it."
This is not frankness. Your so-called frankness is self-righteous and complacent in the eyes of others. What you said is not only hurtful, but also annoying. Everyone else has told you this problem, but you still refuse to face up to your shortcomings. Instead, you think the other person is up to no good. This kind of "frankness" will not be liked.
These are all examples of not being able to speak. Everyone should be able to speak well. So you can chat with anyone and make others like you. The success or failure of your career depends not only on your ability, but also on your eloquence. The following three points must be remembered:
First, praise each other appropriately.
Second, don't argue with others often.
Third, the speech should arouse the audience's * * * and arouse their love.
0 1
In the process of interacting with others, it is polite and cultured to praise others properly, which can not only gain good popularity, but also narrow the psychological and emotional distance between the two sides and shorten the distance between them. Because these appropriate compliments often improve the dignity of others and are more conducive to improving their interpersonal relationships.
Last summer vacation, I joined a perverted bookstore, so I made many friends and experienced Huai Zuo. Later, I was honored to have a phone conversation with my senior.
In a WeChat chat, I was very anxious during that time, because every friend in the bookstore got the Qingyun plan one after another, but I didn't, and my mood was very low.
I talked to my friends around me about it, and her words instantly reduced my depressed mood. She said, "You are not as good as others, so why bother?"
Later, I couldn't adjust my mood, so I talked to my senior. I still clearly remember that the first sentence and the second sentence given to me by my senior were "You are fine" and "You are really fine."
I was really touched to hear my senior say this. Later, my senior pointed out my shortcomings and advised me not to worry. Take your time. I can't wait. Later, as my senior said, I took my time, read slowly, and wrote a small composition after evaluation.
Another time, I was cooked by a friend. That was the first time I cooked. She was the first person to try my cooking. After eating, she said some words of encouragement and praise: "Very good, but it will taste better with less salt next time."
Don't say, "It tastes terrible" or "You are inferior to others". If everyone only thinks about their own ideas and finds fault with other people's habits and aspects, it will inevitably cause harm to others.
However, you must remember this. However, it is impossible to praise others falsely and it is also impossible. For example, if you see a girl who is not very good, you can't praise her for being too beautiful. She will think that you are teasing her on purpose, or that you are too hypocritical. Just like once, for some reason, a friend said hypocritically, "Oh, you are great."
Me. you
Did you notice what I said? Think I'm great? Where is the stick?
In fact, you don't have to praise her for being good-looking or powerful. You can praise her for her gentle personality or some specialties instead.
No matter what qualities you praise others, you should seek truth from facts, not speculate. I really can't find anything to praise them. You can praise his family, work and things related to him.
02
Some people always like to argue in the process of interacting with friends, even if the time is unreasonable, they will argue for three points. But in reality, if you always overthrow or deny other people's views, even if you win in the end, you will inevitably end up alone.
A friend is actually fine, but she likes to talk about her colleagues in front of us. So-and-so changed her boyfriend, and how rich she is, how can she make her favorite boy become someone else's boyfriend? We don't like this topic very much, and we don't like talking about others behind their backs. At this moment, another friend said, "Don't talk about others all the time, making you look like a lemon essence. You can actually find one. "
At this time, she argued with her friend: "where am I like lemon essence?" Does she change boyfriends all day? Did she steal the boy I like? "
However, we usually shut up, and she won't. She will always talk there and force us to argue with him. Then he pointed the finger at me: "Don't you think? Where do I look like lemon essence? Go ahead. "
I really ... I was shot while I was lying down. I thought it over and said, "I don't know about one of your colleagues." I can't comment. Well, I just noticed that the boy you like likes her. In fact, you don't have to be wronged, because you like that boy, but that boy likes her. It is even more true that she is liked by others. You are not lemon essence, but don't be there. Don't argue with others unnecessarily. "
She stopped and was silent there. Yes, never argue with others unnecessarily, which will only arouse others' disgust and make it impolite to talk about others behind their backs.
In interpersonal communication, everyone will meet people who are different from themselves. In life, we can often see people who are red-faced and thick-necked with others for a little thing, and even go to war, but the result is always that the two sides will not give way to each other and break up in discord.
In order to avoid meaningless arguments, we might as well think calmly: what do I want? Arguing about what? Victory? Still have a good impression of each other.
Therefore, when dealing with people, we all learn to be calm, try to reduce the things that we argue with others, and be a person that everyone likes. If you really think his point of view is wrong, don't just say that others are wrong, you can accept it calmly, but some aspects may need to be changed, which may be better.
03
We often say, "If you want to catch a man, you must first catch his stomach." Simply put, it is to do what you want to do and let the other person have a * * * sound with yourself.
I like listening to Mr. Huai Zuo very much, because what he said is what I like to hear, which is valuable. Not only I like listening, but every friend in the bookstore likes listening to the seniors. Every time the seniors speak, many people will listen carefully and take notes, because my friends and I in the bookstore will be inspired after listening to the seniors' words.
Little friends who don't know how to write, after listening to the seniors, quickly find what they want to write; Little friends who don't know what good books to read, after listening to the seniors sharing their feelings about reading a book, will click on this book and read on; Feeling depressed or anxious, after listening to every encouragement and analysis from seniors, you will quickly adjust your mentality and correct your own shortcomings.
In other words, words should arouse people's interest. When speaking in public, the audience's response is the standard to measure the success of the speech. Therefore, when choosing a topic, we should first consider whether the audience can generate people's interest. If the audience is not interested, even if you talk with relish, it is useless to be thirsty.
Therefore, when speaking in public, we should try to choose topics that are closely related to the audience, familiar to the audience and needed by the audience, so as to attract people's attention and inspire people.
04
Finally, write a short summary. Most of the time, you think it's nothing. Maybe the person you are talking to didn't immediately refute or lose his temper, but in fact you left him a negative impression. Remember to say three words when you meet people, think twice before you speak, and learn to turn corners when you speak. Don't feel good, true and straightforward all day. Say good things without thinking, say bad things without thinking.
Therefore, it is not impossible to say anything to everyone, but it is unnecessary, should not be said, and does not conflict with anything. Three words will also reflect your professional ethics. For example, I am in the medical field. If the other person is an infectious disease patient, we can only say nothing, and ordinary patients can do the same, because this is professional ethics.
Talk, too