If you are stabbed by a sword, you should endure it painfully and carry on with that sword until you bleed to death; Or to find a righteous light, pull out the sword, heal the wound, and then continue on the road?
I believe that everyone in their right mind will choose the latter. For tangible physical injuries, we often know how to treat them in time, but for intangible mental injuries, we ignore them and let them inflame and fester until they seriously damage our health.
There is a schoolmaster who graduated from a famous university in China with a master's degree and a decent job. She used to be full of energy, but in recent years she has become more and more depressed. Later, she learned that she had a uterine disease.
Nothing is accidental.
When she was a child, her family was ordinary and her material conditions were limited. Her parents prefer boys to girls and always leave delicious and interesting things to her brother.
On the one hand, she gnashed her teeth because her brother had chicken legs to eat and she didn't. On the other hand; I hate my daughter. In order to behave like a man, she still exercised vigorously even during the holidays and didn't shy away from eating and drinking.
This situation continued until she became an adult, until dysmenorrhea became more and more serious, and only after examination did she find that there was a lesion in the uterus.
Although her body has grown up, her child with internal injuries has never been cured. As a result, she was constantly torn and entangled with the past, unable to let go of her resentment and reconciliation with the past, resulting in physical and mental injuries.
Physical illness can depend on doctors, but the only way to cure her in the end is to rebuild her life.
02
The reconstruction of life is a complete break with the past and a long process. Today, I recommend an introductory book on psychology, Reconstruction of Life, which will tell us how to find trauma, deal with trauma and complete the reconstruction of life.
Louise Hay, the author of this book, is a veritable master of life reconstruction. When she was one and a half years old, her parents divorced, her mother remarried and her stepfather abused her. Sexual assault by drunks at the age of five; Throughout her childhood, she was humiliated and abused, which led her to run away from home at the age of fifteen; At the age of sixteen, she gave birth to a child because she was unable to support her. Abandoned by her husband after fourteen years of marriage.
The evil hand of fate has been holding Louise's throat, and she began to devote herself to the study of spirituality and psychological rehabilitation in her struggle. The publication of Heal Your Body from 65438 to 0976 established her position as an expert in this field.
Soon, Louise unfortunately got cancer, so she put her theory into practice. After half a year, she gradually got rid of cancer through psychotherapy and diet detoxification, and finally lived to 9 1 year. After the cancer was cured, her life began all the way. Once the book Rebuilding Life was published, it has sold 50 million copies so far.
Louise won the game in the end with a bad hand, which is closely related to the concept of rebuilding her life.
03
The reconstruction of life is like rubbing a broken bone again, abandoning old scars and shortcomings and reshaping the whole flesh and blood. Does it hurt? It hurts! If you can't stand the pain, everything can only stay the same. If you want to change completely, you must first strengthen your mind.
First, change your heart and reduce your anger.
To change a person's mind is to replace the old one with a new one. We will have new ways of thinking, new ways of speaking and new ways of interpersonal communication, thus changing our external image. Sometimes this change is simple, but most of the time it is difficult.
For example, we often think that no matter how nagging our parents are when we go home this holiday, we should have a good attitude and never lose our temper. But when we got home, we heard that our parents urged us to get married and gave birth, and we heard all kinds of antipathy to our living habits. We still couldn't help but get angry and finally broke up. Without a firm mind, it is difficult to change your mind.
Anger is an obstacle to the reconstruction of life. People who are used to being angry are like wearing the Monkey King's hoop. Something happened, and they recited a spell to themselves and got angry. Something else happened. I recited a spell to myself and got angry again. In life, such people are not uncommon. They plant anger and then reap more anger. Parents who yell at their children are often such people.
When we are always angry, we might as well ask ourselves, what good is it for us to be angry? Why does someone always make us angry? Why on earth are we angry? If you are not angry, is there any other solution?
The 30-second principle is a simple and effective way to reduce anger. When we are about to explode, meditation for 30 seconds and yoga breathing (breathing deeply through the nose and exhaling slowly through the mouth) will greatly reduce anger.
In a word, the first step to rebuild your life is to know your heart. When we realize that we are in a bad mood and fall into resentment, sadness and anger, it is the beginning of our change and the inner strength to put theory into practice. In this process, resistance is inevitable. First of all, we must find this resistance; Secondly, continue to change your mind, sum up ways to overcome old emotions, and carry forward this method; Finally, stick to it.
Second, reconciliation with past injuries.
Many people hold their former injuries, just like living with bloody wounds. Therefore, they can't enjoy the present and dare not continue to love. The bad experiences of the past are told in their ears like ghosts, telling them that they don't deserve a new, beautiful and happy life.
This is why many little girls who suffered from their fathers' alcoholism and domestic violence when they were young are also alcoholics and abusers when they grow up. Because they have been immersed in the feelings of the past, they are used to this family model and will never forgive and forgive. But in fact, they are old enough to protect themselves.
If they want to get rid of this situation, they must clean up the past in their minds, put aside the feelings attached to the past, and let the memories be just memories without any emotional color.
Only in this way can they get rid of the unbearable memories, reconcile with their injured selves in the past, make themselves more free and have enough strength to rebuild their lives.
Third, learn to forgive and resolve resentment.
If a Chinese teacher criticizes us and hits us at school, will we forgive him? We will say, why should we forgive him when he is clearly wrong? Yes, we can choose not to forgive, but if we come to his class, we are full of resentment, hesitate and don't do our homework. Who will lose in the end?
When we feel that life is not smooth, it shows that we are still immersed in the unsatisfactory moments in the past, which may be hatred, regret, sadness, injury, fear and so on. Sometimes even the expectation of revenge makes us refuse to come out. At this time, what we have to do is to learn to forgive and resolve hatred.
We can try to practice forgiveness like this: close your eyes, sit quietly and say, "The person I need to forgive is the Chinese teacher. I forgive you for blaming me and punishing me. " Repeat over and over again, imagine the person you forgive, and thank you for your forgiveness. Do this for five to ten minutes. Find the resentment in our hearts and let it go.
Then when we are sober-minded, we will focus on ourselves and say loudly, "I forgive my hatred for the Chinese teacher!" " "Do about five minutes. Do it at least once a week. This exercise can help clear the rubbish from your mind.
We can also practice resolving resentment by sitting still, closing our eyes and relaxing. Then imagine that we are sitting in a dark theater with a stage in front. On that stage, stood that annoying teacher. We imagined that something good had happened to him, and he smiled and was very happy. Let this scene last for a few minutes, and then let it fade away.
Then, we saw another self on the stage. Something good happened to me on the stage, and I stood there smiling happily. This kind of practice can make us feel the vastness and tolerance of the universe and help us resolve our resentment. We can do this exercise every day, changing different objects every time. You will feel relaxed in a month.
? Only physical and mental freedom can help rebuild life; Only life reconstruction can help us heal our wounds and start over. If the past is a broken, sad and resentful boat, then the reconstructed life is a brand-new big ship, which is free, spacious and bright, and will soon bring us brand-new interpersonal relationships, healthy body and mind, and the wealth and success that follow. This is the main content of the book Rebuilding Life.
Therefore, I sincerely invite you to read Rebuilding Life together.