A 13-year-old girl committed suicide by jumping off a building after making up lessons, and wrote in the last letter: "Goodbye, Mom and Dad. My daughter is unfilial and wants you to send white-haired people to black-haired people. " The class teacher has the behavior of corporal punishment and never respects the students. "Pulling the ear and slapping, except talking or talking, throwing the paper into the homework, the score is 12 ..."
Don't say this is an example. Teenagers have a high suicide rate and many psychological problems, which makes people sad. It is urgent to pay attention to children's mental health. Not to mention throwing the pot at the system and others, we all know it's useless.
This is not a problem of one person, but a problem of the whole educational concept.
Although most of us have never suffered serious mental or physical violence. But in the process of growing up, the experience of being trampled on dignity by teachers or parents and being disrespected is deeply imprinted in many people's hearts, which affects the subversion of life.
Why can't you do this? What can you do in the future?
If you didn't do it, you mean you didn't do it? I don't believe you.
How many times do you want me to teach you? You can't learn anything like a pig.
Indifference, doubt, irony, and picky. ...
For a child, the role of parents and teachers as educators is too important, and this is his whole world. Because he has no doubt and naively believes that these people are the people who teach him knowledge, give him love and strength to face the future.
Because you believe that a little injury that you think is "small" is enough to ruin his life. Not because they are too fragile.
Not to mention the distant dream of modern education reform, some people have not even achieved the most basic human nature in education. Namely: respect for children born as human beings.
Nothing can be a reason for you to deprive a child of his dignity and kill a life with mental violence.
China's children's inferiority complex stems from their education without dignity.
Our generation generally has a strong sense of inferiority. This stems from the inability to accept all the true selves.
Just like Will in Good Will Hunting.
He is extremely clever but rebellious, fighting everywhere, but working as a cleaner in a university at a young age. Nobody wants to save this young man.
Until Ranbo, a professor at MIT, wrote a math problem on the bulletin board that no one could solve. Will solved it easily when cleaning, and he decided to save the genius.
He asked Will to be consulted by a psychiatrist, but it never worked.
Until Will met Sean, a counselor with a less successful career. After repeated conversations, Will finally told Sean the truth-the painful experience of being abused by his adoptive father, stabbed by a sharp weapon, beaten black and blue, and even raped by others.
Sean looked at Will quietly. He approached step by step, patted him on the back and said:
Son, it's not your fault.
Will pushed him away angrily as usual.
Sean said again, son, it's not your fault.
He touched Will's head and repeated over and over again: It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault.
Will hugged Sean and burst into tears
At that moment, that arrogant and unruly soul suddenly had an exit. He began to take Sean's advice and set foot on the road of learning again.
Why can a "it's not your fault" melt Will's deep-rooted childhood shadow?
Because for the first time, he felt: I deserve to exist.
"It's not my fault that I'm not loved, it's someone else's fault."
For many years, Will has been punishing himself for being abused by his childhood father, feeling that he should not exist, be unworthy of being loved and give up on himself.
Many of us don't have that serious childhood trauma, but we still bear the subconscious burden of "I'm not good enough".
When you can't meet the requirements of adults, they are likely to deny your full value as a person-"how can you be so useless", thus bearing the shadow of inferiority.
China's children's inferiority complex stems from their unspectacular education.
If you don't do something well, you will be said that you can't even do it well. What can you do in the future?
If you have a strong interest in something, you will be said that your grades are so poor, and so will other things.
No one believes you when you have done nothing wrong, because some children just lie.
Only by meeting the requirements of adults and becoming an obedient child can you be loved.
Such indecent education will only produce more "psychological patients".
Therefore, Rogers said: To treat children, we must achieve "unconditional positive attention".
No matter whether your child's behavior and thoughts meet your standards, you can let him show his true self and freely express his thoughts and feelings without fear of being laughed at, accused and abandoned.
He will know:
No matter what kind of person I am, someone will love me. He won't wear defensive armor, just to satisfy others and live his life.
03 "If you like racing so much, why do you have children?"
For the vast majority of children, the root of unhappiness and failure is the lack of respect for the growth environment.
Isa, an 8-year-old boy in the movie Stars on Earth, confirmed this view.
He is the representative of all "problem children".
He is always wandering aimlessly, turning a deaf ear to everyone's words and undermining collective discipline uncontrollably.
Everyone was furious: "What can we do without shaking hands? Why did he cause all the disasters? Why? " ! "
Faced with severe criticism from parents and teachers, he fell into a strong self-doubt. Only through painting, can I become the omnipotent "Captain Isa" in the fantasy kingdom, and resolve my inner pain.
Yi Xia's parents are excellent social elites, and they think that poor reading is caused by lax discipline. So Ethan was sent to boarding school-a school where "the most difficult wild horses will obey".
Family ties were cut off, and Ethan had no one to rely on.
The sense of abandonment distorted his fantasy world. In a strange and harsh environment, under the fear, his cognition of the real world has been isolated, deviated and distorted.
His fantasy alienated into countless disgusting and terrible spiders and invaded his real world.
Isa can only start the defense mechanism of self-protection, shield her keen sensibility and expressiveness, and cut off the connection with the fantasy world.
Isa's spirit almost collapsed. He can't draw any more.
Finally, he became a child who was suddenly numb and indifferent and suddenly angry. I can't even feel the love and care of my family.
Fortunately, the new art teacher Ram paid a home visit to Isa. He found that Isa was not stubborn, but she was dyslexic as he was a child. He realized that her mental state was in a very dangerous situation.
He told her: It's not your fault. "Einstein had this problem when he was a child."
He found an unconventional way of "placing" communication.
Silent speech? It doesn't matter. Don't worry, take your time.
Math problems are always wrong? Never mind, let the teacher help you find out the wrong rule.
In a daze in class? Never mind, I'll give you time to imagine.
He didn't force Isa to paint, but guided him to paint freely in nature. The ingenious Elsa made a propeller boat that can move in the pond, which won the applause of her classmates and began to like painting again.
He is like a consultant.
In order to win the most important social support for Yixia, he criticized Yixia's father in his home visit, and made his stubborn father understand what dyslexia is.
In order to give Issa a a good growing environment, he tried to convince the principal that he could help Ethan at school.
In the art competition, Yi Xia's works won the first prize.
He saw colorful colors in his paintings again. He likes all the elements of fantasy: sky, stars, mountains and rivers, trees and aquatic life. ...
When Isa ran to Ram with Shuai Shuai's Mohican head, his face shone with unprecedented joy and confidence.
Why do many children who are defined as "hopeless" become completely different confident and cheerful people in a short time?
Because most of the defects in ability come from the emptiness of personality.
The so-called rebellion is not "irrational", but a defensive mask for him to protect himself from harm.
There is a seed of self-confidence in a person's heart, but it has not received the respect and support it deserves.
This is also the reason why many talented people finally fall down because of psychological barriers.
Rogers believes that "as long as there is a safe, free and humanized psychological environment, everyone's innate excellent potential can be realized automatically."
When educators wear "secular" glasses to alienate, punish, reward and earnestly, they pull a child back to the framework of most people nodding in agreement. They forget that they are facing a pure and fresh soul with unlimited imagination and creativity, rather than an assembly line machine that should be utilitarian and instrumental and only hook ABCD.
Therefore, Ram refuted Isa's parents: "If you like horse racing so much, why do you have children if you just keep racing?"
As a teacher, he believes that this child must have its own value, even if it is not a "good boy" in the minds of some adults.
Mental health is very important for children.
"A large number of statistical data and empirical observations show that many people have had suicidal thoughts during their growth. Suicide is not a pathological phenomenon, but a very common phenomenon. "
Shi Zhongying, a professor of science at Beijing Normal University, said, "No matter what specific social events lead to suicide, no matter what personality type the suicide belongs to, what really directly leads the suicide to make up his mind to end his life at a certain moment is the lack of sense of the meaning of life." That is, there is no value in being born as a human being.
Too many people don't realize that mental health is more important than anything else in children's life growth.
Educators under the modern education system-teachers, parents and schools-are really facing great pressure and anxiety. Some of them are trapped in a survival dilemma, while others are very responsible but lack scientific educational methods. They need to learn more psychological knowledge, and their own mental health needs the attention of the whole society.
Because an educator with sound personality, mental health and respect can change a person's life with words and deeds.
On the Zhihu, someone recalled the Chinese teacher who changed his life.
During the holiday, she visited all the students from poor families at home.
She spent a class meeting class for a single classmate's birthday and said to all her classmates, "I'm his mother, so don't bully him."
She encouraged the students who didn't do well in the exam and told their parents, "This time it was more difficult, and everyone didn't do well in the exam."
She is extremely disgusted with any bullying behavior. When she saw a rich boy bullying her classmate, she gave us a stern education:
"You must not let the money you already have become the capital and reason for mocking the poor in the future.
"You know, friendships made in childhood must be the cleanest."
"I hope you can always keep a child's sympathy, which is the most precious."
I have always kept this sentence in my heart and regarded it as the truth.
Although under such an education system, it is difficult for every educator to take the initiative to pay attention unconditionally, give children love and care, and protect every child's mental health. But the bottom line is: even if you don't understand, it will never hurt.
When you trample on a child's self-esteem, you will undoubtedly sow the seeds for his miserable life in the future.
Rogers, a master of humanistic psychology, believes that there is only one purpose of education: to cultivate a complete person.
Respect, the bottom line of education forgotten by the collective, needs everyone to remember. Schools, parents, teachers and the whole society should work together to protect children's mental health.
Only in this way can a child become a truly happy, complete and self-fulfilling person.
Prevention and remedy before it is too late!
When parents see this, they will say: It seems that I was wrong. How can I remedy it?
There are some folk remedies, but we should start as soon as possible, treat the disease before it is treated, and treat it without disorder:
First of all: don't do it because of evil, and don't do it because of good. The embankment of a thousand miles was destroyed by a hole. Never underestimate the trifles around you. You should immediately correct your random and wrong behaviors and habits. A platform of thousands of layers begins with the foundation of soil; A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Good thinking patterns and habits will not feel any immediate effect in the short term, but will become lasting internal strength and advantages in the long term.
Second: correct yourself first. Example is better than words. Children are parents' mirrors, and children are parents' teachers. Parents should be able to see themselves from their children. Instead of yelling at children, let yourself reflect deeply. When parents gradually adapt to and get deeply rooted in people's hearts, children will naturally like it, and the accumulated garbage toxins will be excreted, and the physical qualities of parents and children will gradually improve.
Third: Staff Sergeant learns Tao and works hard. The physical fitness of parents and children is getting better. Don't dabble in it, be lazy and slack, and don't be complacent and excited. We should do it diligently, just like eating and sleeping, and keep it as a new way of life and habit, and enter a virtuous circle and spiral promotion. If we can persevere, parents and children will be pleasantly surprised to find that hard work can not only improve their physical fitness, but also improve all aspects of life, study and work. It will become the constant mission of parents and children to achieve all-round promotion, cultivate elite talents and improve happiness index!