Please imagine this action: press a spring hard with your fingers and slowly press it down to the maximum; Then slowly loosen it until it returns to its original state. How did you feel during the whole process? From a physical point of view, fingers put pressure on the spring, and the spring uses its own elasticity to "compete" with your fingers. Little spring is like tenacious life, resisting external oppression and never giving in!
The concept of psychological resilience is very vivid. Just seeing this name may make people feel that psychologists compare people's psychological state to a spring. The stronger the toughness, the more able it is to cope with the "pressure" given by the outside world.
flexibility
Resilience or resilience refers to the ability of individuals to adapt to life challenges and maintain mental health in adversity.
"Adaptation" is one of the cores of toughness.
Adaptation means adapting to change. Nowadays, the environment in which we live and work, the country and the international community are changing all the time.
In addition to gradual changes, there may be mutations. Change is the only constant. If an individual can't adapt to change, it is very dangerous to stubbornly maintain his own thinking and behavior patterns.
In the face of change or even change, the adaptability of these individuals is questionable.
In the increasingly competitive modern society, many people are exhausted just to meet the challenges in life and work. Where do they care about getting physical and mental health?
Based on people's real life, Al siebert elaborated the secrets of developing resilience in his book Survivor's Personality.
We can think of elasticity as a set of qualities. According to this view, resilience is the cause of all kinds of positive results. We can also think of toughness as a result. From this perspective, certain qualities or characteristics form a person's toughness.
Therefore, the curiosity, cooperative spirit, flexibility, imagination and creativity that we will discuss next can be regarded as both the performance of toughness and the reasons for its formation.
Before discussing these qualities, we should first mention several self-related concepts: self-esteem, self-confidence and self-concept.
Self-esteem, self-confidence and self-concept
Hibbert believes that high self-esteem, self-confidence and positive self-concept are the fundamental sources of resilience.
Self-esteem involves our emotional evaluation of ourselves, not how we feel about ourselves.
People with high self-esteem are not easily influenced by other people's negative views. For these people, self-esteem is like a thick energy blanket wrapped around their bodies, so that they can treat hurtful comments lightly and praise with a normal heart.
Self-confidence is related to our evaluation of our own abilities, so personal strengths can often predict this person's self-confidence level.
People who lack self-confidence will feel unreliable and avoid risky attempts. When entering a strange or challenging environment, these people are often very anxious and painful.
On the contrary, people who are confident enough know that they can rely on themselves and believe in themselves more than others.
Self-concept is the answer to questions such as "Who am I" and "What kind of person am I". We may know ourselves according to our school or future work, so for us who are still studying, the identity of "student" is deeply imprinted in our minds.
Some people will spare no effort to maintain their self-concept. Out of the need of positive self, some people will lie about their achievements and real income or deny their immoral behavior when facing others.
In addition, the pursuit of famous brands, reputations and other things outside the body is also a manifestation of seeking positive self-concept. In fact, the positive self-concept does come from our own internal rather than external display (brand, honor, etc.). ) It can really give us strength to cope with external pressure and adversity.
Next, let's see how resilient people will behave.
curiosity
Children's nature is full of curiosity and liveliness. However, too many children grow up in the environment of "no" and "should", and are gradually restrained, no longer curious about the unknown world, and lack experience in adapting to the unknown world.
What happens if children are encouraged to be curious? They will become brave enough to try.
From the evolutionary point of view, children's nature or evolutionary humanity-the impulse to explore the environment is very necessary to survive. Curiosity, like the "default setting" of human beings, has its existence value.
Experiences and skills conducive to survival can be obtained directly through direct attempts. More importantly, this feeling of "success" gives individuals confidence (self-confidence) in their own abilities and establishes a good impression (self-esteem) on themselves.
Personal successful experiences gradually answered the questions of "who am I" and "what kind of person am I", and gradually formed a clear self-concept.
In the adult world, some people's curiosity may be manifested as a game mentality. The advantage of this mentality is that people have an attitude of "this situation is like my toy, I can play with it as I want". At least in the face of disappointment, it will make people emotionally redefine events, and in a relatively relaxed state, people are more likely to produce creative solutions.
Therefore, in the face of adversity and disappointment, we might as well use this attitude to warn ourselves that the so-called "tactical emphasis, strategic contempt."
Synergy
Synergy comes from the field of cultural anthropology. Ruth benedict used this word to explain the differences in the quality of life of different cultural groups.
When people can cooperate with each other with minimal efforts and take efficient actions, their organizations have a high degree of synergy; On the contrary, when people need to make a lot of efforts to complete their daily affairs, their organizational synergy is very low.
Collaboration is manifested as collaborative personality at the individual level, that is, the need for individuals to hope that things related to themselves can go smoothly.
Different from the needs of "participation" of surrounding things-"participation" itself is the purpose, and the demand for coordination emphasizes "making things smooth"-the smooth development of things is the purpose.
Therefore, this personality trait will actively push things in a smooth direction.
The typical characteristics of people with cooperative personality are:
1. You can let things develop by themselves and spend less time than people who are struggling.
2. Have flexible time to keep up with new development trends.
3. Pay attention to trivial matters and troubles that affect the progress of the situation and prevent them as early as possible.
4. Take work as an incentive activity.
5. Use high-quality time and energy to deal with emergencies without disturbing the progress of basic events.
Summing up these characteristics, the author comes to the conclusion that people with collaborative ability consider not time management, but energy management.
How can synergy benefit resilience? We can see that cooperative personality is always ready to deal with emergencies, and they can effectively manage their energy, so that they have enough time and energy to deal with all kinds of emergencies and difficulties, which is an effective response to adversity.
flexibility
Xuetangjun believes that elasticity is included in the meaning of toughness. The environment is constantly changing, and adaptability means constantly adapting to different environments. Only flexible changes can cope with different environments, so the importance of flexibility is self-evident.
Many people's thinking patterns are somewhat rigid, and they can't accept contradictory or opposing behaviors, ideas and emotions.
For example, an "extrovert" sometimes doesn't want to think of himself as an "introvert" or has a negative evaluation of an "introvert".
In fact, just as our body also contains the "sympathetic-parasympathetic nervous system" that controls the fight-or-flight response, our emotions can completely switch between the two poles, our means of solving problems can be varied, and our perspective on problems can also be changed.
No matter what the situation, when you show contradictory behaviors and emotions, it's totally okay to tell yourself that.
This method can avoid the negative influence of self-criticism on self-confidence, self-esteem and self-concept to some extent.
suggestion
Life is not easy, there are many ups and downs, and our interest in fighting against unfavorable forces actually proves this.
Knowing that life is not easy, we will draw strength from ourselves and cultivate our resilience with the power of self-confidence, self-esteem and positive self-concept.
Hibbert, the author, made a wide discussion on how to cultivate toughness in the book, such as:
1. Find your own advantages and do things that reflect your own advantages (self-confidence)
2. Make a list of your successes and find your own value (self-confidence).
3. Find out what you like best (self-esteem) by making a list.
4. Know yourself (self-concept) by writing 20 sentences of "I am"
In addition to their own suggestions, more direct suggestions for each quality development include:
1. Break the inherent taboo of "good boy"/"good man"
2. Release curiosity and actively use imagination and creativity.
3. Trust intuition and adopt a game mentality to deal with difficulties.
4. Develop a systematic energy management plan.
5. Accept your own contradictory behaviors and emotions.
The above suggestions are for everyone who goes against the current, loves life and treats himself well.
"There is only one kind of heroism in the world,
Is to love life after seeing its true colors. "