In a blink of an eye, my mother has been away for a year. Mom's birthday is on September 3rd. Every year before the Double Ninth Festival, the Chinese People's Political Consultative Conference (CPPCC) in my hometown will invite retired people over 65 years old in commercial units to have dinner and give out thirty or fifty red envelopes. Usually we invite her in turn one week in advance, so that my mother can have dinner with her former workmates before and after her birthday every year. My mother was very happy about it, saying it was like the government giving her a birthday, and she didn't care much whether we gave her a birthday party on her birthday.
Last Thanksgiving, at 8 o'clock in the morning, my second brother-in-law saw my mother who got up at 7 o'clock on time and didn't move at the door at 6 o'clock. Pushing open the door, I saw my mother's foot hanging by the bed. When she lifted it, she consciously said, drink water and point to the cup. Brother-in-law helped her drink water, and called 120 to inform the elder sister. After the elder sister came, she was fed in a daze. She ate an Angong Niuwang pill, but vomited all over the bed and immediately fell into a coma. I don't know when Angong Niuwang Pill became a necessary housekeeping medicine for relatives and friends to protect the elderly at home, but I haven't heard that it was used by stroke elderly people later. At this time, everyone realized that they had a stroke, but their families without any medical knowledge were helpless and could only wait for 120.
I was busy with my clients early that morning. My second sister sent me a voice, so I didn't have time to watch it. Then I drove out, and my second sister connected me with a video. I hung up. Usually, when my second sister is bored, she always chats with me, often for more than half an hour. Somehow, that morning was particularly annoying. I felt that my second sister was bored and wanted to chat. I had no idea that the family group had exploded at that time. Half an hour later, my second sister called me again and told me that my mother had a sudden cerebral infarction and now she was going to have an operation. I opened the family group and saw pictures of my mother being pushed into the operating room. I froze, and my head went blank. Because I was very annoyed that day, I didn't see the information in the group for the first time, and I still can't put it down. I used to hear people say that when there is great trouble or danger between close relatives, there is telepathy. Actually, no, nothing.
? I immediately booked a train ticket for that day 12 o'clock. In the car, my elder sister called me and told me that the doctor said that she was too old and her blood vessels were too deformed to be operated on. Now turn to the general ICU, and you can only observe and see if there is any chance to wake up. Hearing the news, my heart cooled. I finally got home at night, but because I was in the intensive care unit, it was past visiting time, and I couldn't see my mother during the epidemic. The doctor told us the mother's illness carefully, analyzed every film, and finally said that according to his experience, he had a great chance of becoming a vegetable in the future. What he can do now is to take thrombolytic drugs and observe them in the intensive care unit for three to four days until the peak of his illness has passed. Things came so suddenly that we all lost our minds. We thought that the result of the stroke would be like grandma, who was paralyzed after the stroke. She stayed in bed for five years, and her mother took care of her for five years. I didn't think it was worse than paralysis.
? Later, when the doctor saw me coming back from other places, he specially communicated with the nurses in the ward and let me go in and watch for three minutes. When I went in, I saw my mother lying in the hospital bed, her face rosy and her breathing smooth. Except for a small tongue sticking out from her lips, she looks like she is sleeping at ordinary times. My mother is over eighty years old. Apart from high blood pressure and a little gout, she is in good health. Later, in the hospital, I had three CT scans, four B-ultrasound scans and one MRI, which also showed that my mother's heart, lungs and other internal organs were fine. I touched my hand. It was warm. The nurse said calling her more would stimulate the brain. I called my mother and my tears kept falling. I touched her hand gently, and after a few times, the nurse said, it's time, you go out. For the first time in my life, I have a desire to stop time. I've been praying in my heart. Time will get slower and slower.
Mother's appetite has always been good, so she doesn't need to avoid eating like other old people. She always eats what young people eat. She is a good cook. She doesn't like all the meals we cook. She cooked by herself until the day before she got sick. She has never aged like an 80-year-old man. Her mother is famous for her loud voice. The day before she fell ill, the elder sister went home to chat with her, so loudly that two or three neighbors could hear her. My thoughts have always been clear and I often discuss current events. It is precisely because her body is so "tough" that we ignore the usual illness and never really pay attention to her body. We all hate those "unfilial descendants" who think that they don't have to care about the elderly as long as they give money, but slowly, they have become such descendants. Two years ago, my mother stepped on a stone and fell. At that time, she thought there was something wrong with her feet, so she kept looking at her feet. After that, her right hand and right foot seemed to be weak. We all think it is normal for people to get old. The day before the onset, she told her elder sister that she had a headache and might have caught a cold. It seemed that she would be fine if she rubbed some medicinal oil. Later, I heard a lot about the elderly from relatives and friends. For example, it is best for elderly people with hypertension to do CT once a year, and it is best to pass blood vessels once a year if conditions permit. Wrestling in the elderly is not a precursor to cerebral thrombosis, but headache in the elderly may be a precursor to cerebral infarction. Neglect of mother's health, coupled with our lack of medical knowledge, missed the opportunity to find diseases as soon as possible again and again. Only after experiencing the pain of a close relative's serious illness can I know that reading more books and earning more money is actually not as useful as knowing a little medical knowledge.
2. Mother's Last Days
? We even naively think that vegetarians should be the worst plan. Third sister also deliberately quit her job and planned to come back to take care of her mother in the future. With the current medical conditions, it should be no problem to take care of it for a year or a few months, as long as you can take a look every day. The important thing is that things come too fast, and we all feel that we need a buffer time to slowly accept the time without our mother. Truth is always cruel. On the third day, the doctor told us that his condition had deteriorated and that he should inform his relatives in other places and come back as soon as he could to prepare for the funeral. This is to crush our last thoughts. Then he said that when people are old, their blood vessels are aging and it is difficult to drip. Now sign a minor operation, make a puncture needle, and drop the medicine from the place near the heart.
Then we contacted the elders of relatives and friends to discuss the preparations for the funeral. The elders say that communication is developed and social services are sound now. As long as you get in touch with people who do this, it will not be as complicated as before. So I gave the contact information of a famous Mr. Zhai.
On the fourth day, the doctor said that the administration of heart-piercing needle had played a role and the situation had improved. Vital signs are more stable than before, but the brain has turned black and will be in a vegetative state in the future. Thrombolytic drugs stopped, and only the nutrients needed to maintain the body were given. This state is difficult to predict, and it may last for a week, a month, half a year or a year. Then he said that one day in the intensive care unit is 1000 yuan. Of course, the nurse took good care of it. If you want to take it home, you can handle it yourself. Old people are at this age, and you are also filial. Fortunately, the doctor didn't give us the question of whether to pull out the trachea or not. But when we saw that those people were as seriously ill as the old people crowded in the aisle, we still understood that the doctor wanted us to leave the hospital. Moreover, there is a saying that some old people in their hometown will feel at ease when they return to their own homes, so everyone discussed clearing out the rooms on the first floor and letting their mothers live. I thought it was my own building. If it was an elevator commercial house, I dare not imagine it. Elder sister is contacting a nurse who can provide on-site service to help with intravenous drip, catheterization and nasal feeding. However, due to the shortage of medical staff during the epidemic, no nurses can go out and private clinics cannot open. The plan had to be shelved for the time being. So I thought I could only find a nursing home with hospice service. In the next two days, my husband drove around with several sisters, but in our small city, no nursing home has hospice service. At this time, I only feel that our country is seriously inadequate in this respect. Finally, I found an acquaintance who has an inpatient department in a nursing home and is willing to accept serious patients like my mother. We are also willing to charge 300 yuan a day.
? On the seventh day, we began to arrange transfer. The cost of staying in hospital for seven days, excluding medical insurance, is more than 7 thousand yuan. Luckily, my mother does.
We didn't spend too much money on employee medical insurance, and we didn't encounter arbitrary charges. The doctors in the hospital are also fair and just. Mom had an intravenous drip for seven days. At this point, her body is like a water bag weighing more than 200 kilograms, and it took a lot of effort to transfer to the hospital. We always feel that there is something wrong with such a treatment plan, but we don't know where the problem lies. Later, at the funeral, a cousin who was a nurse said that her mother had a cerebral infarction and became a vegetable. She also became a water bag after a week of intravenous drip in the hospital. Later, she took it home by herself, and only pushed the nutrition needle for 24 hours without intravenous drip. After returning home for three days, the edema disappeared, and I took care of it at home for half a year before my death.
? The ambulance charges 500 yuan for two kilometers from the hospital to the nursing home, and 300 yuan for the brother-in-law after consulting the hospital. When I arrived at the nursing home, the hospital suggested that because I had to go to the inpatient department, I should go through the inpatient department process, do brain CT again, and use drugs for cerebral thrombosis. We suggest that the top three hospitals have proved their vegetative state, so why bother to do so? The hospital said that all these were done according to standard procedures. At this time, we just want to settle our mother as soon as possible, and everything else is ignored. After the consultation, more than 500 cerebral thrombosis drugs were prescribed, and CT was arranged for the next day. When I went to check in, I passed several floors of the elderly living area of the nursing home. An old man sat there, expressionless and as silent as death. Those floors are obviously alive, but everything is dead and there is no vitality. I am infinitely sad. What happened? Will I be like this when I'm old? Put the dying life on the chopping board and let the merchants and their families bargain.
I finally settled my mother, and the informed elders said they would visit her tomorrow. It was not until 9 o'clock in the evening that we went to the hospital to eat a fast food in one breath. Eat. The doctor told us to go back as soon as possible. At this time, my mother's electrocardiogram suddenly became unstable. The doctor said it might be tonight. Let's prepare for the funeral. Too late to be sad, my elder sister and I drove to Mr. Dazhai's shop to buy a shroud. In that shop with an annual income of less than 3 square meters, there are various funeral supplies on display. Teacher Wang skillfully matches all kinds of clothes and supplies and teaches us various methods in detail. I thought this kind of knowledge would never reach me in my life. Then Mr. Wang lost no time in handing over a price list, which listed the details of various packages, from mourning hall settings, various funeral accessories, car rental, funeral ceremonies and banquet joints. Prices range from 660, 1660, 2660 ... Unexpectedly, Mr. Wang took the initiative to say that everything should be simple during the epidemic, so he chose the simplest one.
3. Mom is gone
? Just then, Third Sister called to say that Mom had left. When we got back to the ward, the doctors and nurses were already taking out the instruments. The first sentence that Third Sister saw us was: "Mom cried when she left, and she couldn't bear to part with us." What is this phenomenon, can medicine explain it, or is there really a soul and a paradise? It's too late to think about it now. No outsiders can help, and there is no time to find helpers in this area. The four of us can only help our mother clean and dress herself. According to the custom in my hometown, I boiled water with grapefruit leaves and dirty grass to help my mother lead a clean life. In this way, the four sisters shed tears while helping their mother dress. My heart ached when I was helping my mother comb her hair and put on her shoes. This is the only time we helped her comb her hair and wash her feet. My mother always takes care of herself and never lets us worry about anything. Unexpectedly, the only time I dressed my mother was a shroud. Relatives and friends will comfort us and say that mother loves us so much and knows that we are busy with work and life and will not burden us. But every time I think of my mother who raised us with a handful of shit and urine, we never washed her feet and combed her hair before she died, I regret it. I'd rather she just lay in bed in a vegetative state, so that we can have a chance to wait on her.
At eight o'clock in the morning, the bus from the funeral home arrived, and the two sisters almost collapsed when they watched their mother get on the bus. Everything is so fast that we have no time to think. The staff of the funeral home handed over a price list at this time, which is also a breakdown of various packages and items. I just realized that this charge is the same as that of telecommunications and hospitals. The expenses of cardboard, preservative, makeup, wreath, ceremony hall and cremation are all listed in detail. Our local government subsidy standard is 5000 yuan across the board, and the standard is cremation of ashes and ordinary urns. But the old people generally require that the intact bones be cremated and put in gold. It costs a lot of money. The farewell ceremony was the next day. According to the requirements, only 20 people can go to the epidemic, and the mother is a senior three. As a result, more than 30 people went In the middle of the hall, my mother just lay there quietly. This is her last appearance on earth. I want to take another look. The host has been saying that the ceremony of the cause of the epidemic is limited to half an hour, and then you can leave. We haven't come out yet, and the next batch of people have come in. When I came out, I saw Mr. Dazhai doing assembly-line ceremonies for several families. What he said was more: "Everything was very simple during the epidemic". Life is in a hurry, so is my mother's life in her eighties. My mother has no son, just the four of us. In the past, we were seriously patriarchal, and we were always looked down upon when we were young. People in my hometown will say that we are old and have no son to raise, so everything is much ado about nothing.
? When going down the mountain, an elder said, according to the custom, you should find a big tree to lean against at the foot of the mountain. Parents are your children's backers, and you will have no backers in the future. Find a big tree to lean against. Whether it's custom or superstition. When my sisters leaned against the tree, I found a tree to lean against, and my head was dizzy. Looking up at the sky, blue sky and white clouds, green trees and red flowers, my mother can't see it anymore. Like that generation, my mother's life was born in the war, which lasted longer than the change of dynasties. She witnessed the birth of new China and social changes, and gradually moved from childhood hardship to comfort in her later years.
? In the next few days, relatives and friends who knew the news came to burn incense one after another. A former neighbor elder sister talked about the day before her mother was ill. It turns out that my mother just got paid the day before, because she just changed the bank card that gave her a pension, and wanted to go to the bank to check if there was any money in her account. Strangely, my mother, who used to go out by bus or taxi, chose not to walk by car that day and took the wrong road on a familiar road, which seemed to be a sign. She wanted to see the familiar prosperity for the last time, so she walked a long way. When the neighbors saw her, she was sitting in front of the bank. She said there were so many people that few people would go in to check the accounts. The neighbor said to take her home, but she said she could go home without it. The neighbor's statement made us shudder. What if mom was sick in the street? When she fell, there was no one to help her. What if I accidentally hit a car? People will think that my mother touched porcelain or we will think that a car hit my mother. Will we let each other go? Said she was ill, but neighbors can prove that she was fine just now. I can't help feeling that in a family with old people, even if the old people are in good health, it's best to go out with caution and company.
4. Mother's legacy
? Finally, when I was sorting out my mother's belongings, I found 3000 yuan in cash in the drawer. This is the money my mother is going to use to make sausages. Every winter around, my mother will make sausages, and my mother's sausages are the signature. I didn't eat much myself, just to stuff our trunks and suitcases. My last video with my mother was a week ago. I specifically told her not to make sausages this year and not to be too tired. She said that she was measured and would definitely do it when the weather was right. I didn't expect that was the last time I heard my mother's voice.
There are more than 30 thousand deposits in my mother's passbook, and I didn't know there were more than 100 thousand until I took it out You can't get it regularly. If you are gone, you can only regard it as an inheritance. Because your mother didn't leave any will, you need a series of procedures such as the certificate from the notary office. The certificate of notary office is the most complicated, including unit certificate, hospital certificate, street certificate and so on. There is also a corresponding inheritance tax. I remember that many old people are unwilling to deposit money in the bank. I don't know if this is the reason. I have seen a lot of the world in the notary office. Some brothers have conflicts due to inheritance, and some couples have quarrels over property. After experiencing family changes, I feel deeply wrong. Qi Xin is the most important family.
? According to the national policy, one year's salary (36 months for civil servants) will be paid according to the local average salary after the retirement of the elderly. Feel the meaning of average salary for the first time. In the end, even the pension and so on, a * * * left 220 thousand. We were a little surprised at the money mom could leave. My mother is not a stingy person who is unwilling to spend money. What to eat at ordinary times, what to spend, all pay special attention to what to eat. I can keep this money because my mother has always been sober and will not be deceived by health care products and health care equipment. The second is contentment. She is content with her mother's monthly pension of 3000 yuan. She will not participate in what others call Amway high-return investment. My mother, like most people of that generation, experienced hardships in her first half of life. In his later years, especially after 2000, the society was stable and the country became more and more prosperous. Our sister's small family life is getting better and better, and mother has a really happy old age. After several elder sisters and brothers-in-law retired, they accompanied her to many places to travel, including Beijing, Sanya, Hong Kong and Macau. In recent years, her legs and feet are not very flexible, so we went on a trip with her, near the city. My mother even learned to use WeChat. In the last two years, reading family information and browsing our circle of friends every day has become the source of her happiness every day. Although my mother left suddenly, I think she should have no regrets.
After my mother played the first seven games, I got on the high-speed train that left. Looking at the motor train coming in the distance, this situation is exactly: parents are here, life is still there, parents are gone, and life is only home. Tears kept falling in the car. After two and a half hours' drive, tears wet several masks. From then on, hometown is still hometown, only the house is there, no home.
postscript
? Before and after the Double Ninth Festival, I miss my mother very much. Think of my mother's life experience. I want to write down my mother's experience in the last days of the world as seriously as possible. I am afraid that after a long time, I will forget all this and even forget my mother's voice and smile. The aging of society is becoming more and more serious. I hope that families with elderly people care more about the elderly, miss them more and regret the rest of their lives less.