The Dink family seems relaxed and free, but in fact it bears more criticisms and responsibilities than others.
Because this decision you made is not only the life choice of both husband and wife, but also represents the "regret" that both families also need to face.
Why dink?
Singer Pu Shu once said that the reason why he didn't want children was that life was too painful for him to bear, but he didn't want children to bear it, and he didn't have the confidence to teach a child well.
The seemingly free and easy words are actually an evasive reluctance to face, as is Kang Hui, another CCTV host who is familiar with Dink.
He once admitted in his autobiography:
However, when their parents left this world early due to illness, they were still regretting not seeing their grandchildren on their deathbed, and Kang Hui realized that because of his decision, their parents could only leave with regret. ...
197 1 year, Kang Hui was born in Shijiazhuang. His parents work in the post and telecommunications system, and one sister is two years older than him.
From 65438 to 0993, Kang Hui graduated from the Broadcasting Department of Beijing Broadcasting Institute and was assigned to CCTV.
Good looks, outstanding business ability, and hosted many programs. Soon, he was firmly in the iron rice bowl of CCTV.
Until 2007, Kang Hui officially hosted News Network and became the "facade" of CCTV.
Kang Hui and his wife Liu Yajie met when they were young. Liu Yajie is Kang Hui's school sister, and they got married in a low-key way in 2000.
When they were in love, they made their own decision: no children in the future.
For them at that time, children were a responsibility and a "variable". They think that husband and wife can work together to make life better, and they are afraid of letting another person join their lives easily.
But for each other's parents and families, everything was not communicated well from the beginning. On the one hand, they think this is their own business. On the other hand, how to make parents with generation gap accept this is another big problem.
To this end, they can only prevaricate with their busy work to "give birth" to their parents, who have no choice but to worry about them.
The nature of Kang Hui's work keeps him busy, and the days of returning to his hometown are numbered. Slowly, under the urging of parents and Kang Hui's insistence, they seldom find a balance.
Until 2004, Kang Hui's father found out the terminal stage of cancer. In less than a year, he died because of the deterioration of his condition, and finally made Kang Hui realize the problems he had never thought of.
After his father died, his mother said to Kang Hui:
This made Kang Hui understand that his decision to make Dink was actually depriving his parents of the right to enjoy the happiness of their children and grandchildren.
In this world, the minority pair can only be called "heterogeneous" forever, and when people around them live a step-by-step life, being different is bound to bear a lot of criticism, and Kang Hui's decision to make Dink is never just that he needs to face other people's doubts, so are his parents.
At this point, Kang Hui finally understood the parents' good intentions of "giving birth", but he had promised his wife not to have children, and he could not rashly break the agreement between him and his wife.
But his father's regret has long been irreparable, and it has been stuck in Kang Hui's heart like a thorn.
After becoming the host of News Network, Kang Hui became more and more busy, and the short time spent with his family was constantly squeezed.
However, the mother's road to "having children" has never stopped. Because of the different ideas of the two generations, mother could never understand Kang Hui's escape. Even after giving birth to a child, she thinks that life is complete.
On the New Year's Eve of 20 15, after hosting the CCTV Spring Festival Evening, it was already three o'clock in the morning when Kang Hui returned home. The next day, when he went back to his hometown to celebrate the New Year with his mother, they once again had a fierce quarrel over this issue.
At that time, Kang Hui rested for less than four hours, and then drove home nonstop. At the dinner table, the family had a harmonious atmosphere. Kang Hui held the cup and said to his mother, "I hope she will live a long and healthy life."
I didn't expect my mother to be like this. She suddenly turned around and said:
Kang Hui smile on his face instantly stiff. He thought that after so many years, his mother had put down her obsession. Unexpectedly, for her, all this has not passed.
In other words, he never seems to try to understand what his parents really think.
It's not that he didn't try to explain to his mother, but after talking so much, the old man always felt that life without children was incomplete, so this time, Kang Hui decided to have a good talk with his mother.
After the reunion dinner, Liu Yajie cleared the table and secretly asked Kang Hui, "In order not to quarrel with your mother before, you never told her what we really thought. Do you want me to talk to her? "
Kang Hui felt that he should be honest with his mother, but not with his wife, but as a man to avoid conflicts between them.
The next day, Kang Hui summoned up the courage to confess to his mother.
Mother instantly froze, she didn't understand, repeatedly shook his head and said
Kang Hui looked at her mother with such a firm tone and wanted to communicate with her again. But her mother stopped talking, but she couldn't stop wiping her tears, still deeply hurting Kang Hui's heart.
With a heavy heart, Kang Hui returned to Beijing, thinking that there was still a long way to go, and her mother would always have a chance to understand their thoughts, but she didn't expect the accident to come so unexpectedly.
On 20 18, Kang Hui, who was at work, received a phone call from her sister, who said, "My mother is ill in hospital".
Hearing the news, Kang Hui panicked instantly, but he couldn't leave the job at hand. He can only pretend to be calm and comfort his sister, waiting for his side to arrive as soon as possible.
The experience of caring for his father with cancer is still fresh in his memory. Kang Hui only felt that time had been stolen in an instant, and he could never accept that his mother would leave him again.
Fortunately, it didn't take long for my sister to call him again and tell him that her mother's situation was much better. I heard that, Kang Hui felt his inner stone down.
He talked to his mother and told her that his superiors planned to arrange for him to go abroad for further study. Her mother also encouraged Kang Hui to study hard and strive for better and better grades.
Kang Hui, who didn't realize what was wrong, naively thought that his mother was really just a small physical problem, but he didn't know that her situation was far worse than he had imagined.
Not long after, my sister's phone call came again, which was the news of my mother's death. Kang Hui can't believe it. A few days ago, someone was fine. How can you refuse?
He wanted to fly back to his mother to see her off for the last time, but going abroad for further study was a foregone conclusion, and he had no right to go back on his word at all.
He can only get on a plane to a foreign country. In his memoirs, he once wrote deeply about this memory:
The last time I spoke to my mother on the phone, my mother still said that sentence, "Son, my mother's biggest regret in this life is that she didn't have a grandson."
As many years ago, my father left with regret.
Double guilt, let Kang Hui emotional collapse, at the same time also fell into deep remorse, he wrote in the eulogy:
Now, Kang Hui and his wife have been married for twenty-two years and have been in love for eight years. When they got married, Kang Hui was 29 years old and made a thoughtful decision not to have children.
But a person's life is a complicated process, and his decision is not just that his husband and wife have to bear the consequences.
Parents' incomprehension, on the surface, is the concept gap between the two generations, but in fact it reveals the most essential question: will you regret choosing Dink?
When Kang Hui's parents were alive, they were indifferent to their "birth". Essentially, they insisted on making their own decisions.
Later, after his parents left, his deep "regret" was actually a kind of "compensation" Even if his parents never see him again, he hopes his heart can be freed.
He chose dink. He has no regrets about himself and his wife, but he is sorry for his parents.
Parents still have a place to go in life. When parents leave, there is only the way home in life.
The distance between life and death is enough for people to see too many neglected things. The existence of children represents a kind of connection and inheritance.
I have seen a particularly good answer about Dink: it takes two people who love each other very much to bear most of the cold in this world.
You may lack the courage to let a young life into your life. It doesn't matter. If you meet the right person, you can still live this life gracefully and calmly.
However, when one day your former relatives leave you one by one, you are old, and the existence of children may give you more comfort in loneliness.
The courage of people who choose to be Dink's family makes them bear criticism and gamble on their loyalty to love. But if one party regrets halfway, it will be a tragedy of endless quarrels.
Or like Kang Hui, even if they bear the consequences of this decision, it will always be an irreparable debt for their parents.
The most helpless thing about regret is that he didn't give people a chance to go back on their word at all.
end
Writing/Stars in the Deep Sea