In the last article, Brother Snail talked about a big obstacle that affects our daily social interaction: social phobia!
Although it is exaggerated to say that 9 out of every 10 people will be shot, most of us suffer from "social phobia" only mildly!
Because in daily social interaction, mild phobia will generally feel embarrassed, shy, blushing, uncomfortable, flustered, stuttering and other common psychological States.
Patients with "real social phobia" will feel strong fear, fear, anxiety and even obvious abnormal behavior.
So, maybe you are just a loner, not a "real social fear"!
"Mild social phobia" may be caused by our lack of social experience and skills, growth environment and parents' education methods. It may also be because you are introverted, or you are a perfectionist, and you are often worried that your performance is not good enough, which leads to the emergence of "phobia".
1. So, who are prone to social phobia?
Generally speaking, people who are timid, self-abased, introverted and dependent, as well as friends who have strong self-esteem, care about others' comments, are afraid of being rejected by others and have insufficient confidence in their appearance and ability, are more likely to suffer from social phobia.
In addition, social phobia is also related to friends' family rearing patterns (for example, parents' parenting styles are too strict and parents' overprotection, etc.). ), and some of them are probably caused by biological reasons.
Second, how to diagnose whether you have social phobia?
1. Let's take a look at the common manifestations of "mild social fear":
(1) Chatting with others online, but "speechless" when interacting face to face.
(2) I have seen people I know from afar, and I don't know whether to say hello or make a detour.
(3) Mass gatherings are inseparable from mobile phones. People think you like playing mobile phones, but in fact you are just afraid of embarrassment.
(4) When talking with others (especially the opposite sex), don't look directly into each other's eyes.
(5) When you arrive at a new place, you will be afraid to meet new friends and dare not come forward to say hello.
(6) Never take the initiative to contact former classmates and friends, and I don't know what to do if I take the initiative to contact others.
(7) When communicating with unfamiliar people, it is easy to become a topic terminator. You asked me a few questions, and then there was nothing.
……
2. Let's look at the symptoms of "real social fear":
Regarding the discrimination of true social phobia, Brother Snail gives the following discrimination directions with reference to Diagnostic Criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder with Clinical Significance (DSM-5).
(If the friends find that they are not "real social phobia" after reading it, then Brother Snail will be relieved! )
(1) Feeling "very obvious" fear or anxiety in one or more social situations. Dare not operate, write or eat under the gaze of people; I'm afraid of parties, intimate interaction with people (talking, meeting some strangers, etc. ), be observed, be watched (eat or drink water, etc. ), organize self-centered activities (such as speeches, performances, etc. ), even meet other people's eyes.
(2) I am extremely worried that my performance will be negatively evaluated, and then there will be various abnormal psychological States and behaviors! For example: blushing, anxiety, sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing and so on.
(3) Do not dare to enter shops, buses, theaters, classrooms and other public places and crowded places, or dark and empty places, for fear that they can't stand the extreme anxiety and fear that will occur in that situation, so they take the initiative to avoid it. Even dare not go out at all, relying heavily on spouses and relatives.
(4) the feeling of fear or anxiety about a certain situation is unreasonable (for example, fear is generally a feeling that will only be aroused when life is threatened! But when dealing with others, it is unreasonable.)
(5) All the above fears, anxieties and avoidance have brought unbearable pain to patients, and these fears, anxieties and avoidance have lasted for more than half a year. Or these States have caused great influence and trouble to your life (such as not being able to go to work, work, make friends, etc.). ).
After reading these standards, do the friends feel that they are far from the "real social phobia"?
It doesn't matter if you get shot once or twice. You can improve slowly according to the following methods!
Third, strengthen the social core thinking and be the truest self.
In social interaction, most of us want to show our best side, and basically have the desire to be recognized and recognized by others!
Therefore, many times, we will be very concerned about what others think of us. And this is also the cause of "social fear": lack of inner security, fear of being accused and negative evaluation, and then affect their social level!
So the core of your social interaction is: be the truest self.
1. Reduce social needs and be yourself.
First of all, we must understand the fact that we live for our own life experience, not for the approval and recognition of others, or just to make others happy! Only you can be fully responsible for your life experience in this world.
So, before starting all social activities, remind yourself to reduce the need for social identity! Everything you do is what you want to do, not to gain recognition and goodwill from others.
2. Accept yourself and hint at yourself.
When you are nervous in a certain situation, you don't ask yourself to "don't be nervous", but accept this state, suggesting that it is normal for you to be nervous in this situation and get used to it. Then, continue to make positive verbal cues: take a deep breath and you will relax!
3. Evaluate and analyze yourself correctly
There is no absolute confidence in the world. Confidence is only a relative concept. In interpersonal communication, we should foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, focus on our own fields, give full play to our strengths and advantages, socialize and enhance our inner core self-confidence! For example, if you can play the guitar, then you can join the guitar team and communicate with others!
In addition, don't think that you are excellent and superior everywhere. Because it is easy to cause psychological pressure on yourself, but it is impossible to communicate with people better.
Step out of your comfort zone and start your social life step by step.
When you can have a normal social life in the field you are good at, you should start to expand your social circle and social ways!
Participate in more social activities and organizations, and meet some warm and cheerful friends. Read more books, learn social mentality, thinking and skills, actively cultivate your hobbies and enrich your life. Express your thoughts and feelings more and accumulate social experience!
Slowly, you will find yourself. You can express your ideas in social situations without difficulty, build up more self-confidence, and then overcome the "social fear" little by little!
Ok, this article ends here!
PS: Next, Brother Snail will explain sharing: How to be yourself better and strengthen the core social thinking in social interaction! Let you face the society more bravely and discover your true and brave self!
Reference source: snail social (WeChat WeChat official account: wonews 100), only sharing practicality.