(2) Give families new hope and help them to reawaken their previous dreams or new dreams.
(3) Teach every family member to look at and deal with problems in a new way, and strengthen and improve their coping ability. The focus is on the process of coping, not the specific problems.
(4) Let people realize that they have the ability to make choices-small choices when interacting with people and big choices when making major decisions in life. That is, the individual is aware of the need to make a choice and is willing to make a choice, which helps the individual feel that he has the ability and ability to deal with problems.
In short, it is to promote family health, not to eliminate symptoms, but to turn the energy that makes individuals or families appear pathological into beneficial uses.
Family is a system. There are two types: open system and closed system.
It seems that human beings are willing to pay any price to make themselves feel loved, belonging, meaningful and important, even if the price paid can't actually get these feelings. I'm willing to do anything to get these.
Measures and methods of evaluation and intervention:
Self-worth or self-esteem is the value that a person gives himself, and it is love and respect for himself, independent of what others think of him.
People with inferiority complex:
1, very anxious, not sure about myself, too concerned about other people's opinions. Dependence on others damaged his life.
2. Inferiority is different from depression. A person can feel depressed, sad or desperate without feeling inferior. When individuals feel worthless, but they are unable or afraid to admit these feelings, depression becomes inferiority. People with low self-worth need to hide such emotions, not admit them.
3. Inferiority is very contagious in the family.
Only a positive sense of self-worth is the basis for individuals and families to maintain mental health.
People with high self-worth respect all aspects of life and can use their energy constructively for themselves and others.
Conversely, in this world, inferiority has always been one of the most destructive human factors.
Most families with problems are related to low self-esteem, so it is very important to improve the self-esteem of individual family members.
Good communication is a very important factor in a healthy family life. In dysfunctional families, communication is indirect, vague and rarely clarified. Help family members realize the functional barriers of communication and use correct communication methods.
1, which presents static words as dynamic components of experience and helps individuals rediscover and experience the feeling of movement and flow.
2. Reciprocal relationship. Individuals equate a part of others' behavior with the whole communication process, and then label it as their own internal experience. For example, when one family member frowns, another member notices this behavior and ignores the behavior and words that convey other information, which will lead to poor communication.
3. The differences between people in the main representation system will also lead to poor communication. Bandle and Greider believe that an experience can be represented by three sensory channels: hearing, vision and motor perception. Most people tend to like and use one of them. For example, people who look around may be auditory, and for him, eye contact will hinder his concentration; The other person may be a visual person, and he can't communicate without eye contact. Therefore, by making family members aware of this difference, we can help individuals understand their own characteristics with a positive attitude.
In short, the way the family handles communication reflects the sense of self-worth of family members, thus providing further information about the disharmony and dysfunction of the family system. In a family where low self-esteem is a unique problem, individuals are unwilling to express their feelings or private problems clearly for fear of exposing their weaknesses or losing love. The basic goal of communication becomes to confirm yourself from others. People with low self-esteem care about their emotional survival, so when communicating with others, their main concern is fear of exposing themselves. When he uses communication to hide and protect himself, his feelings and behaviors will be inconsistent.
Four communication postures: please, blame, be unreasonable and interrupt.
We should encourage family members to be aware of their emotions and opinions.
Flatterers and accusers need help and realize that they make their sense of self-worth depend on others' views and feelings about themselves, which hinders their growth.
Superrational people hide their feelings too deeply and need to experience their vitality to feel the injection of emotions;
Interrupters need to learn to pay attention to their own experiences and the feelings of others in specific situations.
Every gesture can be "innovative".
When a person makes a flattering response, one of the harms that happens to him is that he keeps conveying to himself the message that he is nothing without the appreciation of others. Once he knows this, he can turn himself into a gentle and compassionate ability to cater to the wishes of others. He can realize this ability and make choices, instead of just making an automatic response that always caters to everyone.
Similarly, you can turn the accusation reaction into self-confidence and the ability to stand your ground;
Superrational posture can be transformed into creative use of reason, and it is pleasant to use one's own wisdom, but it will become lonely and boring if it is only used to protect oneself.
Interrupters can be transformed into natural humor.
Family rules include all behaviors that members think should or should not be done under certain circumstances. Including explicit provisions, such as sleeping time, going out time, family responsibility distribution, etc.; There are also potential hidden rules that every family member is aware of but doesn't mention, such as never talking about his father drinking, never talking about his mother's first husband or his four-year-old son drowning.
We need to know our family rules:
1. Is the rule humanized?
A family that never allows negative emotions and expects everyone to be happy at any time is trying to live by inhuman rules. This rule leads individuals to hide their emotions, feel lonely and lack intimacy.
2. Do the rules keep pace with the times and change with the changes in the environment?
Healthy families usually welcome change, or at least think that change is an inevitable part of life.
3. What are the rules for dealing with differences?
Some families respect differences, while others think that differences are unacceptable and a source of trouble. As children grow up, differences become more and more destructive. When differences are unpopular, people have two basic ways to deal with them: the first is to pretend that differences do not exist; The second is to freely express opposition to differences. Dealing with differences in these two ways may bring serious trouble to family harmony.
4. What are the rules around information sharing?
In some families, only parents can share important information; Other families share incomplete, distorted or misunderstood information, which causes many problems for family members.
There are some secrets in the family, which are to protect some family members-usually children-from the influence of the real world around them. Family members don't comment on these secrets publicly, but often rationalize them with some words, such as "you are too young to understand" or "you won't be hurt if you don't know."
5. What are the rules governing family members to express what they see, hear and feel? Can you express your feelings to any family member? Or do parents and children have different rules?
When family members can't freely express their inner feelings, their thoughts and feelings will be suppressed and eventually problems will arise.
6. It is also our concern to stipulate family rules to express emotions and anger.
As far as emotional expression is concerned, there are mainly two types of families: those who openly express their feelings and those who do not openly express their feelings and treat each other coldly or indifferently. For example, in some families, husband and wife never express their feelings for each other in front of their children; In other families, when children reach a certain age, fathers stop hugging their sons or daughters.
Rules for regulating the expression of anger. Some families disapprove of expressing anger and think it is dangerous. Other families think it is appropriate to express anger in some cases, but not in others, or it is appropriate to express anger within some family members and not among others.
When the rules are unclear and misunderstanding occurs, the problem lies in poor communication. Family members need help in many aspects of communication skills.
Summary: To get a happy and harmonious family, we must first improve our sense of self-worth and high self-esteem; Secondly, improve self and communication skills with family members; I finally realized the existence of my own family rules and reshaped those rules that interfered with the development of harmonious family life. When the family rules are corrected, an atmosphere that enables communication to develop healthily will be formed, and the sense of self-worth of family members will be improved.