Anxiety affects all aspects of a person:
_ Physiologically, it makes the person experience physical reactions such as rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, and sweating.
_ Psychologically, anxiety causes a subjective experience of fear and anxiety, and in severe cases, even a sense of near death.
_ Behaviorally, it restricts people's ability to move around and express themselves, and we procrastinate against the pressure of deadline.
What can we do about anxiety?
01The things you worry about (almost) never happen
Many people confuse anxiety with fear, but they are actually two different feelings. A person's fear usually arises because of a specific thing or situation in the outside world and it's right in front of them, for example, you may fear that you won't be able to finish your work by the deadline, you may not pass a paper review, or you may be cold-shouldered by someone you like. Unlike that, when people feel anxious, they often can't say what it is they're anxious about.
That's exactly how the mood of anxiety is defined in Psychiatry:"When nervousness and fear have no clear objective object, they are generally manifestations of anxiety," that is, anxiety stemming from an imagined danger.
So you'll be anxious about work stress - you're worried about losing your job, losing your source of income, and not being able to survive; you'll be anxious about being single past the age of 30 - what if I can't meet a suitable partner for the rest of my life? What if I grow old alone?
It's scary, yes, but the 'danger' isn't immediate, and the likelihood of it happening is only slim. It's also understandable that you're 'punishing' today's self with visions of the future - telling today's self how hard it's been is really mostly unnecessary.
02 What to do in the moment when anxiety strikes? Relax your body first
When anxiety is more severe there are obvious physical symptoms, such as muscle tension, sweating, palpitations or panic attacks, and difficulty sleeping.
If anxiety makes you feel a strong sense of discomfort, the first thing you need to do is to "relax your body." Here's a simple exercise to share (ps. Relaxation also requires practice, so you can take advantage of the fact that you usually have nothing to do, and become more familiar with it when you use it.)
_ Find a place where it's easy to relax, as quiet and private as possible.
_ Take long, slow breaths, stretch slowly, and slowly bring your feet to the floor.
_ Turn your attention to yourself and notice areas of tension in your body, perhaps your shoulders are a little stiff, your back feels like a heavy turtle shell, or your hands are sweaty
_ Relax your tense muscle groups 2 to 3 times one by one, including your fingers, palms, arms, shoulders, neck, face, chest, abdomen, thighs, calves, and toes. Pay attention to the sensation of relaxation, experience the difference between relaxed and tense muscles, and then stay in the relaxed state for a while.
03Don't Fall for Caffeine and Alcohol
It was only when my friend Amy downed two scotches at 11 a.m. that she was finally willing to admit a few things-first, that she'd been anxious for a while: the pressure of her new boss, her relationship with her boyfriend Second, she'd been trying to ease her anxiety by drinking, and she'd been drinking more and more.
Many anxious people try to cheer themselves up by drinking a lot of coffee and alcohol, and they do feel good (in the short term), but they don't realize that this can exacerbate their anxiety.
The Anxiety Self-Help Manual points to research:"As little as one pint (note: nearly 500 milliliters) of regular strength beer can measure an increase in anxiety levels the next day, and after this is repeated several times, the anxiety is really significantly increased."
Coffee and booze are great, but don't let them be your safe haven from anxiety.
04When you don't want to do anything, look up at the sky
British author Matt Hylow, who once suffered from depression and anxiety, shared in Notes from an Anxious Planet a little something he often does when he has a relapse of anxiety - look up at the the sky.
When we look at the sky, all of our 21st-century worries dissolve into nothingness against the backdrop of the universe. The sky is bigger than e-mails, bigger than deadlines, bigger than mortgages and Internet tirades, bigger than our minds and mental illnesses, bigger than names, bigger than countries, bigger than dates and times. Compared to the sky, our worldly cares are fleeting. No matter how many years we live, no matter how many chapters of human history turn, the sky will always be the sky.
The fact that the bed in my room rests against a large window means that I can often lie in bed and look out at the sky, watching the clouds drift in and out, and my thoughts become calm.
05No shame in not watching the news, no shame in not going on Twitter, no shame in disconnecting from the Internet
Anxiety is not all your fault. Many people often overlook that modern society, especially the Internet, is also a major culprit of anxiety.
The very nature of traffic is to render anxiety, so it's no wonder you're always getting your anxiety fueled by information online - advertisers know this, webloggers know this, news editors know this. The idea being sold to us is summed up in one sentence: 'We're not good enough now, so try to be a better person'.
So use the latest cream; eat raw edible eggs; spend $999 to learn to discipline yourself to wake up early; improve your cognition; and learn short-form video marketing immediately.
It's weird not to be anxious.
So it's important to remember the following: There's no shame in not watching the news. There is no shame in not being on Twitter. There's no shame in going offline.
For a while, I took down anxiety-inducing bloggers and media outlets (block whatever makes you feel uncomfortable, based on how you feel); turned off my circle of friends for six months. My life didn't get worse - on the contrary, refreshed.
06 It's hard to move a mountain, but you can start by picking up the small stones at your feet
The tendency for people to avoid the things that make them anxious or to avoid everything in the case of persistent anxiety is perfectly natural, and that's how procrastination comes about. But the problem is that avoidance tends to exacerbate anxiety.
Sometimes you procrastinate on doing something, but your mood doesn't relax, you can't give it your full attention even when you're playing, and it's as if two forces are tearing at you inside. We all know that action relieves anxiety, but the question is, how do we get started?
Try fleshing out your task, breaking it down into its many parts, and then choosing the one that makes you the least stressed. This works for me, and I've even named this little task the 'starter program'.
For example, if you have to write a 3,000-word paper for an elective (__♀_ really super daunting task), your starter program could be: create a folder with the name of the paper. Or: download a few papers you want to read to your desktop.
You're going to finish a video shoot over the weekend (__♀_ having to put on makeup, change clothes, and shoot really makes your head spin just thinking about it), and your starter program could be: put on some makeup first, it's always a good idea to put on makeup whether you're filming or not, and have fun doing it (you'll be surprised at how much you'll dutifully go to the video shoot after putting on makeup instead!
The hardest and most important thing about dealing with anxiety is the first step. Take that step and there will be much less resistance to what comes next.
07Retell the story of your 'fear'
Sometimes a change in narrative can allow you to see anxiety in a whole new light.
British psychiatrist Dr Tim Cantopher, who confronts anxious visitors likes to ask them to portray three possibilities of how the current situation could unfold - the worst, the best and the most likely scenario. For example, if you're anxious about a work presentation -
_ Worst-case scenario: you fall into a long pause during the presentation, then pass out, vomit, and are finally carried off the stage amidst everyone's jeers. The likelihood of this happening is estimated to be about the same as winning the lottery, though. _ Best case scenario: You perform perfectly and give an outstanding presentation. Slightly more likely than the previous one, but still less likely to happen.
_ Most likely scenario: you'll pull through, not perfectly, but it should be okay. People will be able to tell you're nervous, but so what? In fact, the likelihood of this happening is very high.
We often spend a lot of time imagining best and worst case scenarios, when in reality you should just accept the most likely one as an inference - not that good, not that bad. Often things might just go that way.
08Imagine life as an amusement park adventure
The two years when I first graduated and started working were the height of my anxiety. Going from school to society was like being thrown into a small boat on the ocean, and having to be responsible for everything was really scary - - Why is the boat moving so slowly? -Why is the boat going so slow? What if I capsize? The future is foggy, where am I going to sail to?
So I organized a lot of work for myself, and I was busy every day, and the result was predictable, everything just got worse. Trying to find a definite course and lighthouse for myself on the ocean was in itself impossible (and unnecessary).
Then I began to imagine life as an amusement park, and since there is always a moment when the park closes, my main task was to experience as much as I could, to have as many adventures as I could, to have fun and to enjoy myself. So I began to imagine and look forward to programs I had never experienced before, and they no longer brought me only endless fear and worry.
There's a scene in the American TV show Girls where a 92-year-old grandmother in Brooklyn, New York, is interviewed and asked what the secret to her longevity is.
"Every day I get up and I ask myself, what should I do today to make myself happy? It's the best way to live because you get up and say to, well, I'm going to do this for myself first." the grandmother said.
In reading a counselor's therapy handbook, a set of conversations he had with his patients struck me:
"Why is it that I don't have what it takes to make everyone happy?"
"Because we're going to die."
"Why isn't there a way for me to do everything I want to do?"
"Because we will die."
I'm thinking that the nature of anxiety is death anxiety, and perhaps it simply cannot be eliminated.
But that doesn't mean we need to be prisoners of anxiety, we can still look up at the sky, keep moving regularly, and live each moment as best we can while recognizing our own finitude.
References --------
Tang Hongyu and Fang Yiru, editors, Psychiatry, April 2019, People's Health Publishing House
English Matt Hailo, translated by Li Yaping, Notes on an Anxious Planet, June 2019, Jiangxi People's Publishing House
English Tim Cantorfer, translated by Jiang Chaochu, The Anxiety Self-Help Handbook: it's not hard to overcome anxiety at all, March 2022,. Zhejiang People's Publishing House