Speaking of this, it reminds me of a sentence said by the famous psychologist Rong, "Love is a copy of parent-child relationship" and "Love is a special choice". In fact, we unconsciously regard love as a kind of treatment, in order to correct our childhood mistakes. Its performance is that lovers are the ideal parents we choose most of the time. Real parents will make us more or less dissatisfied. We all have a model of ideal parents in our hearts, which is the cornerstone of our choice of lovers. "
Then an interesting question comes. If people choose "like" with a pattern from the beginning, then no matter how perfect you are, it is unacceptable in psychological theory as long as you don't conform to each other's "pattern". I think it is very important to meet the needs of men and women.
On the other hand, the word "perfect", from my point of view above, must be "perfect" in my own opinion and "perfect" in the eyes of others. Wu Zhihong, a psychological counselor, mentioned in his book that according to psychoanalytic theory, people will enter Oedipus at the age of 3-6. It is a period of excessive dependence or jealousy on heterosexual parents. If the parent-child relationship is handled well, the later view of marriage and love will tend to find the same person as the opposite sex parents. If the parent-child relationship is not harmonious, then the later view of marriage and love will tend to look for people who are completely opposite to the opposite sex parents.
If female A has a certain plot of loving her father, then the "perfection" in her eyes may be that her partner should be like her father, such as coming home from work on time, not smoking or drinking, so there is a Mr. B who conforms to the public's "aesthetics" and has a car and a house, but because of his business nature, he needs to travel and socialize, so Mr. B is only the "perfection" in the eyes of others, not the "perfection" in Miss A's demand model.
Then some people will question, since efforts are useless, can we only wait passively in our feelings? I think it's always right to try to make yourself better. As for whether there is perfection in this world, it is hard to say.
Since we are all looking for the "ideal type", then some things are shared by many people, and the needs are not necessarily unique and diverse. Maybe if you meet some of them, you will achieve marriage, not the goal of your whole heart.
In the face of love, sometimes we often have a little sense of inferiority, afraid of being rejected by the person we like, and worried that we are not good enough, so we always want to be perfect, thinking that this can maintain a relationship. I often think, if one day my thoughts go astray in the whirlpool of feelings, what will I do?
Then I remembered an old friend's life motto, "Zhi Zhi will decide later, then he can be quiet, then he can be calm, then he can be safe, then he can think, and then he can get it." . Isn't that what feelings are like? People who are controlled by emotions are impetuous. They only care about 99% of their efforts to forge ahead blindly, but they completely forget that there is still a direction of 1% that is doomed by heaven. If one day you think that only you are perfect can others like you, please be quiet and calm, and observe the emotional model of others' needs and the "ideal parents" you need.
I used to be so reckless emotionally. Today, I have too many friends around me, afraid to show my true self in my feelings, and use poor "acting skills" to play roles that are not necessarily really happy. It is difficult for a person to be "perfect". Different couples have different needs in details, except for some things recognized by the public. How much energy does a person have to pursue perfection in everything?
Before others fall in love with you, I think you must fall in love with yourself first, not the one who studied astronomy and geography and went down to the kitchen, but the one who ate fried chicken in the middle of the night and watched the European Cup. That is the most primitive freedom of nature, and I am the one who cries and laughs.
Every day, we are working hard for life. Just like you who brush Zhihu at the moment, aren't you trying to improve your love skills to meet another person or feel the same way or write awesome words? I think it's really not important to pursue perfection, because one day, someone will see your efforts and understand your goodness, and then, in this life, you know, it's TA!