1. 1 mental health standard
Kohut believes that mental health is "confidence+enthusiasm". Kohut believes that a person's perception of himself and objects has four levels:
Self-confidence and enthusiasm, that is, vitality can nourish the self and the object, or the energy of goodwill.
Can flow between self and object;
Exaggerate the ego and idealize the object, that is, exaggerate the beauty of the ego and the object;
Hypochondriacs and terrible gods feel weak and think the object is hostile;
Narcissistic delusion and persecution delusion, thinking that they are at the level of God, and that the object is bad and useless.
impossible
Personal experience "(personal therapy).
Psychological counseling and treatment received by psychological counselors themselves. It can be once or several times, or it can be long-term.
, even many years;
It can be one-on-one individual consultation or group consultation.
The job of psychoanalysis is to explore the influence of unconsciousness on people's thoughts and behaviors, and psychoanalysts are helping.
Before helping others, we must first be able to effectively perceive our unconscious thoughts and desires and identify them at work.
Do not and avoid your own unconscious influence.
Sufficient illumination
Positive energy and negative energy are the same thing. The only difference is that positive energy is allowed and seen.
Negative energy or black energy is not allowed to be invisible.
When black energy can flow between self and object, black energy can be transformed into
vitality
This leads to the assumption that when you see energy, all energy can be transformed into good. this
Assumptions can be concrete: you can imagine yourself as an energy ball and another life as an energy.
Measure the ball, when you have established enough connection between the two, you are all energy balls.
It's completely lit.
When this completely illuminated thing happens, two people move from binary relationship to monistic relationship.
When this completely illuminated thing happens, two people move from binary relationship to monistic relationship. This kind of lighting
, or completely see, in the binary relationship between two people, this is too difficult. But if you put the whole
The world is regarded as "you" and a whole object, so we can think of the whole exterior of "I" and "you"
The interaction of the world is the ultimate goal of being completely illuminated.
The meaning of life (when this completely illuminated thing happens, two people move from binary relationship to unity.
Meta-relation. When this completely illuminated thing happens, two people move from binary relationship to monistic relationship. This kind of lighting
, or completely see, in the binary relationship between two people, this is too difficult. But if you put the whole
The world is regarded as "you" and a whole object, so we can think of the whole exterior of "I" and "you"
The interaction of the world is the ultimate goal of being completely illuminated. )
The meaning of reading
The real value of a good book is not that it is correct and interesting, nor that it is rich in knowledge, but that it can help you understand.
How should people exist?
People should not be just tools. People should first be themselves.
1.2. Classification of mental illness
Mental illness:
The most serious mental illness, the typical symptoms are hallucinations, delusions, strange behaviors and strange ideas.
From the perspective of "monism, duality and ternary relationship", mental illness is living in the most primitive monism world.
They seriously lack the feeling that "others exist independently" and regard their inner imagination as others'.
External reality loses the ability to test reality and cannot establish relationships with others.
Personality disorder:
Personality disorder is a child-rearing problem before the age of three, and it is considered impossible to get it at the age of one to three.
cherish
Their personality, that is, self, has not been fully formed, so their condition is still quite serious and unbearable.
It is easy to cure.
The world of personality disorder patients is between the monistic world and the dualistic world, and they clearly realize that they should not.
People exist independently, but they haven't had feelings for others yet.
Neurosis:
This is the lightest level of mental illness. The world of neurosis is between binary world and ternary world.
They realize that you and I are good.
But when I love you, I am worried that I will hurt a third person. Such patients will take the initiative to seek.
Treatment.
We should let go of this understanding and go to a psychologist. It is not the mentally weak who take the initiative to seek psychological consultation.
Counseling and treatment people can admit that they have problems, which is a manifestation of a relatively high level of psychological development.
2. narcissism
2. 1. All-round narcissism
concept
Almighty narcissism is when a person thinks he is a god. God moved his mind, and the outside world moved with him.
Respond to the will;
If the outside world doesn't work according to its own wishes, God will become a demon and hope to destroy the outside world.
It's narcissistic anger
Narcissism and narcissistic rage are the lowest manifestations of psychological development, and such people completely live in a
In the meta world, you can only feel your own will, but you can't feel that others are equal to yourself.
Independent existence.
Best parenting concept
The younger the child, the more you should take care of him, give him a timely response and satisfy his all-round narcissism.
This may reduce his moments of helplessness and anger.
When "good" is enough, the baby will gradually integrate with growth. He found that although both babies and mothers have it.
There are good and bad, but basically they are all good.
His world is basically controllable, his important will can be realized, and he can be safe and comfortable.
Survival.
The incarnation of an adult
If an adult is still in an omnipotent narcissistic state, it will become very troublesome because of his needs.
Peace and anger are far greater than babies;
Once the narcissistic rage of adults turns into aggressive behavior, it will easily lead to serious harm.
include
This is a monistic world. When you are driven by it, you are very motivated, but you will inevitably have a serious ego.
Heart, and ignore others, its toughness will be a problem.
But when you entered the binary world and the ternary world, you didn't sacrifice your sense of omnipotence, and you realized it.
The complexity of the world, the original sense of omnipotence, has also become more complex life dynamics such as aggression and sex.
Your strength has not been lost, but your mind has become complex and mature.
You can get the feeling that the world is ready to accept your instinct and pour out like an avalanche. This is also a person.
The development process of.
There are four common manifestations in adults:
Obsessive-compulsive disorder:
It can be expressed as "not good, not worth living".
In the baby's mind, what he really longs for is "omnipotence" and "perfection".
Perfection is an illusion, and there is also an omnipotent illusion-I can create a world.
Wholehearted theory:
I want to trace what you said, even your thoughts and motives, and I won't allow you to treat me ideologically.
Unfavorable. The more you live in a sense of omnipotence, the more you will have a wholehearted theory.
The starting standard of a mature mind is to be able to distinguish between imagination and reality, knowing that ideas are not equal to.
Actions are not equal to consequences.
Dyskinesia:
There are many ideas, but it is difficult to put them into action. 2.2. Entity narcissism and virtual narcissism
Entity narcissism
Entity narcissism, your sense of self-worth, you think "I'm fine" is a very real thing.
, will not be greatly damaged by changes in external conditions;
What really nourishes entity narcissism is to love and do things with devotion. In this process, narcissism is not
Broken blow, but in the end, because really established a deep relationship, enhance the emotion and ability, the result is
Will increase a person's physical narcissism.
A person with basic entity narcissism can only be a self-observation.
Psychologist Frank said when talking about entity narcissism: "Concentrate on loving someone and doing one thing."
Happiness will come. "
Virtual narcissism
Face is virtual narcissism, and your sense of self-worth is closely related to external conditions.
When things are good, narcissism will erupt, but when external conditions get worse, narcissism will be greatly damaged.
Hurt.
If a person is mainly narcissistic, he will pay attention to external conditions when doing things.
On the virtual things, but on the real and core things, it always seems that we can't catch them and ignore them.
Serious virtual narcissism is all-round narcissism, that is, a person is still imagining that he is all-round.
Dear God, nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible, and there is no impossible lover.
The characteristics of omnipotence or omnipotence narcissism
When a person is driven by all-round narcissism, he will feel omnipotent, omnipotent and omnipotent.
Therefore, thinking and action are very powerful, and they dare to think and do anything, which drives them to start a lot.
Incredible things;
But it is irrational and very fragile. Once a critical failure occurs, they will find themselves omnipotent.
God is an illusion, and then he will fall from all-round narcissism to complete helplessness and feel that he has nothing.
Yes, it will be bad, too.
The best case is this:
The sense of omnipotence has not disappeared from you, but has turned into a more mature and tenacious motivation. you can
Start one wish after another
You are bold at this time, but in the specific implementation, you have good rationality and resilience, so that you can
Continue to push the development of this matter, and things will become very different.
Aggressive
3. 1. Meaning
Energetic and always aggressive. No matter how afraid we are of being violated, we have actually experienced it.
A person is not aggressive, he is easy to be hypocritical and it is difficult to establish a vivid relationship with others.
Department.
Aggressiveness is human nature, strip off aggressive people and strip off your own nature; And have
Aggressive people are real and therefore more attractive.
Because Zi has all-round narcissism and aggression, he naturally thinks that all the misfortunes in his family are his aggression.
As a result, you will suppress your aggression, or even if you release it, it will be in a destructive way.
At present. Parents need to remind their children that these things at home are not caused by him.
3.2. Personal attacks
Many of us dare not express our anger, because the anger at the level of consciousness is logically reasonable.
But the subconscious level of anger has reached the point where people want to die.
Similarly, many people dare not express their desires, because the desires at the level of consciousness seem normal, but in fact they are latent.
The desire at the level of consciousness has reached the point of wanting to monopolize the world.
Everyone is annoying, and you are annoying yourself. Those "good people" actually have the same fundamental narcissism.
It's just as easy to have anger, but it's not expressed or even realized. But if there is an opportunity,
They'll get even.
3.3. Transformational attacks
I've been looking for someone, and I've been looking for you. Aggression is the mutual search between you and me.
No aggression, nothing.
Love is deep understanding and acceptance. You attack me, I use love to contain your attack, I deeply care.
I understand your anxiety, your black vitality is seen by me and allowed by me.
Through my loving eyes, it turned into white vitality. Counseling, parenthood, husband and wife,
To be friends, we must play this "detoxification" function.
When we can't or even don't want to do this, just give honest feedback and tell each other: I can.
Limited strength, I can't bear your attack, but it's not your fault, it's my limited ability.
In normal relations, it is very worthwhile to accept aggression and transform destructiveness. You will find that you can do it.
As time goes on, you and I, as well as our relationship, will become more important. Besides, only at this time, really.
There will be positive intimacy.
4. Sexual motivation
4. 1. Spiritual seclusion
When you feel that the outside world has more living energy, life has confidence in its own living energy and is not afraid of being killed.
Will move towards openness, so it has strong vitality.
lonely
Don't take loneliness too seriously A kind of loneliness is worth looking forward to: you live a wonderful life and build a rich and profound one.
Degree relationship, and then return to loneliness;
Beware of a kind of loneliness: you have been lonely since childhood, and heaven can also be born in this loneliness.
Only.
But too many people have been lonely. They have no genius to shine, and they can't get along with others and become excellent.
Like a person out of society.
The secluded road means that when the outside world is too unfriendly for babies to establish basic relationships with their caregivers, they
Will close the channel to the relationship world, enter a lonely road, and live in various manifestations of omnipotent narcissism.
Medium.
When you feel that you are trapped in an inescapable loneliness, you should get up the courage to throw yourself into the relationship and be yourself.
Test yourself in the world. Only the real world nourished by relationships can temper an elastic life.
Vitality
4.2. triangular theory of love
Perfect love = intimacy+passion+commitment
Passion: mainly the expression of desires and needs, referring to sexual needs and desires;
Intimacy: refers to those feelings that make both sides close, like-minded and indifferent in a love relationship. and
Trust, interdependence, respect and understanding for lovers and willingness to share with each other.
Are the embodiment of intimate elements;
Commitment: It consists of short-term commitment and long-term commitment. Short-term commitment refers to the decision to love someone, while long-term commitment
Commitment is to maintain this relationship, be responsible for each other's relationship, face the future together, and be willing to sacrifice and contribute.
Run a love relationship.
4.3. Sex is the desire for relationships.
Sex is very profound. In all kinds of relationships, once you have sex, the importance of this relationship usually exceeds.
Others.
Sex is an energy that can easily bring people excitement, excitement and even pleasure.
The complete combination of sex and love will make two people have an extremely profound emotional connection and will enter "you and me"
This world makes people can't help but put this complete emotional relationship in the first place;
If you only see part of it, you will fall into the world of "me and it" and your mind will easily wander off. 5.
5. 1. Challenge the comfort zone
mediate
Exercise means that something hits you like a hammer, and there is an energy that attacks you and wakes up your body.
An energy,
At first, you experienced the energy of death, fearing that it would hurt you or even kill you, but you resisted it and resolved it.
It, it becomes living energy, so you become strong.
Every hammering of critical death energy is within the scope of self-tolerance. You use your own and others'.
Help, successfully turn it into living energy that you can control, so that you can be nourished and become strong.
safe region
It means that everyone's ego has a comfort zone that he is used to. If he leaves this area, he will.
Feel uneasy and smell the energy of death.
Some people's comfort zone is very large, so their self-boundary and self-elasticity are high.
The process of growth is the process of expanding the comfort zone.
The process of growing up is also a process of breaking narcissism. At first you thought you were a god, but you found yourself just a ...
People, people and the environment are really mirrors of each other. Different encounters are different mirrors, which will reflect no.
And yourself.
5.2. Continuity and fracture
In our perception, continuity is like life and fracture is like death. This leads us to like to queue up continuously.
Rejection fracture, when we have enough energy, we will create continuity, when dead energy dominates, we will create fracture.
When a relationship can be like a continuum, we will feel safe and invest in it.
The injected energy; If a lot of dead energy is accumulated in the relationship, it will destroy and attack me.
, you, or relationship.
It is by no means good to live, good to die or bad, continuity is right, and fracture is wrong. In fact, we often
It is often necessary to use dead energy to destroy something that should be destroyed, such as ending some relationships that you don't want to associate with.
The perceptual experience world is the entity itself, and reason is only perceptual observation. If we put reason
It is putting the cart before the horse to regard the mirror world of sex as fundamental and exclude the perceptual world from the entity.
Can life energy and death energy really flow freely in their own experience world or even relationship world?
When ideas flow, this is freedom and impermanence.
5.3. Sense of time and space
interpret
People with baby psychology have no sense of space, and really feel that there is only one space at present. Here is the wish.
If this space cannot be realized, the energy of desire will become dead energy.
Babies and immature adults have a sense of time, only this moment. Desire rises, presents
Satisfaction is life; If they are not satisfied, they will die, they will be angry or helpless immediately, and their wishes will change immediately.
Death energy, either attack others or attack yourself.
Babies and adults with baby mentality think that their wishes must be realized in the present time and space, otherwise,
Your wish will die, and so will you.
Mature sense of time and space
Mature people's energy is resilient, will not break easily, and will eventually form a stable perception: and
With the accumulation of time and the transformation of space, the possibility of hoping to live will increase. The resulting energy becomes stronger and disappears.
Energy has gradually become the primary energy.
Mature people have a sense of time. They know that the test of life and death is no longer limited to a moment, but can be.
Extend to a long time range. With the accumulation of time and the increase of investment, the realization of wishes may increase.
Energy is getting stronger and stronger. This is also the basis for cultivating children's ability to delay gratification.
Mature people know that there is room, things can be bypassed, and the straight road can't be taken, so they can go around.
Or take a step back, change space and wait for the right opportunity to come.
delay of gratification
"Delayed gratification" is an important feature of individuals' effective self-regulation and successful adaptation to the development of social behavior. "
, refers to a choice orientation of voluntarily giving up immediate satisfaction in exchange for more valuable long-term results,
The self-control ability shown in the waiting period belongs to the part of self-control in personality, which is
The performance of psychological maturity.
Development is a necessary condition for individuals to complete various tasks, coordinate interpersonal relationships and successfully adapt to society.
Reflects the ability of self-control or restraint of desire.
Its opposite concept is Instant satisfaction (instant
Delighted), is to experience pleasure and satisfaction immediately, and can't delay for a moment. Simply put,
What do you want now?
It is an ability to overcome the current difficult situation and strive for long-term interests. The development of is done by individuals.
Into a variety of tasks, coordinate interpersonal relationships, successfully adapt to the necessary conditions of society, reflect self-control or
The speaker said that the ability to suppress desire. )
5.4. Self-efficacy
Self-efficacy means that a person knows that I can do things well with my own efforts, that is, "I can do it."
Child training
Children's wishes are best realized through their own efforts, which will enhance their sense of self-efficacy.
Parents should give their children a supportive environment when they provide help, and recognize them when they do things well; Children suffering
Support him when he is frustrated; Let children's positive energy and negative energy flow in their relationship with their parents.
Move it.
The younger the child is, the better the chance of developing self-efficacy. Let the children as much as possible
They realize their wishes and manage their own affairs through their own abilities, so as to improve their own
Self-efficacy and raw energy.
Adults exercise their sense of self-efficacy.
One is to try to do some small challenges first, and then constantly upgrade the difficulty of things, first in your mind.
In the world, I know that through the accumulation of time and the transformation of space, as long as you keep accumulating input, your experience and ability.
Will grow, and the probability of things being realized will increase.
Another way is to tell yourself in your heart that you have time first, as long as I persevere and keep winning.
Profits may come, and seek everyone's support, encouragement and recognition to turn the dead instinct into a living instinct.